Earlier this morning an absolutely flummoxed Dealbreaker wondered aloud how SAC Capital founder Steve Cohen could have possibly been placed in the completely demeaning slot of 99 (out of 100) on Vanity Fair‘s annual ranking of the most ‘Influential’ people in the world. It seems we’ve discovered the answer: Vanity Fair has no idea who Steve Cohen is. And I don’t mean on a philosophical, ‘nobody gets him like we do’ level but on a molecular, who the fuck is that guy level.
Contrary to what VF.com’s recently-in-the-news section under each of this year’s influencers would have you believe, our Steve Cohen, the Steve Cohen they denigrated first by putting him at second to last on their list and second by displaying an apparent ignorance as to just who they were defecating all over, is not: Steve Cohen, attorney involved in a 1996 murder trial in which his client was found guilty of killing an acquaintance, which may be reopened if a judge agrees that (fake) Steve Cohen did an ineffective job at the time. He’s also not: Steve Cohen, political scholar who described McCain’s process of choosing a VP to be like “a student cramming at the last minute for an exam.” Nor is he: Steve Cohen, the U.S. Representative in Tennessee who is pushing hard for Memphis to rename its airport after the dearly departed Isaac Hayes, though we’re sure the real SC would support such a worthy cause.
Look, we’re the first to admit that sometimes it’s tough to know who you’re talking about when you’re talkin’ SC, what with the thousands of doppleganger ‘Steve-alikes‘ running around town. But if you’re going to start deciding who’s most influential and who’s least influential, you’d better get your Steve Cohen’s straight, and not allow the Steve Cohen’s ranking to be compromised undesirables. Lesser SC’s who just happen to share the same name and Every Jew look but do not possess the singular magnetism of the SC, that makes one want to be bounced on his knee atop the Zamboni, and forget about the shemales employed on his watch. That Steve Cohen is, and always will be, Number One.
UPDATE: It appears VF has become wise to the error of its ways and replaced the offending links with ones that now refer to the one and only. Still haven’t bumped the big guy up a few slots but it’ll happen. Just wait.
The New Establishment: Steve Cohen [Vanity Fair]
Mayo First.
2nd vince offer rules
Vince Offer is more influential than Steve Cohen.
wondered allowed?
good christ bess, ever heard of proofreading?
I personally know at least 3 Steve Cohens. None of them run SAC.
I personally know at least 3 Steve Cohens. None of them run SAC.
I personally know at least 3 Steve Cohens. None of them run SAC.
This list is BS. The con man Vivi Nevo is 42, and SC is only 99! VF should go back to fawning over celebrities and leave business journalism to the professionals.
A post for each of the Steve Cohens you know, thanks for that.
yeah jackhole @ 4, I have heard of this thing you call proofreading, but I wrote ‘allowed’ instead of ‘aloud’ because I find homophones uproarious so get off my ass.
“Vanity Fair has no who Steve Cohen is”
I said to Hollywood, “Where’d he go?” Hollywood says, “Where’d who go?”
i love it when you talk dirty to me bess. also, i like choking myself.
also, you find homos hilarious?
Now they’ve done it. VF pissed off Kaiser Sosai, & poof VF won’t exist anymore!
AS I mentioned on the previous VF piece, its because they are bitches to the Waverly Inn crowd, however powerless and self-important they may beleive themselves to be, despite being really just schrews and pawns in the game played on the Street by such actually powerful men (and some women) as the REAL Stevie Cohen, et. AL.
Cohen is being pushed farther and farther from his trading screens by his belly against the desk…SACs returns will eventually suffer
@10
My Dearest Bess,
It’s not that often I show my kind and large genital side but here goes.gentle side but here goes.
*HUG*
Just let is go beautiful.
SPODE
@17 can you write that in english?
Actually, @16, this is actually all part of the Steve-meister’s master plan. Steve-o realizes that as he ages he will become increasingly affected by presbyopia, as his dewy, fawn-like eyes lose their flexibility. Hence, he has undertaken a long-term project to increase the amplitude of his midsection over time in direct proportion to his increasing focal length.
His belly will keep him at the perfect distance from his screens, therefore allowing him to continue to wipe the floor with lesser investing mortals well into his dotage.
Based upon standard linear extrapolation, this dieting regime should mean the SAC-kster will weigh approximately 550 pounds if he is still trading at the age of 90.
Stock up on XXXXL fleeces now.
The Epicurean Dealmaker
@ TED
I thought the Wooly Mammoth was extinct, no? Where else are we gonna find furs in that girth?
from the foreskin of the blue whale, duh. its the most prised of all foreskins.
HAM05 wins comment of the week.
@21 just passed coffee thru my nose, way too funny
Now I am having trouble keeping my Carneys straight.
“The properties, which make up about half of the homes in a three-block corridor, were recently put on the market after local landlord John Carney died earlier this year.”
http://ny.therealdeal.com/articles/south-bronx-buzz-fizzles
VF list is stupid!
i heard the people who selected them are bunch of male gays and desperate women.The reason they select t Putin #1 is his “irresistible” sex appeal.