Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT muffmarkets.com) was an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a "Bulge Bracket" bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. She concentrated in Contemporary French Poetry at prep school where she was awarded the exclusive premiership of the school's "French Club." Today, Ms. Benson-Perella is the Founder and Managing Director of "Muffie on Markets" (http://www.muffmarkets.com), a deep dive into capital markets, finance and investment strategy. She is also the Founder and Managing Director of Muff Cap, LLC., an invitation only, private investment vehicle for non-existent, prestigious and accredited investors only, employing an actively managed, long-short strategy.
There are few things as shameful as the deteriorating state of art and culture in this country. It will come as no surprise to my loyal readers, then, that the subtle, magnificent craft of portraiture appears utterly lost in a thick fog of mediocrity and a pretentious depthlessness. Of course, I can only refer to the latest visual representation of Marc S. Drier (for I cannot bring myself to call it a "picture" or "drawing" much less "art.")
It is the essence of such representations that their creation at least attempt to rise to the level of their subject. In this case, admittedly, that is a tall order. The almost uniformly elegantly dressed Senior Partner of Park Avenue law firm Dreier LLP, Dreier presents a rich, complex texture, shot through with conflicts, dark veins of opposing forces, their churning opposition pressing the envelopes of the psyche, yearning for nothing but escape, escape, escape. Contrast the subtle signs of whirlwinds below the impeccable exterior with the rarely seen, but palpable, open, unshorn rouge and we can forgive him his undergraduate transgressions at Yale, for he certainly redeemed himself at Harvard Law thereafter, and this institutional combination, fatal in any weaker, less featured personality, permits Dreier to wear scruff like a bright ascot, an opportunity he occasionally indulges to juxtapose polished Fifth Avenue class with the suggestion that "That whole Yale thing" might not be that far from the surface, even after all these years.
There is a brazen yet subtle boldness in Dreier, the kind of audacity that mounts his brilliant deceptions in full view of the world, in the fishbowl of a glass-walled conference room, taunting the prospect of discovery as office staff who might at any time recognize him, call him the wrong name, plunge him into drowning, downward spiraling agony, walk by and casually glance through ethereal walls of glass that offer scant protection. The pulsing rhythm of office traversal, and throbbing mechanics of discovery. And who can deny the social genius of targeting Canadian Teachers and U. S. Real Estate firms as the foils of a fraud designed to sap the savviest of hedge funds? The very fabric of his machinations: wry social commentary.
The obvious trappings are all there. The house in the Hamptons. The Manhattan triplex. The Ocean Avenue Santa Monica address. Even selection and placement of his self-propelled carriages, carefully chosen and always mindful of context. The Mercedes 500 for The City. The Aston Martin for the left coast. Upscale, but elegant. Nothing so crass or tasteless as a Rolls or that horrid Bentley Continental (That Ricardo Montalbán is not a spokesman for its "rich Corinthian leather" can only be a consequence of the former's recent passing). The 120 foot Heesen shuttled between Manhattan and St. Maarten. No "Monkey Business" here. A simple, understated "Seascape." No effort here to mingle with the overdone politics on Mustique. No signs of effort standing out on the forehead while emitting the slowly developed and carefully studied faux British accent, no desperately strained expressions to maintain the RP.
Yes, the Seascape became the late night forum for a younger crowd after his divorce, some might label him a knavish rogue for his post-marital-segregation dalliances with youth, but the alternative, a slow descent into the more obvious failings of age, was unappealing and he possessed of the wherewithal to resist it. This we must recognize and admire. Even his art collections show signs of careful (if somewhat cliche) thought, with Rothko, Haring, Warhol's Onassis, Picasso, and the odd Matisse- and these... snatched at the last minute, their purloining somehow arranged by Dreier via public phone from his detention facilities. So too the shuffling of millions of dollars by wire. What brilliance. What gall. What... daring effrontery.
And what are we to make of this complex, deeply and multifaceted subject? Who shall capture this great moment and seal in a bottle to steel against times ravages all this rich character? What representation is history to enjoy of the moment marking the beginning of his great tour of American jurisprudence?
