cuomo.jpgThis is not the environment in which to mess with Cuomo. Particularly if you are John Thain. Seriously. Says Dealbook:

Merrill Lynch’s former chief executive, John A. Thain, was questioned by the New York State Attorney General Office last week. In a six-hour session [complete with stress positions, extended standing, cultural humiliation (for example, exposure to retail banking executives, state employees), exploitation of phobias (for example, the use of dogs, poor people, coach class seating)]* Mr. Thain answered wide-ranging questions about the bonuses he paid Merrill employees and about his interactions with officials at Bank of America, which acquired Merrill at the end of the year.
Attorney General Andrew M. Cuomo was not satisfied by Mr. Thain’s answers, and he filed a motion on Monday asking that Mr. Thain return and provide more details about the bonuses .

What did the Thain dish? Take a look after the jump.
* Dramatization. May not have actually happened.

Mr. Lawsky: Did Andrea Smith focus in on any particular people, do you recall, whose numbers she thought were too big?
The Witness: She did–
Mr. Lawsky: Or too small?
The Witness: I don’t recall any of them being too small. Yes. She did have some individuals who she thought were high, who we changed and brought down.
Mr. Lawsky: Who do you remember of those people?
Mr. Levander: I’ve been directed not to disclose by the company individual names other than the names of the top people who are under Section 16. We were directed by Bank of America counsel, if you want to get on the phone with Mr. Liman [?]–
Mr. Lawsky: If you don’t want to tell us the names, you can just say “I don’t want to tell you the names.”
Mr. Levander: He has no problem telling the names. We were directed by counsel for Bank of America and I’m following that direction.
Mr. Lawsky: I’m asking. Do you want to give us the names?
Mr. Levander: He’s given you the category –
Mr. Lawsky: I’m not asking you for the numbers that people got. I’m asking who Andrea Smith asked numbers to come down for. Are you telling me Bank of America doesn’t want you to disclose that?
Mr. Levander: That’s my understanding, but I’ll tell you what. At the next break I’ll try to find out if that’s what the direction was.
Mr. Lawsky: Let the record reflect that the witness is refusing to answer.
Mr. Levander: At the direction of counsel — at the direction of Bank of America’s counsel.

A Look at Cuomo’s Questions for Thain [Dealbook]

Comments (23)

  1. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 2:56 PM

    One of the funniest things you’ve written in a while, EP

  2. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 2:56 PM

    Trouser snake 2×2

  3. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 2:58 PM

    Can we just arrange for early elections in NY and be done with Cuomo? God he makes me sick. How the attorneys at the AG’s office can look at themselves in the mirror is hard to understand. Talk about being a political pawn.

  4. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 2:58 PM

    @2 EPIC FAIL.

  5. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 3:01 PM

    @4…and I be deleted

  6. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 3:09 PM

    like he’s any worse than Spitzi? I honestly don’t know why anyone would want to work at the AG’s office…

  7. Posted by merkin capital partners | February 23, 2009 at 3:10 PM

    Deposition Reporter: [reading off paper] ‘And you were directly under her the entire time?’ ‘Mr. Scott: That’s what she said.’
    Michael Scott: Well, delivery is all wrong. She’s butchering it.

  8. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 3:12 PM

    #6, A job is a job.

  9. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 3:12 PM

    What in God’s name are “Plump Limps?”

  10. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 3:12 PM

    Thain’s not cracking. Cuomo gets better results when he yells at his HP inkjet printer.

  11. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 3:12 PM

    @6, because they can’t get a job anywhere else.

  12. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 3:17 PM

    Thain is the Corp Fin Jesus – he’ll die for our sins
    PEB

  13. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 3:20 PM

    How come I haven’t read any comments about Gasbagmegaclops’s uber pink ensambel today?!?!?

  14. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 3:21 PM

    How come I haven’t read any comments about Gasbagmegaclops’s uber pink ensamble today?!?!?

  15. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 3:21 PM

    @12 He already has. he just doesn’t know it yet.

  16. Posted by Lowly Assistant | February 23, 2009 at 3:37 PM

    Question: Is Thain more De Niro or Walken?

  17. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 4:14 PM

    @ 8 — 6 here — I know, I know, but AG’s get paid state worker shit pay but have to bust their humps like the private sector — friggin worst of both worlds

  18. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 4:41 PM

    This is by far my favorite Lawsky & Levander skit.

  19. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 7:41 PM

    Thain is a cyborg … from the future … sent to destroy the US housing market before it provides equality and opportunity for everyone!

  20. Posted by guest | February 23, 2009 at 10:44 PM

    I thought about working in the DA’s office after law school, but failed what they called the “prick test.”
    They sat a kid down in front of me in an rundown conference room. I was supposed to convince him that we would kick the shit out of his dog if he didn’t tell us that his dad beat his mother. (We were making the whole thing up, of course. Man, you don’t know how big a pair of little eyes could get until you bring in the dog. Hilarious, really.)
    Well, I got the kid to the point where the he was bawling shit about never having seen his dad touch his mom, but please leave my doggy alone…It was pretty pathetic. But in the end, I just didn’t push the kid far enough. Andrew was so disappointed in me. “Maybe you can make it in some pussy litigation work,” he said, with a look of disgust.

  21. Posted by guest | July 20, 2009 at 9:00 PM

    Andrea Smith is one of the least qualified HR executives I have ever met and dishonest to boot. As a former BAC employee, I urge Mr Cuomo and his staff to bring her in again to testify…and then burn the witch at the stake!!!

  22. Posted by guest | July 20, 2009 at 9:00 PM

    Andrea Smith is one of the least qualified HR executives I have ever met and dishonest to boot. As a former BAC employee, I urge Mr Cuomo and his staff to bring her in again to testify…and then burn the witch at the stake!!!

  23. Posted by guest | February 6, 2010 at 10:44 AM

    Andrea Smith was a power hungry, jealous nobody who was way over her head. She made so many bad business decisions and was a key part of the above the law mentality at BofA. She has no judjement but was empowered by Ken Lewis and his henchman Steele Alphin. I am sure she is a dishonest and deceitful person

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