• 30 Oct 2008 at 11:51 AM

Your (Job) Loss Is Bartending School’s, Bloomberg Headline Writer’s Gain

By Bess Levin

Picture 128.pngBartending school enrollment is up! Bloomberg, in a fit of glee over finally finding a reason to use the word ‘hooters’ in a headline, reports that laid off bankers finding it difficult to bounce back with new jobs at the firm down the street are signing up to learn out to mix drinks as a means of alternative employment. According to Bryan Gunderson, previously of JPMorgan, it was sort of a no-brainer to sign up for a course at New York Bartending School, when his severance ran out in August. “It’s come to the point where, yes, I need another job,” BG told the ‘berg. “I always frequent bars, so why not be on the other side?” At NYBS, which has had an 18 percent jump in enrollment, Bryan took a 40-hour, $695 course that culminated in a 6 minute test in which he had to mix 20 drinks, one of which was purple jugs. And Joe (the Barkeep) Bruno, director of the American Bartending School in Manhattan is practically kvelling over his good fortune. “This will be a huge year for us,” Bruno said.
Of course, getting into an industry that capitalizes on the vices of others, which are in peak flare-up during these tough times, makes sense. In addition to serving drinks to drunks attempting to ease their pain, we’re told that a small group of laid off Merrill workers have started a meth-lab out of a midtown apartment and are making a killing tempting certain egret-loving junkies, and that the same business model is being used by former Pirate Capital staffers who just happen to show up on a secluded Stamford road by the water populated by a once mega-successful lover of sponge-y goodness-cum-cream every day at 2 bearing Twinkies, which have been keeping the demons (Ring Dings) at bay.

Comments (26)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 11:56 AM

    BARTENING SCHOOL
    HOW ABOUT SPELLING SCHOOL?
    FIRST BITCHES

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 11:57 AM

    DREI, beetches

  3. 3
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 11:57 AM

    HOW ABOUT THE BESS LEVIN SCHOOL OF PROOFREADING?

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 11:59 AM

    too drunk didn’t read

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 12:00 PM

    Bess, I NEVER want to see that mistake again. I know you’re better than this.

  6. 6
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 12:01 PM

    All bartending school gives you is the ability to sign up with a temp agency so you can work Duke & Duke’s Christmas party for minimum wage.
    And if you don’t already have a tuxedo shirt and an Isaac the Bartender goofy bow tie and cummerbund you have to shell out for that also.
    Better to get your Real Estate license. Oh wait…

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 12:04 PM

    considering that thinks like the letter ‘d’ can be fixed quickly, leaving dickbag comments about things like content would probably be more advisable if you’d like to remain relevant seconds after your comment is posted.
    just my 2 cents, cocksuckers.

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 12:05 PM

    back on your game #5
    nice work

  9. 9
    Posted by cy | October 30, 2008 at 12:05 PM

    I didn’t realize you need to go to school to learn how to open a can of PBR.

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 12:09 PM

    1 won this shit hard

  11. 11
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 12:12 PM

    @8 I see a depression in your anus. Is that a symptom of vigorous homophobic inclinations?
    Bend over now bitch. I’m coming in.

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 12:13 PM

    TYPO!

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 12:13 PM

    @12-going to the gay joke = a sign you have no argument.
    thanks for playing.

  14. 14
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 12:27 PM

    Legg Mason CM cutting 30% now

  15. 15
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 1:16 PM

    @16 yes thats what this city needs right now….50,000 douche bags who can mix a fuzzy navel

  16. 16
    Posted by diablo | October 30, 2008 at 1:25 PM

    There should be a lot of jobs for repo men. You can get training in the streets, just make sure you don’t get caught.

  17. 17
    Posted by Anal_yst | October 30, 2008 at 1:27 PM

    @ 17
    Better than 50k dbags who drink ‘em, no?
    Can we take bets on the 1st bars/lounges/clubs to go under btw?

  18. 18
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 1:33 PM

    Employees Only will be gone by late 2009.

  19. 19
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 1:53 PM

    At least some of these guys had career tracks before taking up bartending. How about the faux-model/actor clowns that do it as a main source of income but “act” on the side? They will never win the VH1 Slashie award.

  20. 20
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 2:27 PM

    Sell side has always been more stable than buy side. What else is new?

  21. 21
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 2:38 PM

    Get those Transformers out of your mother’s attic and ebay em. Key to the game is your capital reserves… don’t have em you can’t piss in the tall weeds with the big dogs…

  22. 22
    Posted by guest | October 30, 2008 at 3:29 PM

    i think cain will be out of business in less than 6 months

  23. 23
    Posted by Anal_yst | October 30, 2008 at 3:32 PM

    I think 230 fifth (which lots of banks/finance/etc firms had parties at) is gonna be feeling the pain pretty bad, too.

  24. 24
    Posted by guest | October 31, 2008 at 12:07 AM

    No one actually gets jobs from these bartending schools, unless she happens to be a hot chick. Great way to socialize though.

  25. 25
    Posted by guest | November 19, 2008 at 4:36 PM

    Bess Levin is an ignorant cunt.

  26. 26
    Posted by guest | November 19, 2008 at 4:37 PM

    Bess Levin is an ignorant cunt.

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