We haven’t called on our brothers and sisters in management lately to get creative with the various ways in which employees are fired (a game of Assasin, something having to do with a lethal strain of syphilis that can’t be treated, etc) but it’s good to know they’ve been thinking outside of the box even without our gentle reminders. While it’s probably a good idea to work under the assumption that you could get fired at any minute, no matter how secure you think your job is so it doesn’t come as a surprise when you get canned, I appreciate the initiative of higher ups with the foresight to let people know cuts are a’ comin’. Before the weekend, natch.
From: Ryan, Tim
Sent: Friday, October 24, 2008 12:38 PM
To: SIFMA – All Staff
Subject: Important Message From Tim Ryan
All,
As we are all aware, recent events have resulted in an extremely challenging market environment and have presented us with some difficult decisions. As such, we will be implementing a reduction in force. Notifications of this reduction will be presented on Wednesday, October 29. Please modify your schedule accordingly to be present in the office on that day.
We appreciate everyone’s continued cooperation and patience as we work through these difficult times.
Tim
I just heard I was going to be let go in January. I have 1 year of PE experience with a $5b fund with one deal under my belt. Joined straight out school, what to do?
So “reduction in force” is the new Black on Wall St this week????
more positives from the bessy files.
So…if you are sick, you’re safe?
@#1 – Sorry to hear it. Suggest you cast your net widely, there’s a whole lotta competition out there even though several shops are hiring.
Bess joyfully lowers yet another axe. Thanks a lot, girl!
@1…don’t be like that ass in the NYT article who blew his severance in LEH (i.e. don’t go investing in Keybank or another turd). Thats step 1.
Step 2. Look for a job or drink for several weeks and then when you have a moment of clarity look for a job.
Have a happy happy christmas…
– Commander Bear
The Axe-Woman keeps ‘em cometh. When is all out Armageddon, Bess – can you keep watch for us?
That sucks.
Fuckin’ RIFs…at least they don’t cloak it as performance related. Fuckers.
don’t worry guys, once you’ve been canned (like me) you’ll rather enjoy these posts.
@8- hi, is bess firing you? that’s what i thought. moron.
So, over/under on when the unemployment fund runs dry?
TAU stands for TightAssUnderachiever.
I gotta give Tim points for brutal ‘kick in the nuts’ honesty.
Not as subtle as ‘fixing the glitch’ between payroll and HR…
Bess @11. Why hide behind guest?
@10….yeah, supposedly there is a euphoric sense of elation & relief once it actually happens, and if your former CEO happens to be in the gym a few days later, there’s nothing like a good ‘ol punch in the face to restore your sense of self-worth.
Who is Tim Ryan?
Gotta admire Tim’s ‘kick in the nuts’ brutal honesty…
But it’s not as subtle as ‘fixing the glitch’ between payroll and HR.
It’s not “reduction in force”……It’s a “split redeployment of intellectual capital…”
~HR Guy Who Still Is Still Employed
@16- 11 was me, not bess. you should get a bit of perspective here. dealbreaker is passing on the news. they are not making the news (ie your firing). would you prefer they just pretend everything is fine?
SIFMA annual meeting begins tomorrow – Mayor Bloomberg, Henry Paulson and even Karl Rove are on the dais. http://www.sifma.org/events/2008/292/index.html
the first time i was let go, or was it the second…or was it the first time i quit, or was it the third…it felt good to be in control of my own destiny. Finding work becomes the job. I never looked back or settled for less than I had before.
@20 – HR Guy Who Is Still Employed.
Same here.
U Can’t Touch Me
So #23, …How long is an “expected career length” at Chippendales?
Having been fired and found not one but three job offers in less than 2 months – I think I can safely say – SUCK IT!
Ummmm…..heard on Friday another Funeral Pyre will be lit. Any guesses?
What a way to go.
Perhaps we should do what Americans allways do which is to thrive under adversity.
