We understand that technology can be difficult, and that some members of the finance community, newly liberated from the chains of their investment banking masters, have heretofore only limited experience with Dealbreaker, web browsers, the network of tubes that is the interwebs and instructions not delivered above 110dB. The curse of web blocking software has deprived an entire generation of financiers the ability to properly browse. Now at home in their pajamas, many are learning for the first time, the wonders of open comments on the forums. As an aside, won't you please give to the United Finance Workers Proper Browsing Fund? Every little bit helps.
Accordingly, periodically, we post these comment submission instructions, for the benefit of the community at large.
Step 1: Open new tab (tab 1) in browser.
Step 2: Browse to desired Dealbreaker posting.
Step 3: Enter comment text. (Use spell check, grammar check and idiot check feature of browser / frontal lobe, if required. Please note: Racial slurs, stalking the editors, or threatening violence- when not solicited by the editors- are all likely to get your comment removed. Repeated offenses will get your IP range banned).
Step 4: Review carefully. (Hint: If you don't get the joke, you are probably alone. Telegraphing this in comments is probably unwise before others have gone before you. Short, meaningless missive like "TLDR" or "FIRST" will not amuse the editors. Particularly if the post is short and your comment is not first). Press "Post Comment."
Step 5: Open new tab (tab 2) in browser.
Step 6: Continue browsing via tab 2. DO NOT OBSESS OVER THE STATUS OF YOUR COMMENT.
Step 7: After at least 90 seconds, close tab 1.
Step 8: Lather, rinse, repeat.
Commenting is a privilege and an awesome responsibility. Use it wisely.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 1:51PM
Comment removed by moderator.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 1:51PM
Comment removed by moderator.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 1:52PM
Comment removed by moderator.
Posted by StillNoCouch , Jan 15, 2009 1:53PM
Comment removed by moderator.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 1:55PM
Comment removed by moderator.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 1:55PM
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Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 1:55PM
Comment removed by moderator.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 1:58PM
Post Comment
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 1:58PM
As a member of the financial community, I have improved the efficiency of your system.
Step 1: Post comment
Step 2: After 5 seconds, Hit F5
Step 3: Jizz in your pants as the internet community revels in your comments glory, or kill self as the internet community condemns your lack of humor analysis.
By waiting 5 seconds rather than your alotted 30, this allows for much faster hate spam between Mayo-slingers and Sham-Wowers
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 1:59PM
1-7= Jew
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 1:59PM
This is a really kickass site but you guys need an update to your servers and software. The comments here are some of the best anywhere in finance but its brutally difficult to post here.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 1:59PM
double post
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:00PM
double post
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:00PM
too common sense, ignoring
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:00PM
double post
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:01PM
Lather, rinse, repeat
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:01PM
Lather, rinse, repeat
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:02PM
too big brother, didn't vote obama
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:03PM
too common sense, ignoring
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:03PM
too common sense, ignoring
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:03PM
too common sense, ignoring
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:03PM
too common sense, ignoring
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:03PM
too common sense, ignoring
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:03PM
I am a big hedge fund manager, what is an interweb?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:03PM
too common sense, ignoring
Posted by Anal_yst , Jan 15, 2009 2:04PM
With great power, comes great responsibility
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:05PM
No really I am serious. Where are the daily memos?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:07PM
FIST! I mean 28th.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:08PM
?donde están mis pantalones?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:09PM
Why don't you just fix the problem in the code instead of coming up with this (albeit brilliant) workaround?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:09PM
too common sense, ignoring
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:09PM
Step 9: Realize that there will always be a percentage of people who are new and/or 'tarded and will double post. Fix software to prevent double posts.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:12PM
Boy, this IS a long story. Maybe I WILL get something to eat.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:12PM
Those are some pretty snarky instructions for a broke ass posting system. Stop jiggling Bernie's schvantz and fix it.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:12PM
I repeatedly lather myself all the time.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:14PM
First
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:14PM
First
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:14PM
Re: Step 3, assuming no prohibitions on discussions of EP-guest-BL sandwiches?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:15PM
@32 agree. Also, on occasion the server returns an error saying the post was lost but, embarrassingly, it later shows up around the time of repost.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:16PM
I love lamp.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:16PM
Maybe if this crap wasn't hosted by blogspot or whatever ghetto platform it may be, this would not happen...
