Charlie Gasparino reports that sources tell him “every major firm is bracing for cuts of up to 15 percent,” with Goldman axings coming this week. The situation is fluid.
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- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
first to get laid off
let’s focus a minute on the little banter between dylan and no sleeves. “it’s funny now”, “it was funny then”…maria had to jump in to keep them from making out through the screen. painful.
I heard GS is not actually laying off ppl. Instead they are chopping little bits (apox. 1/2 cm) of each guys penis every day for the next week. If you quit you keep your genitals. What will it be?
As for the females, well who knows there?
3 And even after a week of that the GS guys will still have about 6 inches more than the rest of you.
15% sounds a bit drastic looking at employee numbers from these firms. Who knows though, all I am looking forward to is the blood flowing through the streets of Goldman staffers. Welcome to the party pal!!!!
they are a bunch of big swinging dicks, aren’t they?
Fuck…so all is not well! NEW SHIT HAS COME TO LIGHT MAN!
@4 your not very smart, are you…kinda sad to see people like you on these message boards.
goddamn you and your “fluid situations” CG!!!
@7…excellent “Lebowski” reference….
@3-
At Goldman even the chicks have dicks. Uncircumsized, of course.
We’re not “cutting” people. We’re doing enforced sabbaticals in the career expansion sphere.
~The HR Guy Who Is Still Employed
8 4 here: please explain why you’re sad and I’m dumb. A tough environment and GS is hurting, but FAR less than the rest of the street. Correct?
*URGENT*
*BLOOMBERG REPORTS*
Due to long lines today, all Obama voters are asked to vote on Wednesday.
Thank you.
Please let everyone know immediately.
Simple arithmetic really. You are not getting anywhere near the numbers you are accustomed to , so get used to it. In fact, we arent making anywhere near the cash we used to in the good ole days when we flipped everyone over and did them dry, so you are out. Good luck paying for the over-priced apt, car, watch and all that you bought on credit.
GS HR
Simple arithmetic really. You are not getting anywhere near the numbers you are accustomed to , so get used to it. In fact, we arent making anywhere near the cash we used to in the good ole days when we flipped everyone over and did them dry, so you are out. Good luck paying for the over-priced apt, car, watch and all that you bought on credit.
GS HR
There will be blood…
in Becky Quick’s urine… but shhh he hasn’t told her about his little “souvenir” yet
Have any of the female readers here ever received an uncircumcized unit? If so, is it a big difference?
(I’m thinking of getting a foreskin implant.)
GS HR = WMT HR
@19 – greatest post ever
Why does CNBC wheel out the retarded kid with the spit on the corner of his lips to read the “sources tell me” crap?
I work in the government as a exempt non-management employee.
What’s a layoff?
“That had not occurred to us Dude..”
At least they made fun of the “what you got (gasbag)?” today. about 20 minutes ago.
I driiinnnnnkkk your milkshake. Driiiinnnnnkk it.
Just… give me the blood, Eli.
@19, I’ve been told that other than how ugly it is, it is not noticeable during “normal” intercourse. However, if you’re tagging a tight box, or decide to bring it up the rear, it can hurt because the skin is pulled very far back. As far as how it feels for man on man action, I think there was a GS defender on these boards that might be able to address that inquiry.
@13, please just go away quietly.
Bill O’Reilly asked me to call you all and tell you that he would comment but he is weeping uncontrollably at present. He has asked Mr. Hannity to respond as soon as Mr. Hannity can compose himself.
I work at GS, what’s a tight box?
Mark Wahlburg talks to animals:
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/mark-wahlberg-talks-to-animals/727504/
23 – you are funny. Can you get me a job? I’m good at taking breaks and having horrible clothes.
A cheer went up with Merrill when a trader walked onto the floor and yelled, “Hey everybody – we’re all gonna get laid!” They misheard.
@15 *URGENT*
*Stop*
*BLOOMBERG REPORTS*
*Stop*
*BAD STUFF HAPPENS AFTER ELECTIONS*
*Stop*
-Chris Matthews.
The obligatory GS cull is no surprise, Gasbag.
Nice reporting
Gasbag is definitely not circumcized
A BP trader is chatting up an Exxon scheduler and he tells her, “You know, I was born with out any eyelids.”
Exxon scheduler says, “Really!!!???”
Enron trader says, “Yes, bu the doctors circumcised me and split it and sewed the halves to the skin above each eye to correct it.
Exxon scheduler says, “Really?!?!? Do they work?”, she asks, gazing at his eyes…
“Yes”, says the BP trader, “but now I’m cock-eyed.”
Joke commissioner here: You screwed that one up!!
ba-dum-bump-i’m here all week folks
@38 Are you a hedge fund manager?
Good riddance all you Fucksteins. Now it’s your turn. No tears shed here!
Can’t touch me.
Sincerely,
The Gay Guy in GS HR who knows all the dirt, down to every last file.
Wow…fuckers in the gubiment have drank lots of the Kool-aid…
NEW YORK — In an unusual twist, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York has hired the former chief risk officer of the bank it was forced to save last spring, Bear Stearns & Co.
The New York Fed said in a release dated Friday Michael Alix has been hired as a senior vice president in the Bank Supervision Group, under William Rutledge, executive vice president in that group.
