Congrats my little Bank of Amerillwiders– you’re all getting a Vermont Teddy Bear Love Bandit, on Lewis. No, you wish. But this almost as good. Turns out you’ll be getting the entirety of 2008′s bonus in under a decade! DowJones has confirmed what we told you yesterday:
Bank of America Corp. (BAC) reversed course on a controversial decision to defer 2008 bonus payments for some investment banking staff. The bank’s change of plan is designed to limit discontent amid a rocky integration with newly acquired Merrill Lynch.
The Charlotte-based bank is telling some employees in various businesses across the bank that a portion of their bonuses will be paid out over six quarters. That change significantly shortens a previous plan that would have deferred bonus payments to some employees over a period of time that stretched through 2012.
If I was a BAC employee I would take the Bandit…….
It would be one thing if they were paying out big bonuses over 6 quarters. But stretching out -80% bonuses for a year and a half gives off that whiff of desperation.
80% bonuses? What division are you in? 80% sounds good to this toiling stiff!
@2- bottom line. do you want your bonus, whatever the size, sooner or later?
BofA, January of 2009: “We’ve decided to pay you nothing as a bonus…”
BofA, February of 2009: “We’ve had a change of heart. Whatever we said we were going to pay you in 2009, we want you take that number, cut it in half, and double it. Job well done.”
Who cares. Same thing…
@5- you’re an idiot.
@clown– “who cares” hmmmmmm i can’t think of someone who would care….hmmmm….hmmmm….oh wait, bac employees you intard.
Wow, $27 every 3 months…sign me up
Pay a bonus for what? Where are the rats going to escape to?
@3 would (80%) make it any clearer? Or do you need words – “down 80% from last year”? That’s what -80% was supposed to convey
Can we get spirit points instead?
@10- pretty sure he got that, but was implying that most bonuses are down worse than 80%.
Erin Burnett is looking kind of ragged this morning. Another hard night?
@13
I made good use of my riding crop.
Erin didn’t leave my pad until 2:30…I’m surprised she even made it in this morning. You may have noticed that she’s walking a little bow-legged too.
i fucking hate that bear.
@6 and 7
You guys should know that money today, is worth more than money tomorrow. Especially if you don’t even know if it’s going to be there. “6 quarters” ago, we were in 2007 PL (Pre-Lehman) and not one person could have predicted back then what we have today. The banks are insolvent. BAC will continue to have to rely on federal assistance to keep it from going under for all of 2009. Do you really think employees will ever see those bonus payouts? They may not even be a “bank” six quarters from now…
the bear looks gay, let’s call him Bear Sternum
The only Bear I’ll be getting is the careerbuilder.com-inspired Koala I got off Amazon, to sit on my desk to serve as a punching bag, but thats neither here nor there…
Right, France, regulator of Credit Lyonnaise and Societe General is telling Britain and the US that they need to do better oversight of their financial institutions?
At least in the US we don’t burn headquarters to the ground to avoid producing documents.
Worst commercial ever.
@17
clown capital, why dont you go invest in a nice new red nose and some floppy oversized shoes and some assless chaps in brights colors and fuck off of this message board
I think bess is angling for the bear. way to go @calgary schmooze, you got her all worked up now.
I’m ken lewis, what is a bonus?
You guys don’t like that strange trifecta of “awww sighs” you hear every morning when they open the teddy bear packaging while you watch squawkbox and the lady who in the annoying-bitch voice goes “Where can I get a guy like that?”
Hmm i always thought that commercial was a homerun.
@17- um, hello? that’s why I was saying I would rather be paid over a shorter period of time than longer? you were the one saying who should care about this.
-6
Speaking of Vermont Teddy Bears, I sent the Madoff boys this one;
http://www.vermontteddybear.com/SellGroup/Gone-Fishing-Bear.aspx?bhcp=1
Hope it cheers them up!
@15
You’re fucking a liar. She was wearing the catwoman outfit and my crop made a resounding “thwack!” each time it was used.
I like my women haggard in the morning.
i also hate the way bertha coombs gasps for breath. breathe, woman, no one cares what you have to say anyway.
@22
Are you really trying to talk tough on a message board??? Really??? What exactly are you going to do? Type in ALL CAPS??? Hurl invectives at my “screen name” in some pathetic effort to diminish my self-esteem? (hey look everybody in cyberland, I’m REALLY MAD!!! arrrrrgghhhh!!!) Take it easy buddy. Don’t get your bra straps all tangled up. This is a discussion board in case you didn’t know. I’m merely trying to participate in that discussion.
Don’t tell Maxine but I think Ken Lewis figured out a way to charge fees on TARP money so that he could fund the bonus pool….
Let’s a discussion on Lloyds going
Every discussion board needs morons like VIK, SPODE, ClownC, etc. It would otherwise be a boring place where everyone agreed with each other.
