"Hey Dad! Boy, we were just saying how great it is to work for you given this credit crisis. To think we could have wasted our lives working somewhere rather than at the firm ever since we turned 20 or so. Considering the degree of investment genius that so obviously runs in the family... what? Dad, what's wrong? Are you ok? What? Sure. Sure! You know you can tell us anything. Anything. Aw, Dad. C'mon. Nothing you could say will make us love you any less. Really, tell us. I mean, it's not like we won't go on as a family. We'd do anything for you. You have a lover? There was an accident maybe? She... 'slipped?' No, nothing like that? Gay? Gay with lover? Gay with underage lover? Murdered someone else? Was it that Philby character from the club? Please, that guy was such an asshole. Can we help chop the body up? No? Not that? Ok, you're going to have to help us along here, Dad. What? The business... but.... Gone. When you say 'gone,' you mean like, 50% drawdown? We can still survive that... Ok, 60% 80%? All? What do you mean by 'all'? 60%? 80%? Uh... I see. I... see. Uh, huh. Uh... riiiight. No... jobs? No more... club? No more.... Ok, dad. Just... wait here a second. We just have to make a quick phone call to the F... er... florist. Be right back. Just wait right here. Coming, Andrew?"

Top Broker Accused of $50 Billion Fraud [The Wall Street Journal]