Archive for March 2009

  • 12 Mar 2009 at 9:25 AM

Goldman Sachs Goes Slumming

Picture 874.pngSo, we hope this doesn’t sound entitled, but Lloyd Craig Blankfein, this is a total crock. You see that shit hole at left? Bet you never would’ve thought we’d be telling you that Goldman Sachs employees are being chained to that bed, and others like it down the hall, did ya? The Journal reports that not only are Goldman employees no longer being put up at the Ritz, but they’re going as downmarket as Embassy Suites. And if you think you can still charge a hooker to the room and no one will say anything, think again, former MOTUs! You won’t even be able to get away with ordering a well-deserved Backdoor Sluts 9 off pay-per-view at the end of a long day. Blankfein’s made it his personal responsibility to go through that shit line by line.

Some of the bankers aren’t happy with the switch. “No one’s supposed to complain out loud, but, let’s face it, we’re spoiled,” says one Goldman employee. “They turned us into hotel snobs.”
One night recently, a dozen Goldman employees from the Chicago office were yucking it up at happy hour, which starts at 5:30 sharp. The group was huddled around three tables in a cafeterialike room overlooking the headquarters of Merrill Lynch & Co., now owned by Bank of America, drinking free Budweiser out of plastic cups and eating pretzels and tortilla chips. Another evening, topics of conversation around the bar ranged from Bermuda reinsurers to hedge-fund fraud.
Inside Goldman, the hotel has become the butt of jokes. There are grumblings about its accommodations and a wake-up call service that blares “cock-a-doodle-do” into the telephone. For the many Goldman executives who visit New York for meetings in midtown Manhattan, the hotel’s location on the far southwestern edge of the island is inconvenient.

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Picture 873.pngPonzi boy is set to plead guilty to 11 criminal charges at 10:00 am today, and if all goes as planned– and we’re not entirely convinced he’s not going to blame it all on Ruth and “the damn kids”– he may not be returning to the comfort of ankle monitoring splendor under house arrest. Apparently U.S. District Judge Denny Chin may decide to revoke Madoff’s $10 million bail and send him to prison A-sap.
Big B headed downtown earlier this morning and is said to be chilling inside the court house now, going over his lines and choreography (he’s got to stick that landing, which has given him trouble in rehearsals). The Daily Beast notes that this morning’s stroll from his Kia Sorento to the building was the first time we’ve seen Mades without a coat on, as though he knows something.
Obviously this caught us by surprise, since we under the impression that we had a least a few more weeks at 133 East 64th Street, and we’re not at all prepared. There’s still a little time, though, so in advance of the hearing, let’s figure out a few things– 1) prison name, 2) appropriate tattoo and location 3) bottom or top (bunk).
Judge Chin’s plan for the show is here.

  • 12 Mar 2009 at 7:54 AM

Opening Bell: 03.12.09

Buffett Moves To #2 On Forbes Richest List (CNBC/Forbes)
The rankings are out, and it looks like O cubed has been dethroned by Bill Gates. The Big O was down $25B last year, a net loss of ~40%, Gates lost $18B leaving him with $40B.
“After slipping in recent years, the U.S. is regaining its dominance as a repository of wealth. Americans account for 44% of the money and 45% of the list’s slots, up seven and three percentage points from last year, respectively. Bill Gates lost $18 billion but regained his title as the world’s richest man. Warren Buffett, last year’s No. 1, saw his fortune decline $25 billion as shares of Berkshire Hathaway fell nearly 50% in 12 months. Mexican telecom titan Carlos Slim Helú maintains his spot in the top three but lost $25 billion.”
Salaries May Jump As Bonuses Drop (Bloomberg)
Let’s face it: the money had to come from somewhere. NYC is just too expensive to not pay Bankers – and what? They’re going to move the center of financial operations to Topeka, Kansas? Unlikely. I can see where we’re going to get both, to be honest. The salaries are going to take a hike in the short run, and then when all this horseshit blows over there’s going to be a slow return to a healthy bonus structure – a win/win situation (if inflation doesn’t kill us in the meantime).
“Base salaries have ranged from about $80,000 to $300,000, with bonuses often climbing into the millions of dollars, Johnson said. Now, he says employees who received $250,000 in base salary may get an increase to $500,000 or $600,000.”
Icahn In Fight With Lions Gate (Reuters)
“Lions Gate Entertainment Corp’s negotiations with billionaire investor Carl Icahn have broken down, raising the specter of a hostile proxy battle for control of the independent film and television studio.
The company that produces the popular “Mad Men” cable TV show and “Saw” film franchise had been in talks to give Icahn a seat or two on its 12-member board, a Hollywood executive told Reuters last week.”
A Look At Insurers (WSJ)
“The tumbling financial markets are dragging down the life-insurance industry, an important cog in the U.S. economy, as mounting losses weaken the companies’ capital and erode investor confidence.
A dozen life insurers have pending applications for aid from the government’s $700 billion Troubled Asset Relief Program, and the industry is expecting an answer to its request for a bank-style bailout in the coming weeks. The government so far hasn’t said whether insurers will be eligible for the program.”
Shoe Bandit Gets 3 Years (AP)
“The Iraqi journalist who threw shoes at then-President George W. Bush was convicted Thursday of assaulting a foreign leader and sentenced to three years in prison, lawyers said. He shouted “long live Iraq” when the sentence was read.
The verdict came after a short trial in which Muntadhar al-Zeidi, 30, pleaded not guilty to the charge and said his action was a “natural response to the occupation.”
Some of his relatives collapsed after the verdict and had to be helped out of court. Others were forcibly removed by security forces when they became unruly, shouting “Down with Bush” and “Long live Iraq.”
Al-Zeidi could have received up to 15 years in prison for hurling his shoes at Bush last December during a joint press conference with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki.
But defense lawyers said the judge showed leniency because of al-Zeidi’s age and clean record. Many Iraqis consider al-Zeidi a hero for defiantly expressing his anger at a president who they believe destroyed their country after the 2003 U.S.-led invasion. Thousands across the Muslim world took to the streets to demand his release.”

