m2small.jpgMuffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT muffmarkets.com) was an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. She concentrated in Contemporary French Poetry at prep school where she was awarded the exclusive premiership of the school’s “French Club.” Today, Ms. Benson-Perella is the Founder and Managing Director of “Muffie on Markets” (http://www.muffmarkets.com), a deep dive into capital markets, finance and investment strategy. She is also the Founder and Managing Director of Muff Cap, LLC., an invitation only, private investment vehicle for non-existent, prestigious and accredited investors only, employing an actively managed, long-short strategy.
I am sick and tired of all the doom-sayers going around and trashing the economy. Someone please explain to me how the economy can be “tanking” when an automaker is the largest market cap stock in the world, eclipsing an oil company? Does that sound like recession to you? When a middle-class yuppie car with so-so gas mileage is putting the black gold people to shame? I don’t think so.
Then there is the hint that says all that needs saying: certain highly prestigious investment banks are back into the triple digits where they belong. Yahoo and AOL are in talks that will permit Yahoo to finally overpay for AOL. Casinos are back in vogue. Don’t give me that “dead cat bounce” thing either. That is so, so tired.
Look, it is beyond depressing when Cramer is the only person who agrees with me. Let’s get on the stick ok?
As you may or may not be aware, my birthday is this week. I’m expecting big things from the ‘rents this year. As such, you people need to get on it and start buying some shares. Get off the sidelines. The nation is looking to us for leadership. My birthday presents are looking to you for leadership. We have to set the pace. Sprint for the first few miles. Then we can relax, let the pack follow along, and lag back until a taxi comes along to take us to the finish. You know what I mean. I’m talking about consumer confidence. I’m talking about spending. I’m talking about boosting the debt loads again. I’m talking about patriotism.
I realize that it looks a little like we have to behave ourselves and be good while Waxman is watching, but its just temporary. This is no time to cancel plans for Lech. This is not the time to postpone the engagement. This is absolutely not the time to cancel the sailing trip.
As for your fear-factor rhetoric, I don’t want to hear it. Get your ass in gear and start buying baubles for your loved one. That is what is needed today. Purchase courage.
Ok, you people, you are not listening. Just since I’ve been typing this you bombed the entire market. We were up to 970 on the SAP for god sake. You killed 40 points in 4 minutes. That is not cooperation. That is not the kind of leadership I am talking about. Is there a man among you? Even one? Am I going to have to find a date from Citibank for the Christmas party this year?
I’m done for the day. I am going to borrow Aunty’s oxygen tank for a few minutes and then I am going for a well deserved spa day.
I feel totally nauseous. You people make me sick.

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Comments (95)

  1. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:14 PM

    muffy love the name and your very kind face. the kind i’d like to drop a load on!!!

  2. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:15 PM

    Muffy = Zibby

  3. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:16 PM

    Too “muffy”, don’t read

  4. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:17 PM

    We need to see more posts like this… With a pic of the author.

  5. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:17 PM

    she “likes” the fact that she and Cramer think alike
    ’nuff said

  6. Posted by girl | October 29, 2008 at 4:17 PM

    Muffie got even uglier! I wasn’t aware this was possible

  7. Posted by prgy | October 29, 2008 at 4:18 PM

    Why all the talk about casino’s. I got rolled by a hooker in Vegas, last Christmas Eve at The Bellagio. I hate casinos.

  8. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:18 PM

    I’d show her my bulge bracket…

  9. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:19 PM

    why do they let her post? It is the worst thing on this website

  10. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:19 PM

    wow, not a flattering pic of the imaginary character.

  11. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:19 PM

    She looks cute on photo

  12. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:20 PM

    do we get to see the market take a cliff dive this week?

  13. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:22 PM

    how’s Muffie’s Muffin??

  14. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:22 PM

    Christ, this is what Harvard teaches you?

  15. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:22 PM

    Who are you calling “you people”?

  16. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:25 PM

    she sounds like she’s a high maintenance drunkard who is frigid in the sac.

