Emerging Layoffs In Emerging Markets

Posted by Bess Levin, Jan 08, 2009, 11:08am

Picture 520.pngOur favorite midwestern hedge fund (top 25) has closed its Emerging Markets group. We're told that, among other things, like the matter of misplacing more than half its clients' money in the flagship, one of the factors that went into the decision was a matter of redundancy. Apparently higher ups in Chicago deemed it just plain silly to keep the unit going in light of the fact that Kaveh Alamuti, head of the global macro biz, also trades some EMs in his spare time. Still, tears have been shed for the 8 employees who comprised the little group that could, and we pray to god the rumor circulating about Griffin's plans to get rid of the distressed debt team, because it turns out the lady who waters the plants on Wednesdays has it covered, is bull shit.

14Recommend this! 32Comments

Comments

1

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:13AM

-50% is killin' it!

2

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:16AM

Proofread please (last sentence)

3

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:17AM

griffin@2- there's nothing wrong with the last sentence, dipshit.

4

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:20AM

@3 - yu reed inglish gud.

5

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:20AM

what the hell was the last sentence? Someone covered in shit?

6

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:21AM

Wow Bess, you butchered this one.

7

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:22AM

too ponzi, didn't read

8

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:24AM

WTF people get off her. The University of North East Idaho English Blog is that way -->

9

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:25AM

Traders don't lose money; emerging markets do.

10

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:25AM

LMAO that 3 thinks the last sentence is fine. Read it again dipshit.

11

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:25AM

kaveh is a very short man, more loan ranger than team player though

12

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:26AM

There was a time when broken hearts, and broken dreams, were over. There was a place when all you could do was wish on a four leaf clover.

13

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:28AM

@3 you scored a pityful look from Bess and big fuck you from everyone else here.

nice work, asskisser

14

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:29AM

good decision, Kenny G!

It really only takes one big and sufficiently inept/arrogant group to misplace enough funds to kill your company.

15

Posted by Bess Levin , Jan 08, 2009 11:29AM

mensa members @2/5/6- let me break this down for you. there is a rumor circulating that ken griffin is considering getting rid of his distressed team, because it turns out there is another employee (the plant lady) who has it covered.** we are hoping (praying to god even) that the rumor is bull shit, as in false, as in not true.

**JUST like what he did with the emerging markets group.

16

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:34AM

Ahem

"8" should be spelled out as "eight."

"God" is capitalized.

Commas are your enemy.


- distressed debt trader, wishing he hadn't dissed Jamie, with nothing to do...

17

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:36AM

it's amusing that the chimps choose to focus on the last sentence that they can't understand rather than the actual info about citadel.

18

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:37AM

jeez bess you just embarrassed yourself (you are missing the out in "turns out") nice try though in the spelling it out response though... real smooth

19

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:39AM

"you just embarrassed yourself"

you are a too @18

20

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:40AM

their distressed debt team was blow out months ago, too bad they didn't take the flaming piles of poop they called investments with them.

21

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:41AM

their distressed debt team was blow out months ago, too bad they didn't take the flaming piles of poop they called investments with them.

22

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:43AM

A bunch of finance geeks debating grammar. Ironic.

23

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:44AM

@15, Bess, you made an error in that parenthetical because there is no God.

24

Posted by Bess Levin , Jan 08, 2009 11:44AM

@18- oh god, you have no idea. i'm literally hiding my head in shame over the missing 'out.' i don't think i'll ever live this down. hey, quick question here-- are you telling me you're so retarded that you didn't understand the meaning of the sentence w/o the word? it's cool if you are, I'm just gathering information for potential advertisers, etc.

25

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:48AM

listen bess i understood you perfectly and im not one to normally comment on proof reading, but when you are gonna call out douche bags like @2/5/6, which i agree they are for saying your sentence is wrong, you might want to read it a second time to make sure that you dont actually have a typo.
-18

26

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:57AM

@15 and 24

Will you marry me?

27

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 11:58AM

let's take a vote-- add a comma between "covered" and "is?"

text now, lines open until 16:00EST:
92132- for "yes"
92133- for "no"
92134- for "i don't know"
92135- for "dashes more appropriate"

28

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 12:00PM

greg coffey smells of wee wee

29

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 12:49PM

too EM didn't read

30

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 12:57PM

If you are under 37, why not join the FBI. It is hiring like mad.

http://endofesq.com/changing_legaljobs.html

31

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 1:49PM

A semi colon between "could" and "and" would would both satisfy and clarify. For the dull: writer didn't use "could" as auxiliary verb; instead "little group that could" refers to the fabulous "little engine that could".

32

Posted by guest , Jan 08, 2009 1:58PM

"writer didn't use "could" as auxiliary verb; instead "little group that could" refers to the fabulous "little engine that could"."

ding ding ding! @31 has it right.

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