It's bonus day over at the marginally less tax-evading Swiss bank in town! Unfortunately, we were only sent a cryptic note that the treats were "not good," leaving us to wonder if this means flat year-on-year or 2 free passes to the Shake Shack (the latter being preferable). Know something (Dougan)? Let us know.
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Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 1:54PM
My department's bonuses were between 40-50% less than last year. The higher in the hierarchy, the larger the % cut.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 1:56PM
Those billionaire fat-cat investment banker scum shouldn't get anything! After all, they didn't make money and "bonus" means you make a fortune! Those Ivy-league panty-waists should get a real job and learn what a real worker feels! Especially after taking our taxpayer money! We pay their salaries!
Oh, wait . . .
PwP
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:02PM
Too Swiss, didn't cheese
...sorry, bored
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:02PM
@2:
Get back out on your scaffold and continue washing windows.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:06PM
Credit Suisse became irrelevant 5 years ago. Who cares?
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:08PM
How much did the pool shrink?
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:08PM
Top-tier 3rd yr associates are down 20% from what they got as 2nd yrs last yr and 40-50% as compared to last yr's 3rd yrs in top bucket.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:12PM
@ 2
You are an idiot.
Credit Suisse is a Swiss Bank, therefore did not recieve US tax payer money.
Take your exclamation points elsewhere!
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:14PM
How much did the pool shrink?
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:17PM
@1, you're lucky. Here at this forMERly independent shop the reverse was true in many areas. My excellent manager actually got a big increase. Me, not so much
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:18PM
@7, do you know $ numbers?
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:21PM
@8 @4, READ CLOSELY AND STOP BEING SO BITTER.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:30PM
who cares. we are all miserable with miserable jobs
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:30PM
@4 - @2 doesn't have a job, he is one of the 70,000 people fired yesterday.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:37PM
@13: you said it.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:39PM
what about the groups that made money? prime br, electronic trading, etc??
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 2:51PM
you guys are miserable? Weird.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 3:28PM
anyone know ibd 1st year analyst?
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 3:30PM
Hey 13.....I hear the guys who work at the Post Office are actually pretty happy these days
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 3:38PM
not true. my pops works are post office and even their hours are being cut
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 4:10PM
Anything more than dog doo is more than you bankers deserve.
Flip A. Burger
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 4:51PM
@18: Get one of those 12-mo 0% APR credit cards and pray for next year...
@21: It wasn't our blatant over-spending and overleveraging of our houses that ruined the economy. we were actually helping
- BL's left titty
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 5:22PM
@21
Get a new trick and a better narrative as to why bankers do not "deserve" a bonus. Many bankers, traders, etc got where they are because they are very smart and they studied their asses off in school. While you were slamming beers at State College USA with Susie J. Rottencrouch we were working our ass off to learn complex math or write publishing quality papers. Many of us EARNED our jobs through sheer brilliance and unrelenting diligence. In fact, some of us even went so far as to pay our 50k/yr school bill through student loans.
We took the immense financial risks and missed out on a great deal of fun in order to be the best. We jumped in one of the riskiest career fields so that we may succeed. Basically, we did what you were not smart enough or not driven enough to do.
Ponder this notion next time you quip "fuck those lousy, rotten bankers, they DESERVE dog doo." Bro, we do not sit around a think we "deserve" things - thats done by lawyers who think they add value to business. We, who work these "banker" jobs, EARN things.
So Flip, go be upset somewhere else that you pissed your life away or were not of the quality, drive or intelligence to be a "banker."
The Dark Horse
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 5:46PM
nice job 23. Actually the most articulate response I've heard so far. But I'd say that while a banker does indeed need drive, he doesn't have to be intelligent. I've met many bankers over the years, including Harvard grads, that are dumb as a box of rocks. But I've never wanted to be a banker. I'm a portfolio manager at a hedge fund. Just love jerking your chains.
Cheers
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 6:21PM
@ 24
probably those dumb bankers that you met are the ones that have been laid off. i have also met hedgies and private equity guys who don't have a clue of what they do. i still think some of them deserve the money they make (not you probably).
the reason why we make so much money is because the value we add to transacttions - if you think we don't you are really clueless; the risk we take, risk of being laid off at any time; because of the amount of work we do... tell me where else does an ivy league grad work 100 hours a week? certainly not in hedge fund or private equity.
Finally, i'm not sure why you so proudly say you are a protfolio manager at a hedge fund... what is so great about that? what has been your return over the last few months?
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 6:26PM
23 You need to temper that I'm the smartest therefore I deserve to earn big attitude with reality: you may be smart but you havent been earning for you firm. Therefore, you deserve squat.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 6:32PM
the numbers were 10 to 20 % down compared to last year
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 6:43PM
@23 You are obviously among those laid off...Thats why you posted your personal statement to B. School on this board.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 6:46PM
@23 You are obviously among those laid off...Thats why you posted your personal statement to B. School on this board.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 6:46PM
@23 You are obviously among those laid off...Thats why you posted your personal statement to B. School on this board.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 6:58PM
@23:
"Many bankers, traders, etc got where they are because they are very smart and they studied their asses off in school"
Most traders get where they are because they understand the dynamics of the market and make can make good instinctive, and experience-backed decisions under pressure. Their GPAs typically have nothing to do with their ability to perform...
