Big Ben, Live:
Ben: Sorry I’m late. Was helping Geithner with some math problems, and as you can see, my wife’s cat puked on my tie.
Dodd: Here is how this hearing works. I grandstand for a few minutes, then I will tell you how fucked we are and exactly who was responsible. I will use words that suggest disease, maybe “cancer” here. Then you will explain how I am exactly right and how fucked we are (I expect you to use hand gestures here. You will remember that I love pointing at things.) Oh, my tie is dipped in the blood of republicans, you might notice.
Shelby: I’m glad you are here in your capacity as Chairman of the Fed so I can tell you about the Fed’s balance sheet. Oh, and my colorblind manservant picks out my ties.
The Beard: You bitches forgot about the breaking of the buck in a large money market fund and the commercial paper clog in your little pre-prepared history that your congressional aide copy-pasted from Wikipedia two hours ago , didn’t you? Of course you did. You are not the Chairman. I am the Chairman, damnit!
Bullshit in 4… 3… 2… “The Federal Reserve is committed to keeping Congress and the American Public informed on these matters…”
Now I will drone you into complacency to lull you into a semi-comatose state and keep CNBC on its toes wonder if they should cut out to an 8-way split screen.
Dodd: Woah. You almost got me there. So, am I to understand from a few obscure passages in your written testimony that you think there might be just a little bit of hope somewhere? I mean, I have to tell the American People something good here. They are going to storm the Capital with torches. Who is going to lead us out of this recession?
Beard: Hey, is that Elvis over there?
Shelby: [super long statement disguised as a question]
Beard: That’s a very long question, Senator Shelby.
Bunning: Hey, joker, when are you going to show us your balance sheet and when are you going to tell us who you lent to so we can jump their shit?
Beard: Hundreds of years of central banking experience tells us that we really shouldn’t be sharing loan data when it comes to short term collateralize liquidity.
Schumer: We should be regulating hedge funds, right?
Beard: Yeah, it was the larger firms that caused the issues here, not the small ones.
Schumer: That doesn’t answer my question. I ask you about small firms, leveraged firms, you answer with large firms.
Beard: Yep. I know.
(CNBC points out that bank stocks are rallying- relating this to The Beard’s “moral hazard is just the nature of the beast” comments).
Martinez: Ok, ok, how are we going to reinflate the housing bubblerescue the housing market?
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Rupert Murdoch thinks the world is coming to an end.
Too hairy, didn’t shave. ————–>
@1
The only thing coming to an end is Newscorp.
I’m sure he wants to take GE with him.
Dodd, just one of the I-Banks Congressional Bitches…..
Chris “Friend of Angelo $75,000 mortgage break” Dodd.
so now the treasury wanted to lend to low income families??? it wasn’t franks footer and mad max waters???
Why do I keep having the recurring picture of Uncle Ben dressed in Mickey’s costume from Fantasia?
who writes this garbage for these fools..sounds like a fifth grader reading a calculus book out loud.
@6 The devaretivee of Sin is Co-Sin?
What is so frightening is that this seems like a recap of what we already know. They must really think Americans are just plain stupid.
The markets are dead so my MD can kiss my ass. I’m going out for some breakfast.
“I’d like permission to revise and extend” that’s what I said to my girl last night before the second throw-down
Developing: Did someone on business/TV get “enhanced” jubblies? Competiton has the story.
@10 i believe the technical term is “borderline-deficiency”.
13- the post is competition?
@15….@13 here….meant the competition where one writer likes to discuss the rice markets.
Paper! Paper!
There is no gold in Aqaba.
No gold! No great box!
The good news about this whole thing is that there will be more sex, sex is free (most of the time). Its fun, free, and people are out of cash, personally I think we should just all run out naked into the streets and have an orgy holding signs that say “the end is neigh” Im headed out there right now, Who’s coming with me? Snoop bring your little green hat when you come.
@18….Spencer Tunick has already photographed such shenanigans. You’re a little late.
wow, Uncle Ben is speaking and the market is going up!
Reed needs a D in his sandy V.. holy !@#$ what a moron
#17:
“He is not perfect.”
chuck s. got an answer, just not the answer he wants . .
Jesus, Ben, just throw together some token Po’ Folks Payday Lending Facility (PFPLF) so we don’t have to listen to this populist bleating of Congress anymore. You’ve already got the branches on every city in America. Just say they’re now “primary dealers” and get it done.
Buzz-o-rama! Listen to Chuck chucking out those hedgie buzz words! All Ben has to do is ask him to clarify his question and Chuck’s beard falls! Ben’s financial beard reigns supreme.
Schumer- 0, Bernanke- 1
Happy Fat Tuesday! Last time I was in New Orleans…oh, wait, nevermind.
Ben should shave his beard for the next FOMC meeting. It will freak us all out and we’ll use it as a sign of recovery.
one of EP’s more creative posts
27 good idea
The idiots leading the thieves…this should be good. Can’t wait until they start deciding which “special interests” absolutely need the trillions of bailout dollars.
@27 — its a “playoff” beard — it doesn’t get shaved until Ken Lewis walks out
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Layoff got you down? Get the scoop and figure out what others are doing at http://www.freeagentnet.com
@22
Tomorrow the finest sheets in the finest room in the finest hotel in Cairo, I promise.
AFOY
The end is Neigh? Neigh? Is Mr. Ed coming over? Wiiiiilllbuuuuuuur!
Seriously, let’s get all sterilized and condomized – get down, get funky!
EP – had me going from “cat puke”!
@30 – “playoff beard” – What, are you a closet Canadian?
“If they can’t start a meeting without you, well, that’s a meeting worth going to, isn’t it? And that’s the only kind of meeting you should ever concern yourselves with.”
@33 – WIN!
@24 lmfao…best comment of the day
@10: No, they don’t “think” Americans are stupid. They know it. All they have to do is reflect that their sorry asses are in charge and were put there by an allegedly popular vote. Q.E.F.D.