I need your help getting the word out about the “Jobs” and “the Challenge” links on my web site at http://www.KeepAmericaAtWork.com
I for one am sick and tired of hearing how our corporations can’t find people to fill their open positions and I’m going to do what I can to fill those jobs.
As for the economy, it will correct itself without all this government intervention if we will but bring our jobs back home to America and then Americans will have money once again and they will start buying again.
It really is that simple.
Virgil
http://www.KeepAmericaAtWork.com
A company I worked for years ago axed a whole group in a mass announcement. One guy was out of the office and the boss didn’t know. He just kept showing up with nothing to do and the whole corner of the floor empty but him. Got a year and a half (including first year of law school) before the CEO noticed a light on, figured out what was going on and sent his hatchet man to finish the job.
And anybody who asks about their fucking stapler will be thrown out so hard they bounce TWICE.
I’ve been axed while on vacation and on my birthday. Life goes on and you’ll make more money anyway.
The Tim Letter needs more positive bullshit on the front. We congratulate you on all your hard work. (snicker, laugh) We loved all the time we spent together bankrupting this bank.
Then the middle paragraph should be about getting the ax.
Last paragraph more bullshit, should say happy holidays. Don’t bother going to your office we will throw your crap at you in the main conference room, while the security guard has an uzi aimed at you for good measure. F@#$ you very much but don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
@30 – brilliant snippet. So, the way to go is to call in sick, or take emergency personal day due to a sick kid, pop-up toothache, whatever – just don’t be there when they turn on the Zyklon in the showers. Then show up the next day, go to your desk and look busy.
OK, got it.
@33
wtf are you talking about? SIFMA is not even a fucking bank.
@34- tim is 2 steps ahead of you- “Notifications of this reduction will be presented on Wednesday, October 29. Please modify your schedule accordingly to be present in the office on that day.”
We appreciate your cooperation and patience while we figure out who amongst you we will throw out onto the street.
Awful nice way to put”We will be shtcanning a whole lot of people on Wed, be in the office”.
h a v e u seen m y r e d s t a p e r?
@36 – hey, shit happens. Emergencies pop up. Tim will have enough on his plate that day and won’t miss the one or two that aren’t there. And he may get punched in the face on his way home Wed. night – who knows what state of mind he’ll be in next day when NumbNut from the Accounting Dept shows up like nothing happened.
Those are great ideas, unless you need to swipe your badge at the entrance and you can’t get in. Happened to me !
Mike Singletary’s hedge fund performance speech.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYaDJ-WuuSY
Good News ! WalMart announced they will be opening 191 Stores in 2009. All us out of work shmucks will have somewhere to hang our hat as greeters ! I heard they have pretty good benies.
@40 – tell security guard your wallet/purse was just stolen on the Subway. Have bag of hot leaking Starbucks dripping all over his turnstyle and look agitated……should get a pass and get in.
Remember to back up all of your personal stuff before the ax man appears. I found this new site called Kadoo that gives everyone 10 FREE GB for all your Files, incriminating Photos from the Office party, and Videos as well….www.kadoo.com
Remember to back up all of your personal stuff before the ax man appears. I found this new site called Kadoo that gives everyone 10 FREE GB for all your Files, incriminating Photos from the Office party, and Videos as well….www.kadoo.com
Oh yes, absolutely, positively back up all before Axe Man comes. Including your old emails and contacts files. Get all of the personal docs + things you dont want out of the place, because when the mass purge happens the ghouls tend to ruckus through the garbage.
@29 http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_promises_to_stop_americas?utm_source=embedded_video
Remember to back up all of your personal stuff before the ax man appears. I found this new site called Kadoo that gives everyone 10 FREE GB for all your Files, incriminating Photos from the Office party, and Videos as well….www.kadoo.com
http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/h/a/a02422.html
whatever happened to KLW
@20 Why is it most guys that work in HR are gay?
When I was canned I was sent up to Senior VP office and given the news. I was then escorted to HR to review “legal crap” and told that I should go home. When I got back to my trading desk my Hardrive had been taken away.
