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Fire Up Your TiVos: This Is The One We’ve Been Waiting For

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Holy fucking hell I can barely type this as I am shaking in excitement and definitely suffering from a decrease in oxygen to the brain as a result of hyperventilating-inducing euphoria. Tonight, at 10 PM, Dateline will be airing “The Mystery of the Missing Millionaire,” a special about SAM ISRAEL! I’m truly beside myself. As it would be a fool’s mission to try and not get our hopes up, we expect tonight’s show to include the following:
– B-roll of the egret and interviewer walking down the street
– An interview with a sex therapist who specializes in interspecies intercourse
– A Dealbreaker shout-out!
– An interview with the trollop who outbid us for the b-card.
– An eyewitness account of the industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan escaping the second time around.
– YOUR CALL
HOPEFULLY UNRELATED: Not Enough Cock, Coke or Money: The Few Things That Didn’t Suck about CNBC’s Seth Tobias Special
An all-new Dateline Friday 10 p.m./9 C [MSNBC]

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75 Responses to “Fire Up Your TiVos: This Is The One We’ve Been Waiting For”

  1. guest says:

    Curb your enthusiasm. Remember the last murder mystery special…..
    The Buzz Killer

  2. Bess Levin says:

    @Buzz– I know, but I can’t. I’m a hopeless romantic for this stuff.

  3. guest says:

    whats associate pay?

  4. Anal_yst says:

    oh.my.god. Anyone know how to work TiVo-2-go????

  5. guest says:

    I’m hoping to see a taxidermied egret as one of the items the marshalls seized.
    Bess please go start writing for ATL as well…they need ya! “Holy fucking hell…”

  6. nybasic says:

    Are you kidding me!?!?! I had no idea this was coming on!!!!! I’ll be glued to the TV at 9:59.

  7. guest says:

    Is Bess hot? Are there pictures of her online?
    -HEDGEmony

  8. guest says:

    8,
    more cute than hot, kind of like E.T.

  9. guest says:

    Perhaps Alan Alda waxing rhapsodic about the good old days when war was banging nurses and getting tanked on homemade booze in your tent/bungalow/hooch.
    -BeckyBootFan
    ps – happy belated birthday Bess!

  10. guest says:

    Yes #8, I forget the URL, I remember it had girl, and cup in it

  11. guest says:

    first the egret, then Ospraie. what’s the next bird inspired fund to go “beak up”?

  12. guest says:

    BeckyBootFan– brilliant and i hope you’re right!

  13. guest says:

    BeckyBootFan– brilliant and i hope you’re right!

  14. guest says:

    So hot when Bess types dirty-gets me going.

  15. guest says:

    @15- what was dirty about this?

  16. guest says:

    Worthless without links.
    If it helps you give me a better idea, I’m more of a Trish Regan than Erin Burnett man.
    -HEDGEmony

  17. guest says:

    does anyone know the name of the egret?

  18. guest says:

    does anyone know the name of the egret?

  19. guest says:

    does anyone know the name of the egret?

  20. guest says:

    Hedge,
    I’ve got no idea what she looks like, I haven’t seen a picture of her since she waxed her ‘stache.

  21. guest says:

    someone put up a link that has a pic of her. Carney’s ugly mug plastered all over the damn place…ok that’s an exagerration but someone get pic of Bess

  22. guest says:

    there was one in a towel a while back

  23. guest says:

    where?

  24. guest says:

    Link plz
    -HEDGEmony

  25. TheUpwardlyMob says:

    HEDGEmony, you’re becoming tiresome.
    Please get laid this weekend.

  26. guest says:

    #26 Would you rather discuss Mayo you stupid fuck?

  27. guest says:

    – HEDGEmony

  28. TheUpwardlyMob says:

    No, but the mayo dude is totally hopeless. You don’t seem like an unredeemable dweeb, yet.

  29. guest says:

    Hey @27, nothing wrong with talking about mayo you salad tossing asshole.

  30. guest says:

    @8 – Totally. Let me put it this way – If someone tried to hurl a batwing at her, I’d step in the way in an effort to preserve her purity.
    I also hear that Sam will sustain multiple egretwings to the face as part of his sentence.
    Totally.

