Holy fucking hell I can barely type this as I am shaking in excitement and definitely suffering from a decrease in oxygen to the brain as a result of hyperventilating-inducing euphoria. Tonight, at 10 PM, Dateline will be airing “The Mystery of the Missing Millionaire,” a special about SAM ISRAEL! I’m truly beside myself. As it would be a fool’s mission to try and not get our hopes up, we expect tonight’s show to include the following:
- B-roll of the egret and interviewer walking down the street
- An interview with a sex therapist who specializes in interspecies intercourse
- A Dealbreaker shout-out!
- An interview with the trollop who outbid us for the b-card.
- An eyewitness account of the industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan escaping the second time around.
- YOUR CALL
HOPEFULLY UNRELATED: Not Enough Cock, Coke or Money: The Few Things That Didn’t Suck about CNBC’s Seth Tobias Special
An all-new Dateline Friday 10 p.m./9 C [MSNBC]
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You know what they say: You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your financial planner. Or something like that. One of the great things of being in charge of your money is choosing who (if anyone) will help you manage it. The choice isn’t always an easy one. How will you know that your planner is reputable and trustworthy?
These five red flags may be good indications of whether the financial planner sitting across from you is someone you should trust with your money. LearnVest Planning also provides an innovative 7-step program for your money where you work one-on-one with a financial planner. To see if this program is right for you, start with a free financial consultation.
1. She Isn’t Certified
“There are a lot of good planners out there who aren’t Certified Financial Panners™,” says Samantha Vient, CFP®, of LearnVest Planning Services. “However, CFPs® are required to adhere to the CFP® Board’s standards of professional conduct.We believe it’s always a good idea to work with someone who has the CFP® designation, which is issued after completing a CFP® Board-approved personal financial planning curriculum, passing a rigorous exam issued by the Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards, meeting experience requirements and passing an ethics and background check.
2. He Offers to Manage Your Money for “Free”
Financial planners are usually paid in one of two ways: Either through fee-only, which can be a set fee, hourly, retainer or a percentage of the assets they manage for you, or through commission, which means the planner is paid each time he buys or sells an investment.Fee-only payment structures can be more desirable to some clients, as there’s no financial incentive based on assets under management for a planner to buy or sell, whereas working on commission encourages planners to make trades, rather than solely look out for your best interest—called a “fiduciary” duty. (You want to be sure that the planner you choose is a fiduciary.)
LearnVest Planning Services provides the services of fee-only Certified Financial Planners™. Get started for free with a 15-minute financial consultation.
3. She Says She Outperforms the Market
“If a financial planner tells you that she can outperform the market, that’s a major red flag,” Vient explains. “In fact, due to government regulations, it’s illegal to advertise statements that promise a specific return.”Outperforming the market—that is, getting better investment returns than the market average—is extremely difficult to do consistently, and requires taking a lot of risks with your investments. It’s rare to find a financial planner who can consistently outperform the market—and results are never guaranteed. Either way, in the pursuit of these high returns, she’ll be exposing your investments to much higher risk than you may be comfortable with.
Instead, look for a CFP® who, when looking at your portfolio, can advise on proper asset allocation based on your risk tolerance and time horizon, as well as through economic ups and downs.
4. She Doesn’t Ask About Your Financial Goals
“Your planner isn’t just there to crunch the numbers,” Vient advises. “She’s helping you make a plan for your money and your life. You should be looking for someone who has similar values to you.”Ideally, you’ll likely want to work with someone who is in a similar life stage. Are you a parent? A planner with children may be better able to understand your need to save for college. Does your CFP® have a specialty? Some planners have an area of expertise, like insurance, estate planning, divorce or retirement—a fact you might want to consider if that’s a particular need of yours.
When meeting a potential planner, remember that you’re allowed to ask questions about their experience and priorities: “Do you think it’s more important to save for retirement or pay off debt? How do you feel about supporting kids through college? How do you mitigate investment risk as your clients get older?”
The choices you make with your money are intensely personal. The person who helps you make these choices should be able to understand and accept your financial priorities, and help you use your money to meet them.
5. His Management Style Makes You Uncomfortable
Financial planners can manage your money for you or manage your money with you. As different people have different needs when it comes to money management, there is no right way to work with a planner—it’s up to you to decide how hands-on you want him to be.
When you sign on with a financial planner, there will be a written agreement of how the two of you will manage your money. Read this carefully, and ask questions if you’re unsure about anything. Are you signing your accounts over to this planner? Will he check in with you before making a trade, or when rebalancing your accounts? If you’re uncomfortable with anything in the agreement, bring it up immediately.Learn more about LearnVest Planning and our financial planners by visiting learnvest.com. To book your free consultation today, email FA_Support@learnvest.com or complete your request online.
LearnVest Planning Services is a registered investment adviser. The opinions expressed in this article are that of LearnVest Planning Services, a registered investment adviser. The advice provided may not be suitable for your individual situation and you should discuss your situation with a financial professional.
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MAYO!
Curb your enthusiasm. Remember the last murder mystery special…..
The Buzz Killer
@Buzz– I know, but I can’t. I’m a hopeless romantic for this stuff.
whats associate pay?
oh.my.god. Anyone know how to work TiVo-2-go????
I’m hoping to see a taxidermied egret as one of the items the marshalls seized.
Bess please go start writing for ATL as well…they need ya! “Holy fucking hell…”
Are you kidding me!?!?! I had no idea this was coming on!!!!! I’ll be glued to the TV at 9:59.
Is Bess hot? Are there pictures of her online?