Only this:
A pale, flat effort. Only dimly reflecting the deep contrasts of a critically important subject. Only in passing drawing out the scruffy conflict that is Marc Dreier. Entirely missing the opportunity to indulge the white stubble that screams "Yale! Yale! Yale!" and the hooked nose that protests "Harvard! Harvard! Crimson Forever!" We are given, not a triumph of cathartic revelation, the real Dreier at last for all to see, defiant before his persecutors, but instead, a featureless, depthless stranger, distant and drowning in a sea of dark yellow piss. It pains me even to look upon it.
Dreier, Jailed Lawyer, Indicted in $400 Million Fraud Scheme [Bloomberg]
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 10:50AM
I got to the part about a BA in French and Art and then went back to Erin Burnett talking about Papa John's.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 10:52AM
too muffie - didn't read
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 10:52AM
I've got your pulsing rhythms right here, cupcake.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 10:53AM
Slow news day.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 10:53AM
i think this needs to be relegated to the dating a bankers anonymous blog and not appear here.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 10:54AM
Muffie:
Clearly, you haven't seen Kehindre Wiley's painting at the Brooklyn museum. If you had, you would know that there are some extremely talented portrait painters painting today.
Posted by EconAnalyst , Jan 30, 2009 10:56AM
Bess this is a gem. Wonderful work. A pleasure to read.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 10:56AM
"To me, the entire mortgage fiasco is overblown. No one, and I mean no one, I know has had any problems paying their mortgages, or (for those people who already own their estates outright) paying the upkeep and expenses requirement to manage the property. Of all the expert property owners I surveyed, none had problem mortgages.
Given this, I really wanted some exposure to the “panic” so that I can take advantage of the subsequent “melt-up.” The two best holdings, at least if you take the frequency of their mention in the financial press are Bear Stearns (BSC) and Lehman Brothers (LEH).
Before I could get into Bear Stearns, it blew up badly because of liquidity fears, but Lehman not only hasn’t blown up, but is a huge bargain. The reality is that Lehman has always had better presence, better brand name and better people than Bear. That is worth a lot to me. Plus, you can’t sneeze at a firm that has one of the girls as a CFO. (Of course, she’s a Harvard grad too)."
Muffie's blog - 3/19/08
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 10:57AM
I am the CEO of a hedge fund. What is this "Davos" thing everyone is talking about?
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 10:57AM
booorrrrrinngggggg
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 10:57AM
http://www.kehindewiley.com/main.html
Muffie, check out Kehindre Wiley at the Brooklyn museum. You'll see that the craft of portriature is not dead!
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 10:58AM
her future nervous breakdown is going to be awesome!
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:00AM
"To me, the entire mortgage fiasco is overblown. No one, and I mean no one, I know has had any problems paying their mortgages, or (for those people who already own their estates outright) paying the upkeep and expenses requirement to manage the property. Of all the expert property owners I surveyed, none had problem mortgages.
Given this, I really wanted some exposure to the “panic” so that I can take advantage of the subsequent “melt-up.” The two best holdings, at least if you take the frequency of their mention in the financial press are Bear Stearns (BSC) and Lehman Brothers (LEH).
Before I could get into Bear Stearns, it blew up badly because of liquidity fears, but Lehman not only hasn’t blown up, but is a huge bargain. The reality is that Lehman has always had better presence, better brand name and better people than Bear. That is worth a lot to me. Plus, you can’t sneeze at a firm that has one of the girls as a CFO. (Of course, she’s a Harvard grad too)."
Muffie's blog - 3/19/08
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:01AM
I've got a yen to purloin that snatch.
-BeckyBootFan
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:02AM
this deserves a gold star.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:03AM
idiots@3/14- this is a fictional character. kind of like jerking off to a cartoon.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:03AM
Forgive him for Yale? You attended Vassar. Vassar! A finishing school for young women and dainty men. You are not Bret Easton Ellis. And how many syllables does the post-hyphenate in your last name carry? Three! Vassar...
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Jan 30, 2009 11:03AM
Muff,
Are you still engaged with Brock, or was that a publicity stunt for the NYT Sunday crowd to drool over?
---Fascinated Bystander
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:06AM
shark jumped
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:06AM
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D961I9DG0&show_article=1
chai wallah.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:08AM
@16...she's as real as she needs to be, my friend. Betty Rubble wasn't real either...but that didn't stop me from rubbing out many a stiff one to that tight piece of Bedrock ass.
Oh...Barney, you shnook, if only you knew what I thought of her doing.
-BBF
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:08AM
french. art. bentley. stubble. hook-nose. crimson. piss.
