Everyone’s favorite DB Cooper wannabe apparently emailed a friend, and author of atGeist.com, Tom Britt, to plead his innocence:
Britt said Schrenker claimed in the e-mail that he had done nothing wrong and detailed the moments before he bailed from the plane.
“He said he panicked. He blacked out. He was disoriented when he landed. He was trying to explain to me his side of the story,” Britt said.
We totally understand. That’s a very traumatic experience you went through, Marcus.
CNN reports some other interesting details:
Though his state license to operate as a compensated financial adviser was revoked December 31st when his firm was raided, that didn’t stop him from supposedly working through January 5th.
His wife filed for divorce the day before the raid. (Hmmmm! We need to put this girl and Andy Madoff’s wife together and build a fund around them. Talk about timing!)
Marcus was “disturbed” by what he was reading on CNN and Britt’s website (Your Blackberry is going to give you away, Marcus! Don’t do this to us. We voted for ‘Marcus Flies Free Forever’) and wanted to set the record straight. (From Mexico, one assumes).
A judge has issued an arrest warrant and set $4 million in bail. (That seems low to us, but it was in Indiana, after all).
We are no experts on Indiana law, but might be propose this:
1. Despondent from your wife’s bitter and seditious betrayal (that whore!) and the recent death of your father, you decided to take a nice, relaxing flight and do some late night canoeing. You figured you’d fly down to Florida, drop the plane off and join your friends up in Alabama for some Deliverance/Southern Comfort action. We understand. Really. No need to explain, we’ve seen the family pictures, the upside-down mousepad. We know all the secret codes.
2. Somewhere over Alabama, a can of warm seltzer water exploded. The sound is remarkably like a catastrophic windscreen failure, you know. (Try it!)
3. Convinced that you have been sprayed with glass, and mistaking the warm seltzer water for blood, your eyes stinging and panic setting in, you did the only reasonable thing- what any pilot would do in the same circumstance: you activated the autopilot. How it got set for 2,000 feet, you will never know.
4. Realizing that you were actually close to your Alabama destination, and that landing would be impossible with your badly damaged eyes anyhow, you pulled out the parachute you always keep on board, just in case.
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Well, this is disappointing. The unimaginative fucks at Bank of America have decided, against all odds, not to name the newly formed entity Bank of AmerillWide. No matter, moving forward it will be referred to as such. Also kinda BS? The lack of Bank of Amerillwide door greet Angelo Mozilo’s mug plastered all over company branded shit.
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Robert Jaffe, the so-called “point man” for Ponz. master Bernie Madoff, was supposed to show up to testify this morning before Massachusetts regulators by order of subpoena and didn’t. A spokesman for the division kept it simple, telling the Boston Globe, “He’s not coming. What happens next is to be determined.” Since we know where this is obviously going, at this time, let’s just put our heads together and figure out a. how this one’s planning on faking his death. and b. who gets found first, Schrenker or Jaffe. Our money’s on Bobby.
Like we said yesterday, “big” cuts are slated to go down at BarcLehs. The body count is now estimated at over 2,100 jobs between investment banking and investment management units, with 1,300 coming out of Barclays Capital, 500 in Barclays Wealth and 370 in Barclays Global Investors.
Marcus Schrenker fled Harpersville, Alabama, on a red motorcycle he kept at a storage unit leased under an assumed name, officials said.
Schrenker told the leasing agent at the storage facility that he would be back for the motorcycle Monday, the U.S. Marshals Office said.
The motorcycle — a 2008 Yamaha street bike with saddlebags — was brought to the storage unit by someone in a brown pickup and trailer, the Marshals Office said.
Missing pilot fled on motorcycle, authorities say [CNN]
In the land where the words for “debt” and “guilt” are alarmingly similar, and the chancellor seems to be named for a pubic wig, are we surprised that silly proposals for financial regulation are a regular feature? Not really.
Germany will amend its constitution to ban excessive public borrowing and set up a strict repayment schedule for the public deficit caused by its latest fiscal stimuli, chancellor Angela Merkel said on Tuesday, underlining Berlin’s rising concern about the erosion of fiscal discipline in Europe.
The announcement came as Ms Merkel unveiled a two-year €49.25bn package of growth-boosting measures that, together with steps adopted late last year, will raise to 1.5 per cent of gross domestic product the amount the government plans to spend on fighting the economic crisis this year.
Yes, we are going to return Europe to fiscal discipline. (But not before I slip through this $70 billion spending package).
