Having grown somewhat bored of the "Obama Economic Superfriends Application Process Lacks Best Practices Diligence Guidelines" story for a while, but still unable to resist secretly reading Bloomberg stories on the topic, we came across a curious quote from Senator Charles Grassley. Specifically:
...executives at firms that seek government help need to take responsibility for "driving their corporations into the ground" and adopt a "Japanese ethic.""One of the things you do is, you either go out and commit suicide, or you go before the American public and you take a very deep bow and you say, 'It's all my fault and I'm sorry and I'm going to straighten it out.' Or you might resign."
Leaving aside for a moment a discussion of the effects a bushido code might have if adopted on Wall Street (but, by all means, please feel free to address this in comments), it is hard to argue that a few well placed acts of seppuku (and the cascading acts of oibara) wouldn't have rather... interesting results on The Street.
Mixed emotions, dear readers. Like Larry Wildman going off a cliff... in my new Maserati.
A "Don't Short Me, Bro" mug for the commenter coming up with the best "Death Poem" and name of kaishakunin for your favorite disgraced Wall Street luminary. Go.
Grassley Says Obama Team's Vetting of Nominees 'Too Rushed' [Bloomberg]






Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:04PM
i was the scapegoat
i dont see why they all hate
woe is me, dick fuld
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:04PM
too Harry - didn't Caray
Posted by Gordon Gekko , Feb 06, 2009 3:07PM
Sir Larry Wildman....Like all Brits (politicians) he thinks he was born with a better pot to piss in
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:09PM
After apologizing and bowing deeply you then go home and cut your guts out with a sword. I have a nice one in my dresser ... I'll be more than happy to loan it to out failed executives.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:09PM
Death Knell Haiku
Wall Street douchebag's head
Thain, will you not bend
Lewis rusting bloody blade
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:10PM
Haiku?
Posted by Private , Feb 06, 2009 3:11PM
In this time of frosty fear
My chosen path is hardly clear
Apathy clouds my day to day
Sinking emotions cause disarray
These restless nights I cannot keep
Lost beneath my blanket deep
This darkness plagues my lust for life
Each breathe I take is constant strife
And so I've lost my motivation
This soul retreats to hibernation
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:12PM
Too squinty, didn't see.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:13PM
Two words- You First
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:13PM
got to meet the hottie with the million dollar body
they say its over budget but you'd pay her just to touch it come on
needs to hit the big screen and shoot a little love scene
if hollywood had called her she'd be gone before ya had her come on
pretty little lady with the pretty pink thong
every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long.
doesn't care about the money she could be with anybody
anybody ain't it funny how the honey wanted you all along
(you naughty thing)
your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
you shake your ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
i love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
and tease them all by sucking on your thumb
your so much cooler when you never pull it out
cuz you look so much cuter with something in your mouth
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:14PM
Just a moment, is this the guy from the same government responsible for 9-11, Katrina, social security, Fannie, Freddie, thousands dead fighting the wrong war, medicaid, tax code.....
He wants what again?
The raw fucking hypocrisy makes me sick.
Fuck it - Friday is finally here.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:16PM
Everyone's a hypocrite. The Spendthrift Republicans of yore and are sounding very much Reaganesque right now.
Pork is good and well, as long as it's their pork.
Washington is a joke.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:17PM
I once ran a bank, who with leverage
Got drunk- like a fool with a beverage
The House offered aid
But gave me a blade,
So, to our death we will bleed and will haemorrhage
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:17PM
@5 FAIL
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:18PM
@11 - "the same government responsible for 9-11"? Since when is Al Quaeda a government, and are you sure "this guy" is a member? Or perhaps he's his osn sleeper cell?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:19PM
giant bonuses (5)
are part of the salary (7)
we don't deserve them (5)
TRB
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:19PM
I think the knuckleheads in Congress should practice some bushido
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:20PM
@17
bullshito
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:21PM
Leverage
The branch bends
House crumbles
Ends
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:21PM
Some of us Madoff
But most of us were laid Off
Which ones got paid off?
LiboRob
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:23PM
Haiku is for fags and chaz gasfags.
ballsdeep
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:23PM
Kaishakunin --> still trying to figure out what that is. I think kaishaku is suicide or death and nin is person, so suicide/death person? Anyone else know what that means?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:23PM
@20 wins.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:24PM
I am like a fish
Gasping for one final breath
In my east side pad
I love to play with my rod
But the returns were not reel
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:24PM
Stan O'Neil fucked Mother Merrill
He did it at his peril
Cut your guts and heart, man
Your Stan the man
A kaishakunin you don't deserve
But Barney Frank agreed to serve.
Posted by merkin capital partners , Feb 06, 2009 3:26PM
@11 9/11...Katrina...social security...wrong war..Medicaid.
i never knew chuck was such a powerful force.
Bin Laden, God, FDR, LBJ/Nixon, and LBJ again, are all really pissed at your comment.
Tax code is total bullshit though.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:27PM
hey what ever happened to that $1 BB ponzi that markolopolous was going to expose the day after his testimony?
