This is a horrific way to start the morning, so I’m just going to assume that I’m still sleeping and this is a terrible nightmare from which I’ll soon wake up. The Wall Street Journal reports that Goldman Sachs plans to cut about ten percent of its 32,500 employees, even though Chief Financial Officer David Viniar said in September that the firm’s head count for the year would be flat or higher. Obviously he spoke too soon (or said “head” when he meant to say “body” which, admittedly is an easy mistake to make), and now we’re all paying for it. What’s worse, there’s no sign or word from the bank that this is merely part of its yearly exercise in which they lop off the bottom, least Sachy members of the group. I swear, and this should be treated as a threat, someone had better be coming up with a new and inventive way to package this shit, otherwise, I’m really going to lose it. Please. Give us something.
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Well at least their bonus pools are safe thanks to the US taxpayer. Hank Paulson needs to steal as much as he can from the poor to give to the rich before he is booted out along with Bush & Cheney. It’s amazing how there was no vote on Fannie, Freddie, AIG etc., it was just charge it to the taxpayer and destroy the US dollar. Hank Paulson, Goldman Sachs,,,I mean US Treasury Secretary, if that is not the Fox guarding the hen house I don’t know what is.
Burn motherfucker burn!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5hSgPgKwI
boo-fucking-hoo
DIE GOLDMAN DIE DIE DIE!!!
how the Mighty have fallen. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!
Bess, why are you getting your panties in a bunch? I thought you were supposed to be the snarky, dispassionate outside observer watching all this with a sense of glee, like I am.
Somebody call the waaaaahmbulance
CNBC Quote of the day “If Jack Welch was in charge this mess wouldn’t have happened”
Uh, have these guys ever looked at the capital reserves at GE’s old insurance arms? They were definitely running on the AIG model, my accounting professor included it in book cooking 101 when i was an undergrad.
looks like bonuses are still safe. The top 3 banks only devoted about 20% less to the bonus pool from last yr. Given the increased # of layoffs, the people who are still working there could have higher yoy bonuses
looks like bonuses are still safe. The top 3 banks only devoted about 20% less to the bonus pool from last yr. Given the increased # of layoffs, the people who are still working there could have higher yoy bonuses
@6
How do you see with your head so far up your ass?
Probably within the last couple three years, Bess met a banker from GOldman. She thought all her dreams had come true.
Then he gave her a “Danza Slap” and kicked her to the curb. The rest is history…
Which divisions are going to be effected?
@6- are you a fucking moron? or just born without the sarcasm gene?
Historically, the annual GS “cull” was 5%.
@13 — the ones populated by illiterates. You better watch out…
@ 13. Yours
@14 Sez who?
We don’t do irony – it died along with Lehman.
@6@12- you are dumb
Ah but don’t forget that now technically goldman is a bank owning an investment bank, so they are allowed to treat their employees like crap now.
@ 19 – vaffanculo!
the bigger they are (that is egos), the harder they fall….
what’s the danza slap?
@everyone who doesn’t get the sarcasm dripping from this post– go back to yahoo where you came from.
As employees are shown the door, an employer like Goldman is wise to hang onto their e-mail records. –Ben http://legal-beagle.typepad.com/wrights_legal_beagle/2008/10/retain-e-mail-of-former-employees.html
Bess don’t worry. These poor souls will get new jobs at Government Sachs.
They are not layoffs….They are “unpaid sabbaticals”.
~The Still-Employed HR Guy
@23 -
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Danza+slap
I thought the American taxpayers agreed that we would pay whatever it took to keep Goldman employees from having to feel any pain from the economic contraction. Instead of laying anyone off, why not just come back to Congress and ask for another $700B?
What!!!!??? Goldman Sachs layoffs??? I didn’t think the US Government had layoffs.
hello all,
I’m an ivy league student who is going to graduate ’09. I go to Yale. I want to work at Goldman. Can I please take over one of the 3,200 jobs that are going to be laid off?
@31:
you’ll fit right in, Goldman’s flagship hedge fund Global Alpha is looking for smart guys just like you. Look into applying there.
@31: Go fuck yourself
-Goldman Baller
danza slap- hit her in the face with your unit while saying “who’s the boss?”
Allow me to be the tool that asks “Anyone know what the Associate numbers will be this year?”
Goldman Baller @33.
YOu’re a baller no more loser. the action is on the buy-side. I moved over to a superior long/short hedge fund two years ago. WE manage in excess of $1.5bn. That makes me a baller. I have a track record of high -risk adjusted alpha generation ideas.
It is *I* who is the baller.
-HEDGE_FUND_BALLER
Hedge_fund_baller @ 36,
You are a sore ass loser as evidenced by your miserable name. $1.5 bn is jack-shit to be considered baller.
The real-action is on the PE side of things. Shut your mouth and your mom’s pussy otherwise I’ll LBO your ass.
LBO_Baller
#37: What cave did you crawl out of to say that the action is in PE right now?!
hahaha, that just made my day.
Wannabe ballers at 33, 36, 37
You asses probably went to some state-school but were hired by some affirmative action program at your respective firms.
But it’s people like us – puritanical Boston Brahmin WASPs – who are the true ballers of this country. And you new money black asses know that.
It’s people like us who prepped at the right traditional schools, prepped at schools that cost more than 10 years tuition at your state schools and went to elite Ivy League schools who are the REAL BALLERS of this country.
WASP_IvyLeague_BALLLER
(E. Forbes Darby IV)
Every one knows Goldman employees can’t post on DB while at work. So you can rip into them all you like without fear of retaliation…
@ 37
So let me get this straight – you’ll put up 10% of your own money and cover the rest in junk bonds and bank loans to buy Hedge_Fund_Baller?
