The Main Event

Posted by Equity Private, Oct 06, 2008, 12:33pm

Waxman, having waxed poetic and having sharpened his disemboweling cutlasses, calls a three minute recess, and then calls for His Fuldness.

Stay tuned. Fuld after the jump.

Boy, it's kind of hot in here. Don't you think?

Hey, is that Tom Chadam over there?

We like to have our witnesses swear here. How about that Dick?

Sure, uh, now?

I take full responsibility for the decisions that I made, and the actions that I took. With the benefit of hindsight, I would have done things differently. I am am a Lehman lifer. I never sold the vast majority of my Lehman Brother's stock. Contrary to what you may have read. I never turned down an offer to sell Lehman Brothers. Naked Short Sellers and market manipulators caused the rating agencies to downgrade us. It is too late for Lehman Brothers. If I can help this committee at all, I welcome the opportunity.

We'd asked you for your compensation details. You've taken home $480 million dollars since the year 2000. You and your wife own some paintings. You know, worth like a million dollars. What the hell, man? Is that fair?

Uh... uh... well... I'm going to talk as slowly... as... I... uh... can... and... hope... everyone... gets... tired... uh... yes... but... those numbers... look right.

Now c'mon, is that fair? Huh? And with you all levered up like that, what the hell were you thinking?

Well, there's leverage, and then there is NET leverage. Bet your staff didn't tell you about that, did they? Hah!

Ok, what would you suggest we do, genius, eh?

We need to set up a master netting system. Where all trades and transaction, positions, are all downloaded nightly. The regulator would have a complete view of the financial landscape.

Can you hear me now? Hey, in case you didn't notice, you're supposed to be the villain today. Ok, since we have that out of the way. Tell me, how much did you give to political interests? Looks like you gave too much to Hillary.

What, between you and the PAC, a few hundred thousand or something? Would it surprise you to know that Fannie and Freddie spent $170 million or so?

That's probably a matter for your committee. *sly smirk*

Mr. Fold, we've been reading your email here for weeks and it seems clear that the mood of Lehman employees was really shitty.

With all these foul moods, why in the world would you institute a stock buyback plan?

You have no clue what you are talking about, you don't understand dilution, you shouldn't be permitted to handle sharp instruments alone.

Hey, didn't the mortgage originators steal this money?

How the hell do I know? I don't read each of the loan documents.

Were you betrated by Paulson? Did he throw you to the wolves? Did he stick it to you? C'mon, we want to see you guys turning on one another. What about this collateral call?

Ok, so you don't understand the difference between collateral and leverage. Duh. Plus, I'm not going to talk about that. The creditors and JP Morgan are about to get into it over this.

Hi. I'm Diane Watson. I'm going to teach you about disclosure requirements for public companies. How's that sound. How about you tell me how bad the regulation was. I mean, you are so boring to attack. It's like pushing on a rope with you. Give me someone I can sink my teeth into.

Yes, Congresswoman.

Mr. Fold, can you tell us who that person is behind you?

Hmmmmm.

Hey, so I know the FBI is considering an investigation. I guess it is just an inquiry at this point though. Want to tell me anything incriminating about your discussions with investors or anyone else?

Nah, not really.

Hey, jackass. You paid $20 million out to the center of gravity at your firm for mortgage sludge. Why shouldn't we use hindsight to clawback funds that were paid?

Actually, we have a long-term compensation system. I took a huge bath by extending vesting on options and restricted stock, even for my own options and stock, to ten years. That's gone. No severance, no golden parachute, no contract for Dick Fuld. I believed in this company, banking, and Truth, Justice and the American Way. *Oh beautiful, for spacious skies... for amber waves of grain....*

Did they screw me over? "Until the day they put me in the ground... I will wonder."

Wow. The Grim Reaper Fuld.

Comments

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Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:39PM

hhhhheeeeeeerrrrrreeeesssss dick!

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:40PM

for a stress eater he still looks fit... and he is still full of piss and vinegar

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:41PM

He needs to reup on the Botox.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:41PM

Get ready for a whole new lever of "hindsight" where you are headed.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:41PM

Get some!!!! Fuldy is about to be eaten like a rich girl on prom night.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:42PM

"I want to respond to your questions."

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:43PM

In closing ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaKkuJVy2YA

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:44PM

Did I hear him gulp when he said 10 million shares?

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:45PM

"Sergeant-at-Arms, please bring Mr. Fuld some lube now before I begin my questioning."

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:45PM

You can't help but feel bad for the guy.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:46PM

Unitl he blamed his demise on naked short sellers.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:47PM

STOP SAYING NAKED!!!