"While you were slamming beers at State College USA with Susie J. Rottencrouch we were working our ass off to learn complex math or write publishing quality papers."
Well, let's hope your post isn't meant to be a demonstration of your elite writing skills. Sadly, most graduates of colleges, including so-called elite colleges, seem to have a real difficult time writing what you call publication grade material; as you so ineloquently demonstrate.
"We took the immense financial risks and missed out on a great deal of fun in order to be the best. We jumped in one of the riskiest career fields so that we may succeed."
In other words, you did the same thing everybody else did; you went to school, got a job, and now worry about being laid off and unable to afford your current lifestyle. Of course, unlike the guy who studied pharmacology at the state university, nobody wants you in any other part of the country, so you're left to compete for the remaining financial billets with kids from India who have both better math skills, and a more realistic opinion of themselves. Uh oh...
"Basically, we did what you were not smart enough or not driven enough to do."
Smart and driven are guys like Richard Branson, Larry Ellison, or Antonio Chua. Guys who are smart and driven have buildings with their names on them. But hey, you probably have a resume and cufflinks with your name on them, so you're almost there!
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 7:01PM
Haha,
Bankers don't do shit but push paper and fuck around with excel and kiss senior banker ass, sometimes though when pushed because the fairy in "production" is busy emailing his Thai-Irish lover, the "banker" actually has to do some Power Point graphics.
"Bankers" got paid THAT much because stupid corporate managements were stupid enough to pay very stupid fees to very stupid people who knew damn well how stupid their "jobs" were.
Now the moment of calrity has arrived. Comp is down and down permanently. Truth is most finance types, and I am one, are completely useless to the truck, barter and trade of a healthy economy. But they are necessary for an unhealthy one- ergo our latest pit stop here in calamity alley.
Most still left in banking are the late to the party clueless wonders who either lacked the balls, the talent or the insight to see the writing on the wall and bounce for better digs.
Fuck you all.
Most of you deserve it, and the few of you that don't, well fuck you anyway, hey as the "best and the brightest and the best paid" you can afford it.
my left nut
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 7:07PM
@23, why don't you fuck yourself. You are so smart and took all the risks! Thats what all the fucking bankers on Wall St did, they took too many risks. Now everyone is paying the price.You are too full of yourself. You also outsmarted yourself. Pound sand!
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 7:17PM
@23:
Shut up and hand over your lupens!
- DM
Posted by Anal_yst , Jan 27, 2009 7:24PM
I love the gross overgeneralization going on here, not that I expect any sort of rationale conversation to go on regarding the topic at hand, but that's neither here nor there.
Part of the question at hand, what, exactly, constitutes an investment banker? Do you include the DCM/ECM crowd that more-or-less spends their days doing powerpoints and more sales/pitch-oriented work? Do you include the credit guys who do the origination/execution/syndication of corporate (and/or leveraged) debt? Do you just include the transaction or coverage teams that do M&A and other advisory work? Do you include the traders and other sales people in the Capital Markets businesses?
I don't have the answer (and frankly its an academic/moot one at best), but among the aforementioned groups are a variety of different skill sets. The Advisory and Transaction "bankers" generally (key word) have a solid understand of corporate finance, accounting, and strategy. These skills are not altogether useless now that the IB game is a fraction of its former self.
The sales/presentation types have, as the title implies, skills that translate into many other fields, and given the training/work environment on The Street, would likely be better salespersons in other industries than those who currently inhabit such (remaining) jobs.
As for everyone else, well, the business is, as mentioned above, a fraction of its former self, and likely will be for some time to come.
However, anyone who thinks that Finance has changed for good is delusional, at best. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; The Street will adapt, it always has, and it always will. There will be the next CDO, the next bubble; I know not what it will be (yet), but to bet against its eventual existence is a sucker's bet, and I look forward to encountering anyone willing to take the other side.
Cheers.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 7:29PM
23 had to be putting us on. otherwise, he/she is a world class jerk off.
just for fun - 23, i guarantee my landscaper makes more money than you'll ever make in your life.
guaranteed.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 8:53PM
ugh anal_yst. you are so annoying.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 8:55PM
@23...went to state school, studied elec. engineering (not finance), partied, sniffed plenty of (female) crotch, played football (free ride, pretty sure I can kick your ass..), worked at a BB bank (3 years), got a MBA (2 years), worked in PE (4 years), and now work at a hedge fund (5 years)..
You'll never be successful (or happy) with your attitude you pomp0us ass.
BTW, of all my gigs, banking was BY FAR the easiest..
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 9:09PM
@38 I got y'all beat. In my first year as an analyst slept with the boss's boss, got invited to do some interesting deals (and trips) made MD three years out of B school. Ran the group for three more years and then "retired" Now I read Dealbreaker, just cuz sitting in the sun in L.A gives you wrinkles. Just dabble in film production. Less stress.
