Having grown somewhat bored of the “Obama Economic Superfriends Application Process Lacks Best Practices Diligence Guidelines” story for a while, but still unable to resist secretly reading Bloomberg stories on the topic, we came across a curious quote from Senator Charles Grassley. Specifically:
…executives at firms that seek government help need to take responsibility for “driving their corporations into the ground” and adopt a “Japanese ethic.”
“One of the things you do is, you either go out and commit suicide, or you go before the American public and you take a very deep bow and you say, ‘It’s all my fault and I’m sorry and I’m going to straighten it out.’ Or you might resign.”
Leaving aside for a moment a discussion of the effects a bushido code might have if adopted on Wall Street (but, by all means, please feel free to address this in comments), it is hard to argue that a few well placed acts of seppuku (and the cascading acts of oibara) wouldn’t have rather… interesting results on The Street.
Mixed emotions, dear readers. Like Larry Wildman going off a cliff… in my new Maserati.
A “Don’t Short Me, Bro” mug for the commenter coming up with the best “Death Poem” and name of kaishakunin for your favorite disgraced Wall Street luminary. Go.
Grassley Says Obama Team’s Vetting of Nominees ‘Too Rushed’ [Bloomberg]
too Harry – didn’t Caray
Sir Larry Wildman….Like all Brits (politicians) he thinks he was born with a better pot to piss in
After apologizing and bowing deeply you then go home and cut your guts out with a sword. I have a nice one in my dresser … I’ll be more than happy to loan it to out failed executives.
Death Knell Haiku
Wall Street douchebag’s head
Thain, will you not bend
Lewis rusting bloody blade
Haiku?
In this time of frosty fear
My chosen path is hardly clear
Apathy clouds my day to day
Sinking emotions cause disarray
These restless nights I cannot keep
Lost beneath my blanket deep
This darkness plagues my lust for life
Each breathe I take is constant strife
And so I’ve lost my motivation
This soul retreats to hibernation
Too squinty, didn’t see.
Two words- You First
got to meet the hottie with the million dollar body
they say its over budget but you’d pay her just to touch it come on
needs to hit the big screen and shoot a little love scene
if hollywood had called her she’d be gone before ya had her come on
pretty little lady with the pretty pink thong
every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long.
doesn’t care about the money she could be with anybody
anybody ain’t it funny how the honey wanted you all along
(you naughty thing)
your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
you shake your ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
i love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
and tease them all by sucking on your thumb
your so much cooler when you never pull it out
cuz you look so much cuter with something in your mouth
Just a moment, is this the guy from the same government responsible for 9-11, Katrina, social security, Fannie, Freddie, thousands dead fighting the wrong war, medicaid, tax code…..
He wants what again?
The raw fucking hypocrisy makes me sick.
Fuck it – Friday is finally here.
Everyone’s a hypocrite. The Spendthrift Republicans of yore and are sounding very much Reaganesque right now.
Pork is good and well, as long as it’s their pork.
Washington is a joke.
I once ran a bank, who with leverage
Got drunk- like a fool with a beverage
The House offered aid
But gave me a blade,
So, to our death we will bleed and will haemorrhage
@5 FAIL
@11 – “the same government responsible for 9-11″? Since when is Al Quaeda a government, and are you sure “this guy” is a member? Or perhaps he’s his osn sleeper cell?
giant bonuses (5)
are part of the salary (7)
we don’t deserve them (5)
TRB
I think the knuckleheads in Congress should practice some bushido
@17
bullshito
Leverage
The branch bends
House crumbles
Ends
Some of us Madoff
But most of us were laid Off
Which ones got paid off?
LiboRob
Haiku is for fags and chaz gasfags.
ballsdeep
Kaishakunin –> still trying to figure out what that is. I think kaishaku is suicide or death and nin is person, so suicide/death person? Anyone else know what that means?
@20 wins.
I am like a fish
Gasping for one final breath
In my east side pad
I love to play with my rod
But the returns were not reel
Stan O’Neil fucked Mother Merrill
He did it at his peril
Cut your guts and heart, man
Your Stan the man
A kaishakunin you don’t deserve
But Barney Frank agreed to serve.
@11 9/11…Katrina…social security…wrong war..Medicaid.
i never knew chuck was such a powerful force.
Bin Laden, God, FDR, LBJ/Nixon, and LBJ again, are all really pissed at your comment.
