Now Greenspan tells us that temporarily nationalizing broke US banks might be OK. If that doesn’t stop you in your tracks, it should. The man often called the high priest of laissez-faire capitalism is saying that he can imagine briefly taking some of the most troubled US banks into state ownership because that is better than the alternative of letting the market sort it out. That is vertigo-inducing indeed, like Lenin doing an about-face on the whole capitalism thing. It is, quite rightly, getting a lot of attention. After all, if Greenspan thinks there are problems with laissez-faire capitalism, and with market-based solutions to banking problems, what is he likely to say next? That marginal revenue doesn’t equal marginal cost for profit maximization? The economic mind boggles at the idea.
Greenspan’s Hidden Agenda [The Daily Beast]
And when I say “shoot this poison into your face,” you shoot this poison into your face. Or don’t, it’s really your call. Only those of you interested in finding/keeping a job should listen. You wanna be a working girl, boys? You’re going to have to start acting like one. In a fabulous piece of service journalism today, the Financial Times suggests that you, my little boy(girl)s, hightail it to the nearest plastic surgeon and get yourselves some Botox.
According to Peter Burling gainful employment is all about “look[in] good– fresh and bright” and not “tired and stressed out.” And if you don’t think your competition is already there, how wrong you are. By cosmetic surgeon Cap Lesesne’s estimate, “There are definitely more business guys coming in and they have very focused demands. They are worried about their job futures and their professional longevity. [Typical male patients] might be in their mid-forties. They’re fairly successful and they’re looking to work into their sixties.” And if you really want to guard against joining the unemployment line, start dressing like a total whore, and remember, no one ever lost their job, or didn’t get a call back, for accidentally shoving their breasts in the boss’s, or interviewer’s face.
Use the photo above as a guide, Men of Dealbreaker. That should be you on the left.
…or so says the Justice Department.
The situation (assets) is fluid.
That’s the line we’re being fed by Prime Minister Winston Baldwin Spencer. “I don’t know, but I don’t think so,” the PM said absurdly vaguely in an interview last night. We’re not saying he’s wrong (and, as previously mentioned, we’ve given the guy a ridiculously cushy head start) but if you “don’t know [definitively],” what’s driving the feeling he’s not there? Gut instinct? Tarot cards? Some bad chinese? INSIDE INFORMATION?
Earlier: Stanford Probably Definitely In Antigua
Oh to the yes. We’re told that Meredith Whitney Advisors, the den of iniquity being founded by our favorite Dollar Dominatrix, will employ MW’s husband, pro-wrestler John “Layfield” Bradshaw. Cute! And they can carpool. But in what capacity with JLB be workin (it) for the wife? That point is unclear though, obviously, the possibilities are endless. For the unimaginative fucks in the group, he could be a broker (though MWA will start out with just research, the lady of the hour has said the long-term goal is to make it a full-service firm). Or: he could head of an in-house body guard detail, reprising the role he debuted when Dubs first made her bold call on Citi, and received several death threats. Or: he could be part of a team tasked with reporting on the sex potion market, in an attempt to corner the erectile dysfunction biz. Or: he could be the main selling point in MWA’s platinum package, wherein clients receive not just research but an on site beat-down of their CEO of choice, by JLB, with their subscription. For those choosing option C, a preview of what Count Vikula can expect, after the jump.
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James Stanford, “chairman emeritus” of Stanford Financial and father of you know who, spoke with the Houston Chronicle last night re: you know what. He actually comes off pretty sincere in his worry for Junior, making us want to shake the (maybe) rat bastard and shout, “You’re killing your father!” Choice excerpts below:
Q: How did you find out (about the SEC’s charges)?
A: I was called by some people, friends of ours, who’d seen it on television… and I said, “What in the world?” I’d spoken to him a week or so ago–he’d called–about problems with the business climate in general, but nothing of this magnitude. I cannot imagine, I cannot believe, I will not believe what is being alleged actually happened.
Q: And have you spoken to your son since all this happened?
A: About last week, maybe last Thursday or Friday he called.
Q: And what did you all talk about?
A: He just told me to watch the papers, the Wall Street Journal and all that. He said something, stuff that had been rumored, but nothing like this. Anyway, that’s what I know.
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COME ON! CNBC reports that the Securities and Exchange Commission is alleging a $4 million Ponzi scheme by Marvin Cooper, which targeted not Jews, not athletes but “the deaf community.” We get the SEC’s need to really take off its pants and show us what it’s made of, after, ya know, blowing it BIG TIME for the last century, but seriously? SERIOUSLY?
Now that I’ve regained my composure, a little more color. The firm is Hawaii-based Billion Coupons, which reeled in 125 investors since at least Semptember 2007 by “holding investment seminars at deaf community centers.” According to the SEC, CEO Cooper misappropriated $1.4 million of investor dollars to pay for stuff like a new home, a Lay-Z Boy with a fridge on the side and “other personal expenses.”
The Commission, now big and tough and not taking any shit or prisoners, noted, “This emergency action shows that the Commission will act quickly and decisively to help victims of affinity fraud.”
Does it? Up until today you would’ve had me but now I think you, SEC, have made the error in doing too much too soon. Obviously this is terrible if true (as is news of anyone, deaf, dumb, female* or blind being taken for a ride) but I’m not entirely convinced that this isn’t the work of some newly formed subdivision whose sole job is to make up cases designed to grab moral outrage in an effort to make the New SEC look like some sort of white knight that’s not only not incompetent, but sensitive, too.
Tomorrow they’re going to blow the whistle on a $500 million scam perpetrated almost exclusively the gay dolphins with AIDs community (perp/fund name: Glenview Capital). Watch. You’ll see.
SEC Halts Ponzi Scheme Targeting Deaf Investors [Mondovisione]
*Get over yourselves, I’m just trying to keep things interesting.
The House of Blankfein is said reserving conference rooms for next week, in anticipation of some tearful good-byes. It’s unclear if the population restructuring refers to the cuts rumored to be planned for April(ish) but moved up so as not to coincide with Passover, or if they’re a separate round.
It is needed for those trips down top, you know, Mexico, and stuff. Seriously. That’s a really long trip from the city. Really long. And boring. And since the commercials removed physical standards for flight attendants, well, you know- it is just undignified.
Citigroup Inc., the U.S. bank that got a $52 billion government bailout, said director Roberto Hernandez Ramirez will keep free use of company aircraft and an office after he steps down from the board in April.
Hernandez, 66, will keep the perks because he remains non- executive chairman of Citigroup subsidiary Banco Nacional de Mexico, Mike Hanretta, a spokesman for the New York-based bank, said in an interview. The benefits, also including helicopter use and security for Hernandez and his family, cost $2.61 million in 2007, according to a March 2008 regulatory filing.
Citi Director Hernandez to Keep Plane, Helicopter Usage, Office [Bloomberg]
It’s poss. Though it’ll probably be some time before genius lawyers publicly publish the names, addresses and social security numbers of Stanford’s victims, a la Bernie Madoff’s, it’s looking like the group might include some sporty specimens. And that’s fair, we think– if Madoff gets Kevin Bacon, Stanny should at least get Tiger, no? Yes.
Anyway: the Post claims today that Teddy Forstmann’s management firm, IMG, nudged a gaggle of its athlete clients looking for hot stock tips in the direction of Stanford Financial. According to Murdoch’s minions, the possible $8 billion fraudster firm pays IMG a “low- to mid-seven-figure consulting fee” in exchange for the opportunity to manage money for Tiger Woods, Arnold Palmer, David Toms, Sergio Garcia, etc. IMG, of course, strongly denies the accusation, telling the rag:
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