$$$ “Business Plus, an imprint of Grand Central Publishing (Hachette Book Group), announced today that it will publish a new book by former Secretary of the Treasury Henry M. Paulson, Jr. It is scheduled for publication in October 2009.” [PRNews]
$$$ Credit Suisse Says Investor Stole Hundreds Of Millions From Funds Unit [Forbes]
$$$ FDIC Seeks Comment on the Recently Announced Legacy Loans Program [FDIC, earlier]
$$$ This has been confirmed. [Bloomberg]
Archive for March 2009
It strikes us that the PPIP plan requires a certain faith by the administration. Specifically, that balance sheets are not actually so underwater that even a 30% subsidy is a hollow gesture. What’s more, how sure is the administration that actual price discovery is something that any of these institutions actually want? Clearly, given the seller-financing leverage shell-game baked into the plan, the hope is that bids will buoy up. The problem, however, was perfectly highlighted on today’s FDIC call.
What, a banker effectively asked, if his participation were to “blow a hole in the capital?” Would capital requirements be waived or adjusted to keep the institution from running afoul? (Probably not). The meaning was somewhat veiled, but the broader implication was that actual price discovery would so impact the balance sheet and impact equity capital so negatively as to reveal this particular institution to be liver sausage.
What about bids or asks that resulted in no actual transaction? Would they, one voice trembled, constitute… (gulp, deep breath)… pricing data sufficient to trigger mark-to-market treatment? (Could be!)
As if on cue, another questioner wondered if the FDIC could force participation. (Probably not). You could almost feel the exhale of held breath.
Would participation exempt an institution from special examination? (Laughter). No exhale on this one.
Could it be that the biggest problem confronting the nation isn’t that Goldman Sachs might make money buying assets in the PPIP because Tim “The Safecracker” Geithner is in league with the devil? What if almost no one participated at all? One side of us thinks that we are reading too much into all this. Another thinks that if you can read between the lines you can almost hear the cracks widening.
Daily Intel reports that Citi will be laying of 65 members of its cleaning staff in two weeks. Obviously, this could not come at a worse time, considering that workers are about to break ground on new offices for Pandit and his peeps, and those discarded bags of chips and cans of soda littered around the conference room’s circle of Laz-y Boys ain’t going to clean themselves. Nor will the spit balls that Pandito and Co. plan to launch at the glass walls during brainstorming sessions. As you’ll recall, a key selling point for the $10 million project was the fact that it would create a “more open atmosphere…to encourage spontaneous meetings of executives.” With this recent revelation, I’m not sure they’ll be able to make good on their promise to “make Citi the best company in the world, bar none.” Unless of course the laid off janitorial staff is being replaced by analysts given the choice to be canned or shine Vikram’s shit for less than minimum wage. Which is entirely possible.
I mean, you just have to give it up for the First Analyst. Hot. Hot. Hot.
The Obama Portfolio (Since Inception): +17.68%
Earlier: The Obama Portfolio
By telling its employees to lock the doors, draw the shades, get under the bed and hide. The Financial Times reports that in the face of questions about innocent stuff like helping clients evade taxes, from meddling bastard countries like the US, etc, Switzerland’s private banks have begun banning top executives from traveling abroad, “even to neighbouring France and Germany, because of fears they will be detained as part of a global crackdown on bank secrecy.”
The head of one leading private bank in Geneva said the growing determination of countries such as the US and Germany to tackle tax evasion and secrecy meant banks felt they had to take extra measures to protect employees.
“Some banks have taken this precaution,” he said. “If today I go to Germany to visit two banks I deal with…German customs can take me in and question me.”
“The partners are not leaving Geneva at all,” said a senior industry figure close to several private banks
Just to make sure, you know, no one gets any ideas after the Elven Safecracker convinced world markets that the United States might maybe perhaps abandon the dollar, Congresswoman Michele Bachmann parachutes in to the rescue.
