• 16 Jan 2009 at 11:22 AM

Hiring Watch ’09: Citi

By Equity Private

Anyone need a job? Citi is hiring! The Post reports that the profit machine needs a couple of bankers to help it amputate gangrenous limbs and “operate some of the businesses as it identifies buyers over months or years.” John Thain is said to be interested in the gig, and though it’s not yet a done deal, sources tell Dealbreaker he’s been telling friends he’s already found a guy with money to burn.


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Comments (16)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 11:29 AM

    Jan 09 – Thain to replace Pandit
    Mar 09 – BoA Acquires Citi

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 11:32 AM

    Too AIG, didn’t liquidate.

  3. 3
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 11:32 AM

    Every rose has its Thain

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 11:37 AM

    Too Citi – went to sleep

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    Pandit’s Shitty Poop

  6. 6
    Posted by Seaman Bodine | January 16, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    funny, but GS probably has the best strategy of all…shut the fuck up and wait

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    C-Gas is now reporting that John Thain has decided to forgo the Citi opportunity and step in for Steve Jobs at Apple. He cites the folks at Apple telling him “go fuck yourself, you raving lunatic” as concrete proof that the rumor is true.

  8. 8
    Posted by Conflicts of disinterest | January 16, 2009 at 11:50 AM

    Envelope please! And the nominees are Dick Fuld, Primerica; Jimi Cayne, CAI; and Burnie Madoff, Secretary of the Treasury. Let’s tap the skills of these once great Americans, to the national advantage

  9. 9
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 11:59 AM

    I’ll take the job.
    My first step will be to fire EVERYBODY, without exception. Then, I will conduct interviews to fill the approximately 300,000 open positions around the world that will need to be staffed.
    Naturally, regular readers of Dealbreaker* and bankers bearing bribes in excess of $20,000 apiece will have first pick of open positions. Jolly elves and adorable woodland creatures need not apply.
    For this public service, I will take a nominal salary of $1 a year, plus one metric ass-ton of C, BAC, and JPM options of my choice.
    You are allowed to express your gratitude.
    TED
    * You will need to prove this, by identifying, under time pressure, any three of the following items:
    - ShamWow
    - TLDR
    - TGFD
    - Wideclops
    - Equity Private’s cup size
    - Bess Levin’s eye color

  10. 10
    Posted by Seaman Bodine | January 16, 2009 at 12:05 PM

    Just the like the Rock in Walking Tall baby
    you are all fired

  11. 11
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 12:14 PM

    What does TLDR and TGFD stand for? I’ve been on this site long enough to know what JO&C stands for…

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 12:16 PM

    Google told me what TLDR stands for…how about TGFD (too good for drugs?)

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 12:18 PM

    TGFD: you wont find it in Google. Its “The Guy From Delaware”. A poster, who we haven’t heard from in awhile. He went to cash at the market bottom. Maybe even bought some double-short S&P 500 Index ETFs. Hasn’t been heard much from since.

  14. 14
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 12:25 PM

    Now, now, boys and girls: no sharing.
    And after all, I’m really only interested in the last two items.
    TED

  15. 15
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 2:35 PM

    this photo givess me the creeps

  16. 16
    Posted by guest | January 16, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    TLDR: Teldar Paper

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