--Blond Chick
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 9:14PM
@ 38, so you played third string holder at Florida State, formatted PPT slides at a BB, got your MBA online at U of Phoenix, became a PE teacher and then set up a faux hedge fund with your friend which failed in early December?
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 9:59PM
40, you forgot to mention how 38 caught the herp from sniffing all that "crotch"
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 10:07PM
@40 - I have a gun repair degree from DeVry, won three straight gold medals in the heptathlon and now I run NASA. Did I also mention I have a six foot dick that vibrates?
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 10:22PM
@39
haha, "dabble in film production"
talent side?
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 11:01PM
@1& 7 have the numbers right, the lower the title the better the comparison to last year, by about 10% incrementally down the ranks. some of the rest of you need to grow up.
Posted by guest , Jan 27, 2009 11:54PM
incredible how you people equate "add value" with "taking risks."
Posted by guest , Jan 28, 2009 8:45AM
@43, no the money side. I'm an investor. It's profitable, most of the time. And when it's not -- well it's better than my neighbor's investments with Madoff...he's really in depressed. Me I only lost in two films. Most have turned modest profits.
Blond Chick.
Posted by guest , Jan 28, 2009 9:17AM
@37
couldn't agree more. anal_yst, can you please stop posting on this website. many thanks.
Posted by guest , Jan 28, 2009 9:37AM
Hey Dark Horse - You are sounding a little bitter. Truly sorry that you missed the gravy train years....timing can be a bitch. Using your logic, you are who your W2 says you are Bro.........Hope you haven't pissed away your life away being the "best" only to get have your model discredited by Mr. Market. "Sheer Brilliance" will always win out though. Keep looking busy and it will all work out for you.
Posted by Anal_yst , Jan 28, 2009 1:13PM
@37/47
I'm right behind you.
Thanks for adding absolutely nothing to the conversation btw.
Posted by guest , Jan 28, 2009 2:29PM
Please keep in mind that about 1/3 of the population pay Taxes, the rest is getting Tax credit. And majority of the 1/3 are Bankers, Traders, Structures . . . and all other highly paid finance job.
I think everyone should be blamed for what happened to the economy, starting with the unqualified borrowers, mortgage lenders and the banker who securitized this loan and sale them to unknowledgeable investors. Let’s not forget the short-sellers who took value of certain firms and force them to bankruptcy. In addition, the pick and choose of the bailout.
up_yours
Posted by guest , Jan 28, 2009 6:55PM
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Posted by guest , Feb 08, 2009 6:23AM
At CS, actually, last year, a lot of money was from Asian branches, and US and Europe were simply losing money. However, for bonus payment, the entire bonus pool was paid to London and NY staff.
Why? In 2008, London and NY employed A LOT OF traders who were on guaranteed bonus (some even got 2 years guaranteed). Although most people heard that bonus pool was shrinked by 40%, all Asian trading staff actually got zero bonus, as the bonus pool was just enough to pay those guaranteed bonus of those new London and NY traders.
Each of those guaranteed bonus traders got millions of US dollars. They are also mostly directors and Managing Directors. There were so many D's and MD's at CS. They just employed new staff like crazy in 2008, giving crazy packages.
Asians have been making money for the firm, and got robbed at year end. Haha!
Posted by guest , Feb 08, 2009 6:23AM
At CS, actually, last year, a lot of money was from Asian branches, and US and Europe were simply losing money. However, for bonus payment, the entire bonus pool was paid to London and NY staff.
Why? In 2008, London and NY employed A LOT OF traders who were on guaranteed bonus (some even got 2 years guaranteed). Although most people heard that bonus pool was shrink by 40%, all Asian trading staff actually got zero bonus, as the bonus pool was just enough to pay those guaranteed bonus of those new London and NY traders.
Each of those guaranteed bonus traders got millions of US dollars. They are also mostly directors and Managing Directors. There were so many D's and MD's at CS. They just employed new staff like crazy in 2008, giving crazy packages.
Asians have been making money for the firm, and got robbed at year end. Haha!
Posted by guest , Feb 11, 2009 1:57AM
What a bounch of school kids. Goodness me, what is it with all the name calling? We are all screwed, it will take a few years for the market to recover so suck it up. Tough luck to us all no need to point fingers now, what is done is done.
Posted by Charlize B , Apr 24, 2009 9:28PM
Many post offices these days either change their business location or had their closures due to global economic recession. If you have a package you really need to get in the mail, or if you waited to the last minute to do your taxes on the 15th of April, and haven't joined the 21st century yet and E-Filed (you Luddites, you), take heart. You won't need personal loans to air mail it, because some post offices will be open until midnight on April 15th. It isn't all of them, so you need to find out if it applies to your nearest one. You don't want to need debt consolidation for fines from the IRS because you couldn't use the post office locator.
http://personalmoneystore.com/moneyblog/2009/04/15/post-office-locator-helps-file-taxes-today/
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2009 5:14PM
Americas Head of Talent and Global Diversity at CSFB NYC apparently needed more bonuses in the romance department and now has a personal ad on match.com with a user name of Madisonvenue. Good going dumping the loser Katie.