“Ja, men. We knew this time was coming. Fortunately, as you know, over the years we have made several allowances for just such an occurrence. The tax probe, the protests outside headquarters, I mean it’s gotten so we can’t even secretly help the wealthy avoid taxes in their home countries. Our ‘Secret Accounts for Secret Services’ program for foreign dictators and their inner circle, once our crowning achievement in wealth management, has trickled to a slow crawl. (I understand we lost the Kingdom of Tonga as a client last week). Be that as it may, I believe we may have the answer. As you know, top managers will be publicly required to forgo any bonus plan to comply with the new transparency requirements. Accordingly, effectively immediately, all top managers will be demoted and afforded pay raises.”
Top UBS bankers will not get 2008 bonus [The Financial Times]
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“Starting from 2009 UBS top managers’ bonuses will be blocked for at least three years instead of being paid immediately” ~~ OUCH
Too long; didn’t read.
@1 Serious? I know a few lads at UBS in CT. Holy Cow!
I’ve no doubt this will turn out to be a scam – the UBS executives will get paid more under this scheme – probably tax-deferred – than they would otherwise.
But compensation is one of the areas Wall St needs to address. In particular there needs to be more of a claw-back for bonuses that are granted based on marks that turn out to be bullshit. The US might still have investment banks if they could have clawed-back a few $billion of the comp they paid on MBS and CDS desks…
I saw Neel in Washington on Friday…homeboy is jacked
Also the new plan is to issue a structured finance product to save the economy…
yes, it would be nice to reclaim the bonuses paid out to those at the CDS/MBS desks when the deals done there turn out to have lost considerable ammounts of money for the bank later down the road, but that’s what happens when you’re a publicly traded company. mark a deal to market, book extrodinary profits, get your bonus then run cause you know the house of cards that was wall st is falling apart and get a job in P/E. Now you have your bonus, a new job and the person left holding the bag of shit is whoever was dumb enough to buy equity stakes in these banks thinking wall st could just print money forever. for those of you left at the big banks, have fun with big brother watching over your shoulder for the next several years
all the x-bankers that troll this website should all go back to school and learn something of substance like how to read a balance sheet or maybe even learn how to predict downside risk on something other than a historical basis (no scholes et al really did a great job with this)
I’ll come back when Goldman drives their stock down low enough so they can buy themselves back and become a private company
now the government wants to cut the balls off of hedge fund managers, so you’re prob not moving to greenwich anytime soon (if you did get an offer to work out in Greenwich, I’d reccomend buying your house in Bedford NY and a shit appt in Hartford to file you taxes from cause you’ll save yourself a couple mill)
love
the college kid
The all made so much money in ill-gotten “bonuses” over the last few years – they are laughing at us for pretending they are giving up anything really!
Meanwhile, we are using TARP funds to pay them to foreclose, instead of paying them not to foreclose:
http://yourmortgageoryourlife.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/message-to-distressed-borrowers-you-have-to-help-yourselves/
They set us up, and are knocking us down – what better way to get rid of the middle class? Foreclose on us!