Listen, people. I know you all think Citi is on its last leg, about to be cast into the scrap heap of corporate history. However, I received some intel this morning which leads me to believe your worrying is for naught (“intel” = New York Post article). Meredith Whitney gave an exclusive interview to the paper in which she, not surprisingly, tore open Citi’s rectum via her 8-inch spiked heel (this time not at their request). Sayeth Whitney:
“Pandit and his executives are completely naive if they think the share price is not important. Pandit is wrong, Citi will not be able to stay in its current form. It has lost the most money of all the banks, and has the greatest leverage. Citigroup is in such a mess Stephen Hawking couldn’t turn this company around.”
Here’s the thing, gang. Those of you who’ve been keeping track at home are well aware of the fact that M to the W has used this line before. On May 12, the analyst told Bloomberg TV of the Big C’s chances of turning things around, “I think it’s an impossible feat. They don’t have the revenue power, they don’t have the earnings power in so many of their businesses. Even Stephen Hawking could not pull this off.”
Calling Citi out for being a cesspool of ineptitude is what’s made Meredith Whitney famous. If she thought this was the end, you know she’d be laying down some fresh tracks. Because she has phoned it in, you know full well that this thing is far from over. And that’s not just good news for Citi and its shareholders, but MW as well. Now, she’s still got time to pick up the spreader and truss bar from the cobbler’s, where a team of expert welders have been working round the clock to restore the accoutrement to factory specifications. From what we hear, they’re going to need at least a few more weeks. Surely Citi can get its shit together in that time.