  17. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:26 PM

    is this real or just a joke cooked up by DB?

  18. Posted by MarshallStack | October 29, 2008 at 4:30 PM

    I am an extremely size guy.
    What is satire?

  19. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:31 PM

    The fact that Harvard let you into their MBA program shows how worthless it is.
    You were probably part of the risk control group watching CDSs. You: “like, OMG, these CDSs are, like, so totally complicated and boring, and I realllly want to get out of here so I can go meet my pack of incredibly annoying girlfriends and talk about how all men suck, and how great we are. Yeah that analyst from Glenview is a total asshole, but I kinda like him. You think he’d sleep with me?”
    Hence, I blame the whole meltdown on Harvard MBAs of Muffy’s ilk. Seriously, stop writing – it’s too painful to read.

  20. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:31 PM

    We were up to 970 on the SAP for god sake.
    good call.

  21. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:34 PM

    Its too bad Vagina Benson-Perella was unable for this article.

  22. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:35 PM

    @14. Actually, they don’t teach Chr!st at Harvard.

  23. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:35 PM

    People that IS Bess…
    Man i hate this fucking cunt bag character.

  24. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:36 PM

    saw muffy – didnt read. at least make her posts productive by showing her naked. otherwise, no value add.

  25. Posted by Muffie Benson-Perella | October 29, 2008 at 4:36 PM

    19- You were probably part of the risk control group watching CDSs. You: “like, OMG, these CDSs are, like, so totally complicated and boring, and I realllly want to get out of here so I can go meet my pack of incredibly annoying girlfriends and talk about how all men suck, and how great we are.’
    That’s absurd.
    First of all, CBSs are not that complicated. Second, a lot of important ideas develop through social interaction at the office. Do you work in the basement or something? I bet you are at one of those “other” firms. You know the ones. They got into the London game late and are stuck on the warf now.
    Look, no one needs your thinly veiled Harvard envy here.

  26. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:36 PM

    Is this Joe Perella’s wife? I know he married some analyst when he was running MS i-banking. Great leadership…
    She must be long.
    Or maybe her Sugar Daddy is low on dough.

  27. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:37 PM

    Is this Joe Perella’s wife? I know he married some analyst when he was running MS i-banking. Great leadership…
    She must be long.
    Or maybe her Sugar Daddy is low on dough.

  28. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:37 PM

    I am a presidential candidate. What is a muff?

  29. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:37 PM

    Muff writes like EP. Is EP muff?

  30. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:37 PM

    @23- you guys are retarded. muffie is a FICTIONAL character created by elizabeth spiers when db first came out. grow a brain cell:
    http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/08/business/08online.html?scp=1&sq=muffie%20benson%20perella&st=cse

  31. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:39 PM

    muffie is a fictional character most likely written by ep.

  32. Posted by Muffie Benson-Perella | October 29, 2008 at 4:40 PM

    ‘muffie is a FICTIONAL character created by elizabeth spiers when db first came out. grow a brain cell:’
    That is totally absurd.
    You should know that my father’s attorneys are looking into a lawsuit for that slanderous article.
    Besides. Elizabeth doesn’t even work here anymore, Pandit.

  33. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:42 PM

    shut muffie u fake stupid kunt

  34. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:42 PM

    fictional or not… the only entertaining thing she could say would be nothing, and just show nekkid pics

  35. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:42 PM

    21: A+ for the joke. F- for the delivery.

  36. Posted by girl | October 29, 2008 at 4:44 PM

    Yes, it’s written by EP, which is why she is so fucking annoying.
    And no, that’s not Bess, she is much cuter.

  37. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:45 PM

    Get the fuck out, Muffie, I can’t stand you, fake bitch.

  38. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:48 PM

    Muffie please- get on it, get on the stick, Get your ass in gear, boosting a load, take us to the finish…you definitely need a date now, you wont make it to christmas

  39. Posted by Muffie Benson-Perella | October 29, 2008 at 4:48 PM

    ‘Get the fuck out, Muffie, I can’t stand you, fake bitch.’
    I am the superior wall street you love to hate but cannot help but envy. No, you may not buy me dinner.