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:48PM

Without objection, the Chair will proceed to tear Mr. Fuld a new one ...

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:49PM

What a worthless hearing. Let's just trot out Fuld's earnings instead of talking about the crisis.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:50PM

odds of Fuld flipping out and tearing through the chamber like Rambo through the podunk jail are currenly even money

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:50PM

Ugh I think I took home a shitload of money, I'm not sure.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:51PM

Fulds earnings are out now. Lets see him squirm his way around this -- "Is this fair?"

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:53PM

"Pardom me, Mr. Chairman. I was momentarily mesmerized by your pig snout."

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:54PM

do you think he has a block of cheese next to him to snack on?

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:56PM

Fuld's mind seems to be very blank when answering questions, or in a moment of Zen. He's probably taken a lot of SSRIs, a couple shots of Jameson, and got a quick blowjob before testifying.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:56PM

Over/Under on how many Congressmen/Senators understand the basics of stock options?

10.5?

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:57PM

Maloney: I think you were a client of mine when I worked at the Kiev Spa down on 44th Street

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:57PM

Who gives a shit, who gives a fuck. These hearings will not do anything to help the meltdown. Only beneficiaries are the dimwitted congresspeople who can now tell their constituents that they scolded those rich fat-cat whippersnappers up in Wall Street.
Big fucking deal. And now back to watching the Dow head to 8,000...

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:57PM

"Mr. Fuld, give me your fucking money. I am serious. Give me your fucking money right now."

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:58PM

Is this the lady from the movie "Best in Show"?

Posted by Henry Ryecroft , Oct 06, 2008 12:58PM

Ask him about the Koreans! Ask! Ask!

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 12:58PM

#21. Was just thinking the same thing. They don't understand it at all.

Posted by FUNdamental , Oct 06, 2008 1:00PM

this is ri-god damn-diculous. It's a a witch hunt to take a pound of flesh and nothing more. Yes when the company does well people at the top should make a gazillion dollars if profits support that. I'm sorry if if joe six pack doesn't like that too fucking bad.

When things go to shit said CEOs should be held accountable and not bailed out, and if such profits were begotten through fraud then they should be stripped of all related assets and those shall be liquidated for the compensation of the debtholders. And then said CEO should be anally probed by kimbo slice.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:00PM

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,433303,00.html

Over at Disney's California Adventure, Disneyland's sister theme park, an entirely different celebration was occurring during the Sweet 16 event: the 11th annual Gay Days Anaheim, an unofficial gathering of gays and lesbians at the Disneyland Resort. Event producer Jeffrey Epstein said Cyrus' affair didn't conflict with Gay Days Anaheim.

"We're happy to share our big weekend with Miley," said Epstein. "While it may be a small world after all, we think it's big enough for both groups to have a blast."

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:01PM

$100 says we see him at the NYC Eagle tonight lookin' for a sugardaddy and a friend to help him palpate his prostate.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:01PM

She looks like Mrs. Wildenstein. Google it.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:02PM

kimbo got worked this weekend!

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:02PM

#29, were the other guest proselytizing?

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:02PM

my question is...who wouldn't sit through this for $500M? I mean really? we can moralize all day long, and he'll probably get some BS fine or whatever, but $500M. I think the ugly truth is that many people reading this 'could' see this happening to them...

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:02PM

"I would love to give you advice. My fee is one bazillion dollars."

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:03PM

@ 21

I think likely 4-5 tops.

In the last threee weeks, it has become patently obvious that our elected representatives have almost a complete lack of basic financial knowledge.

It has also become obvious that populist politics trumps real knowledge about a particular issue.

Frankly at this point i am begining to believe that Sarah Palin may be overqualified.

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:04PM

Posted without comment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twPlPpqi3pc

- The Great Santini

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:07PM

When you know your subject and the truth is the truth the information easily comes pouring out. So why are there so many paused to think?

Posted by Henry Ryecroft , Oct 06, 2008 1:07PM

Mr. Fuld, when given the choice between $6.40 a share and sweet fuck all, why did you choose the latter?

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:09PM

Mama said knock fuld out

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:10PM

Who is this woman on CNBC now?

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:10PM

This is appalling. The arrogance is palpable.

Posted by Henry Ryecroft , Oct 06, 2008 1:10PM

"You're the villain today".

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:10PM

punched in the face! anybody know who hit him?

Posted by guest , Oct 06, 2008 1:10PM

that grin almost killed him he looked like the Grinch