Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:40PM

I heard GS is not actually laying off ppl. Instead they are chopping little bits (apox. 1/2 cm) of each guys penis every day for the next week. If you quit you keep your genitals. What will it be?

As for the females, well who knows there?

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:41PM

3 And even after a week of that the GS guys will still have about 6 inches more than the rest of you.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:43PM

15% sounds a bit drastic looking at employee numbers from these firms. Who knows though, all I am looking forward to is the blood flowing through the streets of Goldman staffers. Welcome to the party pal!!!!

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:43PM

they are a bunch of big swinging dicks, aren't they?

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:44PM

Fuck...so all is not well! NEW SHIT HAS COME TO LIGHT MAN!

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:45PM

@4 your not very smart, are you...kinda sad to see people like you on these message boards.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:46PM

goddamn you and your "fluid situations" CG!!!

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:47PM

@7...excellent "Lebowski" reference....

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:48PM

@3-

At Goldman even the chicks have dicks. Uncircumsized, of course.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:50PM

We're not "cutting" people. We're doing enforced sabbaticals in the career expansion sphere.

~The HR Guy Who Is Still Employed

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:50PM

8 4 here: please explain why you're sad and I'm dumb. A tough environment and GS is hurting, but FAR less than the rest of the street. Correct?

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:50PM

what's happening is a lot of people are being told they are getting a zero bonus this year and have some decisions to make.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:51PM

*URGENT*

*BLOOMBERG REPORTS*

Due to long lines today, all Obama voters are asked to vote on Wednesday.

Thank you.

Please let everyone know immediately.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:53PM

Simple arithmetic really. You are not getting anywhere near the numbers you are accustomed to , so get used to it. In fact, we arent making anywhere near the cash we used to in the good ole days when we flipped everyone over and did them dry, so you are out. Good luck paying for the over-priced apt, car, watch and all that you bought on credit.

GS HR

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:54PM

Simple arithmetic really. You are not getting anywhere near the numbers you are accustomed to , so get used to it. In fact, we arent making anywhere near the cash we used to in the good ole days when we flipped everyone over and did them dry, so you are out. Good luck paying for the over-priced apt, car, watch and all that you bought on credit.

GS HR

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:55PM

There will be blood...

in Becky Quick's urine... but shhh he hasn't told her about his little "souvenir" yet

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:55PM

Have any of the female readers here ever received an uncircumcized unit? If so, is it a big difference?

(I'm thinking of getting a foreskin implant.)

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:56PM

GS HR = WMT HR

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:58PM

Why does CNBC wheel out the retarded kid with the spit on the corner of his lips to read the "sources tell me" crap?

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 3:59PM

I work in the government as a exempt non-management employee.

What's a layoff?

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:01PM

"That had not occurred to us Dude.."

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:01PM

At least they made fun of the "what you got (gasbag)?" today. about 20 minutes ago.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:05PM

I driiinnnnnkkk your milkshake. Driiiinnnnnkk it.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:06PM

Just... give me the blood, Eli.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:07PM

@19, I've been told that other than how ugly it is, it is not noticeable during "normal" intercourse. However, if you're tagging a tight box, or decide to bring it up the rear, it can hurt because the skin is pulled very far back. As far as how it feels for man on man action, I think there was a GS defender on these boards that might be able to address that inquiry.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:07PM

@13, please just go away quietly.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:08PM

Bill O'Reilly asked me to call you all and tell you that he would comment but he is weeping uncontrollably at present. He has asked Mr. Hannity to respond as soon as Mr. Hannity can compose himself.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:09PM

I work at GS, what's a tight box?

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:09PM

Mark Wahlburg talks to animals:

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/mark-wahlberg-talks-to-animals/727504/

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:09PM

23 - you are funny. Can you get me a job? I'm good at taking breaks and having horrible clothes.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:12PM

A cheer went up with Merrill when a trader walked onto the floor and yelled, "Hey everybody - we're all gonna get laid!" They misheard.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:13PM

@15 *URGENT*

*Stop*

*BLOOMBERG REPORTS*

*Stop*

*BAD STUFF HAPPENS AFTER ELECTIONS*

*Stop*

-Chris Matthews.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:17PM

The obligatory GS cull is no surprise, Gasbag.

Nice reporting

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:19PM

Gasbag is definitely not circumcized

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:20PM

A BP trader is chatting up an Exxon scheduler and he tells her, "You know, I was born with out any eyelids."

Exxon scheduler says, "Really!!!???"

Enron trader says, "Yes, bu the doctors circumcised me and split it and sewed the halves to the skin above each eye to correct it.

Exxon scheduler says, "Really?!?!? Do they work?", she asks, gazing at his eyes...

"Yes", says the BP trader, "but now I'm cock-eyed."

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:22PM

Joke commissioner here: You screwed that one up!!

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:23PM

ba-dum-bump-i'm here all week folks

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:24PM

@38 Are you a hedge fund manager?

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:25PM

Good riddance all you Fucksteins. Now it's your turn. No tears shed here!

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:27PM

Can't touch me.

Sincerely,

The Gay Guy in GS HR who knows all the dirt, down to every last file.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:27PM

Wow...fuckers in the gubiment have drank lots of the Kool-aid...

NEW YORK -- In an unusual twist, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York has hired the former chief risk officer of the bank it was forced to save last spring, Bear Stearns & Co.

The New York Fed said in a release dated Friday Michael Alix has been hired as a senior vice president in the Bank Supervision Group, under William Rutledge, executive vice president in that group.

