“Nothing is happening just yet. One more screw up and he is definitely gone. Based on what I’m hearing, it’s fluid. Does this mean Pandit’s out? Probably not, but maybe so. He’s got like half a mistake left. Unless the board gives him more leeway. I don’t know; I’m not in the board meetings.” — Charlie Gasparino, CNBC, 11/25/08
Chaz is right, you know. The only question is, what will the the career (at Citi) ending fuck up be? The sources I’m talking to have mentioned four possible scenarios. The situation is fluid but what they’re telling me thus far is that it’ll be one of the following:
A. Vikram gets wasted and confesses to Meredith Whitney that C’s balance sheet is “completely made up.” Follows up with a drunk email (from his work account, natch), that Gary Crittenden “selects random bar code numbers in place of the true horror story that will soon engulf this cesspool and consign it to the scrap heap of corporate history.”
B. Not knowing it’s verboten, VP is caught using Bob Rubin’s private bathroom.
C. Not knowing it’s frowned upon, VP engages in sexual intercourse with the cleaning woman on his desk. Pleads ignorance, but it’s too late.
D. Truly accidentally but unacceptably nonetheless, Mr. Pandit accidentally grazes Prince Alwalweed’s favorite wife’s left breast.
Nice G.Costanza reference!
oil is what, $54, bitches so:
Ali’s fav wife from (d) = cleaning woman form (c) and btw BR’s private bathroom from (b) = Vikki’s desk from (c)
So I guess b-d
I think Vik-clops is going to get fired for re-naming their off-balance sheet SIVs the Sandy Weill Fund.
Sex with a Citi intern……
CG mentions “fluids” so often I’m thinking there’s a General Jack Ripper angle going on there.
Gets fired for not seeking approval to offer to sell C for $3/share to Stan O’Neal
The board finds out he wrote a book called ‘Damn it feels good to be a banker’
@5- fluid = i have no idea what i’m talking about but i’m going to throw a bunch of stuff to the wall and see what sticks.
@2- Well done
not knowing it’s customary, fails to wear deodorant. Smell of curry finally pushes board over the edge.
e) IT discovers VP has been posting hundreds of random “wideclops” comments on Dealbreaker
board measures distance between his eyes. discovers his offspring may be wideclops. board is disgusted and fires him, after a castration by stapler.
I find the situation becomes very fluid when I wax on and wax off.
We’re having a sale at the pet store this weekend bitches. So stop on bi we’ll have a gay old time at Uncle Pete’s Big Dirty Meat Pet Emporium 917-359-5025. All monkeys are now behind Plexiglass so they can’t throw a wad at you anymore. You know the old saying, “all it takes is one monkey with a hand full of jizz to ruin it for everyone.”
FYI for you cluzo, regarding the b-milk in the frig, I always leave enough for the baby. What, did you think I was some kind of animal or something.
SPODE
@11 is the winner.
Board finds out he’s actually an android created by IT hordes to exact revenge on banking system for years of being tormented for their back office bushleagueness.
He’s going to get canned, get a golden parachute, and make out like a pandit
@14
no that’s not for you to decide and btw #11 is not funny at all.
- not writer of #10
Sign a contract to get a role in next X Files movie where it turns out subprime meltdown is actually a conspiracy Vik created with the Cigarette Smoking Man.
Film is titled “The X Files 3: Smokey and the Pandit”
-Jobless Dealbreaker
also did 15, and 16, I’m here all night folks
So wait, what did Pandit bring to the table to Citi?
- Sold POS Old Lane to C
- Put over $216M into his pocket personally
- Oversaw a price drop from $33.23 to $3.05
Note to companies: You’re supposed to outsource IT to India, not Management.
Vikki is client nr 11
@17 why did you post? you have added no value or humor.
@19- i’ve said this before, but why shouldn’t vikram have gotten every thing out of citi he possibly could? it’s not his fault they’re retards.
@ 21 i posted to annoy you, little bitch, and it worked out fine
One of the sharpest energy traders I know told me long ago to never make fun of the cleaning ladies or the ugliest woman on the desk because the CEO is probably bangin’ her on the side like a screen door in a hurricane.
