Vikram Pandit, John Mack, Lloyd Blankfein and Jamie Dimon are set to testify before Barney Frank and the House Financial Services gang tomorrow to determine who knew what and when. Ahead of the Congressional Shouting Match, Charlie Gasparino has dug deep in a way only he can. His fact finding mission has resulted in two bombshells. The first is that Count Vikula attempted to pull the old “I’d love to be there but I have a previous engagement” line, as though he has something to hide (or suffers from crippling stage fright).
Pandit was apparently so uneasy about his possible appearance that at first he told committee staffers he had a conflict: A long-planned trip to China. The committee, which has subpoena power, told Pandit’s people that it would probably be a smart move if he reconsidered his travel plans. “We said ‘Look, this would appear a little odd if all your peers are all going to be here and you’re not,” said Steven Adamske, a spokesman for the committee. “We said ‘It’s a good idea for you to be here, too.’”
Shortly thereafter, Pandit cancelled his trip and he’s now scheduled to testify. A Citigroup spokesman said: “When the committee inquired about Vikram’s availability for a possible hearing on February 11, we indicated he had a trip scheduled that week. The committee subsequently notified us that the hearing would be held that day and Vikram cancelled his trip in order to participate.”
The second is that these guys feel like scapegoats! and someone doesn’t know his rectals from his anals (and for the offense should be summarily dismissed):
Back in New York–where Citigroup CEO Vikram Pandit, Morgan Stanley CEO John Mack, Lloyd Blankfein of Goldman Sachs, and JP Morgan’s Jamie Dimon all work–the hearings have been described much differently. “This is a lynching,” said a publicist for one of the big Wall Street firms, who’s dreading this appearance. Another flack called the hearing “theater of the absurd.” A third called it “an inquisition.” And still another called it a “public anal exam.”
Anal….rectal….all the same, they are getting some major proctology done tomorrow. Vikula should be dragged in by the hair of his balls! Chazza will be plugged in, hopefully giving us a blow by blow
In this whole thing, its going to be the first round of CEOs that made out the best (and caused the most problems). Here’s to Stan, Chuck and Angelo! I guess Dick makes the list too…
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Unemployed? More than just a social net for people between jobs.
http://freeagents.ning.com
i hope they respond to every question by laughing and remaining silent. At least that’s how I was taught to respond to the retarded kid on the playground.
@3 should be the last word. If Barney Frank is leading this recovery, we may as well all cut our losses and move to Canada.
@4 “If Barney Frank is leading this recovery, we may as well all cut our losses and move to Canada.”
you retard. he’s by no means leading this recovery. he’s leading this meaningless hearing.
@3 LMAO
Still LMAO
Can you imagine Elmer Fudd in his indignant manner grilling these guys – outstanding entertainment.
what exactly happens if the situation becomes fluid during said exam.
@5, you simple, naive p.o.s. If you think that is his only power, you need to study historya little more closely.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/local/longterm/tours/scandal/gobie2.htm
all for “appropriating” a yacht and setting sail on the high sleaze, a show of hands, since we’re all totally fuxored and whatnot…
Ah, trips to China on the CitiJet. Must bring back memories for Maria.
We need the guy who raped the SEC suits in there. Now THAT’s entertainment. With Barney, its just comedy.
jesus fucking christ, @8. barney frank was not the singular cause of the financial crsis. pull your god damn head out of your ass.
Anal, rectal, both are on the menu at Barney’s Bordello.
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601088&sid=azy6MnDZv0GY&refer=home
@12 you are correct we left out his lover – Herb Moses at Freddie
Mr. Geithner, we hardly knew you.
@12 not the singular cause, no. But a key cause.
Pecora Commission Part Deux!
@3 how do you laugh AND remain silent at the same time??? Did you mean laugh THEN remain silent???
Anyone else bothered by how “Timmay” dosnt move his neck much. He just moves his ‘Timmay gaze’…..
CGasbagarumor, the Rumor King, is my idol!
No wonder i saw him and his reliable sources at his favorite Bistro today: busdrivers, janitors, security guards ,cab drivers and Spitzwhores.
Go idol!
CGasbagarumor, the Rumor King, is my idol!
No wonder i saw him and his reliable sources at his favorite Bistro today: busdrivers, janitors, security guards ,cab drivers and Spitzwhores.
Go idol!
@19, how about laugh silently?
Timmay has that Thousand-Mile stare that former POW’s with post-traumatic stress have been afflicted with for years. And how long has Timmay been at his post?
I believe the situation is going to be fluid…
Are they going to be given the auto executive treatment? And where is Ken Lewis in all this?
#22 – you forgot Trannies and Sex Dwarfs. Provides CG with many “tips” at 3 am in West Village bender bars
i saw guest 22 blow barney frank at san pietro today
@8 great article
Never knew barnie frank was into an:
“Exceptionally good-looking, personable, muscular athlete is available. Hot bottom plus large endowment equals a good time.”
