Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT muffmarkets.com) was an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. She concentrated in Contemporary French Poetry at prep school where she was awarded the exclusive premiership of the school’s “French Club.” Today, Ms. Benson-Perella is the Founder and Managing Director of “Muffie on Markets” (http://www.muffmarkets.com), a deep dive into capital markets, finance and investment strategy. She is also the Founder and Managing Director of Muff Cap, LLC., an invitation only, private investment vehicle for non-existent, prestigious and accredited investors only, employing an actively managed, long-short strategy.
There are few things as shameful as the deteriorating state of art and culture in this country. It will come as no surprise to my loyal readers, then, that the subtle, magnificent craft of portraiture appears utterly lost in a thick fog of mediocrity and a pretentious depthlessness. Of course, I can only refer to the latest visual representation of Marc S. Drier (for I cannot bring myself to call it a “picture” or “drawing” much less “art.”)
It is the essence of such representations that their creation at least attempt to rise to the level of their subject. In this case, admittedly, that is a tall order. The almost uniformly elegantly dressed Senior Partner of Park Avenue law firm Dreier LLP, Dreier presents a rich, complex texture, shot through with conflicts, dark veins of opposing forces, their churning opposition pressing the envelopes of the psyche, yearning for nothing but escape, escape, escape. Contrast the subtle signs of whirlwinds below the impeccable exterior with the rarely seen, but palpable, open, unshorn rouge and we can forgive him his undergraduate transgressions at Yale, for he certainly redeemed himself at Harvard Law thereafter, and this institutional combination, fatal in any weaker, less featured personality, permits Dreier to wear scruff like a bright ascot, an opportunity he occasionally indulges to juxtapose polished Fifth Avenue class with the suggestion that “That whole Yale thing” might not be that far from the surface, even after all these years.
There is a brazen yet subtle boldness in Dreier, the kind of audacity that mounts his brilliant deceptions in full view of the world, in the fishbowl of a glass-walled conference room, taunting the prospect of discovery as office staff who might at any time recognize him, call him the wrong name, plunge him into drowning, downward spiraling agony, walk by and casually glance through ethereal walls of glass that offer scant protection. The pulsing rhythm of office traversal, and throbbing mechanics of discovery. And who can deny the social genius of targeting Canadian Teachers and U. S. Real Estate firms as the foils of a fraud designed to sap the savviest of hedge funds? The very fabric of his machinations: wry social commentary.
The obvious trappings are all there. The house in the Hamptons. The Manhattan triplex. The Ocean Avenue Santa Monica address. Even selection and placement of his self-propelled carriages, carefully chosen and always mindful of context. The Mercedes 500 for The City. The Aston Martin for the left coast. Upscale, but elegant. Nothing so crass or tasteless as a Rolls or that horrid Bentley Continental (That Ricardo Montalbán is not a spokesman for its “rich Corinthian leather” can only be a consequence of the former’s recent passing). The 120 foot Heesen shuttled between Manhattan and St. Maarten. No “Monkey Business” here. A simple, understated “Seascape.” No effort here to mingle with the overdone politics on Mustique. No signs of effort standing out on the forehead while emitting the slowly developed and carefully studied faux British accent, no desperately strained expressions to maintain the RP.
Yes, the Seascape became the late night forum for a younger crowd after his divorce, some might label him a knavish rogue for his post-marital-segregation dalliances with youth, but the alternative, a slow descent into the more obvious failings of age, was unappealing and he possessed of the wherewithal to resist it. This we must recognize and admire. Even his art collections show signs of careful (if somewhat cliche) thought, with Rothko, Haring, Warhol’s Onassis, Picasso, and the odd Matisse- and these… snatched at the last minute, their purloining somehow arranged by Dreier via public phone from his detention facilities. So too the shuffling of millions of dollars by wire. What brilliance. What gall. What… daring effrontery.
And what are we to make of this complex, deeply and multifaceted subject? Who shall capture this great moment and seal in a bottle to steel against times ravages all this rich character? What representation is history to enjoy of the moment marking the beginning of his great tour of American jurisprudence?
Only this:

A pale, flat effort. Only dimly reflecting the deep contrasts of a critically important subject. Only in passing drawing out the scruffy conflict that is Marc Dreier. Entirely missing the opportunity to indulge the white stubble that screams “Yale! Yale! Yale!” and the hooked nose that protests “Harvard! Harvard! Crimson Forever!” We are given, not a triumph of cathartic revelation, the real Dreier at last for all to see, defiant before his persecutors, but instead, a featureless, depthless stranger, distant and drowning in a sea of dark yellow piss. It pains me even to look upon it.
Dreier, Jailed Lawyer, Indicted in $400 Million Fraud Scheme [Bloomberg]

I got to the part about a BA in French and Art and then went back to Erin Burnett talking about Papa John’s.
too muffie – didn’t read
I’ve got your pulsing rhythms right here, cupcake.
Slow news day.
i think this needs to be relegated to the dating a bankers anonymous blog and not appear here.