I have observed it to be true on more than one occasion. Not so sure about financial traders though.
Does anybody know if Barry Manilow is gay?
Thanks in advance.
Gasparino has got…NOTHING.
Shut.the.f&ck.up! At least until you something, anything, even remotely cogent to add, jesus f&cking christ Charlie!
@24- um this post didn’t make fun of the cleaning lady. seinfeld much?
@18
Don’t quit your day job.
@22 – I don’t disagree, but he simply hasn’t brought anything to the table as CEO. He has yet to do a single positive thing for C.
@23 not getting enough attention at home or at work? so, you come troll on here to “annoy” people.
from the sounds of it, you get referred to as “little bitch” also. it’s cool, man. whatever makes you happy.
@29- Hasn’t done anything? What the hell are you talking about. He stopped the bridge to nowhere.
@30
you got beaten up a lot in school right? probably still do..
sends an email blast saying everyone must drink 16 ounces of their own urine daily
Pays $100M in TARP money for the rights to Rihanna’s “Umbrella” for “Saved by Zero”-style advertising barrage
It’s the entire board that should be removed, just as was suggested in the NY Post. Citi’s board is feeble and inept.
Not big fan of Vikula, but no one – and I MEAN NO ONE – is up to this challenge.
Critt and Vik are just plowing through this one – they didn’t create this mess.
brandy = wideclops?
http://www.theins.org/thefrontpage/uploads/Image/brandy.jpg
taps the stewardess on corp jet….
@32 nope. too busy fuckin’ the girls you were beating off to, to worry about fighting.
you troglodyte.
Your on bottom until your on top again. When Vik is at the top of the hill we’ll see what people got to say.
It’s the entire board that should be removed, just as was suggested in the NY Post. Citi’s board is feeble and inept.
Not big fan of Vikula, but no one – and I MEAN NO ONE – is up to this challenge.
Critt and Vik are just plowing through this one – they didn’t create this mess.
@ 39 – dumbest thing i’ve read/heard all day. and that’s saying something.
38 – Grow up or go home.
well done, 34
Charles – you never cease to amaze, you might even get the Pulitzer for this story! Situation is Fluid alright, about as fluid as Viki’s dick leaking all over his pants now. The Last Straw is probably already up the flagpole, and this beejeemo is going to take the fall and already knows it; vick tock vick tock vick tock……
The pendulum swings
@36 – Brandy is the biggest example of wideclops in history. Well, except for you-know-who.
rehire Jack Grubman
I say he gets whacked for clearing out the corporate jet for a one-on-one interview with Maria Baritomo and he cops a feel. Board sees that as the last straw and just can’t shake the feeling of Deja Vu!!!!
You know, all you friggin “wideclops” hatas — WTF do you want, some beady eyed chick instead??
After “the last straw” Vik escapes to Somalia!
When is Maria going to publish an autobiography detailing the aircraft thingy??
Vik uses his golden parachute money to buy Richard Petty’s hat.
…vows to star in “Smokey and the Pandit” with Jimmy Cayne.
-BeckyBootFan
@51. Outstanding. Although VP is so short he might get cast as Little Enos Burdett in the remake.
Robert Traverso should move up the C hierarchy like an errent locamotive.
Robert Traverso should move up the C hierarchy like an errent locamotive.
“When is Maria going to publish an autobiography detailing the aircraft thingy??”
Right after Osama bin Laden and George W. Bush record a duet — probably a country/western cover of “I’ve Got You Babe,” and hit the revived vaudeville circuit.
@48 pity the wideclops. He was boinking the cleaning lady Aka wideclops in fuckme boots on the desk!
@55
I love you. I love all of you, sooooo funny. thanks…
I’ll be cracking up for the rest of the evening.
-SealClubber
after consulting BeckyNBoots [cause her butt is too skinny] for mkt timing; VP screws up the put orders and buys calls instead
Citibank (South Dakota) Mastercard: We are raising your default APR. The default APR equals the greater of (1) Libor plus 26.99% or (2) 29.99%.
We hope you choose to take full advantage of your Citi Card revolving line of credit and all the benefits and services we offer you.
Sincerely, ‘Lil Viki