STUPID
Posted by Muffie Benson-Perella , Jan 30, 2009 11:09AM
@16:
That is utterly absurd.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:10AM
This isn't happening.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:10AM
Muffie is typical Harvard drivel...morons!
MuffDiver
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:10AM
tard @17-- IT'S NOT REAL.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:12AM
Muffie time to update that picture. I'm sure you are fat by now.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:14AM
I find it amusing that so many people who attend Ivy League schools find themselves so "I am all that, and then some." I am moving back to Cambridge in several weeks, and I must admit, some of the biggest DUMBASSES I have ever met attended Harvard; I prefer Brown University myself.
Now for the Erin Callan mention, Erin ROCKS!! :D I am a great admirer of her.
~The Blackstone Groupie
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:15AM
Can somebody help me here? I am interested in investing in MuffCap, but only if she went to HBS. I'm looking at her website and I can't tell if she went there.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:15AM
"Oh yes, Chet, when I was in school in Boston..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZb3Xya7jQ8
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:15AM
I find it amusing that so many people who attend Ivy League schools find themselves so "I am all that, and then some." I am moving back to Cambridge in several weeks, and I must admit, some of the biggest DUMBASSES I have ever met attended Harvard; I prefer Brown University myself.
Now for the Erin Callan mention, Erin ROCKS!! :D I am a great admirer of her.
~The Blackstone Groupie
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:18AM
Forgive him for Yale? You attended Vassar. Vassar! A finishing school for young women and dainty men. You are not Bret Easton Ellis. And how many syllables does the post-hyphenate in your last name carry? Three! Vassar...
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:18AM
Bear Stearns? Lehman? Can't be real. I only thought Crammer like those ghosts!
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:20AM
too 'damn it feels good to be a banker' , didn't read
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:21AM
Obama announces a task force on the middle class!!!!
Possibly the dumbest thing Obama will do in office.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:22AM
@28, @31; I AGREE. I PREFER THE PENN CROWD TO EITHER.
DAVOS IS THE NEW HAMPTONS.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:29AM
lay off the coke, incoherent ramblings make hulk mad grrrrrr
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:30AM
Muffie, I only take investment advice from one vagina-nicknamed woman.
PUSSY GALORE! When she says to buy gold, you better buy gold.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:34AM
@43- um, there are people here who actually think this is real, and get accordingly worked up over it.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:36AM
I know this may sound crass, but Muffie, when I get back to Cambridge, we can meet at Au Bon Pain, and discuss The Blackstone Group. I even have the IPO prospectus and my K-1 tax schedule, and I can help guide you threw them. And you are not that bad looking as well. I would not mind to inject some of my liquidity into your hedge fund. :D And face it, you will never be like Erin Callan, so don't even go there...
~The Blackstone Groupie
P.S. Harvard President Drew Gilpin Faust SUCKS~
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:38AM
Dealbreaker joke - a psuedo writing about a psuedo.
Just blown away laughing....someone trying to be ironic? I hope. Gads this is so hilariously pretentious from the bio to last sentence. Oh the wisdom and musings of Muffie....
Whoever oked this posting for you Muffie is not your friend, girl. Simply aweful!
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:40AM
@21: nicely played, sir.
Also, Jessica Rabbit > Betty Rubble.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:52AM
admissions mistake?
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 11:54AM
@16 - of course she's a fictional character...but her post is still accompanied by a picture of a real chick, somewhat hot.
BTW, TLDR.
Posted by StillNoCouch , Jan 30, 2009 12:07PM
Were Muffy and Melissa Sorority Sisters ?
http://longorshortcapital.com/melissa-moodys-ratings-alternative-alert-omg-omg-omg.htm
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 12:11PM
@26 - No way? Thanks sport., sport.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 12:17PM
@50, why do you have to rag on Howard?
oh, and bess.
Muffie - Drier has been rotting in jail since his arrest and you write about this now?
Nice way to stay current. Go shave your bush.
Posted by Muffie Benson-Perella , Jan 30, 2009 12:23PM
Ok, I understand that most finance people are out of their depth when discussing art and culture. That is to be expected. But, seriously people, do you think it so wise to telegraph your insufferable ignorance to the world on a regular basis?
I weep for the future of finance.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 12:24PM
anyone who read this post doesn't have enough work to do.
less words, more action EP.