Muffie:
Clearly, you haven’t seen Kehindre Wiley’s painting at the Brooklyn museum. If you had, you would know that there are some extremely talented portrait painters painting today.
Bess this is a gem. Wonderful work. A pleasure to read.
“To me, the entire mortgage fiasco is overblown. No one, and I mean no one, I know has had any problems paying their mortgages, or (for those people who already own their estates outright) paying the upkeep and expenses requirement to manage the property. Of all the expert property owners I surveyed, none had problem mortgages.
Given this, I really wanted some exposure to the “panic” so that I can take advantage of the subsequent “melt-up.” The two best holdings, at least if you take the frequency of their mention in the financial press are Bear Stearns (BSC) and Lehman Brothers (LEH).
Before I could get into Bear Stearns, it blew up badly because of liquidity fears, but Lehman not only hasn’t blown up, but is a huge bargain. The reality is that Lehman has always had better presence, better brand name and better people than Bear. That is worth a lot to me. Plus, you can’t sneeze at a firm that has one of the girls as a CFO. (Of course, she’s a Harvard grad too).”
Muffie’s blog – 3/19/08
I am the CEO of a hedge fund. What is this “Davos” thing everyone is talking about?
booorrrrrinngggggg
her future nervous breakdown is going to be awesome!
“To me, the entire mortgage fiasco is overblown. No one, and I mean no one, I know has had any problems paying their mortgages, or (for those people who already own their estates outright) paying the upkeep and expenses requirement to manage the property. Of all the expert property owners I surveyed, none had problem mortgages.
Given this, I really wanted some exposure to the “panic” so that I can take advantage of the subsequent “melt-up.” The two best holdings, at least if you take the frequency of their mention in the financial press are Bear Stearns (BSC) and Lehman Brothers (LEH).
Before I could get into Bear Stearns, it blew up badly because of liquidity fears, but Lehman not only hasn’t blown up, but is a huge bargain. The reality is that Lehman has always had better presence, better brand name and better people than Bear. That is worth a lot to me. Plus, you can’t sneeze at a firm that has one of the girls as a CFO. (Of course, she’s a Harvard grad too).”
Muffie’s blog – 3/19/08
I’ve got a yen to purloin that snatch.
-BeckyBootFan
this deserves a gold star.
idiots@3/14- this is a fictional character. kind of like jerking off to a cartoon.
Forgive him for Yale? You attended Vassar. Vassar! A finishing school for young women and dainty men. You are not Bret Easton Ellis. And how many syllables does the post-hyphenate in your last name carry? Three! Vassar…
Muff,
Are you still engaged with Brock, or was that a publicity stunt for the NYT Sunday crowd to drool over?
—Fascinated Bystander
shark jumped
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D961I9DG0&show_article=1
chai wallah.
@16…she’s as real as she needs to be, my friend. Betty Rubble wasn’t real either…but that didn’t stop me from rubbing out many a stiff one to that tight piece of Bedrock ass.
Oh…Barney, you shnook, if only you knew what I thought of her doing.
-BBF
french. art. bentley. stubble. hook-nose. crimson. piss.
STUPID
@16:
That is utterly absurd.
This isn’t happening.
tard @17– IT’S NOT REAL.
Muffie time to update that picture. I’m sure you are fat by now.
I find it amusing that so many people who attend Ivy League schools find themselves so “I am all that, and then some.” I am moving back to Cambridge in several weeks, and I must admit, some of the biggest DUMBASSES I have ever met attended Harvard; I prefer Brown University myself.
Now for the Erin Callan mention, Erin ROCKS!! :D I am a great admirer of her.
~The Blackstone Groupie
Can somebody help me here? I am interested in investing in MuffCap, but only if she went to HBS. I’m looking at her website and I can’t tell if she went there.
“Oh yes, Chet, when I was in school in Boston…”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZb3Xya7jQ8
I find it amusing that so many people who attend Ivy League schools find themselves so “I am all that, and then some.” I am moving back to Cambridge in several weeks, and I must admit, some of the biggest DUMBASSES I have ever met attended Harvard; I prefer Brown University myself.
Now for the Erin Callan mention, Erin ROCKS!! :D I am a great admirer of her.
~The Blackstone Groupie
Forgive him for Yale? You attended Vassar. Vassar! A finishing school for young women and dainty men. You are not Bret Easton Ellis. And how many syllables does the post-hyphenate in your last name carry? Three! Vassar…
Bear Stearns? Lehman? Can’t be real. I only thought Crammer like those ghosts!
too ‘damn it feels good to be a banker’ , didn’t read
Obama announces a task force on the middle class!!!!
Possibly the dumbest thing Obama will do in office.
@28, @31; I AGREE. I PREFER THE PENN CROWD TO EITHER.
DAVOS IS THE NEW HAMPTONS.
lay off the coke, incoherent ramblings make hulk mad grrrrrr
Muffie, I only take investment advice from one vagina-nicknamed woman.
PUSSY GALORE! When she says to buy gold, you better buy gold.
@43- um, there are people here who actually think this is real, and get accordingly worked up over it.
