Deutsche Bank is holding a conference call right now called on the “Implications of the GSE Rescue Plan.” They’ve mentioned that “Dr. Greenspan” will be speaking 5 times. While I’m on hold, let’s guess what he’s going to say, and whether or not he’s calling from the tub, as is his wont.
10:36: “This is an off the record call.” Awk. What’s the worst they can do to me? (Nervous laughter.)
10:40: “De facto nationalization…But not full nationalization– the effect of Secretary Paulson’s plan is essentially to create an almost but not quite full faith in credit situation.”
10:42: Tranquilizer gun time:
“The case is critical because the financial crisis globally is best described as single issue in the price of homes in the U.S.”
“Equity in those homes serve as the ultimate collateral.”
“So long as price of homes is ambiguous, clarity is difficult to gain in this type of market.”
10:47: “Inability to close very critical LIBOR to overnight index swaps spreads is indication that there is a frozen structure in here which can only be resolved by subbing sovereign credit for private credit.”
10:50 Get excited: “Something like this is going to occur ever 50 to 100 years.”
10:52 “Capital is not the issue!” “Nor is the chinaman!”
Questions and Answers:
Q: Are we at the bottom or close to the bottom?
A: I love that question. I wish somebody had the answer to that.
At this point someone has attached a mic to his his receiver and placed it next to the keyboard and is BANGING THE FUCK out of the keys. Greenspan screams at whoever is doing this and for a second I get scared it’s me. It’s not but wow.
Q: Didn’t hear it. Am working from my apt. today and calling into this thing from my Blackberry, which is getting really hot. Had to put it down for a second. Caught the answer though, which sounds dark:
A: If we leave these wounds open, THEY WILL ERUPT AGAIN.
Q: What’s your vision for Freddie and Fannie in the long run?
A. They should be nationalized (effectively what has been done). After the crisis, split them up into a number of different types of institutions and sell them off into the market.
Q. You’re feeling better?
A. No. I’m feeling a little less worse.
Q: Given that agency spreads have tightened approximately 40 basis points, could you comment on foreign central bank’s appetites to buy GSE debt at these levels?
A: The best way to find out would be to ask them. [He goes on, but as his official editor for today, I unliterally decide to end it there, sparing you the sensation of having your will to live sucked out, and making him sound bitchy and dismissive, which is preferable to obtuse, is it not?]
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“the right thing to do under the circumstances.”
“Warren gets Becky Quick. I’ll only take questions from Bess Levin.”
Greenspan in the tub – That is a vivid image.
is it me or his he the spitting image of woody allen?
holy smokes with a screenname like “blndebanker” how do you get anything done, what with all the IM’ing you must be doing?
Deutsche Bank AG. AKA DBag. Nuff said.
Too long, didn’t read.
-Weary Willie
Greenspan is going to get on the line and just try to sell his book. He’s become the Al Gore of the Fed. Apparently Gore invented the internet, and Greenspan invented the bull market.
-HEDGEmony
He’ll have to find a way to squeeze in the fact that he was sounding the alarm on this 4 years ago.
moved from the tub to the ‘throne’ for this one.
@5 – Actually the comments have quieted down since I’ve been on the site for a while. That’s not my work handle obviously.
Bess, ask him why Lehman’s off 15% while everyone else soars. Poor Dickie Fuld
Bess, clone yourself and send me a copy.
Also, has London reopened yet?
Has a photo of her been found? I’m not dropping 20 a cocktail at Milk & Honey on her if she’s a horseface.
-HEDGEmony
@HEDGE– dude. you have devoted way too many comments to this. email her, ply her with sweet hf tips, and i’m sure you’ll be able to find out for yourself.
#12 – spot on. What’s up with LEH? None of the news outlets has any news as of 11:08am, but it has been sinking as if it has concrete shoes the last 25 minutes or so.
Why would anyone want to step foot in Milk and Honey?
#18 – For the mayo.
