Scene: The Cash Room, United States Treasury
Banked by the latest results of the stimulus plan, ten Chinese made American flags purchased from the Troubled Flag Producer Relief Program, a single podium under gold gilded ceilings. A tense crowd, filled with runners holding seats for the notables not yet arrived, passes the moments in the dark rumble of idle conversation….
…assuming the podium, which is labeled “Financial Stability and Recovery,” Chris Dodd, sporting slicked back hair that might well be that of Gordon Gekko, but for its yellowed white color. Introductions are made. Panic is expressed. Urgency is urged.
Dodd, swimming in a morass of confusion, repeats the words “fresh ideas” over and over.
Geithner, pivoting back and forth like a tennis ball machine, serves up almost Randian morsels on “the doers,” “the innovators,” to the audience- who offered not a single clap following his introduction.
He is unsure how his public have received his deft replacement of the word “stop” with “arrest,” a last minute change adopted after consulting the Microsoft Thesaurus early-morning.
Even Dodd cocks his head, off camera, trying to remember where he heard that it was a bad thing, not a good thing, to start a “two front” war, as Geithner now advocates. Was it Kissinger? Lee Marvin? The Princess Bride? The moment is lost.
The Safecracker looks haggard. His youth sucked out, leaving his skin gray underneath the caked on camera makeup that covers his face and shining forehead. Signs of a late night spent practicing in front of the mirror.
As his message rounds the course of re-leveraging the economy, restarting securitization and once again getting consumers doing what they are supposed to, amassing more debt, the word “private” is sprinkled, strategically, wherever the word “public” appears- just in case.
The Safecracker builds to the crescendo, where he announces a complete revamp of the entire financial regulatory system is in the works. One that will never, never ever, permit us to face such a crisis again. The sing-song, harmonic cycle of his intonation never faltering, keeping pace like a Cesium clock. Rising and falling in a low throbbing pulse.
It occurs to him that by admitting that things might get worse before they get better, he has given lie to the “never again” remark. He hopes, as the sweat builds, it will pass.
But his momentum is robbed. The hidden earpiece crackles, the market is down three and a half percent. The NASDAQ index of bailout recipients is down over nine percent. Nine point five. Nine point seven….
He closes quickly. Turns, not even acknowledging the tepid applause, trots down the stairs, slips behind the flags and exits, without fanfare, head down the entire way. The air escapes the room.
Unsure if there is more to see, the audience remains motionless for a few beats. First he was there, then he was gone. Away into the depths of the Treasury, exiting through the secret passage into the Crack-Cave. He has vanished before their eyes. He is…
…The Safecracker.
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Geithner looks like he should live under a bridge and collect tolls from passersby.
Too Teldar, didn’t Paper
He actually kind of looks like a cross between Tony Blair and Sloth from the Goonies
Are ears the new black?
JEWCLOPS
EP, why don’t you use your real name.
Just curious.
Chris Dodd f’ing fails at life.
@6 – LOL.
Cant believe he blamed Ala Spam in there…oh hero where have you gone?
Tim congrats on doing such a fine job last year
Cant believe he blamed Alan Spam in there…oh hero where have you gone?
Tim congrats on doing such a fine job last year
“Access to government resources is a privilege not a right and comes with tough new conditions and responsibilities.”
I sure hope someone remembers this quote when the administration nationalizes our health care system.
OK, this guy is starting to p!$$ me off. Either he’s a moron or he’s never sold/led anything in his life.
Geithner says, “I want to be candid: this comprehensive strategy will cost money, involve risk, and take time,” Geithner said in a widely anticipated speech. “We will have to adapt it as conditions change. We will have to try things we’ve never tried before. We will make mistakes. We will go through periods in which things get worse and progress is uneven or interrupted.”
Can you imagine if someone tried to sell you a car like this, “Well, it might not run smooth, things may get bumpy, and the car will adapt to the road as conditions/weather changes.”
Are you f$#$ing kidding me? Would anyone buy the car!!??
@12
We aren’t given a choice to buy the car. “Drive this or walk”
Half watching here….. did Geithner just say “American citizens have watched the value of their homes deteriorate for reasons they did not create”…. ???? What the fcuk!?!?! The TSec dosent get it!?!?!?! Bad wall st, bad bad bad!! Holy fck we are doomed…..
@3 Hilarious!
OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT!?!!!!!!!!
market getting BURIED. Why cant someone come out and say “people, there is no answer here. We cant fix this”
@13. True. Walking might get us there in one piece-the car might kill us.
A plan to make a plan? WTF
14-
Geithner is part of the group who can’t admit they are part of the problem. He and his type fervently believe that Wall Street was a victim of circumstances, that “others” caused this and that he and his type honestly don’t believe they should suffer financially in any way, shape or form.
Geithner doesn’t get it. Neither he nor any senior executives in the financial sector have come before the American people, explained what they did wrong over the past 10 years and what changes they are going to enact moving forward.
We understand these clowns are going top throw trillions of dollars at this problem. What substantive systemic changes are going to be enacted to make sure we are going to address the root causes of the crisis???
wow that was so bad, yet so so good. A sophomore marketing student called, he was not impressed.
Waiting for Obama to channel his inner Katrina-era Bush: “Doin a hell of a job Timmy.”
We are so screwed. Geithner is so far in over his head it is frightening.
The market was rocking last week on anticipated changes in MTM, but what do markets know compared to lifer technocrats? From Bernanke to Hank to Timmy, not one has done a damn bit of good in restoring confidence in their understanding of markets and economics.
I am jewclaw, what is stimulus?
@22 Going Long Canada
Why didn’t they just hire Vince the Sham Wow guy to be their spokesperson?
At least he’s believable.
(“This for the house…the car…the boat…the RV”)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ns4mnmNBk1Y
23 In retrospect, wasn’t that silly? A change in the MTM rules would not alter the fundamentals at all, so why all the fuss.
What did we expect from a guy who can’t figure out a 1040 form?
US Treasury should issue bearer bonds to all tax payers.
23-
Agreed. Instead of telling us that they are going to throw unlimited amounts of money at the problem and see what happens, why didn’t he come out and at least mention planned planned changes to MTM?
Simply throwing money at a problem does not restore any confidence or lead one to believe these clowns have a viable plan.
This could be the first day of the rest of our miserable lives.
Dylan Ratscallion
@22..
I concur..
-mrp
2009 – done and screwed. Perhaps 2010 will be better…
I’m going to loot a few cases of Heineken from the Food King. Its what Americans do when we are in the middle of a disaster and the government doesn’t have a clue what to do.
http://academic.udayton.edu/race/01race/Lootie/OPPLOOTER.jpg
They could have made Jimmy Cayne Treasury Secretary — he’d do a better job than Timmy.
We’d probably all receive free coupons for McDonald’s Breakfast Burritos too.
EP,
As always, a great read.
A brilliant read EP, thanks.
Will CAN accept USA refugees?
29, no can do. That’s like writing an IOU to self with a bit of income redistribution thrown in there.
@23 and 30…oh yeah, bring on suspension of MTM, that’ll do good…