Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT muffmarkets.com) was an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. She concentrated in Contemporary French Poetry at prep school where she was awarded the exclusive premiership of the school’s “French Club.” Today, Ms. Benson-Perella is the Founder and Managing Director of “Muffie on Markets” (http://www.muffmarkets.com), a deep dive into capital markets, finance and investment strategy. She is also the Founder and Managing Director of Muff Cap, LLC., an invitation only, private investment vehicle for non-existent, prestigious and accredited investors only, employing an actively managed, long-short strategy.
All month people were crying and whining about how awfully-ouchie-devastating the market was. And then, last week, it was positively depressing the lack of enthusiasm and spirit some market players, who really should have known better, showed. Shame on you. Frankly, I am tempted to wonder after the patriotism of anyone who was doom-and-glooming last week.
People forget awfully quickly that a few hundred points on the Dow is something like several trillion dollars. So, really, owning stock in Dow is really a big responsibility. It’s not for everyone. Just for the record, Dow was up 6.93% today, closing at $26.09.
The broader market showed amazing spunk! The S&P 500 was up 104.13 (11.58%) to 1003.35.
Also, people have totally ignored that prices for the average consumer have been dropping for weeks. Platts puts the weekly price of Jet A at $2.73 cents. That’s like a 15.0% drop in the last month! The operations of senior managers and the few prestigious investment banks still left standing because of their exceptional investment acumen are going to be much cheaper as a result of lowered fuel costs. Not to mention the impact this has on the recreational sector, just in time for the winter holiday travel season.
The rest of the Muff Round-Up after the jump.
Consumer goods and staples companies enjoyed gains across the board. Tiffany & Co. posted a 3.79 point gain (13.18%) to end the session at $32.55. That stock had been enduring oppressive depression and almost offensive analyst coverage (all of which has proved totally hysterical today).
Europe enjoyed similarly broad advances in those sectors. LVMH Moet Hennessy Louis Vuitton posted a 12.91% gain on the day to finish at 58.18. That firms Finance Director, Jean-Jacques Guiony called the rally early yesterday with this statement, which should put to bed any overblown pessimism about the BRIC markets:
We didn’t see any particularly worrying signals over the third quarter…. Russia is still doing extremely well….
We should probably address this rumor that the Europeans have responded to the so-called “crisis” more effectively than the Bush administration. The Wall Street Journal (which has totally gone downhill by the way) jumps on the political band wagon with this piece today:
…following similar moves by European governments that sent global stock markets soaring, according to people familiar with the matter.
The initiatives will likely supersede many of the government’s previous efforts. They are being formulated jointly by the Treasury Department, Federal Reserve and Federal Deposit Insurance Corp., and ensure that the U.S. banking sector will be tied to the federal government for years to come.
One central plank of these new efforts is a plan for the Treasury to take approximately $250 billion in equity stakes in potentially thousands of banks, according to people familiar with the matter, using funds approved by Congress through the $700 billion bailout bill.
It is shameful to see the Europeans trying to take credit for our rally today and steal our original ideas (you think Brown didn’t just steal that stuff from Bush when they met?) through their Wall Street Journal puppets. But I suppose that’s big media for you. The only good thing is that their website really is a lot more pleasing to the eye now, so I still read it. You have to give points for taste in these sorts of matters.
Some commentators, even some editors here on DealBreaker, have quipped that today’s rally was just a flash in the pan. I have to say, I am ashamed to be associated with that kind of negative thinking.
You heard it here first, we hit the bottom, and it wasn’t that bad. Most of my friends barely noticed any impact on their day to day lives. Sure Maximilian was invited to take a break from his banking job, but that was totally because of his girlfriend’s coke problem. That bitch Phoebe is sleeping with a Managing Director and she can’t keep her damn mouth shut so it wasn’t like it had anything to do with the so called “crisis.”
Even Larry Kudrow is calling it a “tax break on the American people.” Now, if we can just keep the White House Republican this year we can all sit back and relax for a while.
