This was sent out to a bunch of Wacheople earlier, but we were told Wells Fargo has suspended emailing privileges for many of you until they're earned back, so just in case-- do not forget to sign up! The rest of you should feel free to put together your own similar challenges, since the vending machines have obviously proved too difficult. To the Wells people reading this, and perhaps suffering an extreme case of second-hand embarrassment-- you picked these guys. Apparently when we begged and pleaded with you to man up, you heard "put these on."
From: [redacted at wachovia]Sent: Wednesday, January 07, 2009 11:33 AM
To: [redacted at wachovia]
Subject: One Team -- One Dream
Situation --- Merger complete; we're neck deep with fierce client contact and pitching; stress is high; it's bonus season - and we all know it will be rough - but there are other reasons to smile (we've got family and friends; we are still employed; and we are hopefully moving to a fantastic platform to work with in the future) - not to mention the College Football championship tomorrow night and the Panthers (and other not-worthy-enough-to-be-mentioned pro football teams) game this weekend. So that leaves a void of sports activity this Friday (Jan 9th)................Solution - We put our heads together (and someone had just watched the Food Network) -- to fill this void and to provide some light-hearted fun -- we will host the first "Eat 6 saltines in a minute" contest here on the 4th floor (for 4th floor residents --- otherwise we'd have to bring a crate of crackers.........) this Friday AM.
Commitment -- Inherent in the title - this will not take long. For anyone closing a deal, as you can see from the time limit, this activity will only require 3 minutes of your time (one minute to get to the table, one minute to eat, and one minute to recover) and it can be the appetizer to lunch........
Incentive -- He or She can be titled the "Crumbly Cracker" -- in addition to bragging rights, professional admiration, and plenty of laughter/camaraderie that will be prevalent; it will break the stress for at least a moment; and as a stretch it can be considered a team-building exercise.
Starting time -- 11:00 AM (if anyone has a clock/watch with a second hand that would be great to have).Rules -- This is our first rodeo with this so we believe the rules should be as follows (but welcome any experts who have been in cracker-combat to chime in):
1. 6 regular saltines (leave your New Years diet at the door)2. One minute
3. Can't put anything on the crackers
4. Can't drink anything during the chomp
5. Mouth must be empty prior to chomping
6. Mouth must be empty after chomping
7. Panel of peers will inspect mouth (at arms length of course) if anyone 'claims' to finish......
8. Disputes will be handled in friendly manner amongst participants/viewers (we're all professional so let's keep it clean)
9. If more than one participant finishes, the fastest time wins (again see point 8)
10. Depending on how much cracker mess you spray across the conference table when (not if) you laugh during the chomp, you will probably be DQ'd.
11. Have fun
12. Lastly --- if nobody actually completes the task, we can at least crown the fastest finisher "Cracker-pro tem"
Deadline -- for notice of participation is Noon tomorrow (2:30 PM Thursday) so we can make sure we have enough crackers..........just reply via email.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 1:54PM
dumb
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 1:55PM
You must be kidding. Why do I picture this organized by the "Has somebody got a case of the Mondays?" lady?
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 1:57PM
and also this Friday is hawaiian shirt day. So, if you want too... go ahead and wear a hawaiian shirt and jeans
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 1:59PM
Probably better for the porn thread, but where is the post on WallStrip's demise? No more Julie. No more Lindsay. Life sucks now.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:01PM
@4- wallstrip SUCKED. the girls were pretty cute, but the shows were horrific. if you're looking for cute girls online, may i suggest porn?
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:03PM
Do they have contest for the non-gay employees?
Posted by Anal_yst , Jan 07, 2009 2:03PM
"If anyone has a watch with a second hand..."
WTF is this a kindergarden classroom or what?
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:06PM
Crackers at Wachovia. Who would've thought.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:07PM
@8:
Awesome!
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:09PM
The soggy cracker competition will take place on floor PH. Mens room.
Wachovia 4eva
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:10PM
Fuck fuck fuck shit. that sucked. what fucking fucktard let this fuckhead thru the interview process. fuck that.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:11PM
too hard to whistle, didn't read
Posted by merkin capital partners , Jan 07, 2009 2:12PM
google videos of a cinnamon challenge...hilarity and near death ensue.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:15PM
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1L8l3LrzLA&feature=related
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:30PM
Just saw the SlapChop commercial for the first time. All I can say is ShamWow, what an innovation in food prep.
Where the F did this guy come from?
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:43PM
6 saltines is a joke...10 is the real challenge
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:54PM
Its what happens when you combine to banks full of state school kids.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:55PM
This must be a joke.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 2:55PM
17 -
what happens, they can't spell "two" correctly? fuckbag.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 3:00PM
the wall strip chick is on "beer money" on sny channel 26 in nyc
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 3:03PM
@17 You are doomed to live a pathetic life.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 3:04PM
Wait, so what does the guy in pantyhose have to do with it?
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 3:07PM
Meat from lev fin likes crackers.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 3:15PM
@22- read the last line of the post before the email.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 3:33PM
SlapChop/Shamwow Guy vs. Billy Mays...battle of the TV pitchmen. I for one would pay good, cash money to watch that.
Maybe an IronChef type match where each has to put the other guys wares to the test.
-BBF
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 3:37PM
This is embarrassing to read
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 3:40PM
This is embarrassing to read
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 3:40PM
As someone that left the street to work at a commercial bank for 18 months (and then came running back), I can fully attest to the fact that these sort of emails and activities do really take place.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 3:40PM
This is embarrassing to read
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 3:47PM
I can't wait to see this episode. I bet Creed has the munchies and he totally wins!
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 4:10PM
@29
So is your triple post.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 4:16PM
I got douche chills while reading this email...eating competitions should involve disgusting things that your average coworker wouldn't do. For example, 2 dozen boston cremes in 10 minutes.
By the way, the trick to the whole cracker thing is to crush them up in a cup and essentially drink the crumbs.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 4:21PM
how strict is your faggy New Year's diet if you cant eat 6 saltines.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 4:22PM
@32 - that would never work.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 4:35PM
@34 - That's the idea, the fun of eating competitions is not winning, it's watching some idiot throw up in front of the entire floor.
Eating 6 saltines is like playing checkers with your senile grandmother
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 4:37PM
Must have been from the 4th floor of Two Wachovia or Three Wachovia.
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 4:47PM
@36, or three potato, four!
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 4:57PM
that is the gayest thing i have ever read
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 5:04PM
bess raises an important point that none of you have addressed-- which is gayer, wearing mantyhose or being in any way connected to this event?
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 5:23PM
Too funny
http://www.e-mancipate.net/
Posted by Anal_yst , Jan 07, 2009 5:25PM
@39
I'm gonna go with the latter. No eating competition should ever involve saltines unless its at least an entire sleeve, no water, at bare minimum.
Also, a point I'm very concerned about:
Vending machine prices just got jacked up like 20%+ the other day, now a tiny-ass bag of fritos (etc) is $0.90+!!!
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 5:28PM
too disturbing, didn't read
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 5:29PM
5 bucks says the guys down the street at B o Amerrillwide can eat 7 regular saltines in one minute flat!
Posted by guest , Jan 07, 2009 6:29PM
@38- Obviously you haven't read any of my posts.
SPODE
Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 12:31PM
i can eat 6 saltines in like 10 seconds..
Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 12:41PM
so who won??