Tax code is total bullshit though.
hey what ever happened to that $1 BB ponzi that markolopolous was going to expose the day after his testimony?
@22 – it’s the friend who cuts off the head of the guy who just committed seppuko to spare him further pain and just finish him instantly. Meridith has been trying to be kaishakunin to Count Vikula, but he just wants to do it the hard way and bleed out.
P(h)easants with pitchforks.
@11
How fucking ignorant can you possibly be? *responsible* for katrina, 9/11? Jesus christmas, we’re not talking about Poseidon here, we’re talking about a politcal party. If only the gov’t were powerful enough to summon hurricanes. Fuckwit. Responsible for social security? How? Responsible for Fannie & Freddie? How? Perhaps you should watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL36nwCSYUM
Frank Raines = outstanding. we do not have a crisis. Meeks should be strung up and beaten for his ignorance and condescension.
there once was a man from lehman,
got his bonus and was a-beamin’,
til barack got picked,
and his paycheck got dicked,
and now he makes his money donating semen.
SR
play a hand of bridge
take a bong hit of good dope
let those hedge funds fail
“we are starting to rebound”
oops it all ended badly
kaishakunin-Warren Spector
They took away my jet,
So I couldn’t pull a Cooper.
Took on too much debt,
Now I’m bleeding out the pooper.
-Pandit
As many have foretold,
my excesses were quite bold.
Now at home, I’m feeling quite old,
Save it not, for my wonderful commode.
My rug and my chairs,
counting my expenses ? Why split hairs ?
I needed that jet,
and on that you can bet.
Don’s ask me to repay,
I still don’t have a job yet.
JT
Asset values rose
I wanted to join in
But then they went the other way
Not the same as Lycan
-Stan 0′Neil should have to use a spork
They took away my jet,
So I couldn’t pull a Cooper.
Took on too much debt,
Now I’m bleeding out the pooper.
-Pandit
Kaishakunin – Dollar Dominatrix
Suicide?!?! FUCK. THAT.
Japs have it all wrong, indeed
I. Me. My. MINE. MINE!
Oh Massive Failures
For which we have created
Home I masturbate
For Dick Fuld, kaishakunin Gov. Schwarzenegger
Fuld falls on face,
Bags of money under eyes;
Goldman wins again
@28 Thanks, that makes sense
Rumor Mongering
We were well capitaliz’d
Verily, I bleed.
For Dick Fuld, kaishakunin Gov. Schwarzenegger
Fuld falls on face,
Bags of money under eyes;
Goldman wins again
There once was a great man named Bernie
Who is reaching the end of his journey
I idolized Fonzi
So I set up my Ponzi
Now my brethren want to put me in a gurney
@21…Classic! “So there I was…”
TARP money is fake;
Why don’t they just give us coal?
Save Santa the work.
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, in Vegas asleep.
I am a thousand winds that gate.
I am the diamond glint on hate.
I am the contango on ripened grain.
I am the fish in autumn rain.
When you wake up long the soy crush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the Bloomberg glow at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do stand at my grave and JO&C.
I am not there, I did not die!
@46 – Nice Dr. Seussian work there.
Death Poem for Dick Fuld: kaishakunin Governor Paterson…. could be a long and ugly process.
Each Christmas past, all clients got, a stocking filled with Coal.
Tricky Dick had convinced them all, this would become the world’s new Gold.
He took this coal and sliced it up, making the finest house of cards;
Filling up his bonus pools, creating I-banking stars.
The rating agencies, they got their share,
But Fuld got the dog and they got but a hair.
Now the curtain has been lifted, the game gone and crashed,
And we all know for sure, this paper was but trash…
Put into trash cans Agencies said, ‘are AAA, yes are quite sturdy’,
All the players had full pockets, and hands fully dirty.
The gig is up, destruction reigns, and it’s amazing now to think,
How these people at the top, have not ended in the clink.
‘name of kaishakunin for your favorite disgraced Wall Street luminary’
Einhorn + Callan.
my profits, a sham.
took the money and a-ran.
now stuck in penthouse.
Hey 30 eat me. I could become really ignorant reading your screed – SS is in great shape – Katrina aftermath – your gov., Freddie, Fannie – your gov., with all the fucking technology billions of $$ can buy they missed 9/11
Wake up fuckhead.
Or do you subscribe to “if you don’t like this country leave”
Keep on drinking baby
Goldman repays TARP
Rules no longer apply there -
Nightmare or wet dream?
