Those of you doing research for a collection of forthcoming memoirs on the topic of being violently gang-raped know all too well that Bank of Amerillwide will be paying out bonuses for last year’s work until 2012. Today we’ve received word that this adorable exercise has an official name. Disappointingly, it’s not very fitting or descriptive, though we’re sure you people can come up with something better.
Bonus pay, which was down on average about 80%, will be paid through a series of deferred vesting periods with staff set to receive the first 6% of the cash payout next month, followed by a set of subsequent cash payments over the next three years, Financial News has learned.
Seventy percent of the Bank of America bonus pool is being placed into a new plan called Additional Principal Programme, the first third of which will be paid out through a series of quarterly payments this year, followed by a second and third payout in February 2011 and February 2012.
The remaining 30% will be paid through an Equity Deferral Plan, which will be decided on sliding scale depending on an individuals total pay. The first vest from this pool will be next February, with staff receiving a third of their stock, this will be followed by two further vests in 2011 and 2012.
not. worth. getting. out. of. bed. for.
First, we tell you you’re getting a bonus.
Second, we significantly reduce your bonus.
Third, we make it a vesting bonus.
Fourth, it’s an all equity bonus based on performance. Didn’t we tell you that?
Fifth, your stock option equity bonus is only worth something if the stock goes up so keep killing yourself.
Sixth, what is this “bonus” you keep talking about? Please speak English.
enjoy working at that shithole….that is if you survived the layoffs.
well, at least the stock is up… err.. nevermind
Programme? WTF, is that the BBC or something?
“programme” = ye olde screw job
“That extra ‘-me’ is for me, Ken Lewis.”
Ken Lewis has no neck. Why is that?
Looks like the costs to administer this plan will be higher than the actual bonuses. Nice work, BofA!
and this will help retain/attract what little/remaining talent how, exactly?
The quote is coming out of a London paper you dolts.
#10: As if there is somewhere else for the little/remaining talent to go.
Wow.
I swear. Hearing about this crap @ BofA every damn day is like having someone strap me to a chair, place toothpicks in between my eyelids and force me to listen to the 80′s song, “I Know What Boys Like” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3lRl_hXzyQ)by The Waitresses, while watching a grown man get ass-rammed repeatedly by dwarves dressed as oompa loompas…
I pray for the day they’re finally nationalized…
Linda Thompson to leave SEC
Glad I got my ML severance package last week while the getting was good. I imagine the BAC packages will be titled No Principle Programmeeeeeeeeeeee
why would anyone work at BAC?
@13, isn’t that from cockwork orange
@13: I think “Oh Mickey you’re so fine” is a far, far worse song than “I know what boys like” if you’re going for torture-by-crap-song.
More fun way of getting to about the same place:
Bonus will be allocated 70/30 across two different buckets. Literally. These buckets will be turned upside down, and a third bucket added. Then Vince Offer shows up and plays Three-Bucket Monte. You then have the opportunity to guess which bucket contains the 70% portion. If correct, you receive the 70% and only 30% is forfeited. If incorrect, all bonus is forfeited and you get only a coupon for six sessions at Angelo’s tanning salon.
“Porkulous Stimulosus” “Bankus bail out us”
What are they going to do to jump start housing so that jobs and bonuses can come back?
19,
Well done.
“Porkulous Stimulosus” “Bankus bail out us”
What are they going to do to jump start housing so that jobs and bonuses can come back?
I love BofA…
@13 – How would you feel if you were at The Cheetah (arguably Atlanta’s finest gentlemen’s club) on your birthday and some big spender walks in deciding to tip the DJ $100 every time he plays the Safety Dance? It was played 17 times, including 5 in a row to close the night out.
19,
Well done.
@24-I would probably shit in my boots if that happened.
Some guy on CNBC just said that in order to fix housing we may need to relax immigration rules. Can anyone explain to me what fixing housing and immigration rules have in common? And, if there are no jobs available there are no jobs so that would include new immigrants too, no?
a la Mr. Burns:
You can have 30% of your bonus or take what’s in the mystery box…
@28
“ooo ooo mystery box for me”
“Why is a dozen Shamwows and plastic cups”
“Doh!”
-H.S.
@ 27, by “fix housing” he literally meant FIX. as in fixing leaky pipes, etc.
file it under who cares. your earlier flat tax piece deserves to be higher up the page. that was nice.
45 best MFing stories out there. for today monday. in one friggin link.
including word that THC slows small cell lung cancer tumour growth. serious as the girdle bess wears.
the fed is insolvent. we got that story.
2 of Dealbreaker stories made the cut. 1 for EP and 1 for Bess.
http://bit.ly/IoYJ
Playlist on constant repeat in Hell:
1) the Macarena
2) Who let the dogs out
3) hey mickey
4) hot hot hot
5) chicken dance
@ #30 – They do keep our city running. I have to assume they can keep the housing market going as well.
@ #33 – 6) West End Girls