And then what?
I love the smell of schadenfreude in the morning.
@37, you getting half a turn of leverage? That really juicing returns? Jackass
@37
FUCK YOU. Or I’ll LBO your mom’s black ass as well.
-LBO_Baller
I clean all your offices for $5.50 an hour!
Cleaner_Baller
A little early for racism #39
@43
Fuck you as well.
-LBO_Baller
Nothing makes me happier than seeing Goldman fall. Deutsche forever.
@45. At least that $5.50 buys you a lot more Pesos back home now.
@44 -
Your bank just called, your loan for the LBO got declined.
-citibank baller
Who let Douche Bank in here.
The MD’s are going to take all the money and run. This is their last chance to walk away with millions. In ’09 the new dysfunctional congressional overlords will squash bonus pools at these “bank holding corporations”.
like the way you think #9
I work at Mc D’s and manage 1.5B french fries going into my grease bins each day…. who’s the baller now fuckers?
I’ll keep a spot open for you when GS gives you the boot.
@48 Get out Douche Bank
@50 Post collateral on that $&@#ing Argentine CDS right now or I’m sending gorrilas over.
@56 -
I hope they are cute hunky midwestern gorillas at least. I hate the Gasparino look.
-mrp
FUCK GOLDMAN.
GO DEUTSCHE BANK GO GO.
Down with 85 Braod
Waaaaahmbulance in route to Goldman!
http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj220/sellthekids/waaaaahmbulance.jpg
@58
Fuck Loyd Blankfein while you’re at it as well. Bloody masters of the universe no more. Die piggy de die.
So this is what a dork fight looks like…
(Un)fortunately the ballers these days are the former communist party chiefs in China and sheiks that pay to have their Lambos flown to the UK for service…and Carlos “FatBoy” Slim from southOftheborder [down Mejico way].
While we are on the topic of ballers, some old school hip-hip for ya courtesy of Skee-low biatches: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icr0eW1fRSs
-C
(Un)fortunately the ballers these days are the former communist party chiefs in China and sheiks that pay to have their Lambos flown to the UK for service…and Carlos “FatBoy” Slim from southOftheborder [down Mejico way].
While we are on the topic of ballers, some old school hip-hip for ya courtesy of Skee-low biatches: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icr0eW1fRSs
-C
@58
Fuck Loyd Blankfein while you’re at it as well. Bloody masters of the universe no more. Die piggy de die.
@ the Ballers… Thanks for the laughs… Its been a while since we had a good bitch slap contest like that…
~The Piker Named SEG
In a word, poop.
Pinker @65,
What you finding so funny about ballers. Are you a hacker or co-cracker? Or a plain coke-whore. Slut. Bitch. Cunt
-Goldman baller
(who has a 10% chance of losing his job)
@52 right on …. VP and lower will get scratch, they are always looking for an excuse not to pay people.
and THIS is the mother of all excuses … they’ll be hearing a lot of “you did a great job but you’re going to be down 45% … don’t feel bad, the guy next to you is going to be down 60%”
the conventional wisdom is it’s better to have a shitty year at GS when the firm is doing well, b/c you’ll still get paid … it won’t matter AT ALL in times like these (not that anyone will have done well)
Pinker @65,
What you finding so funny about ballers. Are you a hacker or co-cracker? Or a plain coke-whore. Slut. Bitch. Cunt
-Goldman baller
(who has a 10% chance of losing his job)
Half of ALL Global Alpha analysts and associates are asked to leave. You heard it here first.
This coroborates well with the word on the street that Global Alpha, GEO & NEO are going to go in for a massive liquidation though they want to keep that news and their positions secret for now.
@42 – love that smell too…..
GS = Gleeful Schadenfreude.
Blankies Bastards of The Universe are now all taking a big bite of the shit sandwich……ohhhh, payback’s a bitch.
I hear your Meth severance is 2 grams for every year.
while you’re down there, you can lick my boots too you cockdoodles.
i-c-d
Losses and layoffs have only begun, look at the ARM reset chart from Credit Suisse:
http://tinyurl.com/558bbd
We have three years of hell to go through before there will be any hope of a bottom and recovery.
last! all you “ballers” are smoking that la-la lahde
@70 for real?
@69 you are not a baller. And P > 10% because you’re on here whilst at work, loser.
Wall Street Grad ’09
@70 for real?
@69 you are not a baller. And P > 10% because you’re on here whilst at work, loser.
Wall Street Class of ’09
@70 – I’m surprised there weren’t already massive cuts in Global Alpha considering the 40% drubbing they took in ’07, can’t imagine what this year’s figures look like..
Being a relative novice on GS bashing (I want to see Citi buuuuuurrrrnnnnn) just thinking out loud here: ya suppose Blankie and The Bald One got together last year over a huge doobie or two, and concocted this masterplan of World Domination – knocking everyone else out of the sandbox so GS would be last one standing? Now, if this were the case the layoff’s are just a dog ‘n pony show anyway.
@77 of course. They are not so stupid as to appear to seem unaffected by everything, so they’ll can 10% of their plebes, who cares. More for whose left. All part of their grand master plan. Maybe Krausy boy will come home after he parachutes outta MER.
So in two years from now, when Blankie and Baldie go to jail (maybe they can share bunks)the plebes can sneak the doobies in. I hear OJ is looking for bitches – bottoms up!
Goldman Sachs is replacing underperformers every year. Much ado about nothing. Booted underperformers will then have to apply for jobs at Deutsche. So everybody’s happy. Haaaaahhaa