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Jan 15, 2009 2:16PM
To be fair, the TLDR guy/gal did create a phenomenon, unlike any other preceding limecat. Let's be honest.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:18PM
Sorry EP, but you should have expected these responses.
Sincerely,
Did not post above
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Jan 15, 2009 2:20PM
(addendum, regarding limecat v. TLDR: in the blogosphere, not specifically DB)
---TLDR Closet Fan
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:22PM
hey bitches did TGFD die or ran out of cash to pay for minutes in teh internetcafe, i haven't read any of his retarded posts for a while..
Posted by Pay It Forward , Jan 15, 2009 2:22PM
FIRST, bitches!
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:23PM
@41- if it were hosted by blogspot, it would be dealbreaker.blogspot.com, you dumbfuck.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:24PM
1 - post in browser a
2 - open browser b; navigate to post location and keep refreshing until your post shows uo.
3 - close browser a
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:24PM
I always assumed most double posts were people mocking the original post in an attempt to make them look even more foolish.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:24PM
1 - post in browser a
2 - open browser b; navigate to post location and keep refreshing until your post shows uo.
3 - close browser a
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:25PM
1 - post in browser a
2 - open browser b; navigate to post location and keep refreshing until your post shows uo.
3 - close browser a
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:26PM
Slow news day, huh?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:26PM
Or y'all could get yourself one of these.
Ezzie
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:28PM
Slow news day, huh?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:28PM
I always assumed most double posts were people mocking the original post in an attempt to make them look even more foolish.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:30PM
#11, you must work in local government
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:30PM
Slow news day, huh?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:30PM
Whenever I hit "Post Comment" it gives me the same feeling as when I'm talking to girls at Fashion Meets Finance. I crap my pants and get a boner at the same time....like right now!!
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:32PM
Or y'all could get yourself one of these.
Ezzie
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:34PM
Or y'all could get yourself one of these: http://xkcd.com/481/
Ezzie
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:36PM
OR maybe dealbreaker can update their own technology/bandwidth.
Other less-known, less-trafficked, and less-financed sites seem to have better "Comments" features.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:37PM
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
EP sucks
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:38PM
Stalking is such a dirty word. I prefer the term "persuing 1's interest with pashon and commitment". "Know" means "know" unless you have a stake knife in you're hand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9SUuHcbngc&NR=1
SPODE
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:41PM
to tutorial - took a nap
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:43PM
EP where's my TPS report
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:49PM
1. Write comment
2. Post comment.
3. Take a nap.
4. Read a book.
5. Check to see if it posted.
6. Take a crap.
7. Check again to see if it posted.
8. Wonder why DB comments take forever to post.
9. Brush my teeth.
10. Take a shot with my wife.
11. Pound sand as instructed.
12. Go to bed.
13. Wake up.
14. Check to see if it posted.
15. Have breakfast.
16. Take a crap.
17. Go to work.
18. Check to see if it posted.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:51PM
Clearly written by girls...
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:52PM
It's not stalking, it's just unsolicited friendship.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 2:52PM
What number am I? ----------------------------------->
Hell yea Bitches!
SPODE
Posted by Tahoe , Jan 15, 2009 2:59PM
That's what I'm talking about! Maury Ballstein, Balls Models. Tushy squeeze!
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:00PM
My god, dealbreaker: FIX YOUR CRAPPY SOFTWARE!!!!! Every other site I frequent has it right, why can't you?
[99.99% of internet forums]: Type a comment, press 'submit' and the page refreshes in a few seconds with your comment on it.
[Dealbreaker and Above The Law]: Type comment, press 'submit' and watch your browser go on hiatus for more than a full minute, with the 'page loading' icon spinning around. (optional) Back up a page or hit refresh because you think the lack of a response means your computer malfunctioned or your internet connection was interrupted, and accidentally generate an obnoxious DOUBLE POST!)