  40. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:49 PM

    at least use the old pic. this one is fug

  41. Posted by diablo | October 29, 2008 at 4:49 PM

    We have a winner and that is #36.

  42. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:49 PM

    i prefer the market wraps written by ep

  43. Posted by MarshallStack | October 29, 2008 at 4:51 PM

    I am an extremely size guy.
    What is satire?

  44. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:55 PM

    REFRESHING PIECE MUFFY. YOU MADE MY DAY!

  45. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:56 PM
  46. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:57 PM

    Not
    -44

  47. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:57 PM

    This is boring…DB is skidding…

  48. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 4:59 PM

    @47- not db, just this fictional cunt’s lame contribution.

  49. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:01 PM

    Lech is sooooo 1987. Like that photo.
    - Egon

  50. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:03 PM

    @25 “Look, no one needs your thinly veiled Harvard envy here.”
    No Harvard envy – I’m pointing out that you’re one of the pointless class that will now go back to what they were good at – nothing.

  51. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:08 PM

    @25 “Look, no one needs your thinly veiled Harvard envy here.”
    No Harvard envy – I’m pointing out that you’re one of the pointless class that will now go back to what they were good at – nothing.

  52. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:10 PM

    DB Staff,
    Is it possible for you to ban the IPs of 14, 17, 19.
    Or at least block from commenting…

  53. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:11 PM

    Lech is sooooo 1987. Like that photo.
    - Egon

  54. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:11 PM

    Please include 50/51 also.
    Thanks!
    -52

  55. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:13 PM

    Satire —>
    Head of the average DB reader —>

  56. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:15 PM

    Satire —>
    Head of the average DB reader —>

  57. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:18 PM

    “Please include 50/51 also.
    Thanks!
    -52″
    Oh and please ban 52 for being a wuss.

  58. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:21 PM

    Can’t stand this wench.
    TLDR©

  59. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:27 PM

    No, no. I like the original pic of Muffie. Take that new shit off.
    http://www.weeklyta.blogspot.com

  60. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:34 PM

    I HATE YOU YOU MUFF EATING PIECE OF CARPET

  61. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:38 PM

    there were layoffs today at ML

  62. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:38 PM

    there were layoffs today at ML

  63. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:39 PM

    there were layoffs today at ML

  64. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:42 PM

    Yes, I heard it affected mostly Chicago and New York
    Anyone confirm? Numbers?

  65. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:42 PM

    Muffie…
    An Ivy twit like like you should know that the word “nauseous” in the last sentence of your post is not a proper word at all. “Nauseous” is a vulgarism. The correct spelling is nauseated.
    The Guy from Delaware

  66. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:46 PM

    heard from an internal that the merrill heads will roll on 11/18

  67. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 5:56 PM

    Wow, 66 comments and no — well here, I’ll do it.
    TITS OR GTFO!

  68. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 6:09 PM

    Muffie is a cunt with crabs. And E. Spiers is a wart ridden cunt for inventing such a character…
    You fuckin’ a right i said it.

  69. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 6:14 PM

    Hey there, don’t dis the Muff! She’s my mentor..big sister and inspiration! I interned at JP Morgan last summer, I’m hoping she picks me for next summer.
    Sisters rule!
    – Wharton Chick

  70. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 6:20 PM

    @69…i don’t understand…please swallow first before speaking.
    You cum guzzling sperm burper.

  71. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 6:21 PM

    Muffie – You need to begin making Snuff Films. Anything to make yourself interesting

  72. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 9:21 PM

    MUFF!
    This site needs more Muffie, great post. Love the “Harvard envy” line.

  73. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 10:49 PM

    I must be really stupid, I thought Muffie actually managed her own fund, until today.