Posted by BSD , Feb 06, 2009 3:27PM
@22 - it's the friend who cuts off the head of the guy who just committed seppuko to spare him further pain and just finish him instantly. Meridith has been trying to be kaishakunin to Count Vikula, but he just wants to do it the hard way and bleed out.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:30PM
P(h)easants with pitchforks.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:30PM
@11
How fucking ignorant can you possibly be? *responsible* for katrina, 9/11? Jesus christmas, we're not talking about Poseidon here, we're talking about a politcal party. If only the gov't were powerful enough to summon hurricanes. Fuckwit. Responsible for social security? How? Responsible for Fannie & Freddie? How? Perhaps you should watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL36nwCSYUM
Frank Raines = outstanding. we do not have a crisis. Meeks should be strung up and beaten for his ignorance and condescension.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:30PM
there once was a man from lehman,
got his bonus and was a-beamin',
til barack got picked,
and his paycheck got dicked,
and now he makes his money donating semen.
SR
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:32PM
play a hand of bridge
take a bong hit of good dope
let those hedge funds fail
"we are starting to rebound"
oops it all ended badly
kaishakunin-Warren Spector
Posted by BSD , Feb 06, 2009 3:33PM
They took away my jet,
So I couldn't pull a Cooper.
Took on too much debt,
Now I'm bleeding out the pooper.
-Pandit
Posted by StillNoCouch , Feb 06, 2009 3:33PM
As many have foretold,
my excesses were quite bold.
Now at home, I'm feeling quite old,
Save it not, for my wonderful commode.
My rug and my chairs,
counting my expenses ? Why split hairs ?
I needed that jet,
and on that you can bet.
Don's ask me to repay,
I still don't have a job yet.
JT
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:33PM
Asset values rose
I wanted to join in
But then they went the other way
Not the same as Lycan
-Stan 0'Neil should have to use a spork
Posted by BSD , Feb 06, 2009 3:34PM
They took away my jet,
So I couldn't pull a Cooper.
Took on too much debt,
Now I'm bleeding out the pooper.
-Pandit
Kaishakunin - Dollar Dominatrix
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:35PM
Suicide?!?! FUCK. THAT.
Japs have it all wrong, indeed
I. Me. My. MINE. MINE!
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:37PM
Oh Massive Failures
For which we have created
Home I masturbate
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:37PM
For Dick Fuld, kaishakunin Gov. Schwarzenegger
Fuld falls on face,
Bags of money under eyes;
Goldman wins again
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:37PM
@28 Thanks, that makes sense
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:42PM
Rumor Mongering
We were well capitaliz'd
Verily, I bleed.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:43PM
For Dick Fuld, kaishakunin Gov. Schwarzenegger
Fuld falls on face,
Bags of money under eyes;
Goldman wins again
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:46PM
There once was a great man named Bernie
Who is reaching the end of his journey
I idolized Fonzi
So I set up my Ponzi
Now my brethren want to put me in a gurney
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:48PM
@21...Classic! "So there I was..."
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:50PM
TARP money is fake;
Why don't they just give us coal?
Save Santa the work.
Posted by miami , Feb 06, 2009 3:53PM
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, in Vegas asleep.
I am a thousand winds that gate.
I am the diamond glint on hate.
I am the contango on ripened grain.
I am the fish in autumn rain.
When you wake up long the soy crush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the Bloomberg glow at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do stand at my grave and JO&C.
I am not there, I did not die!
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:55PM
@46 - Nice Dr. Seussian work there.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 3:55PM
Death Poem for Dick Fuld: kaishakunin Governor Paterson.... could be a long and ugly process.
Each Christmas past, all clients got, a stocking filled with Coal.
Tricky Dick had convinced them all, this would become the world’s new Gold.
He took this coal and sliced it up, making the finest house of cards;
Filling up his bonus pools, creating I-banking stars.
The rating agencies, they got their share,
But Fuld got the dog and they got but a hair.
Now the curtain has been lifted, the game gone and crashed,
And we all know for sure, this paper was but trash…
Put into trash cans Agencies said, ‘are AAA, yes are quite sturdy’,
All the players had full pockets, and hands fully dirty.
The gig is up, destruction reigns, and it’s amazing now to think,
How these people at the top, have not ended in the clink.
Posted by miami , Feb 06, 2009 3:56PM
'name of kaishakunin for your favorite disgraced Wall Street luminary'
Einhorn + Callan.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:06PM
my profits, a sham.
took the money and a-ran.
now stuck in penthouse.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:08PM
Hey 30 eat me. I could become really ignorant reading your screed - SS is in great shape - Katrina aftermath - your gov., Freddie, Fannie - your gov., with all the fucking technology billions of $$ can buy they missed 9/11
Wake up fuckhead.
Or do you subscribe to "if you don't like this country leave"
Keep on drinking baby
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:08PM
Goldman repays TARP
Rules no longer apply there -
Nightmare or wet dream?
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:16PM
Death by mbs
sharp sword easier to swallow
than not making rain
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:25PM
jebus christ hates all of you.
