I never thought we’d be giving Wachovia this much credit but something important happened last week when one of its analysts successfully met the challenge to eat 3 cans of cat food in thirty minutes. He ruined food-related attempts at gastrointestinal feats of fortitude forever.
Let’s be honest– no one’s going to do anything grosser than that. So say you endeavor to accomplish the same challenge. At best, you’re successful, but you’re no better than the anonymous Wach kid. At worse, you fail, you suck, and you just ate a bunch (but less than three cans) of cat food. What’s the point? And is there any glory left in eating a bunch of vending machine items? We don’t think so (and most of you have proved you can’t even do that).
Nevertheless. Right now, at an unnamed hedge fund, a research associate and his boss are squaring off in an attempt to eat 28 vending items (itemized after the jump), in under six hours. The gun went off at 12:12 PM. We’ll keep you posted.
Update,1:28 PM: One hour and sixteen minutes into the challenge, the associate “…doesn’t feel good. Coconut Toffee Peanuts took all the wind out of my sails. Currently switch-hitting between Cheezits and Reeses Miniatures. Working on numero siete y ocho.”
Update, 2:09 PM: Ten items down for the associate. Boss saying he doesn’t know if he can do it.
Update, 3:54 PM: Boss: 17 items completed. Is concerned about Hershey Kisses, Moon pie, and Tasty Cakes.
Associate: 14 items completed. Threw up in mouth and tasted almonds.
Update, 4:14 PM:Boss throws in towel. Last seen “abusing tobacco products and talking to wife.”
Peanut Butter Moon Pie
Lorna Dunne Shortbread Cookies
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Miniatures
Cheetos
Oreos
ChocZels
TastyCake Creme filled cupcakes
Whatchamacallit
Planters Salted peanuts
Sweet & Creamy Peanut Butter Crackers
Peanut Butter and Honey Crackers
Sourdough Pretzels
Sunchips Alpha
Sunchips Beta
Cocunut Toffee Peanuts
Famous Amos
Whoopers
Reeses Fast Break
Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream
Trail’s Best Beef and Cheese
Lays Classic
Vienna Cremes
Cheez-Its
Peanut Butter Crackers
Hersheys with Almonds
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Fudge Shop with Stripes
Please. What a joke. i could take down the entire machine. Used to do it all the time in college. Bunch of losers. learn to eat you meat heads.
I bet Jon Stewart could do it. He is amazing.
You used to eat entire vending machine catalogs all the time in college?
What was it like being overweight and lonely?
What kind of hedge fund do these guys work for that has vending machines? Some bank’s pseudo HF?
its probably highland.
At SAC the vending machine challenge requires eating the entire vending machine…in a skirt.
@4- it’s glenview.
There are only 27 iteams listed!
To top the cat food precedent, can’t you just eat 4 cans in 30 minutes
Hedge Funds can eat?
At Citi, vending machine eat you, and then ask you for money.
“You go to hell Wachovia. You go to hell and you die.”
- Mr (Ms? whatever?) Garrison
What is the big deal with eating cat food? I smells like fish and tastes a little raunchy. Lots of good stuff does.
Glenview I would believe. However who would dare take on Larry in a Vending Machine contest?!?
It’s the Sunchips that’ll do ‘em in.
Those taste like no earthly substance.
- – “Soylent Green is people!”
There is a lot of chocolate on that list. The pretzels are a beyotch. Your gut start swelling up…ugh.
The moon pie could be bad.
“Currently switch-hitting…”
Got to be SAC.
Buyside hitters make you tarp sucking fairies look like bitches
@16 – nuking the Moon Pie for 10-15 seconds helps.
As for the rest it seems pretty doable, but the “Trails Best Beef & Cheese” sounds like trouble.
dumbshit@17- this is taking place at a hedge fund, ie the buyside.
go swing your minute dick elsewhere.
@19, pretty sure that was #17′s point
@20- no, it wasn’t. b/c the ppl competing in this post are little bitches, and he was implying he, being on the buyside, was different.
19 is a dumb bastard. I didn’t know custodians at Edward Jones had Internet access.
A couple of weeks ago at Legacy Bank of America, an analyst in FIG took up the challenge to eat 7 Dunkin’ Donuts and 1 quart of whole milk in 30 minutes.
Something like 5 donuts and 2 glasses of milk in to the challenge, and with 5 minutes left, he threw up into the garbage can that was placed next to him at the beginning of the challenge.
It took place in a conference room and at least 20 people were in there at any given point watching him. People in the Metlife building next door could be seen looking out their windows wondering why so many Legacy BofA people were gathered in a conference room (probably looked like the famous picture of Lehman employees in a London conference room being told of their fate).
Anyway, the room cleared pretty quickly once he hurled.
There is an executive director at MS in fixed income who can do this challenge for fun.
Buyside cant compete.
I can eat a tub of guacamole and still not give a fuck
BofA has a legacy FIG team. What kind of ill-advice can they give? Are you sure dit aint Merrills?