Hey! Were you aware that today is Crazy Merrill Persons Day? Well it is! Earlier we got a taste of shareholder Evelyn Davis’s bag of nuts, and now we can all gather round the entrance of the mental hospital to enjoy Win Smith’s speech, titled “A Proper Eulogy,” because it’s normal to treat inanimate objects like humans. Stay tuned post-merger, when Smith et al will regale us with a tutorial in how one performs necrophilia on a public company. This would be our favorite part, but we highly suggest going through the whole thing:

“I stand here today and say shame to both the current as well as the former Directors who allowed this former CEO to wreak havoc on this great company.
Shame on them for allowing this former CEO to consciously and openly disparage Mother Merrill, throw our founding principles down a flight of stairs and tear out the soul of the firm.”

A Proper Eulogy [PDF]

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Comments (24)

  1. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 4:10 PM

    I was just about to send this in…

  2. Posted by Private | December 5, 2008 at 4:12 PM

    What are the chances Thain is already slotted to be BAC’s next in line when Lewis retires in a few years?

  3. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 4:13 PM

    Can’t say I disagree with him. I would lay some blame on Dave Komansky for choosing and promoting Stan in the first place, however.

  4. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 4:14 PM

    “Shame on these Directors for allowing this former CEO to rid the firm of thousands of years of experience.” Really?

  5. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 4:16 PM

    “Shame on these Directors for allowing this former CEO to rid the firm of thousands of years of experience.” Really?

  6. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 4:16 PM

    “Shame on these Directors for allowing this former CEO to rid the firm of thousands of years of experience.” Really?

  7. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 4:16 PM

    “Shame on these Directors for allowing this former CEO to rid the firm of thousands of years of experience.” Really?

  8. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 4:18 PM

    I spent 22 years at MER…Win Smith is so accurate in every word!!!

  9. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 4:33 PM

    Win Smith is obviously a racist.

  10. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 4:37 PM

    Unfortunatley the same could be said at most every firm on the Street. What Fuld and Gregory did to Lehman was probably worse. But to be fair most everyone on the Street in 2001 thought Merrill was horribly run with the brokers running wild. They just chose the wrong people to run the place. Win was very upset that he wasn’t chosen. He probably would have done a much better job.

  11. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 4:40 PM

    @9 – oh yea, that’s exactly what he is… isn’t it so obvious

  12. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 4:41 PM

    Unfortunatley the same could be said at most every firm on the Street. What Fuld and Gregory did to Lehman was probably worse. But to be fair most everyone on the Street in 2001 thought Merrill was horribly run with the brokers running wild. They just chose the wrong people to run the place. Win was very upset that he wasn’t chosen. He probably would have done a much better job.

  13. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 5:15 PM

    Win Smith looks like he uses the “N” word, A LOT.

  14. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 6:01 PM

    Why are people so quick to pull the race card? Look at the facts. ML was over capitalized in 2003 and ROE was suffering. The answer? First put in an ROE based compensation scheme for only Senior management. Second gear the balance sheet as much as possible to jack up ROE. Third cash the massive paycheck. Fourth sell all your MER before it blows up. Race has no bearing on this trade.

  15. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 6:06 PM

    This speech was way funnier in “Trading Places”:
    [Valentine overhears the Dukes talking in the bathroom]
    Randolph Duke: Pay up, Mortimer. I’ve won the bet.
    Mortimer Duke: Here, one dollar.
    Randolph Duke: [chuckling] We took a perfectly useless psychopath like Valentine, and turned him into a successful executive. And during the same time, we turned an honest, hard-working man into a violently, deranged, would-be killer!
    [laughs]
    Randolph Duke: Now, what are we going to do about taking Winthorpe back and returning Valentine to the ghetto?
    Mortimer Duke: I don’t want Winthorpe back, after what he’s done.
    Randolph Duke: You mean, keep *Valentine* on as managing director?
    Mortimer Duke: Do you really believe I would have a *n-word* run our family business, Randolph?
    [Valentine's eyes widen with outrage]
    Randolph Duke: Of course not. Neither would I.

  16. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 9:07 PM

    You could have replaced Merrill Lynch in his speech with Morgan Stanley or Goldman Sachs and it would be the same. It is a shame what the heads of Wall Street have done to old, venerable institutions.

  17. Posted by Finnegan | December 5, 2008 at 9:38 PM

    @14,
    O’Neal, who acknowledged losses before many other firms, is a sole screw up? Please.
    In a world where everyone went to the orgy, with firms and governments now floundering the world over, the problem was not so much O’Neal as the entire system. To single him out as the sole whore at the orgy is ridiculous.
    (Or something else).

  18. Posted by guest | December 5, 2008 at 9:39 PM

    win’s not out of line for professing his pride in ML, as any other employee whos family was responsible for buildinga responsible business….i dont see it as “crazy person” day at all….it is sad, a sadness that can easily be compared to a funeral. Stan is a D-bag and Im glad Win called out the Board on this all….its not Monday Morning QB either as many of the old ML school was uncerremoniously whacked or left….F U STAN. Hope B of A respects the culture…it would serve a lot of people well to pay attention to traditional values…

  19. Posted by shalimar | December 6, 2008 at 11:00 PM

    Bess Levin and Win Smith share an alma mater.
    Why the spite? Did you have a tiff with little Merrill back in college days?

  20. Posted by guest | December 7, 2008 at 9:28 AM

    #9, I don’t see how racism comes into this. With all that went on, it can be distilled down to O’Neal’s skin pigmentation? Give me a break! Who is the racist here?

  21. Posted by guest | December 7, 2008 at 9:33 AM

    #9, I don’t see how racism comes into this. With all that went on, it can be distilled down to O’Neal’s skin pigmentation?

  22. Posted by guest | December 7, 2008 at 9:41 AM

    @19- yes, i’m sure they overlapped years, what with smith being 60 and bess being 24…

  23. Posted by guest | December 7, 2008 at 9:53 AM

    Ok, Obama is now president. We no longer have to chalk off every criticism of a black person to racism, do we?

  24. Posted by guest | December 10, 2008 at 2:40 AM

    Agreed. Let’s chalk it off to megalomania, taking advantage of 9/11 to pull a coup, firing FI guys with 100′s of years experience for not taking enough risks, forcing out every member of executive management who ever disagreed with him (tally those years too)…firing tenured people left and right while we watch their names drop off email…and laying it on a roulette table and beating a hasty retreat. As for Mr. Smith attributing a soul to Mother Merrill…I know thousands of ML’rs…I’ve talked to FA’s pleading for their clients and worked in the HO into the wee hours. We put the clients, each other and the community FIRST…ALWAYS…for DECADES. I read the speech and I SOBBED.

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