Of course, that Maxine Waters is totally batshit fucking crazy is not news. That Maxine Waters somehow managed not to appear totally batshit fucking crazy, that, dear friends, is news. We, therefore, report to you today our unadulterated astonishment (and palpable disappointment) that Maxine Waters somehow managed not to appear totally batshit fucking crazy. In fact, her demeanor, once dominated by the lines and curves of the raving mad conspiracy theorist who lectures into empty radio waves on my local community access channel while wearing aluminum foil and polarized sunglasses in his faux-wood paneled basement, had today moderated to such an extent that, during her discussion, actual boredom began to threaten what had once been our keen anticipation. Hopes raised by the introduction of the topic of Credit Default Swaps were quickly dashed when Waters simply asked why they could not be banned, rather than suggesting that "Swaps of the Default be adjudicated by the CEO of the Treasury in her capacity as the international risk taker of note to prevent Gold Sack from selling insurance."
During markedly rational questioning at today's Committee hearing, Waters expressed strong signs of empathy, even to the point of physical mirroring of Tim "The Safecracker" Geithner's manic tumbler opening gestures. Such a dramatic shift in approach and psychological sophistication could only be the result of some dramatic comings to pass. Among the alternatives that seem most likely are:
- Neurological damage due to severe blunt-force head trauma
- The sudden introduction of a high-dose course of anti-psychotic medication
- The clandestine substitution of an imposer (actor/robot)
- Aggressive religious deprogramming in conjunction with electro-convulsive therapy
After completing extensive research, we believe that the photographic evidence strongly supports alternative #2 listed above. (Thorazine seems the most likely candidate).
Oh, apparently there were some other people at the hearing too.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 1:54PM
total let down. usually is the high point.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 1:55PM
total let down. usually is the high point.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 1:57PM
bottom picture has comment of the week potential..
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 1:57PM
this is the best dealbreaker post ive ever read
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:00PM
The severe drop in the stock market has caused serious stress to the American Taxpayer.
Why can we not ban the stock market ?
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:01PM
"Swaps of the Default be adjudicated by the CEO of the Treasury in her capacity as the international risk taker of note to prevent Gold Sack from selling insurance."
Now THAT is some funny shit.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:02PM
"Swaps of the Default be adjudicated by the CEO of the Treasury in her capacity as the international risk taker of note to prevent Gold Sack from selling insurance."
Now THAT is some funny shit.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:05PM
Drudge says Congress woman Bachman is introducing a bill to ban global currency....
Posted by Investorcluzo , Mar 26, 2009 2:10PM
please speak into the mic...
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:15PM
she's the Barry Ritholtz of congress
full of hot air and usually off point
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:16PM
she's the Barry Ritholtz of congress
full of hot air and usually off point
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:16PM
" Bachmann bill would ban global currency
@ 1:31 pm by Eric Zimmermann
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) has introduced legislation that would "bar the dollar from being replace by any foreign currency." A statement from Bachmann's website:
“Yesterday, during a Financial Services Committee hearing, I asked Secretary Geithner if he would denounce efforts to move towards a global currency and he answered unequivocally that he would," said Bachmann. "And President Obama gave the nation the same assurances. But just a day later, Secretary Geithner has left the option on the table. I want to know which it is. The American people deserve to know."
http://briefingroom.thehill.com/2009/03/26/bachmann-bill-would-ban-global-currency/
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:18PM
Thorazine
Stelazine
chaser
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:19PM
Pretty good load of pearls for that skinny #2 pencil. Then again I'm sure Maxine can suck a golfball through a hose.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:20PM
This is like going to see "Rochelle, Rochelle" the musical and instead of finding Bette Midler in the lead role of Rochelle, you find her stand in - Gennice Grant!
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:27PM
I love you, EP. I was totally thinking the EXACT same thing.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:28PM
@15 -- Yeah, it's EXACTLY like that. Keep your silly gay Broadway musical metaphors to yourself. Now shut the F up and finish that chart I asked you to type.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:30PM
@17 never saw an episode of Seinfeld in his life. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:30PM
@9/10:
Don't be dissin' Barry.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:30PM
you're an idiot@17.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:31PM
@17 never saw an episode of Seinfeld in his life. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:31PM
am i the only person that thinks she looks like Rick James in drag
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:33PM
@16- yeah, you were definitely the only 2 people on earth to have thought this.../heavy sarcasm
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:34PM
@17: So you work in your "firm's" diversity office? I mean, because 15 is obviously a racist.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:54PM
@23,
close your browser, unplug your computer.. you're a dolt
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 2:55PM
Coaching. The word you are looking for is "coaching".
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 3:06PM
This Maxine acting half assed normal thing has me a bit worried. Perhaps we're gonna make it after all.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 3:13PM
Geithner was pretty clearly holding in laughter during Maxines Q&A.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 3:24PM
I still lover her...I want to spread mayon all over her luscious smooth skin and spank her with a loaf of white bread!
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 3:27PM
We need to create a drinking game for Maxine or maybe a drink mixed with a bunch of liquor that doesn't go together, effs you up, makes your head hurt, must induce vomit and oh yeah be a dark brown color.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 3:32PM
Why is Tyler Perry asking the questions in congress today?
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 3:45PM
'Madea goes to Congress' opening August 2009 in black owned theaters only
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 3:46PM
Another possible explanation: one of her aides informed her that, in light of her recent performances, in particular the other day re the GS conspiracy, she has become the poster girl for congressional ineptitude. Actually, I take that back - I'm giving her too much credit.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 3:47PM
Maybe the CIA secretly smuggled and planted brain cells in Los Angeles this time....
Posted by Anal_yst , Mar 26, 2009 4:00PM
Dude that is definitely not Maxine Waters, its Eddie Murphy in costume, duh, option # 3
Also, that statement about the "Swaps of the Default" came oh-so-close to inducing the infamous and dreaded "coffee snarf."
Thank you, EP.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 4:05PM
Concurring with Analy_yst, it's obviously #3 and now we know that EP is part of the conspiracy since he said it's #2. I ask you EP, who is ~your~ CEO?
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 4:06PM
this really is some funny shiz....I really enjoy "the elven safecracker" I love it... and @ 1-36, eff off, losers!
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 4:13PM
that is seriously one of the funniest commentaries i have read in months. thanks!
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 5:06PM
Busey v. Waters...
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 5:06PM
Unrelated: My professor looks a lot like Bernie Madoff
http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2008/12/12/amd_madoff.jpg
https://guinness.cs.stevens-tech.edu/~lbernste/
https://guinness.cs.stevens-tech.edu/~lbernste/images/Prof%20larry.jpg
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 7:34PM
She's hottt with three Ts.
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 8:55PM
dat ho iz whacked. she be suffering from a paralysis of analysis
--al green (i's the congressman, not the soul singer)
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 9:39PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MGT_cSi7Rs&feature=related
THE TRUTH
Posted by guest , Mar 26, 2009 10:37PM
THIS IS THE BEST PHOTO Dealbreaker ever have.