-HEDGEmony
8,
more cute than hot, kind of like E.T.
Perhaps Alan Alda waxing rhapsodic about the good old days when war was banging nurses and getting tanked on homemade booze in your tent/bungalow/hooch.
-BeckyBootFan
ps – happy belated birthday Bess!
Yes #8, I forget the URL, I remember it had girl, and cup in it
first the egret, then Ospraie. what’s the next bird inspired fund to go “beak up”?
BeckyBootFan– brilliant and i hope you’re right!
BeckyBootFan– brilliant and i hope you’re right!
So hot when Bess types dirty-gets me going.
@15- what was dirty about this?
Worthless without links.
If it helps you give me a better idea, I’m more of a Trish Regan than Erin Burnett man.
-HEDGEmony
does anyone know the name of the egret?
does anyone know the name of the egret?
does anyone know the name of the egret?
Hedge,
I’ve got no idea what she looks like, I haven’t seen a picture of her since she waxed her ‘stache.
someone put up a link that has a pic of her. Carney’s ugly mug plastered all over the damn place…ok that’s an exagerration but someone get pic of Bess
there was one in a towel a while back
where?
Link plz
-HEDGEmony
HEDGEmony, you’re becoming tiresome.
Please get laid this weekend.
#26 Would you rather discuss Mayo you stupid fuck?
- HEDGEmony
No, but the mayo dude is totally hopeless. You don’t seem like an unredeemable dweeb, yet.
Hey @27, nothing wrong with talking about mayo you salad tossing asshole.
@8 – Totally. Let me put it this way – If someone tried to hurl a batwing at her, I’d step in the way in an effort to preserve her purity.
I also hear that Sam will sustain multiple egretwings to the face as part of his sentence.
Totally.
@HEDGEmony
There’s a reason why I call Bess My Silly Little Freak. Call me with your email and I will send you a few pics. 212-334-1871
SPODE
I can almost hear Bess getting moist over this series.
just someone link to a damn pic…enough with four play already
34 et all: its all over the web. Just Google Bess Levin
34 et all: its all over the web. Just Google Bess Levin
it’s a motherfucking pelican!
it’s a motherfucking pelican!
I have and there is nothing that says it’s her just pictures and an article or so…what about the pic on Going Private?
this show is going to be off the hook
this show is going to be off the hook
this show is going to be off the hook
Google mutherfuckers!
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://equityprivate.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/05/08/bess.jpg&imgrefurl=http://equityprivate.typepad.com/ep/noise_in_the_data/index.html&h=85&w=157&sz=34&hl=en&start=1&um=1&usg=__jRFD6ZE2YjT66Q60fA476dNDuwo=&tbnid=VAUCZvww9ABfUM:&tbnh=53&tbnw=97&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dbess%2Blevin%2Bdealbreaker%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN
This girl is so cute I think she’s off limits now.
SPODE
do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?
do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?
do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?
do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?
yes
yes
yes
yes
According to my inside sources (I know a guy who claims he knows a gal who has a cousin who once dated a cameraman for Dateline) — the big scvene is an effort to re-enact the jump that never was.
They throw a dummy off the Bear Mountain Bridge.
The dummy is grabbing monopoly money and, due to a voice synthesizer, is singing the theme from MASH on the way down.
SPODE,
That’s not her.
yeah didn’t thinks so…that’s a pic from some movie.
There is a pic of her in a towel…cape cod 07. Can’t remember who posted the link…I don’t have it anymore.
and one from her birthday. great lips.
The pic from Superman fools the new ones all the time. I’ve said it before: Bess reportedly graduated from Pingry, a day school in NJ. Next time, on their way to the Far Hills Hunt, someone should stop by the local library and flip through the old Pingry yearbooks.
She can’t be hot, trying to be smart is the number one indicator of a woman trying to compensate for not being pretty.
-HEDGEmony
@57 Pingry is in Martinsville, not Far Hills.
@HEDGEmoney– do you have OCD? have you done anything else but obsess over this all day? And has someone who’s met her, I can tell you you’re wrong. Perhaps you should go that route and determine for yourself. or just continue your inner monologue all day.
I knew it was in that direction, so I said “on their way”. Douche.
agreed with 60, on all counts.
well…that’s wonderful. 62 agrees with 60. Now my day makes sense.
@63 (HEDGEmoney) it should, since this has been your singular pursuit today. seriously, you’ve put so much time into this, see it through to completion.
– 62.
actually 63 is not HEDGEmoney. I was 53 and 55. So is 62 and 60 the same? You agreed with yourself on all counts? See how dumb that is?
no, i’m not 60
-62/64
where would one find the CC and b’day?
@HEDGEmony- i’m sure if you ply her with hf tips she’ll agree to a drink.
yeah, HEDGEmony, man the fuck up. (and give us details)
Bess wanna get a drink sometime? Milk & Honey my treat.
-HEDGEmony
P.S. Fuckers, it’s not HEDGE money
it’s a play off of the word hegemony
he·ge·mo·ny
Pronunciation:
\hi-ˈje-mə-nē, -ˈge-; ˈhe-jə-ˌmō-nē\
1 : preponderant influence or authority over others : domination
2 : A concept of Italian Marxist Antonio Gramsci (1891-1937) which refers to the way that the political and social domination of the bourgeois class in capitalist society is pervasively expressed not only in ideologies but in all realms of culture and social organization.
@HEDGEmony doubt BL will see your invite– should probs e-mail her (and give us details).
You are So Funny.. this is Great Stuff
RTxYCiXR
RthakU