Evil KneKneal.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:40PM
Minus forty percent is
The new kickin' it you see
The public are dumb
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:40PM
Death Poem for John Thain, Kaishakunin being Ken Lewis
The birds would come to the roof,
Of this mighty banking empire,
Watching the people beneath,
Profit: their only desire.
On seeds, the birds grew fat and old,
Given by the bankers below,
So when the news broke: "the bank had been sold",
It came as a blow.
The birds wondered,
Who would feed them now?
And when the story to was told,
The seeds were no more,
So the birds left by the score.
And when the last bird flew away,
Just a tiny little Finch,
So fell the curtain,
On the bank once known
As Merril Lynch.
NF
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 4:48PM
Our financial system is a joke
So pull out that final smoke
Lately I've been watching survivor man
So I can live when the Sh*t hits the fan
It' going to suck when all our bank accounts show zero's
Thank God I bought all those Amero's
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 5:04PM
Did you see the episode where SM was on a beach and used a large fallen tree trunk as shelter, started a fire for the night and then next day video-ed himself talking about how the fire set his tree-trunk roof on fire? Hilarious.
Posted by NAS Keflavik boi , Feb 06, 2009 5:22PM
Insurance giant!
A lifetime's work piss'd away;
Credit Default Swaps.
kaishakunin - Hank "the Spank" Greenberg
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 6:00PM
I the mighty Sandy from Citi
So much weight is on my shoulders
But for me there is no pity
I'm getting stoned with boulders
As this is now my very sad end
Raise the alert level to orange
And to those who want me to bend
Fuck you! Nothing rhymes with orange
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 6:03PM
Stocks fall like cherry blossoms
Many yen float down river
A margin call sings.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 6:21PM
With rue my heart is laden
For fat bonuses I had,
With praise from rose-lipd analysts
They thought I was Jack the Lad.
In banks too broke for saving
The trader boys are laid,
And defunct I-Bankers sleeping
In drawers where assets fade.
-With apologies to Houseman
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 8:29PM
There once was a man from nantucket,
who had so much cash he said fuckit,
then along came obama,
made 'tucket man run to his momma,
crying "we had to cancel the junket".
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 8:36PM
@61, nice.
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 8:49PM
Lol. Only in America would smne think he needed to put the number of syllables ok each line of his haiku. We are n deep shit LOL
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 9:03PM
So much depends
on the red wheelbarrow
glazed with rain
beside the white chickens
Posted by guest , Feb 06, 2009 9:03PM
Snip from latest piece just posted now:
'Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis Should Shut His Pie Hole'
"He's still incredibly out of touch with the American people. Listen early on as he says that $500k in salary is ok. That he'll make do. Ken, some advice, before you open your pie hole again: remember that the average taxpayer earns less than $40k in this country and most work just as hard as you. Plus none of them has billed taxpayers for $45 billion nor requested a $120 billion guarantee on shit assets, nor did any of them give Merrill $15 billion to spend on bonuses. You are unique in your achievements.
And yet you still have a job (seriously wtf?), for which we are paying you $500k. I just contemplated that sentence. Why are you being paid at all for 2009? You should have been shit-canned months ago for driving BAC into the ground with the 2 most ill-conceived bank purchases of the last decade."
http://dailybail.com/home/2009/2/7/bailout-cnbc-bank-of-america-ceo-ken-lewis-should-shut-his-p.html
includes cnbc video from today.
Posted by guest , Feb 07, 2009 10:21AM
67, you're still hawking your populist blog on DB??? Yahoo finance. Heard of it?
Posted by guest , Feb 07, 2009 3:22PM
Did DB steal this idea from Blue Jersey?
http://www.bluejersey.com/tag.do?tag=haiku
Oh the humanity!
Posted by guest , Feb 07, 2009 3:37PM
dimon lewis mack
the never ending winter
and the coming crash
Posted by american bandersnatch , Feb 08, 2009 7:59AM
The old world quakes
BSDs scream and stagger
Dimon hard avenger
Posted by american bandersnatch , Feb 08, 2009 8:01AM
The old world quaking (5)
BSDs scream and stagger (7)
Dimon hard vengeance (5)
Posted by american bandersnatch , Feb 08, 2009 8:42AM
One more:
Five hundred thousand? (5)
For this I lost Old Lane and (7)
Tranches of my soul (5)
Meredith to provide the coup de grace
Posted by guest , Feb 08, 2009 11:18AM
you suck at haiku.
pandit sucks teat.
lewis knows not what he sucks.
35 best financial stories from this weekend so far, plus bailout comedy. all in one link.
2 from Dealbreaker and EP made the cut.
http://bit.ly/CL38
Posted by guest , Feb 08, 2009 12:03PM
I saw him emerge from the town car
right foot first
it looked like the maw of a rabid dog
but I said to myself:
at least he has at least half his hair
maybe
at least he has a black card
maybe
MANhattan has been castrated
Wise men don't build their own monuments
They do good and leave that shit to the people
Posted by guest , Feb 08, 2009 7:45PM
MBA from Wharton.
10 years with McKinsey.
I know nothing.
Posted by american bandersnatch , Feb 09, 2009 1:25PM
@76 -Nice