October 2008

  • News

    Write-Offs: 10.31.08

    $$$ Bruce Wasserstein: looking GOOD. [Cityfile] $$$ Awww, look who made up. [CNBC] $$$ 55 Out Of Control traders [WSF] $$$ Don’t forget to bid on the dearly departed Bella’s ID card. Proceeds from the auction will be going to charity for either laid off Lehmans or canines. $$$ Job of the Week: Highland Capital, […]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 5:10 PM
  • News

    I Don’t Even Know What The Hell To Title This

    Don’t ever email this kind of thing again. Really. I’m… going to go lay down. Jump at your own risk.

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 4:46 PM
  • News

    What The Hell Is The World Coming To?

    Seriously. When you can’t use a little “adult entertainment,” some competitive dwarf tossing, racing lessons, and $50,000 to pay down your client’s bachelor party nut in order to drum up a little business, then what the hell is the point of banking? I mean, we might as well work in the commercial banking group of […]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 4:11 PM
  • News

    JANA Piranhas

    As of October 30’s close LP: MTD: -17.55% YTD: -20.14% Offshore LTD: MTD: -18.14% YTD: -20.42%

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 3:58 PM
  • News

    We Wish You The Best In Your Future Endeavors

    Seems Volkswagen has worn out its welcome and might be asked to leave the DAX. Deutsche Boerse AG, operator of the Frankfurt stock exchange, said in a statement today that from Nov. 3 it may at any time remove a DAX stock whose weighting exceeds 10 percent and whose share price over the preceding 30 […]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 2:19 PM
  • News

    Blind Item: Child Technicians Feeling The Squeeze

    Which alternative asset manager only pays his babysitter $12/hour? Clearly times are tough for the once mega-successful financier but if he thinks the vast array of snacks and opportunity to see the infamous ice smoother up close and personal make up for such an insulting rate, he is sorely mistaken.

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 2:15 PM
  • News

    “This is an epic crash.”

    [Calculated Risk] via [Abnormal Returns]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 2:05 PM
  • News

    Damn The Markets, Full Speed Ahead

    Oil is down. The markets are rallying. Let’s build more Trucks and SUVs! Brilliant, man. Brilliant! Gutsy contrarian play if ever I saw one! Ford Lays Bet on New Truck By Rehiring 1,000 Workers [The Wall Street Journal]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 1:43 PM
  • News

    I Hate You, Bruce Wasserstein!

    Apparently Lemming Lazard is canceling its holiday party this year, though the employees don’t know yet. I don’t think I’m alone here in saying god damn you, people. You’re supposed to be doing better than everyone else (relatively speaking of course, let’s not get ahead of ourselves). And what’s more, now that the artists formerly […]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 1:14 PM
  • News

    Caption Contest Friday

    [via Wonkette]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 11:40 AM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’08: Citi

    The Big C is said to be making cuts in convertible sales and trading this morning. No word on whether or not holiday parties are getting whacked but I’d be extremely surprised if the firm went the way of BarcLehs, Morgan Stanley et al. It’s been pretty well-documented that 90 percent of the reason Vikula […]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 11:28 AM
  • News

    Morgan Stanley Cancels Christmas, Jobs

    We kicked your teeth in yesterday with the news that both BarcLehs and American Express were canceling their holiday parties. Now for the crowbar to your ribs–Morgan Stanley has announced that there will be no company-sponsored petting come December this year. Sayeth MS: “As you know, in terms of the global economy, it now appears […]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 10:35 AM
  • News

    Know Your Porsche Volkswagen Victims

    “I have hedge fund managers literally in tears on the phone,” says one London-based car analyst. [FT] Firm: Tactic With Respect to VW Holdings Perry: Sticking It Out Henderson: Sticking It Out OZ Overseas Fund II, Ltd: Exited in October With ~1% Exposure Greenlight Capital: Unknown SAC: Unknown Och Ziff: Unknown Marshall Wace: Unknown Odey […]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 10:11 AM
  • News

    Dear Team Tosca

    What’s this we hear about you wanting out?

