Well, you knew she had to say something, we're just not sure this is it:
The new head of the Securities and Exchange Commission took steps on Friday to reinvigorate the agency's policing of Wall Street, two days after a congressional hearing chastised SEC investigators for failing to uncover Bernard Madoff's alleged $50 billion fraud."I like to tell the staff we are going to act like our hair is on fire," SEC Chairman Mary Schapiro told reporters after an appearance at a conference.
And here I was, convinced that the burning smell of hair was a brain tumor.
SEC chief says agency to act like "hair is on fire" [Reuters]
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:33PM
The jokes for that headline are too easy and not a challenge for me. I pass. Next?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:34PM
What do I do if CGasp makes eye contact with me and I am cornered?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:36PM
Or the new Holocaust...
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:36PM
What if I'm fully waxed? I can't apply for a job?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:38PM
That's a joke, right? She did no say that, did she?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:38PM
Ass on fire has greater urgency than hair on fair, wouldn't you say?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:38PM
Ass on fire has greater urgency than hair on fire, wouldn't you say?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:39PM
Am I respected by my peers?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:40PM
So, she's saying the SEC will be full of panicky people incapable of making rational decisions who act like it's the end of the world?
How is this any different from how the SEC normally is?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:41PM
@2
You give him a burning tip. Obviously the 'burning' depends on which venereal strain you have.
I'll be here all week.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:42PM
Did we all already forget how the Erin Callan show ended?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:44PM
What a horrible quote.
Posted by Anal_yst , Feb 06, 2009 4:44PM
@9
Thats my read; this broad is among the worst possible people for the job, to wit, I'd sooner have a 12 year old in charge, but I digress...
Posted by Phobos , Feb 06, 2009 4:52PM
SEC implodes. Budget Skyrockets. A new regulation agency is formulated to step in to the SECs place, effectively, such that "supreme regulation requires patriotic sacrifices on the parts of investors to ensure incidents like those witnessed in 2008/2009 don't happen again."
Posted by Phobos , Feb 06, 2009 4:53PM
SEC implodes. Budget Skyrockets. A new regulation agency is formulated to step in to the SECs place, effectively, such that "supreme regulation requires patriotic sacrifices on the parts of investors to ensure incidents like those witnessed in 2008/2009 don't happen again."
Posted by Phobos , Feb 06, 2009 4:55PM
nice double on my part (apologies.)
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:56PM
She better talk to Roger Clemmons about what "the burning sensation" did for him.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:59PM
Quick douse it with hair spray.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 5:08PM
Personally, I would be satisfied if she acted as if neither herself personally nor the agency she was just named to head had any credibility with respect to enforcement matters.
She should start by going through the backlog of complaints made that have been intentionally ignored by the Enforcement Division and actually investigating the information presented.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 5:12PM
Does she mean that the SEC is going to blindly run around screaming, desperately trying stop the searing pain of their scalp melting?
So basically, what they were doing before, but with increased energy?
Homer: There's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 5:18PM
Nothing stops the spread of the hysterical woman stereotype like a hysterical woman with power.
What a fun four years this will be.
Posted by NAS Keflavik boi , Feb 06, 2009 5:18PM
Funny, she doesn't LOOK like a "firecrotch"
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 5:48PM
Predictable. The SEC will now overreact to every conceivable report and go after all the wrong people. They're the Mike Nifong of financial market regulators.
Posted by Equity Private , Feb 06, 2009 6:11PM
#23: Yep!
http://dealbreaker.com/2009/02/sec-replies-madoff-hearings-pa.php
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 7:09PM
@13 Agree 100%. Obama could not have tried harder to find a Commish more deaf to investors' concerns or more wedded to the idea that the SEC's primary role is to insure that the securities industry operates for the sole benefit of itself. Change indeed.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 7:09PM
23-
I wouldn't count on it in the least. Most likely they will repeat the pattern from after Enron fell. They will bring one, maybe two prosecutions of someone you barely heard of (Scrushy), put on a show trial and the go back to doing nothing. These people don't want to be in the enforcement game.
Congress has known for years that the S.E.C. routinely ignores information presented concerning frauds in the financial markets. The faux outrage by the members of the subcommittee during this past week's hearings was laughable.
Once the S.E.C. puts on its kabuki theater show trial, the American people have gone back to being fascinated by American Idol, Miley Cyrus or the size of J-Lo's ass and frauds in the financial markets will again be a high growth industry for creative entrepreneurs.
Just lay low for about a year or so. After that, it the economy will have turner the corner and it will be about 20 years of ripping off stupid investors until the S.E.C. is again forced to put on another series of show trials. At the end of the day, financial fraud still pays VERY well and will continue to for a LONG time.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 7:10PM
I haven't the slightest clue as to what is causing the ungodly pressure on my sphincter.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 7:41PM
Hope the SEC goes hogwild on the money launderers in hedge funds
Posted by guest , Feb 07, 2009 2:28PM
I don't get it.
If your hair is on fire the Lycans will be able to see you in the dark. I understand the thinking here, obviously their sense of smell is sensitive enough that they will be able to find you regardless, but this just seems foolhardy.
This could totally backfire and cause them to eat your head last, which would be akward. Is there some trick I don't get?
Posted by guest , Feb 08, 2009 9:48AM
sec will stick to mary's finra playbook, which is to impose regular fines on large firms which look at it like a tax or cost of doing business...
most of their time will be spent bullying smaller firms and people who do not have the resources to fight back
that way they win both battles, large and small
Posted by clientnine , Feb 08, 2009 12:47PM
I read the fine article and was going to post a reply.
However, #30 has already written what I was going to write.
Posted by guest , Feb 08, 2009 5:51PM
Losers the SEC.....