That’s you, not the CEOs, by the way.
Since CSPAN has gotten back on the ball, and therefore we don’t have to watch CNBC to follow it, we continue our snide coverage:
Ok guys, who believes nicotine is not addictiveyou will pay back the TARP money and need no more funds?
[Everyone]: Yes, but we have no clue what the Geithner plan is so…
Rep. Ellison: Hey, Bank of America- The Huffington Post claims that your employee at the Financial Services Roundtable was advocating opposition to the Employee Free Choice Act? Is that true?
Lewis: I don’t go the roundtable.
Rep. Ellison: You don’t think you should be opposing union organization with TARP funds do you?
KL: Huh?
Rep. Ellison: So, are you guys solvent?
VP: Oh yes.
Rep. Ellison: What about you Bank of America?
KL: Since we made money last year, I am simply amazed you would even ask that.
Rep. Ellison: So, are you going to collapse?
K “De Niro” L: Are you talking to me?
Rep. Ellison: Yeah, you.
KL: Absolutely not. I don’t even know what the hell you are talking about or why you’d ask me that question. And why don’t you just go out back and pound salt you bank run creating public menace. (Ok, maybe we made that last part up).
Rep. Wilson: Why don’t banks want TARP funds, Mr. Lewis?
KL: Simple, we don’t want your dirty paws on your business. Duh.
Rep. Perlmutter: You guys are just big bloated bombs waiting to go off and blow up the system, right?
JM: No. G’z. We sold the credit card morass, what more do you want?
JD: No.
Rep. Biggert: If you guys are so healthy, why are were here? How can you help restore consumer and investor confidence?
JD: Doing the best we can, lady.
JS: How about you guys whack Mark-to-Market so we can report our assets at the marks we prefer?
Rep. Biggert: Who wants to nuke Mark-to-Market?
[Only JS raises his hand]
JS: Ok, let me clarify. I only really want to do away with Mark-to-Market when it results in marks that I don’t likewhen the market is irrational.
Rep. Donnelly: Will it play in Peoria?
[Deer. Headlights.]
Rep. Foster: Given 11% unemployment a 25% decline in residential real estate and similar problems in commercial real estate who of you is going to survive? Don’t point or anything.
[Everyone]
Rep. Foster: Have you ever seen a compensation restriction you couldn’t circumvent?
[Deer. Headlights.]
Chairman Franks: I really don’t want to see the eight of you singing “I Will Survive.”
Rep. Speier: What was your exposure to AIG? And were you present at the Fed meetings during the AIG collapse discussions?
LB: We had very little actual exposure to AIG because (we were hedged/we offset our risk).
Rep. Himes: When are you going to start eating your own cooking? Who here is going to set up strong long-term compensation structures?
[Everyone]
Rep. Himes: Let me start with Mr. Pond-it. Why aren’t you taking top-loss tranches on these complex issues?
VP: That’s not very traditional.
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Watch it all day:
http://www.cnn.com/video/flashLive/live.html?stream=stream4&iref=lb100
Not a lot of volunteers? Of course not, not to many are ready to fall on the sword
I freakin’ love Ken Lewis’ responses to these questions.
Rep Pompous: “Is your bank going to be nationalized?”
KL: “Are you talking to me?? (incredulously) No! That’s, that’s ridiculous, I don’t know why you even ask that question.”
Waaaaah waaaaaah cry some more, TARP babies.
Dimon – nice answer!
It’s 4PM, someone get Kenny his scotch!!
Dimon can run circles around these clowns…its too bad they don’t see they should actually tap his knowledge…
@6 I think he’s already had it
@7
The first rule of Congress is to avoid the acknowledgment, acquisition, and discussion of any and all knowledge.
Waddya think this is here, eh?
HA! We think your incompetent and made bad decisions but……can you tell us what we should do if you were in our shoes?
@10 I think your [sic] incompetent!
Frank:I’m gonna imagine all of you in drag singing “I will survive” tonight.
Understanding would force them to stop insisting their constituents deserve giveaways, or to lie knowlingly when they did so. It’s much more comfortable to remain ignorant, on the excuse “it’s all so complicated”. That way they can advocate for their voters (and stay in office), and tell themselves how honest they are. When things break they can always blame someone else.
Of course, it only works because their voters do the exact same thing on their own behalf.
Who said, “This isn’t mark to market, this is mark to craziness.”
Who’s the rep stuck in the 80s with the neon tie and cheap peak lapel pinstripe?
@13 what’s sad is (if of course you believe in our democracy) that they represent us the people and they are soooo dim
@11 well I don’t think that’s nice
@14 it was Stumpf, ftw
My head is exploding from watching these congresspeople try to come up with “intelligent” questions. It is painful.
@13 i wish ms Palin would run for congress, she would enlighten everyone and maybe joe the plumber could start asking questions…also.
@16, 18 Yes, it is so sad. Awesome when one of them asked about warehouse loans and Blankfein was like, you mean a loan against a warehouse? The guy looked fearful as he realized he’d have to explain what he meant by “warehouse loans”.
@20 i remember back in the enron hearings, a senator discovered that public co’s have 2 sets of books (reported fin’ls 10Q;K’s) and tax books and acted like she just discovered the holy grail! lots of power with no knowledge….
#20 No way…..was he inquiring about warehouse lines and had no idea what he was asking? I’ve known coked-out sales reps that have a firmer grasp of banking operations than this bunch.
@22 That’s what I’d assume, but the context of the question didn’t make sense.
It’s real simple students. If you don’t want to wind up in front of a congressional panel, don’t fuck up. Throw some assets at “Not fucking up”. Hire a CNFUO — Chief Not Fucking Up Officer.
You are supposed to be smart. Act like it.
24, Paulsin (of Paulson Co) who got everything right was also hauled into a ‘hearing’. From where did u get the retarded idea that u get called up only if u fuck up?
It is retarded for the USA to backstop all these toxic assets. Nationalize and sell off all these douchebag banks now. Things will be awesome next September.
FWIW, Jim Himes is a new Congressman and is ex- Goldman Sachs.
@26
Probably in your best interest to refrain from commenting if you don’t want to expose your ignorance. Just sayin’
I wish KL got up and did the Tom Cruise dance from Tropic Thunder to Maxine! “Get back motherfucker, you don’t know me like that”
Now that Bank of America stock is close to Citi’s, we need to launch the latest reality hit called CEO Swap. This might get the two firms out of this mess.