Germany to ban excessive borrowing [The Financial Times]
True, most financial professionals would be bragging non-stop on CNBC for months after having sent two ignored tips to the SEC about Bernie Madoff, particularly since the analysis was spot-fucking-on. Not, however, Harry Markopolos.
After a decade of trying to convince U.S. authorities that Bernard Madoff’s seemingly high-flying hedge fund was a scam, the man whose warnings could have saved a lot of money for a lot of people issued a terse message to the world: Leave me alone.
He will talk to Congressional investigators and that’s it.
We know its been popular in Dealbreaker circles to predict who will play Markopolos too. Nix that idea forthwith.
The Boston Globe reported that he has been approached by people interested in making a movie about him, but he has rebuffed all overtures.
“They’ll just add in sex and violence,” the Globe quoted Markopolos as saying.
We’d like to do a sock puppet production, but Harry won’t return our calls either.
Madoff whistleblower wants to be left alone [Reuters]
Disappointed by the alarming dearth of intelligence in the modern criminal mind, and with the eventual goal of providing more interesting and alluring white-collar crime mysteries for our readers, we have developed this guide in order to give the modern financial thief a fighting chance at remaining “at large” for at least 60-90 days after consummating a significant fraud.
We at Dealbreaker are dedicated to the preservation of entertaining white-collar crime stories. This seems the most effective way to increase their number.
Below you will find a series of financial crime cover-up “Do’s” and “Don’ts.” Obviously, however, we frown on unethical behavior in any form, and you should always consult your professional financial, legal and tax advisers before embarking on a multi-year flight from justice.
Do: Prepare your escape well before your imminent discovery.
There is nothing worse than trying to plan the many tiers of logistics that are required to effectuate a decent escape and prepare a livable fugitive lifestyle while under time pressure. Rushing things tends to create transparent plans, needlessly involves co-conspirators and makes for bad decision making. (Parking your SUV in the field of view of a video camera when pretending to jump from a local bridge famous for suicide attempts, for instance). Time will permit you to disable the relevant cameras before the attempt, or select a proper location without such perfect coverage.
Don’t: Lose your cool in the face of time pressure if your plans go awry, or if you failed to make any plans or anticipate your imminent discovery.
Ok, we were wrong: There is something worse than trying to plan the many tiers of logistics that are required to effectuate a decent escape, like voluntarily having a conversation with a policeman an hour after you declared an in-air emergency and faked your own death and, in the course of that conversation, handing over your real driver’s license. This is panic-driven behavior. Not to rub it in, but if you had worked on the time part, you’d be better off. Since you didn’t, however, keeping your cool is pretty essential. If you aren’t up for that, well, perhaps you should have concentrated on HVAC work?
Do: Lose the wife/girlfriend/boyfriend. Period. Seriously. No, seriously.
You aren’t doing her a favor by including her in your plans and forcing upon her the choice of either being a co-conspirator, an accessory before the fact, and probably after the fact, or keeping silent and facing significant prosecutorial pressure to turn on you (which will eventually prevail- how exactly do you think she will handle the asset freeze?), or turning you in right after you walk out the door. Besides, once you hit the beach in Venezuela, she’s going to look a lot older, and far less appealing in a swimsuit than you remembered- particularly compared to the local women. Plus, you will face the burden of owing everything to her and that is simply not a weight that a woman like that is going to let a man forget. Ever. Never ever. The Saks Fifth Avenue in Caracas is no Saks Fifth Avenue at all. This alone should be reason to end all argument on this topic. You will likely prosper with the chance to begin again. She is assured not to. If you absolutely must include her in your plans (perhaps she was the firm’s CFO, will be able to cast serious doubt on your tragic death story, etc.) then make sure to conceal the body well before your arrival in Venezuela.
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Madoff sons, Mark and Andy, are the obvious first guesses, but in this case the answer is fellow fishophile and Andy’s new girlfriend, Catherine Hooper. As previously established, Hooper, like the maybe innocent, maybe not M&A spends most of her waking hours fishing and posing. So much so that she was the cover story for a 2001 issue of Fish&Fly, which the magazine supposedly completely coincidentally reprinted as the lead in a “best of” issue distributed last week. I failed to make it through her entire “fantasy,” but perhaps you’ll be able to get it done. In any event, you know what’s after the jump. In related news, the Mark Madoff man-on-fish sex tape should be forthcoming, shot unbeknownst to M-squared by Urban Angler partner Bob Rubin.
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