Seriously, FIX YOUR SOFTWARE. IT IS BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:01PM
"FIRST" is too missive. That's why you need to add "Bitches!" Now you're cooking with gas.
First Bitches!
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:02PM
This blog is so much better than ATL since Lat left. Thank you EP, BL, and guests!
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:03PM
C'mon everyone - CGI is the best technology that 1997 had to offer!
Other than that -- great site.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:06PM
First
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:08PM
Bess and EP, I think you need me more than you think you do. The fact is without me there wouldn't be a second poster.
Think about it. Really get in there and mull it the fuck over.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciG-Xs7mBwU
Kissing Grandma's
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:11PM
Probably more obnoxious than the posts is the downgrade in content since Ron Blarney left the site. I'm not saying he's better, i'm just saying this site became significantly less informative and much more "Current Affair"ish give or take the exact moment he left. Just sayin.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:12PM
too gay -- need to gargle
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:14PM
I swear Bess and EP are sitting there looking at each other and mouthing "assholes".
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:17PM
Before I even clicked on the comments, I knew half of them would be double posts. Yep, I have the typical DB'er pegged.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:18PM
Comment removed by moderator.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:20PM
Wasn't surprised by the top level comment deletions either. Some of the posters are HUGE Assholes.
I'm outta this one.
Posted by Bess Levin , Jan 15, 2009 3:20PM
@79- you couldn't be more wrong. it's 'cocksucker,' not 'asshole.'
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:21PM
Got an error: Connection error: Too many connections at lib/MT/ObjectDriver/Driver/DBD/mysql.pm line 49
at lib/MT/ObjectDriver/Driver/DBD/mysql.pm line 49
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:21PM
Prediction: This is easily, and quickly, going to become the most commented-upon thread on DB.
Suggestion:
1. Hit "Post Comment"
2. Scroll to top of screen, go to "Home" tab.
3. Go back to story.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:21PM
@81
That would be original if you'd chosen the right font.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:22PM
2009 DB resolution- "clean this place up."
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:22PM
My fantasy is one night of carnal pleasure with 'girl' wearing my Gene Simmons outfit. She throws me out the next morning and I spend the next day JO&Cing & listening to Stay With Me (Lorraine Ellison's version) over and over and over.
(It's not stalking if the love is real.)
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:22PM
@77- Just sayin', that is a joke of gigantic proportions. Since Carney left this site has broken more news than ever, and has probably the best hedge fund sources around (since I know you read clusterstock, Carney actually wrote that of DB in a post last week). The only thing that's changed since Blarney left has been less tripe from him, such as his completely made up stories that begin "we were having drunks with a goldman exec last night. as he dipped his fingers in his dirty martini and then licked away the juice, he remarked, 'wall street, as we know it, is dead.'"
Know how you know DB's superior to JC + Clusterstock? The percentage of stories he shamelessly rips off from this site.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:24PM
Spend some money and fix your technology. This platform is brain-dead.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:27PM
I'm 92. Here's the error I got after I pressed "Post Comment" (it took a while to get this error):
Publish failed: Renaming tempfile '/var/www/html/domains/dealbreaker.com/2009/01/index.php.new' failed: Renaming '/var/www/html/domains/dealbreaker.com/2009/01/index.php.new' to '/var/www/html/domains/dealbreaker.com/2009/01/index.php' failed: No such file or directory
Bullshit error.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:29PM
@83
I hear that. This thread will go down as the biggest train wreck of the week.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:31PM
@93 too 010101010101010 did not compute
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:33PM
@81, I guess I'm the only one noticing 15 Madoff posts a day when i didn't give a shit about the first one.
This sites contacts were there before Blarney left. They're not loyal to any writers, (maybe bess), they're loyal to the site.
This site is so over posted it's obnoxious.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:36PM
Go away 97.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:45PM
Nothing is fucked here.
-BeckyBootFan
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:47PM
@94 No, wrong. Dealbreaker did not have the contacts when Carney was here. They did not break as much news when Carney was here, and they NEVER posted investor letters, or performance letters.
