Charlie Gasparino reports that sources tell him "every major firm is bracing for cuts of up to 15 percent," with Goldman axings coming this week. The situation is fluid.
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Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:35PM
first to get laid off
Posted by Investorcluzo , Nov 04, 2008 3:38PM
let's focus a minute on the little banter between dylan and no sleeves. "it's funny now", "it was funny then"...maria had to jump in to keep them from making out through the screen. painful.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:40PM
I heard GS is not actually laying off ppl. Instead they are chopping little bits (apox. 1/2 cm) of each guys penis every day for the next week. If you quit you keep your genitals. What will it be?
As for the females, well who knows there?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:41PM
3 And even after a week of that the GS guys will still have about 6 inches more than the rest of you.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:43PM
15% sounds a bit drastic looking at employee numbers from these firms. Who knows though, all I am looking forward to is the blood flowing through the streets of Goldman staffers. Welcome to the party pal!!!!
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:43PM
they are a bunch of big swinging dicks, aren't they?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:44PM
Fuck...so all is not well! NEW SHIT HAS COME TO LIGHT MAN!
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:45PM
@4 your not very smart, are you...kinda sad to see people like you on these message boards.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:46PM
goddamn you and your "fluid situations" CG!!!
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:47PM
@7...excellent "Lebowski" reference....
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:48PM
@3-
At Goldman even the chicks have dicks. Uncircumsized, of course.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:50PM
We're not "cutting" people. We're doing enforced sabbaticals in the career expansion sphere.
~The HR Guy Who Is Still Employed
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:50PM
8 4 here: please explain why you're sad and I'm dumb. A tough environment and GS is hurting, but FAR less than the rest of the street. Correct?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:50PM
what's happening is a lot of people are being told they are getting a zero bonus this year and have some decisions to make.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:51PM
*URGENT*
*BLOOMBERG REPORTS*
Due to long lines today, all Obama voters are asked to vote on Wednesday.
Thank you.
Please let everyone know immediately.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:53PM
Simple arithmetic really. You are not getting anywhere near the numbers you are accustomed to , so get used to it. In fact, we arent making anywhere near the cash we used to in the good ole days when we flipped everyone over and did them dry, so you are out. Good luck paying for the over-priced apt, car, watch and all that you bought on credit.
GS HR
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:54PM
Simple arithmetic really. You are not getting anywhere near the numbers you are accustomed to , so get used to it. In fact, we arent making anywhere near the cash we used to in the good ole days when we flipped everyone over and did them dry, so you are out. Good luck paying for the over-priced apt, car, watch and all that you bought on credit.
GS HR
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:55PM
There will be blood...
in Becky Quick's urine... but shhh he hasn't told her about his little "souvenir" yet
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:55PM
Have any of the female readers here ever received an uncircumcized unit? If so, is it a big difference?
(I'm thinking of getting a foreskin implant.)
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:56PM
GS HR = WMT HR
Posted by Seaman Bodine , Nov 04, 2008 3:57PM
@19 - greatest post ever
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:58PM
Why does CNBC wheel out the retarded kid with the spit on the corner of his lips to read the "sources tell me" crap?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:59PM
I work in the government as a exempt non-management employee.
What's a layoff?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:01PM
"That had not occurred to us Dude.."
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:01PM
At least they made fun of the "what you got (gasbag)?" today. about 20 minutes ago.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:05PM
I driiinnnnnkkk your milkshake. Driiiinnnnnkk it.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:06PM
Just... give me the blood, Eli.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:07PM
@19, I've been told that other than how ugly it is, it is not noticeable during "normal" intercourse. However, if you're tagging a tight box, or decide to bring it up the rear, it can hurt because the skin is pulled very far back. As far as how it feels for man on man action, I think there was a GS defender on these boards that might be able to address that inquiry.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:07PM
@13, please just go away quietly.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:08PM
Bill O'Reilly asked me to call you all and tell you that he would comment but he is weeping uncontrollably at present. He has asked Mr. Hannity to respond as soon as Mr. Hannity can compose himself.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:09PM
I work at GS, what's a tight box?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:09PM
Mark Wahlburg talks to animals:
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/mark-wahlberg-talks-to-animals/727504/
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:09PM
23 - you are funny. Can you get me a job? I'm good at taking breaks and having horrible clothes.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:12PM
A cheer went up with Merrill when a trader walked onto the floor and yelled, "Hey everybody - we're all gonna get laid!" They misheard.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:13PM
@15 *URGENT*
*Stop*
*BLOOMBERG REPORTS*
*Stop*
*BAD STUFF HAPPENS AFTER ELECTIONS*
*Stop*
-Chris Matthews.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:17PM
The obligatory GS cull is no surprise, Gasbag.