@51 because they like to screw people in the ass.
oops wrong link posted at 50. try this instead. More relevant:
http://www.bettyconfidential.com/cbc/inthenews.html
Ridiculous how some commenters here are spouting off with no apparent clue as to what SIFMA is.
Back that shit up mah n36ro$:
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/technology/back-up-without-breaking-the-bank.html
@51
Or maybe its just because they are smarter than you idiots on the trading floor.
@51
Or maybe its just because they are smarter than you idiots on the trading floor.
@57 No…that isn’t it. Be honest, are you wearing ANY pink?
Remember to back up all of your personal stuff before the ax man appears. I found this new site called Kadoo that gives everyone 10 FREE GB for all your Files, incriminating Photos from the Office party, and Videos as well….www.kadoo.com
@52 – that’s when they catch you by suprise. As soon as you get a whiff in the air that the Axe Man could be/is coming, you need to get bizzy, kizzy. Back that shit up like, yesterday! Sneak out the zip drives in your underwear if you need to.
take it from One Who Knows. Get it out NOW
@57,58 Notice I was smart enough to only post one response.
@50: I don’t know, but my theory is because only gay men can deal with the harpies who usually constitute high-level HR management types. Our VP-HR – one of the rare exceptions, I could work that shit for DAYS – told me the other day that everybody else in her master’s classes was either a pretty sour woman or a flamingly gay man, so whatever the reason, there’s a lot of anecdotal support for your observation.
@61: They make umpteen-gigabyte USB flash drives you can carry in your pocket or, in a real emergency – NOT THAT I HAVE TESTED THIS – smuggle in a body cavity. ZIP drives and portable hard drives are only suitable for smuggling by fat chicks who can hide them under their pendulous udders where no sane human being would ever look.
@56 – why u be takin mah style n39ro?
-Moneygrip Wisdom
IT deactivates your login, keycard and voice mail before you get the news. IT always knows who is next.
I really dont see how anyone working in finance or on the street could not have been thinking ahead (well ahead) since teh BX IPO last year. It marked the turn in the market, both credit and equity. If you haven’t backed up what you will need you are a dumbass, if you haven’t been interviewing or at least talking up potential employers, you are a dumbass.
This market is far far from normal, to go about your business as situation normal is to be…..a dumbass.
izzo
So what? Somebody gets fired/laidoff. It’s not the end of the world.
TGFD has been fired from every job I’ve ever had (or quit before being fired) in a nearly 40-year career. I’m still here, still alive.
@#1…Look outside Wall St. Things have changed. Stop holding on to your dreams of a bigtime, high-end career. What are you? In your 20′s? Leave NYC. Fuck it. There’s a whole world out there.
The Guy from Delaware
In this case you just need to take your laptop home on Tuesday night. Copy the HDD and pawn that bitch on the way to the office on Wednesday.
@67
I rather hang on to my last bearing pride of being a NYC citizen than leave for the the shit hole known as Delaware
Remember to back up all of your personal stuff before the ax man appears. I found this new site called Kadoo that gives everyone 10 FREE GB for all your Files, incriminating Photos from the Office party, and Videos as well….www.kadoo.com
DipShit@#69…
Contrary to what you may think, Delaware is not the only place for #1 to go. I didn’t suggest that #1 even consider Delaware. Stay in NYC; it suits you.
The Guy from Delaware
Delaware rocks! It has just as much art and culture as NYC. There is the gunpowder museum, catch all the traveling musicals at the Hotel DuPont. Plus, it is just a short drive away from teh mushroom capital of the world!
Dela – where??? Where dat ho Della be at??
-Moneygrip Wisdom
@moneygrip – any relationship to the assimilated n39ro?
@1
take the LSAT.
@1 get a cs degree
involuntary & unpaid permanent vacation
http://www.weeklyta.blogspot.com
Toga Party. Toga, Toga, Toga.
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