"This sites contacts were there before Blarney left. They're not loyal to any writers, (maybe bess), they're loyal to the site." This comment reveals your stupidity. Bess IS Dealbreaker. You understand that, right?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:50PM
There are tabs in browsers? Who else knew about this?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:51PM
@94 "I guess I'm the only one noticing 15 Madoff posts a day when i didn't give a shit about the first one. "
No, you're just the only 3 year-old with the inability to ignore something he doesn't like and pay attention to something he does. There are PLENTY of non-madoff posts on this site.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:58PM
Somone please post a link to Bess' first grade yearbook photo & EP's home address. (Would that violate #3 above? Aw, schucks...)
77 - right on.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 3:58PM
re this is DB better or worse rif: I think that since the s!!t hit all that's been happening is a lot of trouble: layoffs, madoffs, bonus cuts, really bad returns and other disappointments. Boring because its the same old bad news every week, with only slightly different twists. Not much getting done, we're simply in survival mode and its not all that interesting vs. the times when you actually got a rush from work.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:03PM
@100-- why are such a little bitch troll? honestly, if you hate db/the editors so much, why are you here?
Posted by Pay It Forward , Jan 15, 2009 4:07PM
@69
Spode, you're the shit.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:07PM
Why not fix the code to make the user experience better? Programmers always say bugs are a feature and making an app dummy-proof is not their responsibility. Those programmers get fired eventually.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:20PM
102 - Don't hate DB, interesting info shows up here from time to time. The editors can be babies. Carney clearly has more knowledge than EP. EP comes off as a less interesting Bess. Bess can be mean in her post and then has thin skin when called out on it.
Posting posting instructions is stupid. Making a silly joke about posting instructions was amusing to me.
Why do you come here? To get your "Hater on."
Now go back to New Jersey...
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:26PM
Too Long, Didn't read
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:26PM
Can't you gals just take the L across the river and find some unemployed hipster blogger who will fix your crappy software for a 6-pack of PBR?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:26PM
Too Long, Didn't read
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:26PM
Too Long, Didn't read
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:26PM
Too Long, Didn't read
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:26PM
Too Long, Didn't read
Posted by miami , Jan 15, 2009 4:29PM
Look, it's not 'stalking,' it's 'Shadow Dating,' alrite?
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:40PM
Gentlemen, please remember this is a free service, so since you're not paying a dime to use it, while don't you all just step out for a second and grab a glass of 'shut-the-fuck-up'
Peace.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:48PM
@113, agreed.
@105- It's amusing how taken you are by Carney's soap-box bull shit (most of which is made up, or ripped off). And you didn't make a joke about the posting of instructions, you made uninformed comments about the quality of DB post-JC. DB has improved remarkably since he departed, and that shows in the news they break, and in the sources they've gained (example: while Carney was at DB, the site had zero information on SAC, and then they were the first news source to report the firm going to cash, and the only one to routinely post its funds' performances). Also, in Bloomberg, etc citing DB, the NYT admitting to ripping of DB, etc. Seen clusterstock mentioned anywhere? No. I agree that this particular post was stupid, but your spewing your own brand of stupidity doesn't change that.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 4:52PM
You guys do realize that double/repeat postings was the obvious angle. Way to be original, douchebags.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 5:00PM
Onay oubleday ostingspay, ouyay ouchebagsday.
Enoughway alreadyway.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 5:01PM
You guys do realize that double/repeat postings was the obvious angle. Way to be original, douchebags.
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 5:19PM
TITS OR GTFO!
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 5:19PM
TITS OR GTFO!
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 5:44PM
FIRST
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 6:02PM
121
Posted by guest , Jan 15, 2009 6:12PM
Too many rules. Ignored.
Posted by guest , Jan 16, 2009 6:40PM
test
Posted by guest , Jan 16, 2009 10:07PM
maybe its your technology, not your customers?
Posted by Anal_yst , Jan 16, 2009 11:56PM
Ladies ladies ladies, perhaps dealbreaker ALREADY IS in the process of upgrading, they're just waiting to surprise all of you, just a thought...