And I bet all the AAPL Sheeple believe it! Personally, with all due respect to Jobs, I suspect the mock turtleneck is being pulled over our eyes. “Hormone imbalance”? Please. Sorry, not buying it. I don’t know how we’re being lied to– he may not actually be dying, and in fact “hormone imbalance” sounds very pre-op, voluntary, and the first step toward Stephanie Jobs– but we’re not yet convinced this is the full story. As an aside, it’s heartening to see the Apple CEO is still feeling himself, as evidence by the last line of the following letter, which strikes the typical Jobsish dismissive tone. Take comfort in that.
Dear Apple Community,
For the first time in a decade, I’m getting to spend the holiday season with my family, rather than intensely preparing for a Macworld keynote.
Unfortunately, my decision to have Phil deliver the Macworld keynote set off another flurry of rumors about my health, with some even publishing stories of me on my deathbed.
I’ve decided to share something very personal with the Apple community so that we can all relax and enjoy the show tomorrow.
As many of you know, I have been losing weight throughout 2008. The reason has been a mystery to me and my doctors. A few weeks ago, I decided that getting to the root cause of this and reversing it needed to become my #1 priority.
Fortunately, after further testing, my doctors think they have found the cause — a hormone imbalance that has been “robbing” me of the proteins my body needs to be healthy. Sophisticated blood tests have confirmed this diagnosis.
The remedy for this nutritional problem is relatively simple and straightforward, and I’ve already begun treatment. But, just like I didn’t lose this much weight and body mass in a week or a month, my doctors expect it will take me until late this Spring to regain it. I will continue as Apple’s CEO during my recovery.
I have given more than my all to Apple for the past 11 years now. I will be the first one to step up and tell our Board of Directors if I can no longer continue to fulfill my duties as Apple’s CEO. I hope the Apple community will support me in my recovery and know that I will always put what is best for Apple first.
So now I’ve said more than I wanted to say, and all that I am going to say, about this.
Apple CEO Letter [Earth Times via PRNewswire]
I own a PC. I’m not as smart as an apple owner.
Too Granny Smith, didn’t read.
The SJ reality distortion field lives on, hopefully so will El Jobso.
Are Your Nutrition Habits Robbing You from the Body You Desire?
From the makers of Shamwow:
Vitamin supplements for the busy megalomaniac.
Order before midnight and get the Kool Aid for 1/2 price.
Sheeple: Is that like SheMale? That would explain a lot. I’d better give that Aapple store a wide berth.
I heard he’s been working feverishly on a human teleportation feature in the next iPhone – hormonal imbalance and weight loss are just unfortunate side effects; as is dizzy spells, shortness of breath, thoughts of suicide and anal leakage. (They should have those bugs ironed out by next quarter)
@6
I also hear that during his last teleportation experiment there was a fly in the iPhone pod. I guess since the accident he hasn’t been sucking up enough sugars hence the weight loss.
Just don’t invite him to dinner, disgusting eating habits I hear.
@6- no, it’s sheep + people.
@8- no, it’s 5
Shamwow props @4….post took 5 attempts due to PC rebooting required. I seek a Safari internet.
@6, i was thinking of anal leakage. must be psychic.
So Steve Jobs spent a lot money and got a lot press buzz for a disease that wasn’t worth the attention and money and doesn’t really do anything?
At least the guy is consistant.
@9- no, it’s not, you idiot.
Bill Gates had this disease back in the 70′s.
If the shamwow doesn’t work i bet those kinoki foot pads will clear this thing right up.
@Sheeple, it was Kyle that caused 9/11
So I guess this is a test of how long Google Alerts take to activate?
“AAPL”, not “APPL”.
Mayo will clear that right up.
too much dope..
steve took upon
in the “hare rama” temple
anal leakage resulted
apple stocks went lower
crude oil is cheaper than water
steve jobs is no longer hot
- 2009 nomination of literature NOBEL.