  74. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 11:12 PM

    Dear TGFD – you are truly a cocktard.
    Why don’t you restrict yourself to impressing your retail clients with your knowledge of the markets? Before you embarrass yourself any further, here’s a link to the word “nauseous”, which is what your posts make me.
    - Lurker finally driven to post

  75. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 11:13 PM

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/nauseous
    - Lurker finally driven to post

  76. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 11:27 PM

    A lot of law firms disappearing. Is the same happening with hedge funds and banks only we aren’t hearing about it. Newspapers laying people in droves. You can tell they laid off the business writers as the coverage just isn’t the same, shall we say level of understanding and intelligence.
    Someone needs to start compiling lists of this stuff to figure out exactly what is going on.

  77. Posted by guest | October 29, 2008 at 11:40 PM

    do all the pretenders who post on this blog still make fun of meridith Whitney or however you spell her name?
    Love,
    Retired before 40 retail guy

  78. Posted by StillNoCouch | October 29, 2008 at 11:48 PM

    I did my part in the “Muff’s Tough On Stuph” front …
    … BTW …
    anybody got any VW on ‘em ? Really, I’m hurtin’ man … I’m good for it, really …
    (Oh shit, nevermind … here come’s Colonel Klink)

  79. Posted by I am a Dude | October 29, 2008 at 11:57 PM

    Muffie reminds me of families that call their kids after the same name as the family dog.

  80. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 12:13 AM

    I believe it should be written ” I feel NAUSEATED”. “I feel nauseous” would imply that you cause others to feel like throwing up. I guess they don’t teach that stuff at Fake Harvard.

  81. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 1:14 AM

    Too inane; didn’t read.

  82. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 1:21 AM

    I’m a grad of StateUniversityofNew
    York. Is there hope for me to become a Master of the Universe?

  83. Posted by Lowly Assistant | October 30, 2008 at 1:26 AM

    Girl: Did EP pour sugar in your gas tank while fucking your mother in the ass? I don’t get the bitterness.
    EP’s writing is phenomenal. And Muffie P-B is truly a market-mover. Asia’s on the up and up, while Muff has her butler stoke the fire in the Berkshires (day off…she needs it).

  84. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 3:16 AM

    Ok, this is it. DB has now jumped the shark.

  85. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 5:35 AM

    girl – if you are one, which i really doubt – why dont you shut your hole (not the other two, those are for double-teaming truckers) about EP.
    If you dont like her writing, go play with yourself and watch pictures on perezhilton

  86. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 6:09 AM

    Love the excessive hatred on these comments. Deep dive, muff markets, hmmm – I wonder if there is satire involved? Perhaps the best thing to do is to hurl random, anonymous abuse at the author to satisfy your own deep self-loathing. Oh, and by the way, I am a very successful hedge fund manager who SHORTS stocks and makes money out of it (not VW either) and I used to work in an investment bank and make BONUSES!!! Please feel free to include me in your vitriol.

  87. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 6:29 AM

    girl = N.A.S.T.Y.

  88. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 6:56 AM

    How about Girl and Muffie in a three in a bed romp? or…even better…bess, girl and Muffie… jeeze…Im off to the gents to pull one off on that thought…

  89. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 7:13 AM

    muffy muffdiving girl, girl groping bess and bess getting bestial on muffy…
    im so horny now…

  90. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 8:04 AM

    how about you guys interview some real women with brains? this is embarrassing and annoying!

  91. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 8:21 AM

    Light up peeps, I want to work for a fake firm too. Pays better than the real one I’m at….
    Layoffs all over the street! The fake Muffster still has a fake job.
    Get a sense of humor you guys…! Rather have a fake article by a imaginary chick than a real article written by a depressing tight ass.

  92. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 9:25 AM

    am i the only one that is annoyed by Muffie?

  93. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 9:38 AM

    @92 – Yes einstein, i meticulously read through all the comments above and it seems you are indeed the only one expressing annoyance. Tool.

  94. Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 9:39 AM

    @92 – Yes einstein, i meticulously read through all the comments above and it seems you are indeed the only one expressing annoyance. Tool.

  95. Posted by guest | October 31, 2008 at 3:46 PM

    you don’t aspirate into something, idiot. stick to bschool terminology.