Anyhow, I’m long the consumer staples and Daddy (who is a fantastic investor!) is investing with Dubai’s sovereign wealth fund, Istmitar, so you know the rally is here to stay!
i love pussy
I hate chicks like this Muffie character. You and your “daddy” can kiss my nouveau riche ass.
Related to the Barbie Benson?
Muffy “deep-diving” ?
Great joke, Bess.
Classic. Thanks for the laugh Bess!
hey take muff’s pic down
Is muffie really bess?
Welcome back, Muffie. You’re asinine analysis, and nauseating bullishness were missed.
#1 good to hear you reaffirm that to the world; everyone was curious.
Her webcam times are 30 minutes after Kates Playground. Back to back in the same hour, old hat to me.
SPODE
I’m.. I don’t know the word. Love? I’m in love?
I get the feeling that Muffie is really EP, not Bess.
Muff’s married, did you miss the hyphen? #10
diablo@11– she’s neither
Istithmar, not Istmitar
Istithmar, not Istmitar. Parody is in the details.
“US Government to Invest $250 Billion in Banks
By CNBC.com with Wires | 13 Oct 2008 | 06:31 PM ET
The U.S. government plans to invest about $250 billion in possibly thousands of banks as part of a far-reaching effort to shore up the U.S. financial sector, and an announcement of the plans could come as soon as Tuesday, sources have told CNBC.
The planned equity investments are part of a U.S. Treasury, Federal Reserve and Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. program. As part of the deal, the FDIC will insure all non-interest paying bank deposits and new preferred debt issued by banks.”
http://www.cnbc.com/id/27163622
For your information, #12, the children of the married also have hyphens. Hello!
#14: That’s absurd.
#15: That’s absurd.
You heard it. I have a chance with Muffie.
Bess, what is your relationship with this person?
too bubbly, didn’t read.
Is this some sort of fucking sick joke? Who is this filthy cunt?
Listen honey, I don’t give a shit about your investment club or that you went to HBS…we fuck people up around her that suck. And you my dear suck. I venture to guess you toss salad too.
She’s long the consumer staples…what is that for you Muff? Vagasil, summer’s day douche and Tampax?
Clusterstock may be fucked but at least they don’t waste my fucking time with this drivel.
Bess, I hope its a picture of you…otherwise that smile with this post is annoying…what is with Breaking media? First Ellie with that stupid picture – what an oaf! and now this…talk about hitting a bottom.
@21- “Is this some sort of fucking sick joke?” yes, genius, that has been pointed out many times.
how about a tug and rub there, muff?
@22…so is the picture of Bess?
Do we finally have confirmation?
If Bess wrote this post – bravo girl. If there was an Oscar for blogging you get it. Superb in how angry you can get people writing as an alter-ego.
If Muff is real…I hate you.
@24- bess didn’t write this, though as has been pointed out many times before, muffie is fictional.
not a picture of bess.
oh god…. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too bubbly…
what’s is this bess? cosmo meets financial reporting?
her blog’s last entry was in April!
C’mon. Columbus Day joke, right? Yes?
oh god…. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too bubbly…
what is this bess? cosmo meets financial reporting?
her blog’s last entry was in April!
C’mon! Columbus Day joke, right? Yes?
#25: That’s absurd.
Look, I’m totally aware that many people haven’t done so well in the market, being prone to panic in times like these and locking in losses. Real men, I might point out, go long and stay long. Come what may. So I understand a lot of the “fictional character” nonsense. I realize that it is hard to imagine that an attractive young woman can be proficient in the markets, that its a man’s world, etc. etc. etc. I’ve been dealing with that burden since before HBS. (I am Class of ’05, by the way). Just because you don’t have the wit to recognize the combination of looks and brains doesn’t make you an authority.
And as for you, #21, don’t you think you know far too much about feminine hygiene products for a man your age?
@27/28- you’re a dumb ass. learn to read a fucking byline.
wow, some people cannot get a joke. I love muffy!
