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Holy fucking hell I can barely type this as I am shaking in excitement and definitely suffering from a decrease in oxygen to the brain as a result of hyperventilating-inducing euphoria. Tonight, at 10 PM, Dateline will be airing “The Mystery of the Missing Millionaire,” a special about SAM ISRAEL! I’m truly beside myself. As it would be a fool’s mission to try and not get our hopes up, we expect tonight’s show to include the following:
- B-roll of the egret and interviewer walking down the street
- An interview with a sex therapist who specializes in interspecies intercourse
- A Dealbreaker shout-out!
- An interview with the trollop who outbid us for the b-card.
- An eyewitness account of the industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan escaping the second time around.
- YOUR CALL
HOPEFULLY UNRELATED: Not Enough Cock, Coke or Money: The Few Things That Didn’t Suck about CNBC’s Seth Tobias Special
An all-new Dateline Friday 10 p.m./9 C [MSNBC]

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Comments (75)

  1. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 10:58 AM

    MAYO!

  2. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:03 AM

    Curb your enthusiasm. Remember the last murder mystery special…..
    The Buzz Killer

  3. Posted by Bess Levin | September 5, 2008 at 11:09 AM

    @Buzz– I know, but I can’t. I’m a hopeless romantic for this stuff.

  4. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:14 AM

    whats associate pay?

  5. Posted by Anal_yst | September 5, 2008 at 11:14 AM

    oh.my.god. Anyone know how to work TiVo-2-go????

  6. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:20 AM

    I’m hoping to see a taxidermied egret as one of the items the marshalls seized.
    Bess please go start writing for ATL as well…they need ya! “Holy fucking hell…”

  7. Posted by nybasic | September 5, 2008 at 11:22 AM

    Are you kidding me!?!?! I had no idea this was coming on!!!!! I’ll be glued to the TV at 9:59.

  8. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:25 AM

    Is Bess hot? Are there pictures of her online?
    -HEDGEmony

  9. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:30 AM

    8,
    more cute than hot, kind of like E.T.

  10. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:30 AM

    Perhaps Alan Alda waxing rhapsodic about the good old days when war was banging nurses and getting tanked on homemade booze in your tent/bungalow/hooch.
    -BeckyBootFan
    ps – happy belated birthday Bess!

  11. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:31 AM

    Yes #8, I forget the URL, I remember it had girl, and cup in it

  12. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:32 AM

    first the egret, then Ospraie. what’s the next bird inspired fund to go “beak up”?

  13. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:33 AM

    BeckyBootFan– brilliant and i hope you’re right!

  14. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:33 AM

    BeckyBootFan– brilliant and i hope you’re right!

  15. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:37 AM

    So hot when Bess types dirty-gets me going.

  16. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:39 AM

    @15- what was dirty about this?

  17. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:49 AM

    Worthless without links.
    If it helps you give me a better idea, I’m more of a Trish Regan than Erin Burnett man.
    -HEDGEmony

  18. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:49 AM

    does anyone know the name of the egret?

  19. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:49 AM

    does anyone know the name of the egret?

  20. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:50 AM

    does anyone know the name of the egret?

  21. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 11:52 AM

    Hedge,
    I’ve got no idea what she looks like, I haven’t seen a picture of her since she waxed her ‘stache.

  22. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 12:09 PM

    someone put up a link that has a pic of her. Carney’s ugly mug plastered all over the damn place…ok that’s an exagerration but someone get pic of Bess

  23. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 12:11 PM

    there was one in a towel a while back

  24. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 12:17 PM

    where?

  25. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 12:25 PM

    Link plz
    -HEDGEmony

  26. Posted by TheUpwardlyMob | September 5, 2008 at 12:33 PM

    HEDGEmony, you’re becoming tiresome.
    Please get laid this weekend.

  27. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 12:51 PM

    #26 Would you rather discuss Mayo you stupid fuck?

  28. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 12:52 PM

    - HEDGEmony

  29. Posted by TheUpwardlyMob | September 5, 2008 at 12:55 PM

    No, but the mayo dude is totally hopeless. You don’t seem like an unredeemable dweeb, yet.

  30. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 12:56 PM

    Hey @27, nothing wrong with talking about mayo you salad tossing asshole.

  31. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 1:08 PM

    @8 – Totally. Let me put it this way – If someone tried to hurl a batwing at her, I’d step in the way in an effort to preserve her purity.
    I also hear that Sam will sustain multiple egretwings to the face as part of his sentence.
    Totally.

  32. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 1:20 PM

    @HEDGEmony
    There’s a reason why I call Bess My Silly Little Freak. Call me with your email and I will send you a few pics. 212-334-1871
    SPODE

  33. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 1:44 PM

    I can almost hear Bess getting moist over this series.