Nice reporting
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:19PM
Gasbag is definitely not circumcized
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:20PM
A BP trader is chatting up an Exxon scheduler and he tells her, "You know, I was born with out any eyelids."
Exxon scheduler says, "Really!!!???"
Enron trader says, "Yes, bu the doctors circumcised me and split it and sewed the halves to the skin above each eye to correct it.
Exxon scheduler says, "Really?!?!? Do they work?", she asks, gazing at his eyes...
"Yes", says the BP trader, "but now I'm cock-eyed."
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:22PM
Joke commissioner here: You screwed that one up!!
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:23PM
ba-dum-bump-i'm here all week folks
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:24PM
@38 Are you a hedge fund manager?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:25PM
Good riddance all you Fucksteins. Now it's your turn. No tears shed here!
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:27PM
Can't touch me.
Sincerely,
The Gay Guy in GS HR who knows all the dirt, down to every last file.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:27PM
Wow...fuckers in the gubiment have drank lots of the Kool-aid...
NEW YORK -- In an unusual twist, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York has hired the former chief risk officer of the bank it was forced to save last spring, Bear Stearns & Co.
The New York Fed said in a release dated Friday Michael Alix has been hired as a senior vice president in the Bank Supervision Group, under William Rutledge, executive vice president in that group.
Mr. Alix was Bear Stearns' chief risk officer from 2006 through 2008. He was global head of credit risk management from 1996 to 2006 at Bear, the New York Fed said. Mr. Alix also worked at Merrill Lynch before coming to Bear Stearns.
Bear Stearns figures prominently for the New York Fed. The investment bank, heavily involved in fixed income securities, suffered a rapid-fire implosion last March. It was the first major casualty of the ongoing credit crisis.
The bank's collapse was so worrisome it forced a radical intervention by the Fed to forestall an outright failure, the first in a series of unprecedented actions.
The central bank brokered Bear Stearns' sale to J.P. Morgan Chase and in a controversial move, took onto its books some $29 billion of Bear Stearns' assets. These are held on the Fed's balance sheet in a vehicle called Maiden Lane, which is currently valued at $26.85 billion.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:29PM
I'm ready to get my drink on, I'm going to need to be deerunk before the returns start rolling in.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:31PM
What are you laid off pussies going to do? Just give up? Did we give up after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!!
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:32PM
....minor riots and looting tonight in Detroit, LA, Philadelphia, D.C.
Be careful out there.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:33PM
@45 I suggest Hendricks.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:33PM
Detroit is worse than Hell, get the f out before it's too late
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:33PM
@47...Don't forget about Oakland and Chicago. Oh and all d'em der folks in Na'lawns...
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:36PM
I work for a bank, we're selling our loans directly to the govn't now (after deducting a small fee). Will I be affected by this layoff stuff?
Re #46 FUNNY!!!
Posted by HAM05 , Nov 04, 2008 4:38PM
@19 its awesome.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:39PM
If I owned Hell and Detroit, I'd live in Hell and rent out Detroit.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:42PM
@47, 50, 53; None of y'all have a monopoly on h@# until you come to B'llmore (Baltimore, Maryland for the foreigners).
Or, B-More Killings, Murderland.
