First off, I don’t know how we missed this, and for that I am truly sorry. Moving on: I think we’ll probably all be in agreement that it’s not surprising to hear our former governor keeps his socks on during sex, or that he would be all anal about folding his pants beforehand. But other allegations by one of his ladies, made around the first anniversary of SpitzorSwallowsGate, do give us a moment’s pause.
Specifically that of call girl “Annie,” who Ness apparently met through hedge fund employee-cum-Madam Kristen Davis, when he was attorney general. According to “Annie,” Spitz was (is?) into a little rough play. Okay, but be honest– he strikes you as the sort to call shotgun on the sub role, not the other way around, no? We remain skeptical the steamroller didn’t want to be steamrolled behind close doors, but this is what “Annie” is claiming:
“He wanted a scenario where I was supposed to say I had just been to a self-defense class. He was supposed to respond, ‘Let’s see if you learned anything. He would be aggressive. I would have to defend myself.
“When he arrived, he took off his jacket but kept on his shirt and tie. His demeanor was nice, but I don’t remember any kissing or tenderness. He wanted to get on with the role-play. It was the first time I’d done that.
“I remember holding his wrists and him pushing back. I felt he was gauging my strength. We moved to the bed. He put his clothes neatly to the side, folding his pants. Yes, he did leave his socks on.
“I was never fully undressed. He was naked. He was perspiring a lot. He was holding me down. He pinned me to the bed. That didn’t bother me. But when he grabbed my throat, that was too much. I remember trying to push myself up off the bed, which made him apply more pressure. I’ve never been worried about my safety, but I was really concerned.
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C’mon Switzerland! I mean we are really disappointed in you. You were making all sorts of strong sounding noises and resisting all efforts by the OECD to expose the many self-taught creative tax accountants that comprise such a large slice of your depositors. We were rooting for you. I even put my red and white face paint on. (Scared Bess half to death in the office this morning). We were pissed when we got the news. (You know how hard it is to find red and white face paint on a Thursday night? At least, the non-toxic stuff).
Switzerland’s cabinet agreed at a meeting Friday to support negotiation of bilateral treaties with other countries, under which Switzerland would provide legal assistance for international tax-evasion probes. The treaties would be negotiated based on guidelines from the Paris-based Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development, which require nations to waive bank secrecy for investigations of both tax evasion and tax fraud.
Oh… Switzerland. Don’t call us anymore. Seriously.
Wait… what’s this…? A glimmer of hope?
Mr. Merz says the negotiations should ensure an orderly transition to a new set of rules, including an amnesty legalizing possible tax evasion via Swiss banks prior to a treaty signing.
Ok, you can call, but not after 10:30 pm. And no ass.
As for you Swiss depositors…. move all your tax evading (avoiding) cash over right now! Supplies of Swiss Banking Secrecy™ are limited!
Swiss Relax Bank Secrecy Laws [The Wall Street Journal]
Earlier: Something Is Rotten In The Confederation of Helvetica
I never thought we’d be giving Wachovia this much credit but something important happened last week when one of its analysts successfully met the challenge to eat 3 cans of cat food in thirty minutes. He ruined food-related attempts at gastrointestinal feats of fortitude forever.
Let’s be honest– no one’s going to do anything grosser than that. So say you endeavor to accomplish the same challenge. At best, you’re successful, but you’re no better than the anonymous Wach kid. At worse, you fail, you suck, and you just ate a bunch (but less than three cans) of cat food. What’s the point? And is there any glory left in eating a bunch of vending machine items? We don’t think so (and most of you have proved you can’t even do that).
Nevertheless. Right now, at an unnamed hedge fund, a research associate and his boss are squaring off in an attempt to eat 28 vending items (itemized after the jump), in under six hours. The gun went off at 12:12 PM. We’ll keep you posted.
Update,1:28 PM: One hour and sixteen minutes into the challenge, the associate “…doesn’t feel good. Coconut Toffee Peanuts took all the wind out of my sails. Currently switch-hitting between Cheezits and Reeses Miniatures. Working on numero siete y ocho.”
Update, 2:09 PM: Ten items down for the associate. Boss saying he doesn’t know if he can do it.
Update, 3:54 PM: Boss: 17 items completed. Is concerned about Hershey Kisses, Moon pie, and Tasty Cakes.
Associate: 14 items completed. Threw up in mouth and tasted almonds.
Update, 4:14 PM:Boss throws in towel. Last seen “abusing tobacco products and talking to wife.”
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Of course, by now you know that a few firms in the business of watching such things (but who shall remain nameless given the very real possibility of reprisals) decided to downgrade Berkshire Hathaway. Just like that. No appeal. No consideration. We ask you, where is gratitude?
Now, we know that some of you are worried that this will have an impact on the deadly and dangerous “Berkshire Puts,” everyone talks about. We understand your concern. There is nothing more dangerous than a wounded put option. Add to this the fact that these particular puts weren’t the subject of much discussion or explanation until recently, and the mercurial vagaries of the mystery puts only served to fuel the rumor mill. But, c’mon people, the Sage should have put these fears to rest in Berkshire’s Q3 10-Q. Specifically:
Under certain circumstances, including a downgrade of its credit rating below specified levels, Berkshire may be required to post collateral against derivative contract liabilities. However, Berkshire is not required to post collateral with respect to most of its credit default and equity index put option contracts and at September 30, 2008 and December 31, 2007, Berkshire had posted no collateral with counterparties as security on these contracts.
So while everyone was wondering if, as of this moment, Berkshire was on double-secret put probation, Berkshire was bailing out Swiss re-insurance giants. Clearly, The Buff still has the touch, because they all seem to pay back early. (Though we hope that there are some big pre-payment fees attached there, Buff-buff).