  34. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 1:56 PM

    just someone link to a damn pic…enough with four play already

  35. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 1:58 PM

    34 et all: its all over the web. Just Google Bess Levin

  36. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 1:59 PM

    34 et all: its all over the web. Just Google Bess Levin

  37. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:02 PM

    it’s a motherfucking pelican!

  38. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:02 PM

    it’s a motherfucking pelican!

  39. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:07 PM

    I have and there is nothing that says it’s her just pictures and an article or so…what about the pic on Going Private?

  40. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:08 PM

    this show is going to be off the hook

  41. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:08 PM

    this show is going to be off the hook

  42. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:10 PM

    this show is going to be off the hook

  43. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:14 PM
  44. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:16 PM

    do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?

  45. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:16 PM

    do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?

  46. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:17 PM

    do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?

  47. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:17 PM

    do you think they’ll get the egret to cry?

  48. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:18 PM

    yes

  49. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:18 PM

    yes

  50. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:19 PM

    yes

  51. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 2:19 PM

    yes

  52. Posted by NotNasser | September 5, 2008 at 2:24 PM

    According to my inside sources (I know a guy who claims he knows a gal who has a cousin who once dated a cameraman for Dateline) — the big scvene is an effort to re-enact the jump that never was.
    They throw a dummy off the Bear Mountain Bridge.
    The dummy is grabbing monopoly money and, due to a voice synthesizer, is singing the theme from MASH on the way down.

  53. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 3:01 PM

    SPODE,
    That’s not her.

  54. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 3:09 PM

    yeah didn’t thinks so…that’s a pic from some movie.

  55. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 3:09 PM

    There is a pic of her in a towel…cape cod 07. Can’t remember who posted the link…I don’t have it anymore.

  56. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 3:12 PM

    and one from her birthday. great lips.

  57. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 3:14 PM

    The pic from Superman fools the new ones all the time. I’ve said it before: Bess reportedly graduated from Pingry, a day school in NJ. Next time, on their way to the Far Hills Hunt, someone should stop by the local library and flip through the old Pingry yearbooks.

  58. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 3:18 PM

    She can’t be hot, trying to be smart is the number one indicator of a woman trying to compensate for not being pretty.
    -HEDGEmony

  59. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 3:24 PM

    @57 Pingry is in Martinsville, not Far Hills.

  60. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 3:26 PM

    @HEDGEmoney– do you have OCD? have you done anything else but obsess over this all day? And has someone who’s met her, I can tell you you’re wrong. Perhaps you should go that route and determine for yourself. or just continue your inner monologue all day.

  61. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 3:26 PM

    I knew it was in that direction, so I said “on their way”. Douche.

  62. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 3:46 PM

    agreed with 60, on all counts.

  63. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 3:52 PM

    well…that’s wonderful. 62 agrees with 60. Now my day makes sense.

  64. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 4:09 PM

    @63 (HEDGEmoney) it should, since this has been your singular pursuit today. seriously, you’ve put so much time into this, see it through to completion.
    – 62.

  65. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 4:17 PM

    actually 63 is not HEDGEmoney. I was 53 and 55. So is 62 and 60 the same? You agreed with yourself on all counts? See how dumb that is?

  66. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 4:22 PM

    no, i’m not 60
    -62/64

  67. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 4:24 PM

    where would one find the CC and b’day?

  68. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 5:09 PM

    @HEDGEmony- i’m sure if you ply her with hf tips she’ll agree to a drink.

  69. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 5:26 PM

    yeah, HEDGEmony, man the fuck up. (and give us details)

  70. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 8:18 PM

    Bess wanna get a drink sometime? Milk & Honey my treat.
    -HEDGEmony

  71. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 8:25 PM

    P.S. Fuckers, it’s not HEDGE money
    it’s a play off of the word hegemony
    he·ge·mo·ny
    Pronunciation:
    \hi-ˈje-mə-nē, -ˈge-; ˈhe-jə-ˌmō-nē\
    1 : preponderant influence or authority over others : domination
    2 : A concept of Italian Marxist Antonio Gramsci (1891-1937) which refers to the way that the political and social domination of the bourgeois class in capitalist society is pervasively expressed not only in ideologies but in all realms of culture and social organization.

  72. Posted by guest | September 5, 2008 at 9:03 PM

    @HEDGEmony doubt BL will see your invite– should probs e-mail her (and give us details).

  73. Posted by Crystal L. Cox | March 10, 2010 at 8:39 PM

    You are So Funny.. this is Great Stuff

  74. Posted by NJwibY | October 8, 2011 at 10:35 PM

    RTxYCiXR

  75. Posted by btTqIW | October 8, 2011 at 10:35 PM

    RthakU