Bob Nardelli swears that Chrysler can survive all by itself even the failure of a proposed partnership with Fiat. In this instance “all by itself” is translated to “with $5 billion more in federal aid after we pissed the last $4 billion into the wind.”
This is the best Nardelli quote (in reference to Fiat’s refusal to actually, you know, spend any money or invest any cash on the partnership):
“…there is this perception that Fiat is bringing nothing to the party….”
In this instance “bringing nothing to the party” is translated to “bringing nothing to the party.”
Archive for March 2009
Newsday interviewed a bunch of reporters over the weekend about how hard it is to cover a recession, and their various coping mechanisms for getting through the difficult period. Obviously there’s only one we (you) care about. Apparently he was short on time, otherwise you know he would’ve gotten down to the nitty gritty re: BoFlex routines, Myoplex shakes, Champion sweatshirts without sleeves, and getting bombed at Elaine’s after a hard day at the office. As an aside, is “colleagues” a loose term that includes the Dealbreaker community? If not, I give you permission, nay, strong encouragement, to get angry.
Charles Gasparino is a former amateur boxer-turned-reporter for publications including Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal and Newsday. But those days in the ring probably are serving him best now as he works the longest, hardest and most downbeat story of his career for CNBC as its on-air editor.
“I work out every day for an hour and 15 minutes,” he says, and by “work out,” “Gaspo” – as he’s known to colleagues – does wind sprints by the East River near his home in Stuyvesant Town and a fast set of 36 pull-ups and sit-ups. “You just crank ‘em out,” he says. The nighttime decompression routine, however, is different: “I do occasionally include an alcoholic beverage,” he says.
“There’s a reason I make a good martini now.”
Well, despite the fact that he’s been basically MIA for weeks (we know, we know. We’re convinced that was an elvish double who testified in front of congress) it seems like this whole “rescue plan” has gotten some traction.
We have been waiting with baited breath for the means to raze Castle Pandit, now it looks like we might actually get it.
The principles include giving the Federal Reserve new powers that include authority to monitor and address broad risks across the economy, say people familiar with the matter. The proposals are expected to include tougher capital requirements for big banks and authority for regulators to take over a large financial firm that is failing.
We can think of nothing more important than breaking the large banks down to size. Certainly, it boosts the number of headlines for us, but, more importantly, we can film the rubble for weeks.
True, the Federal Reserve will be the big winner here. For our part, we are proud to see an organization with deep political insulation running the show here. But that could be just because we like to watch the fireworks. Giving the Fed this much power is almost certainly going to backfire on the Administration. It’s just a question of which Administration.
U.S. to Toughen Finance Rules [WSJ]
A glimmer of hope for all my unemployeds out there– there are jobs to be had! You’ll have to spend most of the day hearing “that’s not how Meredith used to do it” and “why can’t you be more like Whitney,” and “no, you’ve got to really clamp down on them, make a vice with your hands” but beggars, choosers, etc. The FT reports that Oppenheimer has extended offers to 100 aiders and abetters (JK…JK I’m serious, nobody works alone) of the Stanford Financial fraud, and most have accepted, though a few are holding out for something better. Perhaps some room can be made for you!
Oppenheimer is expanding with new branches in Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee and Virginia, while adding staff to existing branch offices in the southeastern US and Texas. “These individuals have had extensive experience in the securities industry and, prior to moving to Stanford, were previously associated with well recognised securities firms,” Oppenheimer said.
…by not referring to the thing, and its retroactive curbs, as “ass backward retarded” (though, bless his heart, you know he wanted to). Scrawling it on a wall in Geithner’s private lavatory will have to suffice for now, in addition to describing the administration’s plans to stress-test banks as “asinine,” during a speech at Stanford University, which had to have felt good. As part of a performance art attempt to get his ass hauled before Congress to be shouted at, Richard “Pro-jobs” Kovacevich also added:
“Is this America — when you do what your government asks you to do and then retroactively you also have additional conditions? If we were not forced to take the TARP money, we would have been able to raise private capital at that time and not needed to cut the dividend to preserve cash.”