Troubled reinsurer Swiss Re hould be able to generate enough funds to buy back convertible bonds issued to Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway, said Chairman Peter Forstmoser on Friday.
So can we stop worrying about the puts and start concentrating on things that really matter? Like what the hell are all these CDS contracts Warren keeps talking about?
Berkshire Loses Top Rating on Investments, Buffett Role [CNBC]
Earlier: The Ghost Of Put Options Past
We know the massive amount of cuts Bank of Amerrillwide has been performing over the last several months have been traumatic to all but great news: they’re still hiring! Though late February saw a gaggle of analysts and associates from the debt capital markets group being escorted out of the building, replacements in the form of next year’s class are being assembled as we speak. We’re told that Katheryn, a former Villanova Accounting and Finance major-cum-Eagles cheerleader, featured in the vid above, will be among the fresh meat, “which may or may not have something to do with the head of DCM being a huge Eagles fan who gets season tickets every year.” Please do your part to make her feel welcome.
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Maybe. Zero Hedge highlights an allegation from the AG, re: fake P&L numbers, with possibly major consequences for the little traders that could.
The Office has also learned that, less than a week after Merrill voted its premature bonuses, Merrill determined that it would incur an unexpected additional $7 billion in losses for the fourth quarter of 2008, beyond the $8 billion it was already anticipating (Id. at Ex. D at 9-11 and Ex. H at 128-29). It appears that some of these losses may have been booked by Merrill employees who marked down their portfolios only after their 2008 bonuses were set (Id. at Ex. W). Despite the gargantuan unexpected losses, Merrill did not reconsider its bonus awards (which had been voted but not yet paid out) and Bank of America neither requested nor demanded that Merrill reduce its bonus pool (!d. at Ex. C at 106-07, Ex. D at 115-17, Ex. E at 86, and Ex. H at 28). Again, these material developments were undisclosed to the company’s shareholders or to the legislators considering how to salvage the American banking system (!d. at Ex. C at 146-49).
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The Journal reports that Citi is getting ready to nominate four “financial experts, including two former bank chief executives, to be directors as part of the overhaul of the New York company’s board.” They are: Chuck Prince, Stan O’Neal, Erin Callan and Jimmy Cayne’s dealer. No, you wish. The actual asses waiting to be tapped are Jerry Grundhofer, former chief executive of U.S. Bancorp; Michael O’Neill, former CEO of Bank of Hawaii Corp.; and William S. Thompson, former co-head of Pimco, as well as someone with a “risk-management background,” most likely a finance professor. Nothing’s official yet, it’ll all be subject to a shareholder vote (with partial owner US gov expected to raise questions about “the real need for some risk manager prick”), and Meredith Whitney is still said to be in the hopper.
The lawsuits, which the NAACP said would be filed in U.S. District Court in California, allege that African-American homeowners were frequently steered into mortgages with higher interest rates than other borrowers with similar credit histories.
“These banks are getting billions in bailout money yet think they can get away with business as usual,” Austin Tighe, co-lead counsel for the NAACP, said in an interview Thursday evening.
[...]
“We’re going to be requesting policy and practice documents that have probably never been seen publicly before,” Tighe said.
NAACP Alleges Lending Discrimination Against Wells, HSBC [CNNMoney]
Citi chairman Dick “Keep The Faith” Parsons told Reuters this morning that not only does his bank not require any more capital injections from its largest shareholder, the US government, but it smokes all you fools.
“I think actually, particularly with the latest conversion … Citi is actually one of the better capitalized banks in the world.”
Parsons was speaking on the sidelines of a Business Roundtable event where President Barack Obama addressed business executives.
Oh, and nationalization is not in the cards, probably.
The Citigroup leader also brushed aside any prospect of the U.S. government nationalizing the bank.
“I don’t think the administration is heading in that direction,” Parsons said. “But I have a lot of confidence in the future viability and strength of a privately held Citi.”
Related: Vikram Pandit: “We can make Citi the best company in the world, bar none.”
Various lines drawn in the sand this morning leave Andrew Cuomo and Barney Frank on the same side of the lot, which should come as little surprise to anyone. The reach of the latest rounds of salary caps would seem to be a bit further than, we suspect, anyone suspected.
Mr. Cuomo is examining ways to further stagger both cash and stock compensation payments over several years, according to people familiar with the matter. This way, if a business built on short-term risk-taking blows up, firms will be able to claw back pay.
Riddle us this, Dealbreaker: If, as everyone on the government side of the lot seems anxious to assure us, most firms will have paid e.g., TARP funds back, how will salary caps and similar restrictions be enforced? That is… unless these new salary laws aren’t limited to firms taking government assistance.
Cuomo, Frank Seek to Link Executive Pay, Performance [The Wall Street Journal]
Last week it was “I’m not disappearing into the sunset” and “we [gotta] slug through this” and now it’s throwing himself on the hood of anyone’s car that pulls up to the building and shouting (through coded messages) “get me out of here.”
On Thursday, Mr. Lewis offered his hometown a bit of good news. Speaking in Boston, he said Bank of America was profitable in January and February, and he predicted the bank would turn a profit for the entire year. Bank of America’s stock price rose 92 cents, or more than 18 percent, to $5.85 a share — making it a good day for Charlotte.
But many people, both here and on Wall Street, wonder if Mr. Lewis can deliver. While bank insiders insist the board is behind him, the grind is taking its toll. Colleagues say Mr. Lewis looks tired, and in a recent interview with reporters and editors of The New York Times, he chuckled when asked if he would step aside if his board urged him to do so.
“They wouldn’t have to ask me twice,” he said.
A Besieged Bank, and Its Hometown, Look Inward [NYT]