Mr. Alix was Bear Stearns’ chief risk officer from 2006 through 2008. He was global head of credit risk management from 1996 to 2006 at Bear, the New York Fed said. Mr. Alix also worked at Merrill Lynch before coming to Bear Stearns.
Bear Stearns figures prominently for the New York Fed. The investment bank, heavily involved in fixed income securities, suffered a rapid-fire implosion last March. It was the first major casualty of the ongoing credit crisis.
The bank’s collapse was so worrisome it forced a radical intervention by the Fed to forestall an outright failure, the first in a series of unprecedented actions.
The central bank brokered Bear Stearns’ sale to J.P. Morgan Chase and in a controversial move, took onto its books some $29 billion of Bear Stearns’ assets. These are held on the Fed’s balance sheet in a vehicle called Maiden Lane, which is currently valued at $26.85 billion.
I’m ready to get my drink on, I’m going to need to be deerunk before the returns start rolling in.
What are you laid off pussies going to do? Just give up? Did we give up after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!!
….minor riots and looting tonight in Detroit, LA, Philadelphia, D.C.
Be careful out there.
@45 I suggest Hendricks.
Detroit is worse than Hell, get the f out before it’s too late
@47…Don’t forget about Oakland and Chicago. Oh and all d’em der folks in Na’lawns…
I work for a bank, we’re selling our loans directly to the govn’t now (after deducting a small fee). Will I be affected by this layoff stuff?
Re #46 FUNNY!!!
@19 its awesome.
If I owned Hell and Detroit, I’d live in Hell and rent out Detroit.
@47, 50, 53; None of y’all have a monopoly on h@# until you come to B’llmore (Baltimore, Maryland for the foreigners).
Or, B-More Killings, Murderland.
West Side, yo.
Lady at Texas Motor Speedway got hit by a 50 cal bullet yesterday and survived it! Police think the shooter was 3 miles away and fired into the air. Broke the lady’s arm in several places.
Monrovia, Liberia
The cost of the golf and “mango towel service” was $3,316, the buffet food $1,700, and bar tab $555, which included nearly 50 cans or bottles of domestic beer…
http://www.thetruthaboutmortgage.com/fannie-mae-execs-golf-on-taxpayer-dime/
55,
…Did I miss something?
When I get laid off in the coming weeks I am saying ‘fuck this’, giving up my apartment—taking the 3.4m i have saved in 6yrs and moving into my parents house into sun valley. I will flex my entrepreneurial muscle and start something profound….anyone want to join me?
@46: Germans didn’t bomb Pearl Harbor; it was the Japanese…or did you not see that awful Ben Affleck movie…?
@59-I will. -Broker at MER taking a
-34% paycut from BOAMERCW.
@60 – fail in life if you don’t get the reference
@54 Been watching “The Wire” haven’t we?
@59- have been doing the same since Aug ’07- all cash since then (mainly). angel/VC = much better life. And as we say, all you need is one….
59 I’m assuming you’re 30 something at most. You better hope that the “something profound” pays the rent and doesnt eat up too much of your capial, cause $3.6 mil may sound like a lot, but its not really enough to live the rest of your life on.
65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial……maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions….
65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial……maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions….
65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial……maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions….
65: about to turn 30; like I said I am going to something entrepreneurial……maybe a bright guy like yourself has some suggestions….
65 here. Not a bright guy at all, just know a little bond math. Which is why I’m well suited for Wall Street work and not much else. Best of luck to you.
lady here,
not to bring any of the 12 tribesmen down out here but an uncircumcised unit most definitely “fits” me better and the overall feel is out of this universe compared to the cut unit.
As for looks and most importantly feel, both are far better. The plus for me is that my guy is far, far, far more sensitive to my touch and therefore my Os compared to my ex bfs who were cut.
fwiw
urmonarch
@59 – Your parents don’t happen to live on the golf course do they?
@#59…
$3.4M is plenty. Don’t pay any attention to #65/70. He doesn’t know WTF he’s talking about. If you have $3.4M at 29, good for you. You don’t have to work at all. You ought to know how to invest your 3.4, shouldn’t you?
The Guy from Delaware
p.s. @#16/17 posted the truth.
73 Its plenty only if you’re an old fogie living in a garden apartment in Florida. For a pile of capital to last 50 years or so, which is the life expectancy of a 29 year old, and grow enough to compensate for inflation, you should withdraw in the early years no more than maybe 3.5% per annum. That provides income after tax of around $61,000 per annum. Not exactly a princely sum. Withdraw a half million or so to buy a place to live and the income provided declines to $51,000.
For the record, 71 is spot on. GAnalYst
Any woman who has not yet experienced an uncut unit needs to go out and do so
I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
@60 is a loser who obviously only watches horrific Ben Affleck movies and no classic comedies.
Westside B-more huh, you with Marlo or d’em Barksdale boys?
The game is out there and its play or be played.
– Omar
@71,
Your little short story gave me a boner, albeit shorn of skin.
Was that a “haiku”?
-DrunkenWellHungTard
@80,
sorry to kill your buzz, urmonarch is our resident tranny.
#77…excellent “Airplane!” reference. Well played.
Anonymous @ 58…..Saw that 50 cal story on the news while on this age and thought it was weird/bizarre enough to tangenterate into the stream of commentary in an uncut way.
They are announcing the list today. Some groups that haven’t been affected as much (TMT, FIG, etc) thus far will get hit disproportionately hard, think 15-20%. Bloody for sure…