JudeoChristoclops’ appointment is starting to make more sense…
Thanks God it was not EP who had to make this rather delicate post..
research shows that those who are obsessed with barney frank are closet homosexuals, as frank used to be. come on, admit it and get out of the closet…
29 Yes, great article – from 1989.
BF definitely caused this whole fiasco. Also, Global Warming, WW1, The Black Plague, Tech Bubble, the heartbreak of psoriasis, and this zit on my left asscheek.
Barney Frank: Lord Voldemort’s time-traveling gay cousin?
@31, not obsessed with his homosexuality.
But I have to admit the fact that he managed to have a side gig as a pimp and is still in office is definitely intriguing no matter what side you play for.
34 Of course you are. As evidenced by your comment about the side gig, which is totally false. Fact is that many years ago the really hot guy that he was fkng turned out to be a dishonest creep. End of story. Plenty of straight guys have been in a similar place and its not even worth a mention.
Dopes
I’m a hedge fund manager. What type of ROI does a rectal exam provide, on average?
Gasparagino will not be attending his regularly scheduled meeting in the Equinox locker room tonight. He is busy staking out the men’s bathroom on the first floor of the capital.
Jebus Christo! that is one handsome man!
ahh…the student has become the master
http://dealbreaker.com/2008/12/citadel-is-on-top-of-the-world.php#c25
can you imagine the audacity…”i have a trip planned”
lol
200 years ago, they would have cut his fuckin head off!
terrific!
The Reformed Broker
It’s time for a break from the Gazpacho stories. He’s one voice among many.
You watch your mouth, 42. He’s a god amongst men (and women, in his spin class at equinox).
@43. He is as relevant to the discourse of our troubled times, to quote Charles Bukowski, “as a thumbprint on the window of a skyscraper. A smudge of excrement on a tissue surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage.” His adoration befuddles me. Just sayin’.
Gaspacino is one tall glass of water. You better recognize greatness before it bites you on the ass in the Equinox locker room.
@ 43 & 45 Thanks for the convincing rebuttals. spin classes at equinox: WGAFF.
All right, 44…I was being a smartass, but let’s look at his competition.
Pros:
Becky Quick
Erin Burnett
Trish Regan
Michelle C-Cabrera
(any pattern?)
Jeff Macke
Guy Adami
Dylan Ratigan (Fuck, he’s okay)
Cons:
Dennis Fucking Kneale
Dylan Ratigan (I’m feeling manic)
Jim Cramer
Mark Haines
D. Faber
Becky Jarvis (hate to admit it)
Suze Orman (please kill yourself)
I’m sorry, but television is television. It’s there (first) to entertain and (second) inform. I know that it pains you because in your mind Chuck G. should take his WOP ass (insert further expletives) to BSC RE and fuck b&t hookers and blah blah blah. However, the guy is most definitely (first) entertaining, and (second) somewhat informative. Basically, he makes for entertainment in a room full of talking-heads trying to shoot the shit for an hour (or at whatever length their program lasts).
Bess gives us daily reports on his bowflex routine (or any changes therein). We get a good laugh at his deli meat selection and obsession with pesto gnocchi. Relax.
@44- can you seriously not understand that it’s not “adoration,” it’s mockery?
44,
Also, I hit submit too quick, and forgot to thank you for the Bukowski reference. Makes me want to dump work and visit the meadowlands to watch the ponies tomorrow.
@lowly- agree with your pros and cons except Haines (tells it like it is + jolly!) and Michelle Car-Cab (most smug person on cnbc + that shit eating grin).
What is wrong with Big D. Ratigan?
Did not appreciate Charlie G. taking an extra long time toweling off in front of me in the showers at Equinox.
gasbagsuckshorsecock
@ 52, etc
WTF is this nonsense about Equinox? CG sounds to me a more oldschool guy, like that meathead style gym on west 23rd around 6th (think there’s a similar one on 14th), ya knows wadd I mean?
@analyst- it’s called spam, and the equinox/cg spam started a couple weeks ago.
UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES COMMITTEE ON FINANCIAL SERVICES
WASHINGTON DC–February 11, 2009
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CHAIRMAN FRANK ANNOUNCES SURPRISE PANEL OF INDUSTRY EXPERTS TO HELP FLOG WALL STREET EXECUTIVES
Excerpts from today’s hearing:
CHAIRMAN BERNIE FRANK: Hello, my name is Congressman Bernie Frank. I am the Chairman of this Committee and don’t you forget it. Today we will be
addressing a matter of grave importance, the lack of accountability on Wall Street vis-a-vis the TARP I Bailout. You are all familiar with
the detailed reporting requirements that we neglected to include in the TARP enabling legislation that fateful weekend (or was it a week or two weeks?) last
September. Given that feeble drafting skills of the Committee Staff, the Wall Street guile of Mr. Paulsen’s crew of Goldman hacks led by Kneel Cash N Carry, the unlimited greed and
diabolical machinations of Wall Street executives and the paucity of brain power on this Committee, it should be no surprise that we are gathered here today
without one inkling of where the billions and billions of TARP taxpayer dollars have gone. Rather than ruminating over these sad and shameful facts, I decided that it
would be more fun to haul a bunch of Wall Street CEOs into this hearing room for a verbal caning (in the parlance of Singapore’s Temasek Holdings). The culprits called for today’s skewering are well known: Ken “Screwless Lewis” of BadBankAmerica, Vikram Bandit of CITIBadBank, Lloyd Landmein of Goldman Bank & Trust me, Jamie Diamonds of JPMorgan and John Pay it Back of Morgan Stanley Bank & Trust me. Given Mr. Diamonds relatively good behavior compared to the rest of these rascals, I have decided to let Mr Diamond examine himself. Mr Diamond there is a powder mirror in my office.
To assist the Committee in these important matters I have invited a special panel of industry experts to examine the witnesses directly and indirectly. The Special Panel consists of the following luminaries: John Thain, a corporate governance expert with hands on experience in the investment banking industry most recently with Merrill Lynch; Barney Madoff whom you will all recall was good enough to testify at the Marco Polo hearing last week (I would like to thank the United States Marshall Service for allowing Bernie to stay in Washington over the weekend as a guest in my home); Ms. Kristen Davis, better known as the Manhattan Madam; Mr. Ralph “unsafe at any speed” Nader a well known expert on greed and corruption in corporate America and the magician Michael Blaine who is an expert at misdirection.
I don’t know about you folks, I sure can’t wait to misdirect attention away from my own incompetencies and culpability in this grand fiasco. So without further Ken Lay, excuse me, “delay” I turn the floor first to Mr. Madoff who will be returning to his Park Avenue incarceration cell later this morning.
One more small housekeeping item, will the industry witnesses please submit their AMTRAK ticket stubs for verification by the Sergeant at Arms.
BARNEY MADOFF: Got you again Bernie/Barney. Gentleman, we are all familiar with the near viral growth curve of the Ponzinomial expansion as a paradigm for modern global finance. As I have said on many occasions, the insights of Charles Ponzi some 100 years ago have adapted well to our business of financial innovation. Some critical ingredients: opacity, incomprehensibility, breach of trust and plain old fashioned hutzpha! Ponzinomics adaptes well to politics as well. I regret that I have not mastered certain facets of the art as well as yourselves. My first question is directed to Mr. Landmein of Goldman Bank & Trust me. Mr Landmein, do you believe that the basic Ponzinomic model is broken or, inasmuch as it is embedded in the Goldman model, will it survive the current upheaval?
JOHN THAIN: Thank you Chairman Madoff, I mean Frank. My first question is to Mr. Screwless. Ken, is it not true that I hand delivered to you numerous limited edition Currier & Ives Christmas cards detailing: 1. The size of the mega trading losses incurred by Merrill nit wits after the Merger Agreement was signed; 2. My plan to spend billions of TARP dollars enriching spoiled and incompetent Merrill bankers in order to save the Bull franchise; 3. My intention to sell all of my faux French furniture on Ebay before year end; and 4. Requesting your approval of my Christmas vacation schedule?
MADAM DAVIS: First, I would like to know which of you will finance the cost of my website as well as the distribution cost of my “Tell All” book. A favorable answer will avoid my having to submit this Black Trading Book as evidence in this hearing. Second, will one of you please explain the difference between screwing around for cash and screwing around with credit card invoices?
MR NADER: Mr Bandit, despite adequate warning signals and contrary to good business sense, the automotive industry opted to exploit a seemingly unlimited resource and failed to adapt a prudent business model that would withstand the risks associated with shifts in the global markets. Why should the US government bail your sorry asses in view of this hubristic display of greed filled evil corporate buffoonery? (Mr. Frank: Ralph we are talking about Wall Street not Detroit) I stand by my question, just change “automotive” to “banking” and assume the unlimited resource is cheap leverage instead of oil. If you’ve seen one bailout you’ve seen em all.
DAVID BLAINE: I have studied the business practices of the global finance industry. I would analogize it the old bent card and card board box. I am speaking of course about Three Card Monty, that quaint street game that is familiar to all native New Yorkers. By the time someone screams about the bent Red Queen, the cards and the card board box are flying in the air and Mr. Monty (together with the money) is long gone before the SEC cops arrive. I have a question for all of you. What is the difference between a Three Card Monty artist and a Wall Street Banker?
FOR MORE INFORMATION: The WilliamBanzai7 Blog