  31. guest says:

    @HEDGEmony
    There’s a reason why I call Bess My Silly Little Freak. Call me with your email and I will send you a few pics. 212-334-1871
    SPODE

  32. guest says:

    I can almost hear Bess getting moist over this series.

  33. guest says:

    just someone link to a damn pic…enough with four play already

  34. guest says:

    34 et all: its all over the web. Just Google Bess Levin

  35. guest says:

    34 et all: its all over the web. Just Google Bess Levin

  36. guest says:

    it’s a motherfucking pelican!

  37. guest says:

    it’s a motherfucking pelican!

  38. guest says:

    I have and there is nothing that says it’s her just pictures and an article or so…what about the pic on Going Private?

  39. guest says:

    this show is going to be off the hook

  40. guest says:

    this show is going to be off the hook

  41. guest says:

    this show is going to be off the hook

  42. guest says:

    do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?

  43. guest says:

    do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?

  44. guest says:

    do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?

  45. guest says:

    do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?

  46. NotNasser says:

    According to my inside sources (I know a guy who claims he knows a gal who has a cousin who once dated a cameraman for Dateline) — the big scvene is an effort to re-enact the jump that never was.
    They throw a dummy off the Bear Mountain Bridge.
    The dummy is grabbing monopoly money and, due to a voice synthesizer, is singing the theme from MASH on the way down.

  47. guest says:

    SPODE,
    That’s not her.

  48. guest says:

    yeah didn’t thinks so…that’s a pic from some movie.

  49. guest says:

    There is a pic of her in a towel…cape cod 07. Can’t remember who posted the link…I don’t have it anymore.

  50. guest says:

    and one from her birthday. great lips.

  51. guest says:

    The pic from Superman fools the new ones all the time. I’ve said it before: Bess reportedly graduated from Pingry, a day school in NJ. Next time, on their way to the Far Hills Hunt, someone should stop by the local library and flip through the old Pingry yearbooks.

  52. guest says:

    She can’t be hot, trying to be smart is the number one indicator of a woman trying to compensate for not being pretty.
    -HEDGEmony

  53. guest says:

    @57 Pingry is in Martinsville, not Far Hills.

  54. guest says:

    @HEDGEmoney– do you have OCD? have you done anything else but obsess over this all day? And has someone who’s met her, I can tell you you’re wrong. Perhaps you should go that route and determine for yourself. or just continue your inner monologue all day.

  55. guest says:

    I knew it was in that direction, so I said “on their way”. Douche.

  56. guest says:

    agreed with 60, on all counts.

  57. guest says:

    well…that’s wonderful. 62 agrees with 60. Now my day makes sense.

  58. guest says:

    @63 (HEDGEmoney) it should, since this has been your singular pursuit today. seriously, you’ve put so much time into this, see it through to completion.
    — 62.

  59. guest says:

    actually 63 is not HEDGEmoney. I was 53 and 55. So is 62 and 60 the same? You agreed with yourself on all counts? See how dumb that is?

  60. guest says:

    no, i’m not 60
    -62/64

  61. guest says:

    where would one find the CC and b’day?

  62. guest says:

    @HEDGEmony- i’m sure if you ply her with hf tips she’ll agree to a drink.

  63. guest says:

    yeah, HEDGEmony, man the fuck up. (and give us details)

  64. guest says:

    Bess wanna get a drink sometime? Milk & Honey my treat.
    -HEDGEmony

  65. guest says:

    P.S. Fuckers, it’s not HEDGE money
    it’s a play off of the word hegemony
    he·ge·mo·ny
    Pronunciation:
    \hi-ˈje-mə-nē, -ˈge-; ˈhe-jə-ˌmō-nē\
    1 : preponderant influence or authority over others : domination
    2 : A concept of Italian Marxist Antonio Gramsci (1891-1937) which refers to the way that the political and social domination of the bourgeois class in capitalist society is pervasively expressed not only in ideologies but in all realms of culture and social organization.

  66. guest says:

    @HEDGEmony doubt BL will see your invite– should probs e-mail her (and give us details).

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