February 2009

  • News

    Write-Offs: 02.27.09

    $$$ Talking Shop With a Vulture Investor [Daily Intel] $$$ Criminal Complaint HAS Been Issued For Sir Allen [Clusterstock] $$$ “A former Chicago nightclub owner whose investment firm, Tsunami Capital, was sued by the federal government amid fraud allegations, has been indicted for allegedly running a Ponzi scheme, authorities said today.” [CBN] $$$ “Oppenheimer: Dropping […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 5:20 PM
  • News

    90 Out Of 8000 Isn’t Bad

    Thank the heavens the FBI and a receiver are on the case. If the SEC were in charge we would have found assets of -$1.8 billion by this time. Yes, we could be angry. We could be very angry indeed. Fortunately, cooler heads have prevailed, and instead we have begun the slow process of financial […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 3:40 PM
  • News

    Call The Dow

    Yes, on a day like today (we’ve seen over 2% down on the S&P 500, about break even, and back to 1.25% down) we figured it would be the prefect time to play “guess today’s Dow close.” It’s 7138 right now. What say you, Dealbreaker? Same rules as always. Closest without going under. Go.

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 3:29 PM
  • News

    Answer: A Hot Pocket, That Has Non-Consensual Sex With You

    Question: What is a Side Pocket? To: Our Investors and Other Interested Parties Re: Mid-Quarter Update – Establishing Special Investment Portfolio As our investors know, we have made every effort to steer clear of the common problems in our industry in these unusual times. We responsibly managed liquidity during the 2008 market downturn and timely […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 2:54 PM
  • News

    The Essence Of Class Warfare

    Does anyone else find it interesting that, while the Mets managed to seal their stadium naming deal with Citibank, the Yankees are shit out of luck? The Yankees and troubled Bank of America have ended talks for a major sponsorship deal for the new Yankee Stadium. The Yankees were reportedly close to a lucrative signature […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 2:34 PM
  • News


    Do you think CNBC overlord Immelt personally put in a special request for the 10-boxer to accompany the GE news?

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 2:06 PM
  • News

    Highland Capital Will Turn It Around, One Shot In Your Ass At A Time

    Through no fault of its own but solely due to “unprecedented market volatility and disruption to the financial system,” Highland Capital’s had a bit of trubs lately, which have unfortunately snowballed into the firm closing three funds since October (most recently the CDO Opportunity fund, last week). Don’t count them out yet though, cause it […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 1:38 PM
  • News

    Madoff Exec: “The situation is obviously fluid”

    February 24, 2009 Dear clients and valued partners, I wanted to give you a brief update on the status regarding the sale of our market making operations. We have continued to make significant progress working with Lazard Frères &Co. LLC and are happy to report that a sale appears in reach. I can not release […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 1:13 PM
  • News

    Right. Except That If You Watch His Eyes, He Blinks “Geithner waterboarded me” In Morse Code

    HAINES: You’re telling me you’re happy having these people looking over your shoulder? CRITTENDEN: I have to tell you Mark, we are appreciative of the investment that the government has made in us. You know, they’ve made a significant commitment to the company. As you know, $45 billion.

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 12:44 PM
  • News

    “Breaking” “News” On Citi From CNBC

    The bank has “no time frame” for naming new directors, which Dick Parsons told Thompson when he was “crossing the street.” The situation is fluid. Update: Okay, this actually is breaking. Parsons apparently also told Thompson that the Big C’s management has its “arms around” the situation. Gasparino to add more color on the reach […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 12:38 PM
  • News

    Wal-Mart Tragedy

    Yes, we spend a lot of time poking fun and making light of unpleasant subjects. (Wal-Mart has been a frequent target). Unfortunately, sometimes there is just no raising what are beyond dismal and sad tidings. Beyond all the joking and high-finance hijinks, there are some things that remind us that there is an undercurrent of […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 12:00 PM
  • News


    No one likes a downer (well, how about: “only old WASP crones really appreciate the importance of a good downer.” I know several, many since expired, who raved against the Schedule I scheduling of Methaqualone in 1984. One even called her attorney and asked about lobbying against the decision. No, I’m really not kidding). Be […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 11:40 AM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’09: BLK

    More cuts a-comin’ at BlackRock. Round 2 of project population restructuring will apparently be “aimed at more senior employees” and is expected to result in around 250 to 300 employees (approximately 5 percent) being shown the door (the first round of bloodletting affected about 8 percent of the team, bringing the headcount down to 5,500 […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 11:18 AM
  • News

    Ackman To The Rescue

    Though likely reeling from the recent blows to his Target holdings, Bill Ackman isn’t going to go quietly into the night any time soon. The New York Times reports today that our activist hero (we love you BA!) is in talks with Target to add (and subtract) some board members. We agree with the big […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 10:27 AM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’09: SAC

    Pour out some estrogen for Stamford tonight. Apparently the big guy is planning on showing 30-40 of his back office babies the door. On a preemptive note, I don’t want to hear back office doesn’t count– all Little Steves count.

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 10:22 AM
  • News

    Markets Bomb At The Open

    Not 5 minutes in and the Dow is down 1.2% 1.6%, another little bit and we will be flirting with 7000. The S&P 500 down 1.5% over 2% and the bailout index down over 8%. Ouch. It will likely prove an interesting Friday. Unhelpful is the news that: “The U.S. recession deepened a lot more […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 9:39 AM
  • News

    Pandit: “I have received thousands of emails from you encouraging me to not give up hope and determination. I never have.”

    From: vikrampandit@citi.com Sent: Friday, February 27, 2009 7:51 AM Subject: Memo from Vikram Dear Citi Colleagues, Earlier this morning, we announced an exchange offer for our preferred stock that I believe will enhance our capital position and bolster public confidence in Citi, and by extension, our financial system. You will find additional details on the […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 9:30 AM
  • News

    Bank of America’s Web Of Lies

    Mail call: “If you read the news it says that Ken Lewis had to take the corporate jet ‘because of the timing of the meeting‘ with Cuomo yesterday. Ken Lewis was sitting in a hair salon called Emerson Joseph in Charlotte at 10:00 am, taking his sweet time, being groomed. More than one person I […]

    / Feb 27, 2009 at 9:18 AM

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