In times of turmoil, you cannot always trust words to mean what they mean. Often they mean something they don't mean at all. Our guide to financial turmoil meaning should clear some of this up. Or not.
Key:
"If You Hear This" = "Read This" (Source)
"Low Quality Rally" = "Our Dartboard Malfunctioned" (UBS)
"We Might Encounter A Slight Correction" = "Expect A 40% Drop" (AIG)
"We Believe We Are Sufficiently Capitalized" = "Our Leverage Is Still 24:1" (Lehman Brothers)
"We Expect To Benefit From A Flight To Quality" = "Shorts Have Created So Much Buy To Lend Action Our Stock Is Buoyed" (Goldman Sachs)
"Another Front Is Opening" = "No One Wants Our Stock Anymore" (Barclays)
"It's Unclear Who Is Going To Be A Credit Provider Going Forward" = "No One Will Lend To Us" (Concordia Advisors)
"No Evident Catalyst For Ending The Pain" = "We Are Flooded With Redemption Requests And Our Attorney Quit" (Feda Capital)
"We Have Changed The Format Of Our Earnings Call A Little Bit" = "No Questions From Pesky Analysts After That Smartass From UBS Mouthed Off" (Baldwin)
"Markets Set To Bounce" = "Our Editor Has Almost Lost Everything" (Wall Street Journal)
"EU Has Tradition Of Bailouts" = "Don't Look At Me Like That, Germany" (Financial Times)
"Short Sellers Are Attacking Our Stock" = "My Mistress And I Are Fleeing Tonight To A Country With No Extradition" (Pick One)
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:17AM
First
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:19AM
http://www.city-journal.org/html/10_1_the_trillion_dollar.html
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:19AM
Awesome - thanks for taking my previous suggestion under advisement.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:22AM
Wilford Brimley is the man to solve the housing crisis.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:28AM
糞三明治 = Tbills shamwow!
Posted by bmwstox , Sep 18, 2008 10:30AM
"Government supported bailout" = Taxpayer spread your cheeks w/no vaseline.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:30AM
@ 5, I didn't know they sold the shamwow in China.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:31AM
"...said a young man, in conversation with someone on his cellphone" = "we'll quote any chump we please, because murdoch is really turning this rag around" (wsj)
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:32AM
i hear namibia is wonderful this time of year. who's in?
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:43AM
Tenth
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:44AM
Eleventh
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:57AM
#10 and #11.....well played...very well played.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 10:58AM
any link to the baldwin call with the "smartass from ubs?"
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:10AM
15th
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:22AM
Any word on why custodian banks are tanking?
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:25AM
15 Maybe cause they're big asset managers (esp passive, ie index money), and revenues from that are projected downward.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:25AM
Sexy Sixteenth Bday
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:27AM
@16 but who hasn't known that for at least 6 months? theyr in trouble today - i don't get whats changed for them
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:28AM
POOPIES!!!
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:35AM
Unrelated: Biden is a complete moron.
He's calling on Americans with incomes over $250K (just above his own) to be "patriotic," that is "to pay higher taxes". He justifies this as "still paying less taxes than under Reagan."
Biden = Fucking idiot! He wants to completely kill our economy! Taxes were higher under Reagan because Reagan was saddled with legacy taxes that Dems put in to finance the Vietnam war. He reduced them at the highest rate possible. Biden does not get this at all!
Someone check Biden's head please. He wants to impose higher taxes on the only people who know how to actually generate prosperity. Of course, Biden won't have to pay anything extra himself (his own family's income is just below $250K) -- what a bigot!
Biden = Unpatriotic dim-witted asshole.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:39AM
"Reagan was saddled with legacy taxes that Dems put in to finance the Vietnam war"
Has anyone given any thought to when we might be expected to pay for the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and eventually Iran?
- Captain Obvious.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:40AM
@21
Yes, and that's what you use inflation for, not taxes.
F'ing genius.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:41AM
"Reagan was saddled with legacy taxes that Dems put in to finance the Vietnam war"
Those IDIOT DEMS actually expect us to pay for a war?
LOLOLOLOL!
We BUSHITES are smarter than that. We know that you don't have to raise taxes to KICK MAJOR FUCKING CAMEL JOCKEY ASS!
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:42AM
@21 and @23:
Take Econ 101.
You raise inflation, not taxes.
Your revolting LOLOLOLOL really does not belong here.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:43AM
@21 and @23:
Take Econ 101.
To pay for the war, you raise inflation, not taxes.
Your revolting LOLOLOLOL really does not belong here.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:43AM
"He wants to impose higher taxes on the only people who know how to actually generate prosperity."
Like, say, a Lehman i-banker?
Disgruntled Republican
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:44AM
18 Look at all the asset managers. Legg Mason, T Rowe, Franklin, plus State Street, BONY Mellon, Northern Trust. Significant declines in the market mean lower fees for both custody and asset management, which tend to be asset based.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:45AM
@23:
1) You have no clue what you are saying from the economic standpoint.
2) are you and arab? What's up with kicking some camel ass? is that a terrorist expression?
Posted by pdtrading , Sep 18, 2008 11:45AM
Christ, I'm sick of politicians. To quote some movie I once saw, "We are so fucked."
I'm thinking of going native and moving to the Amazon. What? They burned down the Amazon! Oh, fuck.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 11:48AM
@26
To wit, Lehman bankers would not make even $10K going forward, wouldn't you say?
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 12:01PM
Morgan Stanley, I have a message for you:
你是我的荡妇
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 12:07PM
I wish Dealbreaker would make Limbaugh and Rove register instead of being a "guest".
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 12:30PM
24/25: Raising inflation is a form of taxation. And on the whole, it's the the most destructive type. Did you sleep through the econ class you were recommending?
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 12:45PM
What is inflation?
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 12:46PM
severance package = unemployement check
severance ham at xmas = ham in a soup kitchen
severance for fuld = stealing your severance package from lowly employees
inflation= printing money
printing money = toilet paper
toilet paper = leh derivative contracts
leh derivative contracts = aig insurance
aig insurance = us backed securities
us backed securities = us tax payers
us tax payers = waiting in line at the severance package office
this is how money is circulated if your too dense
Posted by soonindallas , Sep 18, 2008 12:56PM
I'm CEO of a hedge fund. What is inflation, and what is it used for ? (I get the shamwow concept)
Posted by soonindallas , Sep 18, 2008 12:58PM
I'm CEO of a hedge fund. What is inflation, and what is it used for ? (I get the shamwow concept)
Posted by soonindallas , Sep 18, 2008 1:00PM
I'm CEO of a hedge fund. What is inflation, and what is it useful for ? (I get the shamwow concept)
Posted by soonindallas , Sep 18, 2008 1:06PM
I'm CEO of a hedge fund. What is inflation, and what is it useful for ? (Consider I get the shamwow concept)
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 1:19PM
#31 go fuck yourself
Here it is the US - you bitch!
Posted by soonindallas , Sep 18, 2008 1:30PM
Sorry for the 4x post. I'm unfamiliar with posting at DB from the Blackberry.
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 2:07PM
@31 go learn some chinese please... "you are my horny wife" doesn't make any sense at all... i know the chinese wanna buy MS, but it doesn't make MS horny... gimme a break...
Posted by guest , Sep 18, 2008 2:19PM
"Shore up" = We fucked up
Posted by guest , Mar 28, 2009 9:22AM
this is horrible..
the inflation seems to be rising and rising.
regards.
http://www.reversemortgagepage.com/