Hey Bess, ask about UAL too, it’s down 99%.
obessurock.
stress testing DB. this is a 6 sig event in the DB newsroom/bedroom/porch/whatever.
today has a very surreal, “calm before the storm” feel to it.
Is it just me?
Bess, I need a hug.
Bess, I need a hug.
@ 14 4pm local.
The world can turn on its axis again. All will be well. LSE’s computers are plugged in again.
whoever plugged in the LSE servers unplugged the chicago tribune one, leaving its news feed unupdated at 2002.
I like M&H because it is all seating, no god damn B&T standing around walking and crowding everyone inside and outside the establishment. Its also decent about membership to keep out the hoi polloi.
-HEDGEmony
Bess, you continue to be amazing
UAL story is ridiculous
Hey Vince Offer is a doctor.
People still say hoi polloi?
@HEDGEmony– um, genius, anyone with the number can call and make a reservation.
use the speaker on your blackberry.
all that heat is radiation baking your brain cells.
and you can’t afford to lose any more.
Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Its Asian-American.
#6 – Bear, LEH, Citi, B of A, Merrill…not a lot of big banks left that can throw stones at Deutsche.
LEH CLOSED DEAL ON SELLING NEUBERGER
-HEDGEmony
#35 > #6
Accept or it will happen
Oh, snap cum stain* @33. I wish I could come up with a response to that but as you have pointed out, I am not smart. And that would make you, a reader and commenter of my site what, exactly? At the very least a good samaritan, taking the time to contribute pageviews despite my special needs.
*Not a diss!
@34
go away, pussy.
blnde – apparently people that want their bars to have memberships still use it.
bess, wow, turn the blackberry OFF.
you poor dear, you’re stressed.
Bess is in the house. That’s all that matters.
@35: ditto.
@34 — get it right, it’s “oriental american”
@41, have you ever seen The Big Lebowski?
@ 47 obviously not
Bess, I am #33 and I want to say I’m a big fan of yours.
Thanks for the reply.
congrats to all the short covers and buyers this morning.
you’ve just failed part 3 of the DB Mensa Test.
bess is the queen of NJ proper.
-retail
Dude, dude, dude…Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature…Asian American…
Walter we’re not talking about the fucking guy that built the railroads!
I dare say old girl @ 40, I admire your thought leadership on cum stains.
Donny you’re out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!
@52 – it was a joke.
Bess dishes it out, she can take it.
53, how vulgar and tacky.
any word on Lehman Bros?
53, how vulgar and tacky.
any word on Lehman Bros?
Seriously any market intel on LEH?
I prefer Chink to Chinaman.
But the issue here is the cum stain that Bess is struggling with!
Closing in on Neuberger….
Brilliant.
Really enjoyed reading this.
@60 – will that be the latest special at the Shake Shack? They can call it the Neuburger if they don’t want to get sued…
I love this insightful commentary from former Leh CFO:
“Additionally, Bernstein analyst Brad Hintz said in a research note LEH
could spin-off Neuberger Berman, write-down debt and have a capital raise, to
help it survive”
I’m disappointed by Bess’ oh-so-casual use of the derogatory term “chinaman.” You would never throw around the N word would you? So why chose hate just for some cheap laugh?
64 = girl
can someone tell me how to turn on the speaker phone on a blackberry curve? This shit is way hot.
Bess -
The expression is as “as is his wont”, not “want”.
get a bold you broke fuck
-HEDGEmony
@ 65
a) I only ever post under my handle. So fuck off.
and b) i’m not surprised that any of you lack a sense of humour, but given my outward love/adoration of Bess, you should have deduced either way that I think thought leadership on cum stains is something every girl (or guy) should aspire to.
Thanks.
3000 years of beautiful tradition from Moses to sandy Koufax
HEDGEmony, are you one of those Blackberry wielding douches that walks around talking extra loud so people have to look at your dumbass, all so you can show off how much you spent and to see how important you think you are?