West Side, yo.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:46PM
Lady at Texas Motor Speedway got hit by a 50 cal bullet yesterday and survived it! Police think the shooter was 3 miles away and fired into the air. Broke the lady's arm in several places.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:50PM
Monrovia, Liberia
Posted by StupidEquityGuy , Nov 04, 2008 4:53PM
The cost of the golf and “mango towel service” was $3,316, the buffet food $1,700, and bar tab $555, which included nearly 50 cans or bottles of domestic beer...
http://www.thetruthaboutmortgage.com/fannie-mae-execs-golf-on-taxpayer-dime/
Posted by Anonymous , Nov 04, 2008 4:56PM
55,
...Did I miss something?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:59PM
When I get laid off in the coming weeks I am saying 'fuck this', giving up my apartment---taking the 3.4m i have saved in 6yrs and moving into my parents house into sun valley. I will flex my entrepreneurial muscle and start something profound....anyone want to join me?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:00PM
@46: Germans didn't bomb Pearl Harbor; it was the Japanese...or did you not see that awful Ben Affleck movie...?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:06PM
@59-I will. -Broker at MER taking a
-34% paycut from BOAMERCW.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:13PM
@60 - fail in life if you don't get the reference
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:14PM
@54 Been watching "The Wire" haven't we?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:23PM
@59- have been doing the same since Aug '07- all cash since then (mainly). angel/VC = much better life. And as we say, all you need is one....
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:32PM
59 I'm assuming you're 30 something at most. You better hope that the "something profound" pays the rent and doesnt eat up too much of your capial, cause $3.6 mil may sound like a lot, but its not really enough to live the rest of your life on.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:37PM
65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial......maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions....
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:37PM
65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial......maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions....
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:37PM
65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial......maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions....
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:38PM
65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial......maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions....
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:42PM
65 here. Not a bright guy at all, just know a little bond math. Which is why I'm well suited for Wall Street work and not much else. Best of luck to you.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:42PM
lady here,
not to bring any of the 12 tribesmen down out here but an uncircumcised unit most definitely "fits" me better and the overall feel is out of this universe compared to the cut unit.
As for looks and most importantly feel, both are far better. The plus for me is that my guy is far, far, far more sensitive to my touch and therefore my Os compared to my ex bfs who were cut.
fwiw
urmonarch
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:42PM
@59 - Your parents don't happen to live on the golf course do they?
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:04PM
@#59...
$3.4M is plenty. Don't pay any attention to #65/70. He doesn't know WTF he's talking about. If you have $3.4M at 29, good for you. You don't have to work at all. You ought to know how to invest your 3.4, shouldn't you?
The Guy from Delaware
p.s. @#16/17 posted the truth.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:15PM
73 Its plenty only if you're an old fogie living in a garden apartment in Florida. For a pile of capital to last 50 years or so, which is the life expectancy of a 29 year old, and grow enough to compensate for inflation, you should withdraw in the early years no more than maybe 3.5% per annum. That provides income after tax of around $61,000 per annum. Not exactly a princely sum. Withdraw a half million or so to buy a place to live and the income provided declines to $51,000.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:17PM
For the record, 71 is spot on. GAnalYst
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:24PM
Any woman who has not yet experienced an uncut unit needs to go out and do so
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:54PM
I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:54PM
@60, please stop posting on here, you are a complete idiot.
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 7:02PM
@60 is a loser who obviously only watches horrific Ben Affleck movies and no classic comedies.
Westside B-more huh, you with Marlo or d'em Barksdale boys?
The game is out there and its play or be played.
-- Omar
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 7:44PM
@71,
Your little short story gave me a boner, albeit shorn of skin.
Was that a "haiku"?
-DrunkenWellHungTard
Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 9:51PM
@80,
sorry to kill your buzz, urmonarch is our resident tranny.
Posted by guest , Nov 05, 2008 12:59AM
#77...excellent "Airplane!" reference. Well played.
Anonymous @ 58.....Saw that 50 cal story on the news while on this age and thought it was weird/bizarre enough to tangenterate into the stream of commentary in an uncut way.
Posted by guest , Nov 05, 2008 3:37AM
They are announcing the list today. Some groups that haven't been affected as much (TMT, FIG, etc) thus far will get hit disproportionately hard, think 15-20%. Bloody for sure...