  • 11 Mar 2009 at 4:44 PM

The Obama Portfolio

Two gainers in a row. Things are looking up!
The Obama Portfolio (Since Inception): +2.69%
Earlier: The Obama Portfolio

  • 11 Mar 2009 at 4:11 PM

Which Prison?

FAI.jpgWe wouldn’t go so far as to say that Bernie Madoff is headed off for Federal Pound Me In The Ass Prison, but it promises to be a decidedly unpleasant facility. Still, apparently one adjusts to the new decor after being disabused of the Hollywood prison projection. (Be that good or ill).

Bales, of Federal Prison Consultants, said his newly convicted clients typically expect the worst, their nightmares of prison rape fueled by television shows like “Oz” and movies like “The Shawshank Redemption.” But once they end up behind bars, some inmates are pleasantly surprised to find that it’s not as dangerous as they’d thought, he said.

Madoff, should he plead guilty as expected, will certainly want to select his facility of choice. (Sorry Bernie, Camp Cupcake of Martha Stewart fame is not an option). But, since our readers know more about anything than anyone, we thought we’d do a little survey.
Do you think Madoff will get his first pick?
According to Bales, that’s likely to be the facility in Fairton, N.J. “It’s one of the best places to do your time,” said Bales. “They send a lot of senators there and attorneys.”
We can keep track of ole Bernie with the Fairton News Wire blog, (ok, actually its just an automated feed blog, but that would have been rich!) and he will get to enjoy the culinary delights of the prison commissary:

In 1930 the Department of Justice authorized and established a Commissary at each Federal institution. The Commissary was created to provide a bank type account for inmate monies and for the procurement of articles not regularly issued as part of the institution administration. The purpose of individual inmate Commissary accounts is to allow the Bureau of Prisons to maintain inmates’ monies while they are incarcerated. Family, friends, or other sources may deposit funds into these accounts.

Actually, it might be a little dangerous to let Bernie have a bank account, no?
No Club Fed for Madoff [CNNMoney]

  • 11 Mar 2009 at 3:32 PM

Deep Inside Tim Geithner

Picture 872.png
‘s house. Via Cityfile, a guided tour of the questionably decorated Larchmont home that, we’ll remind you, could be yours for the above market price of $1.635 million.
Earlier: Make Tim Geithner An Offer

Jolly elfin’ CEOs are in, color copies are out. No, just fucking. JPM, too, was profitable in January and February, according to Dennis Kneale who was supposedly told this information by Jamie Dimon.

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Not that we’re in the can for the cricket-loving fraudster, but would you cooperate with the Securities and Exchange Commission? It’s not like they’ve earned it. Anyway: CNBC reports that Sir Allen Stanford has “declined to cooperate with the SEC fraud probe,” citing the fifth amendment.

Neel Kashkari, the Treasury’s assistant secretary for financial stabilization, told a U.S. House subcommittee that the government shouldn’t interfere with banks as they make their business decisions.
“However well-intended, government officials are not positioned to make better commercial decisions than lenders in our communities,” Kashkari said in testimony Wednesday. “The government must not attempt to force banks to make loans whose risks they are not comfortable with or attempt to direct lending from Washington.”

Kashkari Warns Against Government Micromanaging Banks [CNN Money

jamie_dimon.03.jpgBoy Toy CEO Jamie Dimon gave “OHLM” the big Dimon endorsement while running a Q&A at the United States Chamber of Commerce just now.
A penny for your thoughts, DB…?