-Blackberry pearl
Lehman Brothers needs to merge with Charlie Gasparino’s cum-stained wifebeater in order to survive.
69, only an oriental would right ….”I onry ever”
What’s wrong with Chinaman?
Walk? What is a black car for then?
-HEDGEmony
@64– No, I wouldn’t use the ‘N’ word. Also, buy a vowel: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118715/quotes
@HEDGEmony– I don’t need the bold. I’m perfectly happy with the 8830 now that I’ve figured out how to use the speakerphone. Why are you so angry?
These men are nihilist, Donny. They’re cowards.
@FUN – Seriously. What a toolbox and a half. Only REAL cool people go to M&H!
Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature.
Question to all the geniuses here:
What’s going to happen to all the regional banks who are holding onto FNM/FRE preferred shares as part of their capital base? The shares of those two companies are approaching shamwow value now.
Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
@78 – Bravo Lewbowski. BRAVO.
Bess, he’s mad because the combination of his phat moniker and the promise of Milk & Honey hasn’t been enough to convince you to post any racy pics. He’s got monomania.
Bess: So N work is a no-no but chinaman is a-ok. I see you are a student of racial eugenic hierarchy. The Chosen People indeed.
And funny how fast you got all defensive. A smart woman like you should have the confidence to admit and learn from her mistakes. A bit self reflection here and there is good for your soul.
@85– you are a moron. click the fucking link and then slink back here to make another ‘what i really meant was comment.”
Thomas Korossy at KBC is out of a job before the court judges
@85 – Dude seriously lighten up. Can you please explain how Chinaman is offensive when used in that context? And also, the n-word has ALWAYS been derogatory whereas to my knowledge, Chinaman became offensive in the PC era. Everyone is so freaking sensitive. How are you still in finance is that is enough to ruffle your feathers??
Chinaman Chinaman Chinaman Chinaman Chinaman
What?
Dear Mr. Anti-Chinaman,
Why don’t you address your comments to Greenspan: it appears that the original mention of the word was his product (the whole phrase is in quotes – a give-away of citation in English?)
@85- click the goddamn link. it’s from a movie (and before you start shouting about a movie further spreading ‘hate,’ the movie goes on to point out that ‘chinaman’ is not the preferred nomenclature).
“What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I’m talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT… Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.”
That is such a great movie.
like everything else in the hands of wall street youth, this thread started with so much promise and drove itself headlong into the tank.
@ 91. That was then. It IS the preferred nomenclature, now.
Fuck sympathy! I don’t need your fucking sympathy. I need my fucking Johnson!
94 posts and not a single reference to s_ _ _ – w _ _?
oh, here we go. monopsychological or whatever; like that scene in Boiler Room where those bozos were parrotting the lines from “Wall Street.”
bad-feedback-loop alert.
Bess is apparently *not* ready for prime time.
Such talent, too…
chinaman
chinaman
chinaman
china, man.
CHinaman?
CHinaman?
CHinaman?
what’s the accepted nomenclature for asking, “is there a chinaman in the house?”
@ 90: do you think he *really* said that?
Bess, please don’t let no “chinaman” tell you what you are and are not ready for.
I am so ready for you baby.
95 – What do you need your johnson for, Dude?
@107
Yes, I do. Bess wrote so.
90
@98- you can’t say cum stain on prime time, though i’m sure charlie gasparino wishes it were so.
If Bess wrote, “sham-wow,” would you believe her?
@112
ha ha a good one
90
Bess/Girl: if you licked it off, it never would have stained in the first place.
see that, Bess? You play with fire, you get burned. You lie down with dogs, etc….
@115– what are you talking about?
blackberry real cheap from a chinman on mott. hurry get good deal.
@116
If you live by the sword you die by the sword.
SPODE
Bess,
U looky for good time?
Dirty Sexy Money
should be Chinaperson. using man is sexist.
The use of the word “dude” on this message thread is more offnsive than chinaman.
-Bendo
wuttabout “chinadude?”