Sac ripping. Ass bleeding. Clown facing. Donkey punching. All vivid descriptions of what has happened to Team Tosca this month slash quarter slash oh fuck it, the whole damn year, due to the market's ridiculous mispricing of equity.
But take heart, dear, sweet Team Tosca members! Sure, your one dollar at the beginning of this year is now 34 cents. But you can take solace in knowing it's not us, it's the market. The global financial markets are wrong, and we happy few at Team Tosca are correct. Financial stocks should be priced where they were last year at the height of the most magnificent credit and liquidity bubble in the entirety of our financial civilization (we're Oxfordians here, so we've checked our history). Rest assured, the bubble will make its triumphant return. But, in the highly unlikely scenario that it doesn't come back within the next, oh, 35 trading sessions of this annus motherfucking horribilis, and the voluntary Team Tosca members trample each other like fans at a Who concert heading for the exit, we may not all make it to that glorious day. However, that is of little import to us. To paraphrase the great American orator Henry Clay: I'd rather be right than solvent.
Shareholder Report [PDF]
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 10:04AM
Great job. It was not your fault. Do not worry, it's not your money, it belongs to our clients.
Keep up the great work Team Tosca.
Steve
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 10:06AM
Too long, didn't read.
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 10:09AM
I love the self-questioning on pg 4...
"Is retaining a position in Toscafund a viable alternative to liquidation?"
"Does 2008 mean we have no ability?"
Who you trying to convince here fellas?
-LiboRob
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 10:10AM
Love the first graph on page #5...ouch
Posted by Anal_yst , Nov 11, 2008 10:12AM
queue Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting
"its not your fault...its not your fault..."
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 10:17AM
That "Tosca Overhang" sounds pretty nasty, but nothing a shot of penicillin wouldn't cure
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 10:20AM
In their comments, "...Clients will be sub-advised.....".
yep, as far underwater as they are, the "sub" reference was beautiful if unintentional.
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 10:24AM
by the way, the Toscafund Long Short portfolio, the main fund, has only 8 positions.. Only long positions, of course..
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 10:34AM
Can someone just point me to the part where the spokesperson claims the performance was due to "a perfect storm."
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 10:35AM
Don't fuck with me! Not you Sean!
Chuck I had a double burger...would you shut the fuck up - I KNOW WHAT YOU ORDERED!
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 10:38AM
I'm not usually a blogwriter nuthugger (or I suppose labiahugger in this case), but Bess you rock.
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 10:40AM
It's "Oxonians", peasant.
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 11:11AM
i am embrassed from both a personal and professional standpoint for anyone who wrote that joke of a report. To be honest it actually gives me an indescribable optimism as all those people in the market who I have always assumed to be idiots, prove there idiocracy (and in writing to boot).
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 11:20AM
"where they were last year at the height of the most magnificent credit and liquidity bubble in the entirety of our financial civilization"
How about the Dutch tulip bubble?
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 11:42AM
Agree with 12, unless you are refering to the Earl of Oxford, or some year from the late Jurassic age.
Posted by Anal_yst , Nov 11, 2008 11:59AM
@13
"...prove there idocracy..."
And to think you started off so well...
Fate: 1
You: 0
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 11:59AM
"annus motherfucking horrbilius"
Never mind that she cannot spell her way out of a paper bag (horribilis), our Bess sure knows how to turn a phrase.
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 12:17PM
"does 2008 negate all the prior years of proven outperformance?" ....
well, looking their equity line, humm, yes it does.
does anyone at "Tosca Circus" know the difference between alpha creation and beta surfing?
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 12:19PM
@16 idocracy. don't worry fate takes us all.
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 12:22PM
"does 2008 negate all the prior years of proven outperformance?" ...
well, looking at their equity line, humm, yes it does!
does any clown at "Circus Tosca" know the difference between alpha creation and beta surfing?
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 12:24PM
sorry for the double posting ...
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 1:15PM
"Clown facing" sounds sexy. What's that all about?
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 1:15PM
love the who/cincinnati reference. you're dating yourself. beth.
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 1:16PM
love the who/cincinnati reference. you're dating yourself, beth.
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 1:38PM
fuck off
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 1:41PM
FUCK YOU
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 1:44PM
@- BESS is 24, retard.
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 2:17PM
In summary, we totally like knew how to make money in a bull market when everything left and right was going up.
Also they're down 65% YTD and claim beta of .8 when market is down ~35%. Maybe that "4.8% alpha" you're claiming is actually beta that's making you twice in the hole?
Posted by guest , Nov 11, 2008 8:04PM
Thanks to post #12.
Posted by I am a Dude , Nov 11, 2008 10:53PM
Great job Bess with getting out all the Tosca material. Sounds like Johnny and Martin are pretty much ranting in this last one. they somehow have a hard time understanding why investors dont want to ride it out with them. can't imagine why.
Posted by guest , Nov 12, 2008 6:32AM
not just martin and johnny ... don't forget mehmet dalman (a great ranter), their new "executive vice-chaiman and partner" who joined with team wmg at the beginning of august ... apparently bringing on board his "strong risk management skills"!
btw, great math ... "In summary, the core long positions sum to about $1.4bn; 10 positions. In our view, the total gains yet to be announced/achieved in this core retained portfolio amount to at least $1bn" ... isn't that a bit short of the $7bn they started with?
and to finish, does anyone know what they meant by ... "Below we explain that by drawing a line under the sorry error of 2008 (developed market banks) and with the full support of an excellent internal operating structure of independent risk assessment and cash and capital management execution, the retained portfolio of the fund possesses the ability to recover strongly" ...?
fantastic reading!