Posted by Garuda , Jan 30, 2009 12:35PM
Couldn't read, too F. Scott Fitzgerald.
"brazen yet subtle...?"
Jeebus.
Posted by toshiro_mifune , Jan 30, 2009 12:51PM
Muffie - Should we not consider the diptych above to be in the same tradition of Nan Glodin or Larry Clark?
Ask such, I believe it to be evidence that Dreier's artistic tastes have expanded far beyond the 'careful and clichéd' you see.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 12:51PM
@21 - kudos. And @42, couldn't agree with you more.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 12:51PM
Actually I liked the play within a play within a play here. Social commentary within satiric art criticism within social commentary within satiric finance criticism. You have to read the Muffster that way. And it is a terrible picture even for a courtroom sketch. We have so many ways to bring low the formerly mighty. The awful courtroom sketch is only one tool in the larger artform of former hero deconstruction. Bravo Muff. Others miss the genius of your writing. I missed you. Welcome back.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 1:02PM
oh muffie the things i could do to your face with a coathanger...
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 1:03PM
@54
you need some serious help
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 1:21PM
Too EP, didn't read.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 1:24PM
I thought the background info on Muffie was the start of the joke...
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 1:29PM
Am pleasantly awash in silky satirical layers of loving complexity, actually.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 1:58PM
Your rhetorical style is overwhelmingly inappropriate for the subject matter. Learn how to write.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 1:59PM
Your rhetorical style is overwhelmingly inappropriate for the subject matter. Learn how to write.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 2:23PM
A real funzapaloon.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 2:52PM
Who is the unfortunate young lady whose likeness is now the face of Muffie? Did you guys just steal a photo from someone's facebook profile? Is it actually EP?
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 3:09PM
Too vag - couldn't gina
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 3:09PM
If Kehindre Wiley is the standard bearer for modern portraiture then perhaps Jimmie Walker should rummage through his attick and find the prop paintings from Good Times, as they are of equivalent artistic value.
Posted by e_anthony58 , Jan 30, 2009 3:11PM
@1 - Erin Burnett and Papa John's on a Friday night in front of the TV.
Heaven.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 3:36PM
Needs a lot more Muff and a lot less Benson-Perella.
- Fixed Income
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 4:24PM
Too muff. Didn't dive.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 5:08PM
Bizarre but hilarious, Muffie.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 5:29PM
I have to say that it's pretty lame to name your self "Managing Director" of your own blog.
Will she promote herself to SMD in a few years?
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 5:43PM
Cute & clueless, that's how I like my Muffies:
"To me, the entire mortgage fiasco is overblown. No one, and I mean no one, I know has had any problems paying their mortgages, or (for those people who already own their estates outright) paying the upkeep and expenses requirement to manage the property. Of all the expert property owners I surveyed, none had problem mortgages."
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 5:44PM
Is "depthlessness" anything like "shallowness," or does it lack gravitas to use an actual word from the English language?
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 5:50PM
Whyyyy do Dealbreaker / ATL keep letting this girl post? She's horrible!
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 6:12PM
@64 Have fun watching your Euro trash abstract Cy Twombly shite decline in value faster than a mortgage backed security. Kehindre grew up in Compton and is now a multi-millionaire. You hate cause you can't create anything but vomit after a couple of vodka redbulls.
Posted by guest , Jan 30, 2009 8:29PM
This chick sounds like a complete idiot. Check out her website. Can one be more self-promoting than this wannabe finance guru. My god, she left HBS in '05. What could she have possibly learned at this "Bulge Bracket" bank that would qualify her for anything other than looking for another job?
The dark side of the Internet...allowing people like her to somehow attract readers who don't know any better.
Darren
HBS '92
Posted by guest , Jan 31, 2009 12:08AM
Eh, I'd fuck her.
Posted by guest , Feb 01, 2009 12:56AM
The author of this post is a terrible writer. No wonder she has an mba.
Posted by guest , Feb 01, 2009 10:24AM
She doesn't have to be a great writer. She DOESNT look like a complete moose or donkney. That is enough to make horny men nuzzle in closer to have a sniff.
Posted by Chuck Krug , Feb 02, 2009 9:09AM
Darren,
Did you actually think that this is real?
Posted by guest , Feb 02, 2009 11:49PM
I started reading her bio as though it were posted for comic effect (a-la alesky vayner)