"Hey, I have an idea, let's use "citizen journalists" to reduce our news reporting costs to near-zero and just let the crowd report the news. That's how we are going to tap into this distributed processing thing. Baby, we can fire half the news room, it will be excellent. Fuck this "fair and balanced" crap. iReports, baby. This is better than putting our headlines on T-Shirts. This is unedited. Unfiltered. This is news. Fuck yeah."
Steve Jobs was rushed to the ER just a few hours ago after suffering a major heart attack. I have an insider who tells me that paramedics were called after Steve claimed to be suffering from severe chest pains and shortness of breath. My source has opted to remain anonymous, but he is quite reliable. I haven't seen anything about this anywhere else yet, and as of right now, I have no further information, so I thought this would be a good place to start. If anyone else has more information, please share it.
Apple's "categorically denies" the report and the horse it rode in on. Uh oh.
The stock, which took the report seriously for about 15 minutes, threw volatility through the roof and some options players took major profits. Some October puts quintupled in value in a matter of seconds before slipping back to below their original levels.
Chart and more after the jump.
Someone, wethinks, is getting a visit from the SEC. And not to collect for the Treasury's rainy day fund either.
Apple Denies Steve Jobs Heart Attack Report: "It Is Not True" [Silicon Insider]
Steve Jobs rushed to ER following severe heart attack [CNN iReport] (Since removed).
Posted by Dan Daoust , Oct 03, 2008 10:42AM
I, too, shit.
Posted by guest , Oct 03, 2008 10:44AM
On behalf of all the photographers and reporters who have been "replaced" by "citizen reporting," wire services and "Somebody with a cell phone camera will be around most of the time, right?" plans, I say to CNN:
HA! HA HA, MOTHERFUCKERS!
Enjoy explaining THAT shit to the SEC and every other news service which will be pointing out how unreliable you are for the next ten years. Plus as soon as he has a minute, Steve Jobs is going to come over there and give you a free iPhone. I don't think you're going to like where he puts it, though. Might wanna stock up on Preparation H.
Posted by guest , Oct 03, 2008 10:45AM
Apple to acquire CNN as part of legal settlement. Condition of deal Jobs gets to fire everyone in the news room.
Posted by CrazyCougar , Oct 03, 2008 11:04AM
From http://edition.cnn.com/ireport/:
"iReport.com: See it first. Your Stories. No Boundaries.
You won't believe what people are uploading." (Hahaha, very true!)
"No boundaries" and "You won't believe what people are uploading" gets a totally new twist after that, er, debacle.
Looks like the rush of being the first at the front-lines by having everyone and their brother reporting backfired. Somewhat.
You only have to register and then your're pretty much free to post anything on that iReport site? Holy-fucking-cow!
Posted by MarshallStack , Oct 03, 2008 11:10AM
This content is currently unavailable.
Posted by guest , Oct 03, 2008 11:16AM
http://www.ireport.com/home/docs/DOC-1723
BREAKING NEWS: Ketchup assassinated.
Wow. If this is the type of news they report, why would anyone believe anything on that site?
Posted by guest , Oct 03, 2008 12:15PM
Well, when "real" news includes headlines such as "Sarah Palin nominated to be Vice President of the most powerful nation on Earth," how are you really supposed to tell real headlines from fake?
Posted by guest , Oct 03, 2008 2:45PM
#7 FTW.