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 9:44 AM
  • News

    I’ll Tell You What I’ve Got

    Dolls–I noticed that you’ve worked yourselves into a lather trying to figure out what the impetus was for the slightly unorthodox dialogue that down yesterday afternoon. Just so we can move on–there was no insane Merrill Lynch story that had to be killed. I have it on very good authority–let’s call him one of “my […]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 8:52 AM
  • News

    Bring Out Your Dead

    The next 30 days are lining up to be difficult for hedge funds. The results of September and October will soon be glaring sores on the upper lips of a number of funds looking for a date via the “capital raise” speed dating end-of-year event. That, on top of dramatic dislocations in markets like the […]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 8:39 AM
  • News

    Opening Bell: 10.31.08

    Barclays raises boatload of money in Middle East. (Bloomberg) Wanting to stay afloat post Lehman (properly pronounced Lay-Man with a long, southern draw, like the Congressman say) Barclays, has decided to tap the Middle East for some Oil money (early reports* have it that this decision may have come after watching Arabian Knights; is it […]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 8:05 AM
  • News

    DealBreaker Before Dawn: We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Bailout

    Barclehs, ever the strange emo child of finance, has decided to go it alone, and will tell the UK to take its bailout money and go pound salt. Taking bailout money is so conformist, yeah. They want nothing to do with it. Cool emo kids take their not quite $12 billion from the much cooler […]

    / Oct 31, 2008 at 6:24 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 10.30.08

    $$$ AIG borrows another $20.9 bill [SEC] $$$ Schumer Challenges IRS Rule Sparking Bank Mergers [Bloomberg] $$$ Halloween costume ideas. [Cityfile] $$$ Don’t forget to bid on the dearly departed Bella’s ID card. Proceeds from the auction will be going to charity for either laid off Lehmans or canines.

    / Oct 30, 2008 at 5:40 PM
  • News

    Update On Gasparino v. Ratigan (Clip Included)

    We just spoke with Charlie re: whatever the hell went down on CNBC earlier. He said “no comment” but offered that he is in “zero trouble” with the network, which is a relief. No word on Ratigan. QUITE shadily, someone sent us a clip of the brouhaha, but within minutes it had been removed. Whoever […]

    / Oct 30, 2008 at 4:41 PM
  • News

    Let’s Talk Man-Purses

    In re: Perry Capital, and losses not related to the Porsche raping. Apparently PC has shifted to credit over the past six months, and has been mauled by the severe turbulence in bank debt. Earlier: Larry Robbins, Who’s Been Carrying A Murse For Years, Takes Offense

    / Oct 30, 2008 at 4:34 PM
  • News

    Dow At Close Results

    9181 That makes this: Posted by StillNoCouch, Oct 30, 2008 12:15PM 9,240.25 (I’m an optimist) The winner. Despite being 59 points off. Get it together, people. This isn’t a Lehman prop desk here.

    / Oct 30, 2008 at 4:11 PM
  • News

    WTF Just Happened To Charlie Gasparino?

    So, okay. The “Closing Bell” team of Dylan Ratigan and Melissa Lee just cut to Charlie Gasparino who supposedly was going to give us some information on “turmoil” at Merrill Lynch. Those of you watching, though, know that didn’t happen. We don’t have a clip– someone, anyone, for the love of No Sleeves and his […]

    / Oct 30, 2008 at 3:38 PM
  • News

    To Plunge, Or Not To Plunge

    So, the last 15 minutes of trading have been quite entertaining the last few sessions. Are we going to see another case of the market pissing itself in the final minutes? S&P 500 at 945 or so right now. Tempted to short index futures? Tick… tick… tick…. Update: Not To Plunge.

    / Oct 30, 2008 at 3:29 PM
  • News

    You Say ‘Cockamamie Spending Plan’ Like It’s A Bad Thing

    [via Daily Intel]

    / Oct 30, 2008 at 3:02 PM
  • News

    In Germany There Is No Age Of Consent With Cash Settled Options

    So, it’s been widely reported that Perry Capital is one of the hedge funds Porsche made sweet rape to the other day. Allegedly Perry is saying they are down approximately 8% on their Volkswagen position (this seems low to us given that the stock spiked 400% at one point and is still more than double […]

    / Oct 30, 2008 at 2:38 PM
  • News

    Have Fun Storming The Citadel

    So that $1 billion fund of funds that Citadel used to run? Yeah, not so much anymore. The “Fusion Fund” is no more, the capital now assigned to “emerging talent” or the like. Citadel is, apparently, moving to the incubator business. I guess we are supposed to think Tiger Cubs and the like? It seems […]

    / Oct 30, 2008 at 2:14 PM

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