@ 13 It’s a tough gig when you’re looking at Maria Bartoromo and realizing that your shelf life is only so much before you start looking MILF-like — Roger Ailes at Fox commented on how Erin had a year or two left, like she’s Kurt Warner or Manny Ramirez — and you have to line up that private equity sugar daddy as quickly as possible.
@16. I hear you brother. If I see that CNBC ad one more time, I’m losing it.
@31
What about Lloyds? Besides their funky-ass building, could possibly be of any interest?
can we please go back to insulting democrats, race/class baiting, economic dogma, and some good ol waspian bitching about the woes of the upper class vis a vis the cost of living in new york?
someone get EP out of bed quick before we run out of things to bitch about!
@27
No need to get worked up…I did notice the marks on her backside but didn’t make the riding crop connection. Nice work. By the pattern it would appear that you are right-handed.
@29
jeez clown take it easy if you get so agravated at work your colleagues wil thing you’re watching gay porn..
In 6 quarters analysts will have to fight for bonuses in Thunderdome
@32 – what we need is more anonymous “guests” so we can’t track their comments esp. when they suck…
@31 – agree with anal_yst, what about lloyds. place isn’t the same as it used to be, but it’s interesting to look in the book main floor where the enter the names of ships run into problems at sea so the insurers know if they are going to have to pay money out…or were you referring to buffett’s bet?
@39 – how many current analysts do you think will be around in 6 quarters? I believe you have to be present to win.
Where can ____I____ get a guy like that?
I think it’s hilarious that this and Pajamagrams are apparently the only commercials CNBC can sell anymore.
clown @17- would you rather get your bonus, whatever it may be, in a year and a half or 3?
Suck my Jefferies, Bitches!!!
@41- what’s sad is that they think their viewership actually buys it.
@41 here
Also, I swear that the first and last of the three gasps are actually just the same soundfile looped over again.
I’ve heard that commercial way too many times…
@40
Sorry, forgot to add that asshole, “guest” to my original list.
Chazzy Gaspagina stole my heart in the Equinox mens locker room so I sent him a manly pajamagram made out of soprsetta and prosciutto.
@45
Those are precisely my sentiments.
@48
It’s kind of a one-minute case for misogyny.
I’m also getting creeped out by the Through a Scanner Darkly ads that Charles Schwab is running.
My guess is that the new 6-qtr payout will be largely back end loaded.
If CNBC plays that NY Int’l Children’s Film Festival commercial with the whining bohemian varmint, I’m taking hostages.
after Valentine’s day, CNBC will be back to airing “Snuggly” blankets and “Sham-wow” ads.
if CNBC did not have Courtnet Reagan or Margaret Brennan, it would be FBC !
Really? No comments on Mr. Scottrade in the helicopter? He drives me nuts.
Given the number of comments, those commercials are most definitely working. If CNBC is watched by the wealthier-than-your-average American, how come the quality of ads is so pathetic?
fuck man play that sham wow shit all day long, i love it. its like getting rickrolled, yeah you laugh at first but you secretly like the song.
If CNBC is watched by the wealthier-than-your-average American, how come the quality of ads is so pathetic?
Check your premises.
Six quarters is $1.50, you complete tools. So you get 25 cents every 90 days. If you don’t like your bonus, then go work for another bank.
Oh the French really piss me off. They love to point fingers and blame everyone but themselves. The Belgians are just as bad.
“It’s so much bigger than I thought!”
I prefer the guy who comes out of no where from the backround and tells you he turned 30k into 7 million in 3 years and we can too. Sounds plausible to me.
When our computer STOPS, our work STOPS our life STOPS everything JUST STOPS
@61..completely agree.
@ 56-ShamWow is the best!
I don’t understand, what’s the point of running the Vermont Bear commercials today? Are they going to teleport it to her office?
@52
Amen brother.
Who makes that shit up?
@64 – fedex for delivery tomorrow. they probably have a $hit ton of bears in stock waiting to be shipped.
How about the ‘Minority Report’ Fidelity commercials where the “active traders” wave their platform around in the air while paying $15.00 per trade?
@ 50
Comment of the day *shudder*
This was posted yesterday. I think it is about right and I am wondering if other people agree/disagree?
My predictions for the 2009 Bonus year for I-Bankers in NY working at BB firms.
Stub: $0
Analyst 1 $2,000-$4,000
Analyst 2 $4,000-$6,000
Analyst 3 $6,000-$10,000
Associate 1 $10,000-$15,000
Associate 2 $15,000-$20,000
Associate 3 $20,000-$25,000
VP 1 $25,000-$50,000
VP 2 $50,000-$75,000
VP 3 $75,000-$100,000
SVP(or equiv.) $100,000-$200,000
MD $200,000-$500,000
A few superstar Senior MD’s will get a bonus in the range of $1,000,000, but that will be rare and will be reserved for global practice leaders with a substantial book.
Hey Bess, when are you running a story on the differences in salaries for ML and BAC folks with the same title? Guess who gets the bigger salary? According to management, HR is “looking into it”, which really inspires confidence!
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