I know this may sound crass, but Muffie, when I get back to Cambridge, we can meet at Au Bon Pain, and discuss The Blackstone Group. I even have the IPO prospectus and my K-1 tax schedule, and I can help guide you threw them. And you are not that bad looking as well. I would not mind to inject some of my liquidity into your hedge fund. :D And face it, you will never be like Erin Callan, so don’t even go there…
~The Blackstone Groupie
P.S. Harvard President Drew Gilpin Faust SUCKS~
Dealbreaker joke – a psuedo writing about a psuedo.
Just blown away laughing….someone trying to be ironic? I hope. Gads this is so hilariously pretentious from the bio to last sentence. Oh the wisdom and musings of Muffie….
Whoever oked this posting for you Muffie is not your friend, girl. Simply aweful!
@21: nicely played, sir.
Also, Jessica Rabbit > Betty Rubble.
admissions mistake?
@16 – of course she’s a fictional character…but her post is still accompanied by a picture of a real chick, somewhat hot.
BTW, TLDR.
Were Muffy and Melissa Sorority Sisters ?
http://longorshortcapital.com/melissa-moodys-ratings-alternative-alert-omg-omg-omg.htm
@26 – No way? Thanks sport., sport.
@50, why do you have to rag on Howard?
oh, and bess.
Muffie – Drier has been rotting in jail since his arrest and you write about this now?
Nice way to stay current. Go shave your bush.
Ok, I understand that most finance people are out of their depth when discussing art and culture. That is to be expected. But, seriously people, do you think it so wise to telegraph your insufferable ignorance to the world on a regular basis?
I weep for the future of finance.
anyone who read this post doesn’t have enough work to do.
less words, more action EP.
Couldn’t read, too F. Scott Fitzgerald.
“brazen yet subtle…?”
Jeebus.
Muffie – Should we not consider the diptych above to be in the same tradition of Nan Glodin or Larry Clark?
Ask such, I believe it to be evidence that Dreier’s artistic tastes have expanded far beyond the ‘careful and clichéd’ you see.
@21 – kudos. And @42, couldn’t agree with you more.
Actually I liked the play within a play within a play here. Social commentary within satiric art criticism within social commentary within satiric finance criticism. You have to read the Muffster that way. And it is a terrible picture even for a courtroom sketch. We have so many ways to bring low the formerly mighty. The awful courtroom sketch is only one tool in the larger artform of former hero deconstruction. Bravo Muff. Others miss the genius of your writing. I missed you. Welcome back.
oh muffie the things i could do to your face with a coathanger…
@54
you need some serious help
Too EP, didn’t read.
I thought the background info on Muffie was the start of the joke…
Am pleasantly awash in silky satirical layers of loving complexity, actually.
Your rhetorical style is overwhelmingly inappropriate for the subject matter. Learn how to write.
Your rhetorical style is overwhelmingly inappropriate for the subject matter. Learn how to write.
A real funzapaloon.
Who is the unfortunate young lady whose likeness is now the face of Muffie? Did you guys just steal a photo from someone’s facebook profile? Is it actually EP?
Too vag – couldn’t gina
If Kehindre Wiley is the standard bearer for modern portraiture then perhaps Jimmie Walker should rummage through his attick and find the prop paintings from Good Times, as they are of equivalent artistic value.
@1 – Erin Burnett and Papa John’s on a Friday night in front of the TV.
Heaven.
Needs a lot more Muff and a lot less Benson-Perella.
- Fixed Income
Too muff. Didn’t dive.
Bizarre but hilarious, Muffie.
I have to say that it’s pretty lame to name your self “Managing Director” of your own blog.
Will she promote herself to SMD in a few years?
Cute & clueless, that’s how I like my Muffies:
“To me, the entire mortgage fiasco is overblown. No one, and I mean no one, I know has had any problems paying their mortgages, or (for those people who already own their estates outright) paying the upkeep and expenses requirement to manage the property. Of all the expert property owners I surveyed, none had problem mortgages.”
Is “depthlessness” anything like “shallowness,” or does it lack gravitas to use an actual word from the English language?
Whyyyy do Dealbreaker / ATL keep letting this girl post? She’s horrible!
@64 Have fun watching your Euro trash abstract Cy Twombly shite decline in value faster than a mortgage backed security. Kehindre grew up in Compton and is now a multi-millionaire. You hate cause you can’t create anything but vomit after a couple of vodka redbulls.
This chick sounds like a complete idiot. Check out her website. Can one be more self-promoting than this wannabe finance guru. My god, she left HBS in ’05. What could she have possibly learned at this “Bulge Bracket” bank that would qualify her for anything other than looking for another job?
The dark side of the Internet…allowing people like her to somehow attract readers who don’t know any better.
Darren
HBS ’92
Eh, I’d fuck her.
The author of this post is a terrible writer. No wonder she has an mba.
She doesn’t have to be a great writer. She DOESNT look like a complete moose or donkney. That is enough to make horny men nuzzle in closer to have a sniff.
Darren,
Did you actually think that this is real?
I started reading her bio as though it were posted for comic effect (a-la alesky vayner)
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