@21 – Yahoo boards need you back. We won’t miss you.
Just an FYI – if you had been reading this blog for longer than the last 2 weeks you would know that this is a running gag on this site.
Thanks for stopping by. Now chop, chop back to Yahoo.
Muffie swallows. Huge. Loads. Think. Peter. North.
If you want to see what Bess looks like then shoot me an email.
SPODE@dealbreaker.com
Muffie = Bess Levin’s alter ego
bess doesn’t write the muff column.
@36 then who does? If you say Muffie, I’ll reach through your computer and punch out your two front teeth.
I hope someone realizes that all columnists for a financial publication are women…
repent my friends, repent…the end is near.
“financial publication”=db
“columnists” excludes the new guy for now.
1-2, what’s next? You’re going to point out that they are all under the age of 30? That our beloved DB is nothing more then a girls slumber party for wally street kids in drag?
Oh the humanity… ;-)
~SEG
Leveraged Sellout already does the parody schtick. Better. Keep to the snark.
@41…agreed. DB just doesn’t do parody well.
1-2: does that mean the new guy is smart or gay – since nobody ever hooks up with co-workers ( ;
@21 – it’s been noted on this site time and again that the muffster didn’t attend hbs. there’s only one “perella” in the alumni director…
Benson-Perella is an amalgam of two rather famous investment bank names.
How dense can you people be ? displaying the same average level of intellect that got us all into this mess.
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it – George Santayana
“Just for the record, Dow was up 6.93% today, closing at $26.09.”
WTF?
@ #45 – NYSE:DOW
HAH! THAT is classic.
@ 45 – In the context used, isn’t that irrelevant?
my favorite part about reading muffie [welcome back muffster] is catching all the little hidden misconceptions. like dow v. djia. like the middle eastern sovereign wealth fund “accidentally” phonetically misspelled as a hatchet used to cut off the hands of criminals. subtle. classic. the humor is iceberg like. 87.5% of it is beneath the surface and some deep enough to elude even the sharpest reader. kudos muff. you entertain on so many levels.
Bess == Muff
http://muffmarkets.com/hbs05/about/
dingbat #49-
they have been posting together since the beginning of dealbreaker. if you check, actually, muffie was one of dealbreaker’s first posters. http://dealbreaker.com/2006/03/the-retail-sector.php bess started posting in late june. all there in the archive. no surprise they refer to each other. doesnt make them the same. totally different voice.
actually this one is earlier http://dealbreaker.com/2006/03/heard_in_the_suite_the_path_to.php
buuah..look at the site of that muffin
that kind of stuff is what creates serial killers
I hate Muff! I want the foul-mouthed Bess back!
And to add: Either fuck up or shut up.
Before you believe her “This is the bottom” mantra, remember: She thought LEH was a bargain at $50
http://muffmarkets.com/hbs05/2008/03/19/entering-with-erin/
All Cash BITCH!
The Guy From Delaware
“Before you believe her “This is the bottom” mantra, remember: She thought LEH was a bargain at $50″
Exactly!! Nice call Muffie!! If MBAs can start a hedge fund, my 3 year old nephew can start a PE! And he would only buy diapers and baby formula companies. Wait, those are working right now!!! Hahaha.
“Don’t mistaken brain for a BULL MARKET!”
“Before you believe her “This is the bottom” mantra, remember: She thought LEH was a bargain at $50″
Exactly!! Nice call Muffie!! If MBAs can start a hedge fund, my 3 year old nephew can start a PE! And he would only buy diapers and baby formula companies. Wait, those are working right now!!! Hahaha.
“Don’t mistaken brain for a BULL MARKET!”
I know this is fictional, i get it.
Is the name Muffie a fictional name? Did a parent out there actually name their kid Muffie?
I love everyone, including Muffie. If in fact she is paid for this stuff, that means that an MBA can get some sort of a job, even if they wasted time on HBS. Good news for some of us…