Obama told Geithner to take all legal measures to block bonuses awarded to employees of AIG, Reuters reported, citing White House adviser Goolsbee.–WSJ
Update: Jumping on the bandwagon, Matt Nesto reports that Andy Cuomo has written AIG chairman and CEO Edward Liddy to express how deeply “disturbed” he was to find out about the bonus payouts. His demands include: a list of the individuals receiving bonuses, their job descriptions, their performances, their inseam and a swab of saliva while we’re at it, by 4PM or Liddy will be subpoenaed (and this dog will be shot).
AIG Letter 3.16.09 [AG's Office]
He spent most weekdays during the end of his Bear Stearns career cheating at golf, playing bridge (for weeks at a time at special camps), and getting high, so it makes sense that Jimmy Cayne would be “settling into retirement” without a hitch, as he told the Post over the weekend, on the anniversary of the sucker going down.
According to Big Daddy Cayne, who was, of course, calling from a bridge tourney, his favorite card game is “what I do a lot, and, when the weather permits I play a lot of golf.” And when he can’t get away (or come up with the tuition money for clinics, having blown it all on chips), friends say that BDC plays over the internet, “for up to six hours at a time,” which frees up many opportunities to say “fuck it, I’m old and I don’t care,” spark one, and call the Treasury Secretary a “gay office clerk” on the record to reporters.
As for St. Patrick’s Day plans, Cayne told the P he skipped out “on that amateur hour shit in Hoboken,” but has been celebrating “St. Patrick’s Week” since Friday, which checks out with a DB tipster, who mentioned spotting “a visibly drunk and obviously stoned Jimmy Cayne in a Murray Hill dive Sunday, waxing philosophic to the barkeep while snarfing Funions,” and mumbling something about, “Maybe Bear Stearns was just, like, a little molecule on the tip of my finger, just like a tiny little speck,” which he probably truly believes.
UBS’s bank analyst Matt O’Connor, ranked #1 by Institutional Investor, apparently quit the Swiss last Friday. At issue, supposedly, was MO’C's pay, which was not to his liking. O’Connor is said to be sticking with the sell side, and though mum on where he’s headed, there’s been speculation he’ll be attempting to fill a certain dominatrix’s spiked heels at Oppenheimer.
Update: Speculations are unfounded. Chris Kotowski is the new Meredith Whitney.
BAC fractional owner Jerry Finger began banging out a plan at the beginning of the year to send Ken Lewis home in a body bag and late Friday a few more details were revealed. Having already filed suit against Bank of Amerrillwide on the grounds that KL failed to protect shareholder interest when he threw caution to the wind and got involved in a series of escalating dares that resulted in the acquisition of Merrill Lynch, Finger is now encouraging his fellow shareholders to put on their black ski masks and take Lewis out, asking the SEC “for permission to run a “vote no” campaign without formally soliciting other shareholders by proxy.”
A slew of UBS employees are said to have up and walked out of the building (to never come back) after receiving the cash portion of their “bonus” two weeks back, but, unfortunately, not enough for the higher-ups’ liking. No matter though, they’ve problem-solved their way out of not having enough space for house plants the old fashioned way. Local rag SonntagsZeitung reported yesterday that the Swiss bank will cut an additional 5,000 senior and management jobs, including up to 2,500 positions from the wealth management division.
Heads up to those of you considering making sweet rape to David Einhorn, L-Train, Richard Perry, Steve Cohen, et al– do so at your own risk, because they will not be made victims! As you’re aware, Porsche non-consensually fucked a gaggle of hedge funds back in October and now they’re finally (maybe) standing up and saying this* is wrong and you’re not going to get away with it.
Lawyers representing funds said they were working on a large number of cases, although they said many were still at an early stage and might never be filed.
Hedge funds are gathering under the auspices of their trade body, the Alternative Investment Management Association (Aima), which last week began consulting members to assess the level of interest in “exploring what options might be open” over VW losses.
[...]
A series of investors ranging from hedge funds to family offices is collecting material for possible damages claims against Porsche, lawyers said.
“Up to 20 investors could eventually claim damage in several jurisdictions,” one adviser to those funds said.
Earlier: Know Your Porsche Volkswagen Victims
Funds Look At Suing Porsche [FT]
*Taking our money.
