As you may know, there might actually be consequences to spreading totally unfounded rumors about firms that may or may not actually be experiencing some level of financial difficulty. How are you the reader expected to know which rumors are ok to spread overtly and which require the use of special clandestine services tools like a hoarse whisper outside of Dick Fuld's office?
Fortunately, DealBreaker has initiated coverage of several Collateralized Rumor Securities and Collateralized Gossip Obligations (CRS and CGO instruments respectively). Of course, since we underwrite both the underlying rumorous assets and these securities our ratings are entirely unreliable and hopelessly inflated, but that shouldn't stop you from using a lot of leverage to buy them up. After all, you can diversify across multiple tranches and multiple instruments. We should point out that if you need something closer to cash you can invest in our Auction Rate Secrets (ARS) instruments too. We maintain a good liquid market for them or their rates reset. Really, it will be fine.
Rating / Description
- Investment Grade-
AAA / Very Reliable
AA / Reliable
A / Mostly Reliable
BBB / Might Be True
-Speculative-
BB / Sketchy
B / Countrywide Sketchy
CCC / Unlikely
CC / Really Unlikely
C / Heard it From The Iraqi Minister of Information
D / Heard it From A Lehman Conference Call
BRK
GS
LEH
BCS
Disclaimer: The Federal Government in NO WAY guarantees these instruments or their underlying assets. No really, not at all. Seriously.
Posted by guest , Sep 15, 2008 12:27PM
I have a huge crush on EP right now.
Posted by guest , Sep 15, 2008 12:37PM
What's your rating on Jamie re-uniting the House of Morgan?
Posted by guest , Sep 15, 2008 12:45PM
Great stuff EP
Posted by Anal_yst , Sep 15, 2008 12:47PM
fuck had to run out to do some errands and EP totally preempts me with the faux-financial engineering, arghhh foiled again!
Posted by guest , Sep 15, 2008 12:51PM
Are any MMS chicks involved? Or do I need to call Shell or Chevron about that?
Posted by guest , Sep 15, 2008 12:52PM
Does anyones know if Grecian Formula works?
Thanks in Advance.
Posted by Anal_yst , Sep 15, 2008 12:57PM
Anyone else notice that Cramer looks like he bought his outfit @ Century 21 on the way in this morning?
Posted by guest , Sep 15, 2008 1:06PM
Good work, EP.
Posted by guest , Sep 15, 2008 1:27PM
What's your rating on the rumor that zombie Jesus Reagan will come back from the dead to judge those who have maintained his free-market principles consistently (Fuld, O'Neal, Prince) and those who have strayed from the One True Path (Paulson, Bernanke)?
Posted by guest , Sep 15, 2008 7:54PM
Since MER has been merrily selling stuff that would normally recover 40 to 60 c/$ at 22c I think that is a fair calibration of where actual versus S&P / Moodys fantasyland ratings are. I.E. all ratings 50% lower than stated. If you want to be more optimistic you could say with reference to average Libor of 3% over the last 500 years they should be 30% lower than stated unitil the cost of funding normalises.