As mentioned a while back, a whole bunch of previously mostly worthless Madoff-branded chotchkes are in the process of making bank on e-Bay, cause of the whole scandal sitch. There’s lots of great stuff to choose from, including a sweet fleece vest, for the person in your life who loves being cloaked in irony, a “rare” orange golf hat, beach towels, old Christmas cards and a badass humidor. Today our attention was directed toward an item that actually serves a bit a purpose, sort of, if you don’t know how navigate the New York subways or find yourself in the dark.
That’s right, I’m talkin’ about the MADF Emergency Response Kit. Inside you’ll find bus and subway maps, air filter masks, a whistle, various first aid items, wipes, an emergency blanket, a glow stick, a water pack and “some other small items” most likely including “ass tourniquet” (I kid– that’s in the Investor Emergency Response Kit). Also! On the back, a number to call in case you’re in trouble (718-533-2350). We tried it just now, and apparently Mades and Co. still kinda have your back.
According to the lady on the tape, “In the event of a disaster that precludes Madoff employees from working outside of the New York City main office at 885 Third Avenue, please report to the disaster recovery office in the corporate center at 75-20 Astoria Boulevard.” I don’t know if this counts as a “disaster,” per se, but give it a shot?
The irony. Getting mugged on the subway wearing and carrying Made-Off gear.
Haha, great post! I know just the frenemy I’m going to give this kit to…
Hey, off topic: weren’t Goldman bonuses announced last week? Any news on what they were?
WTF is the emergency blanket for? I also don’t see any bonefish or fishing gear in the pack.
You people should work in the south. You wont get lost in Austin TX, Charlotte NC, Atlanta GA, Richmond VA, nor Charlston SC.
@2- uh, they were announced a few wks ago, and were discussed here.
no “I invested with Bernie and all I got was this T-Shirt” ??
@6- these are actual madoff items, not lame t’s people are making.
@5, all i could find was http://dealbreaker.com/2008/08/summer-house-lit-slate.php. anything i’m missing?
@2
@1 here. “frenemy” that’s great. Since joining finance I’ve made lots of those. I’ll use the term more often in polite company.
Having been mugged with Made-Off swag would bystanders or (shudder) the NYPD have any sympathy?
@8- that’s cause you apparently suck at using a search function?
If you cant make it to work, please report to ASTORIA – safest place in the USA
How about a pool on when this guy disappears or pulls a Merckle de la Villehuchet
@10 – i probably do suck at that, i typed in goldman bonus and that’s the most recent link i got about them.
Are they auctioning off the Upper East Side Penthouse there? I’d like to put in a bid.
Do you know how much they could have spent on that stuff if they ran into the right salesman?
DO YOU???
@15 has got to be that fucking annoying shamwow/slapchop guy. FWIW, I’d like to punch your teeth out.
The whistle thing is fucking ridiculous. Can you imagine a devastating event…you crawl from the rubble, and all you hear are a bunch of assholes with those fucking whistles?
But what can I say? I just looked in my desk, and we have granola bars, a flashlight/radio combo, and an 8-oz bottle of poland spring. I’m ready for the shit to hit. I’ll be listening to hot 97 (hopefully it’ll happen during lunch, for the old-school tunes), munching my Nature Valley, while gingerly sipping my 8-oz of water. But I’ll have band-aids. Yes, band-aids will be had.
@13– did you spell it “dumbass”? this is what you get when you type “goldman bonus”
http://dealbreaker.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-search.cgi?IncludeBlogs=10&search=goldman+bonus&searchsubmit.x=0&searchsubmit.y=0&searchsubmit=submit
Yeah, those will help you when that gigantic tsunami and hurricane sweep across Manhattan next week.
@18:
It’s pronounced Doomah…
rumor has it there are skin mags with his name on them out there…..
I wonder who is going to be the lucky suitor of the MADF office space after the SEC brings back the contents to their headquarters. My vote is for a resurrection of Insana Capital Partners and the Legends Fund
I wonder if the Feds have paid a visit to 75-20 Astoria BLVD. Locals say its close to the best Chicken Parm outside the city.
I’ll bet Bernie’s personal disaster kit included fake passports, Goyim disguise kit, list of countries w/o U.S. extradition, a pouch full of diamonds, and keys to a safehouse somewhere in Palm Beach.
The bonuses at GS should be great this year now that they have been named asset managers for all the MBS the Fed is buying from Fannie and Freddie – our Treasury department is now an ibank.
In about two or three years they’re going to suddenly decide they don’t want to be a bank holding company anymore and now they don’t have much competition – they better make sure they show Paulson how much they appreciate everything he has done for them.
Judge to Bernie: F the prosecutor! did you wire all of MY money back into my swiss account? good…then here’s what happens. I am going to close my eyes and count to three. ready? No Bernie, 3…after 2. No not now. wait. okay ready?
Made-off sending those “Hannukah gifts” by mail the other day was all just a clever ruse cooked up by The Brains (the Mrs.) All meant to throw the screws off their scent….bet that bigger stashes of $$$, gold etc. have already been smuggled out by maids, “delivery men”, porters etc. via the service entrance. Maybe everything leaving that Park Ave. building should be checked, if there’s anything left that is!
Hey @25: very good bet.
@12: A pool on when he disaappears would see more action than Super Bowl. Pulling a a Merckle? Too German….not for this Jew.
the Madoff family needs knew emergency response kits for jail……INCLUDE KY BOYS
@ 21…they’ve got much more than his name on them.
Ok Boys, new plan. I will start doing malicious things while under house arrest and you turn me in. That will certainly make everyone believe you are not involved in this disaster. Fool me once,>>>
Dad can we go fishing yet
No condoms?
I have a fairfield greenwich group umbrella and folder. would anyone be interested?
@31 – BINGO!
32,
Not until you’ve finished shredding those documents and running magnets through the disk drives. You know better.
@25 – What goes into a “Goyim disguise kit”?
List of relevant countries for Madoff with no extradition:
Israel
Brazil.
It’s really a short list.
@37, hair bleaching kit, blue eye contacts, fake handlebar mustache, leather biker jacket, jeans, john deere hat, and a ton of temporary tatoos.
@38 – the list is even shorter: Brazil.
Madoff’s DEAD to Israel, DEAD. Would never, ever be let in that country what with all of the spilt Jewish blood (I mean, money) on his hands. Venezuela is also a strong contender for the getaway.
Hey @37 – every Goyim/WASP disguise kit has the following: tassel loafers (no socks), silver flask for the gin, tie from Thomas Pink with blue whales, Cliff Bars, Dockers (wide pant leg) LL Bean Windbreaker (no athletic logos) and hat with brim. Breathe-eaze strips to tape down the Jewish nose.
Should the FBI profile this?
Um, gents, if he went to Brazil or Venezuela I’m guessing he’d be dead in no more than 24 hours. He’d be safer in Namibia with Kobi Alexander.
Hell, the Alexanders and Madoffs could start a new Israel in the heart of Africa!