Death by mbs
sharp sword easier to swallow
than not making rain
jebus christ hates all of you.
Evil KneKneal.
Minus forty percent is
The new kickin’ it you see
The public are dumb
Death Poem for John Thain, Kaishakunin being Ken Lewis
The birds would come to the roof,
Of this mighty banking empire,
Watching the people beneath,
Profit: their only desire.
On seeds, the birds grew fat and old,
Given by the bankers below,
So when the news broke: “the bank had been sold”,
It came as a blow.
The birds wondered,
Who would feed them now?
And when the story to was told,
The seeds were no more,
So the birds left by the score.
And when the last bird flew away,
Just a tiny little Finch,
So fell the curtain,
On the bank once known
As Merril Lynch.
NF
Our financial system is a joke
So pull out that final smoke
Lately I’ve been watching survivor man
So I can live when the Sh*t hits the fan
It’ going to suck when all our bank accounts show zero’s
Thank God I bought all those Amero’s
Did you see the episode where SM was on a beach and used a large fallen tree trunk as shelter, started a fire for the night and then next day video-ed himself talking about how the fire set his tree-trunk roof on fire? Hilarious.
Insurance giant!
A lifetime’s work piss’d away;
Credit Default Swaps.
kaishakunin – Hank “the Spank” Greenberg
I the mighty Sandy from Citi
So much weight is on my shoulders
But for me there is no pity
I’m getting stoned with boulders
As this is now my very sad end
Raise the alert level to orange
And to those who want me to bend
Fuck you! Nothing rhymes with orange
Stocks fall like cherry blossoms
Many yen float down river
A margin call sings.
With rue my heart is laden
For fat bonuses I had,
With praise from rose-lipd analysts
They thought I was Jack the Lad.
In banks too broke for saving
The trader boys are laid,
And defunct I-Bankers sleeping
In drawers where assets fade.
-With apologies to Houseman
There once was a man from nantucket,
who had so much cash he said fuckit,
then along came obama,
made ‘tucket man run to his momma,
crying “we had to cancel the junket”.
@61, nice.
Lol. Only in America would smne think he needed to put the number of syllables ok each line of his haiku. We are n deep shit LOL
So much depends
on the red wheelbarrow
glazed with rain
beside the white chickens
Snip from latest piece just posted now:
‘Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis Should Shut His Pie Hole’
“He’s still incredibly out of touch with the American people. Listen early on as he says that $500k in salary is ok. That he’ll make do. Ken, some advice, before you open your pie hole again: remember that the average taxpayer earns less than $40k in this country and most work just as hard as you. Plus none of them has billed taxpayers for $45 billion nor requested a $120 billion guarantee on shit assets, nor did any of them give Merrill $15 billion to spend on bonuses. You are unique in your achievements.
And yet you still have a job (seriously wtf?), for which we are paying you $500k. I just contemplated that sentence. Why are you being paid at all for 2009? You should have been shit-canned months ago for driving BAC into the ground with the 2 most ill-conceived bank purchases of the last decade.”
http://dailybail.com/home/2009/2/7/bailout-cnbc-bank-of-america-ceo-ken-lewis-should-shut-his-p.html
includes cnbc video from today.
67, you’re still hawking your populist blog on DB??? Yahoo finance. Heard of it?
Did DB steal this idea from Blue Jersey?
http://www.bluejersey.com/tag.do?tag=haiku
Oh the humanity!
dimon lewis mack
the never ending winter
and the coming crash
The old world quakes
BSDs scream and stagger
Dimon hard avenger
The old world quaking (5)
BSDs scream and stagger (7)
Dimon hard vengeance (5)
One more:
Five hundred thousand? (5)
For this I lost Old Lane and (7)
Tranches of my soul (5)
Meredith to provide the coup de grace
you suck at haiku.
pandit sucks teat.
lewis knows not what he sucks.
35 best financial stories from this weekend so far, plus bailout comedy. all in one link.
2 from Dealbreaker and EP made the cut.
http://bit.ly/CL38
I saw him emerge from the town car
right foot first
it looked like the maw of a rabid dog
but I said to myself:
at least he has at least half his hair
maybe
at least he has a black card
maybe
MANhattan has been castrated
Wise men don’t build their own monuments
They do good and leave that shit to the people
MBA from Wharton.
10 years with McKinsey.
I know nothing.
@76 -Nice