Mr. Alix was Bear Stearns' chief risk officer from 2006 through 2008. He was global head of credit risk management from 1996 to 2006 at Bear, the New York Fed said. Mr. Alix also worked at Merrill Lynch before coming to Bear Stearns.

Bear Stearns figures prominently for the New York Fed. The investment bank, heavily involved in fixed income securities, suffered a rapid-fire implosion last March. It was the first major casualty of the ongoing credit crisis.

The bank's collapse was so worrisome it forced a radical intervention by the Fed to forestall an outright failure, the first in a series of unprecedented actions.

The central bank brokered Bear Stearns' sale to J.P. Morgan Chase and in a controversial move, took onto its books some $29 billion of Bear Stearns' assets. These are held on the Fed's balance sheet in a vehicle called Maiden Lane, which is currently valued at $26.85 billion.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:29PM

I'm ready to get my drink on, I'm going to need to be deerunk before the returns start rolling in.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:31PM

What are you laid off pussies going to do? Just give up? Did we give up after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!!

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:32PM

....minor riots and looting tonight in Detroit, LA, Philadelphia, D.C.

Be careful out there.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:33PM

@45 I suggest Hendricks.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:33PM

Detroit is worse than Hell, get the f out before it's too late

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:33PM

@47...Don't forget about Oakland and Chicago. Oh and all d'em der folks in Na'lawns...

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:36PM

I work for a bank, we're selling our loans directly to the govn't now (after deducting a small fee). Will I be affected by this layoff stuff?

Re #46 FUNNY!!!

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:39PM

If I owned Hell and Detroit, I'd live in Hell and rent out Detroit.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:42PM

@47, 50, 53; None of y'all have a monopoly on h@# until you come to B'llmore (Baltimore, Maryland for the foreigners).

Or, B-More Killings, Murderland.

West Side, yo.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:46PM

Lady at Texas Motor Speedway got hit by a 50 cal bullet yesterday and survived it! Police think the shooter was 3 miles away and fired into the air. Broke the lady's arm in several places.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:50PM

Monrovia, Liberia

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 4:59PM

When I get laid off in the coming weeks I am saying 'fuck this', giving up my apartment---taking the 3.4m i have saved in 6yrs and moving into my parents house into sun valley. I will flex my entrepreneurial muscle and start something profound....anyone want to join me?

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:00PM

@46: Germans didn't bomb Pearl Harbor; it was the Japanese...or did you not see that awful Ben Affleck movie...?

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:06PM

@59-I will. -Broker at MER taking a
-34% paycut from BOAMERCW.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:13PM

@60 - fail in life if you don't get the reference

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:14PM

@54 Been watching "The Wire" haven't we?

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:23PM

@59- have been doing the same since Aug '07- all cash since then (mainly). angel/VC = much better life. And as we say, all you need is one....

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:32PM

59 I'm assuming you're 30 something at most. You better hope that the "something profound" pays the rent and doesnt eat up too much of your capial, cause $3.6 mil may sound like a lot, but its not really enough to live the rest of your life on.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:37PM

65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial......maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions....

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:37PM

65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial......maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions....

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:37PM

65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial......maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions....

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:38PM

65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial......maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions....

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:42PM

65 here. Not a bright guy at all, just know a little bond math. Which is why I'm well suited for Wall Street work and not much else. Best of luck to you.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:42PM

lady here,

not to bring any of the 12 tribesmen down out here but an uncircumcised unit most definitely "fits" me better and the overall feel is out of this universe compared to the cut unit.

As for looks and most importantly feel, both are far better. The plus for me is that my guy is far, far, far more sensitive to my touch and therefore my Os compared to my ex bfs who were cut.

fwiw

urmonarch

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 5:42PM

@59 - Your parents don't happen to live on the golf course do they?

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:04PM

@#59...

$3.4M is plenty. Don't pay any attention to #65/70. He doesn't know WTF he's talking about. If you have $3.4M at 29, good for you. You don't have to work at all. You ought to know how to invest your 3.4, shouldn't you?

The Guy from Delaware

p.s. @#16/17 posted the truth.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:15PM

73 Its plenty only if you're an old fogie living in a garden apartment in Florida. For a pile of capital to last 50 years or so, which is the life expectancy of a 29 year old, and grow enough to compensate for inflation, you should withdraw in the early years no more than maybe 3.5% per annum. That provides income after tax of around $61,000 per annum. Not exactly a princely sum. Withdraw a half million or so to buy a place to live and the income provided declines to $51,000.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:17PM

For the record, 71 is spot on. GAnalYst

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:24PM

Any woman who has not yet experienced an uncut unit needs to go out and do so

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:54PM

I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 6:54PM

@60, please stop posting on here, you are a complete idiot.

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 7:02PM

@60 is a loser who obviously only watches horrific Ben Affleck movies and no classic comedies.

Westside B-more huh, you with Marlo or d'em Barksdale boys?

The game is out there and its play or be played.

-- Omar

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 7:44PM

@71,
Your little short story gave me a boner, albeit shorn of skin.

Was that a "haiku"?

-DrunkenWellHungTard

Posted by guest , Nov 04, 2008 9:51PM

@80,

sorry to kill your buzz, urmonarch is our resident tranny.

Posted by guest , Nov 05, 2008 12:59AM

#77...excellent "Airplane!" reference. Well played.

Anonymous @ 58.....Saw that 50 cal story on the news while on this age and thought it was weird/bizarre enough to tangenterate into the stream of commentary in an uncut way.

Posted by guest , Nov 05, 2008 3:37AM

They are announcing the list today. Some groups that haven't been affected as much (TMT, FIG, etc) thus far will get hit disproportionately hard, think 15-20%. Bloody for sure...