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) has introduced legislation that would “bar the dollar from being replace [sic] by any foreign currency.”
Ah, yes. The Special Drawing Rights concept. What exactly does Bachmann have against the Chinese, we wonder. Someone should get to the bottom of this. Of course, the only candidate remotely qualified is the new, post extreme-makeover Maxine Waters.
Bachmann bill would ban global currency [The Hill's Blog Briefing Room]
Disgraced Wall Street sheriff and noted hooker fucker Eliot Spitzer says yes! Angling for something (his old job? An adjunct professor position? A regular Friday night slot at Caroline’s?) Spitz-y Boy will be speaking next Tuesday at Columbia as part of the business school’s “Ethics In the Capital Markets” week. Register today!
Maxine Waters Totally Fails To Bring The Crazy, Ruins Committee Hearing For Millions Of Viewers
By Equity Private
Of course, that Maxine Waters is totally batshit fucking crazy is not news. That Maxine Waters somehow managed not to appear totally batshit fucking crazy, that, dear friends, is news. We, therefore, report to you today our unadulterated astonishment (and palpable disappointment) that Maxine Waters somehow managed not to appear totally batshit fucking crazy. In fact, her demeanor, once dominated by the lines and curves of the raving mad conspiracy theorist who lectures into empty radio waves on my local community access channel while wearing aluminum foil and polarized sunglasses in his faux-wood paneled basement, had today moderated to such an extent that, during her discussion, actual boredom began to threaten what had once been our keen anticipation. Hopes raised by the introduction of the topic of Credit Default Swaps were quickly dashed when Waters simply asked why they could not be banned, rather than suggesting that “Swaps of the Default be adjudicated by the CEO of the Treasury in her capacity as the international risk taker of note to prevent Gold Sack from selling insurance.”
During markedly rational questioning at today’s Committee hearing, Waters expressed strong signs of empathy, even to the point of physical mirroring of Tim “The Safecracker” Geithner’s manic tumbler opening gestures. Such a dramatic shift in approach and psychological sophistication could only be the result of some dramatic comings to pass. Among the alternatives that seem most likely are:
- Neurological damage due to severe blunt-force head trauma
- The sudden introduction of a high-dose course of anti-psychotic medication
- The clandestine substitution of an imposer (actor/robot)
- Aggressive religious deprogramming in conjunction with electro-convulsive therapy
After completing extensive research, we believe that the photographic evidence strongly supports alternative #2 listed above. (Thorazine seems the most likely candidate).
Oh, apparently there were some other people at the hearing too.
CNBC reports that the Attorney General, emboldened by the success of his campaign to get AIG bonuses back by threatening to name names and bust knee caps, is ramping up his investigation into the insurer. A source tells the peacock that Cuomo is getting ready to ask “more profound questions,” including whether or not CDS are being properly unwound and “If a Gasparino benches 350 in the woods and no one sees it, did it really happen?”
Ahead of next week’s G 20 summit, JPMorgan just sent out the following memo to employees in London, re: not getting maimed.
This is a reminder that the G20 meetings in London during the week of March 30 are expected to be accompanied by organized and impromptu protests. Although they have been planned for April 1 and 2, there may be small scale disruption at any time during the week commencing March 30. We have been advised by police and security to prepare for disruption to transport networks and to take precautions to avoid trouble with protestors. Below are guidelines J.P. Morgan is adopting, though details may vary between individual lines of business.
We would ask staff to be vigilant and report anything they may consider unusual to the GS&I Control Room on the number below.
Transport – April 1 and 2:
* Dress down: Staff are permitted to wear casual clothing — jeans/trainers — commencing March 30
* Avoid briefcases/branded bags/computer cases: Put materials in rucksacks or carrier bags where possible
* Arrive at work early: There is a strong possibility that the transport network will be targeted
* Alternative routes to work: Consider using mainline stations and walking/taking the bus to your office
* Do not drive or cycle: The road network may be disrupted and cars may also be targeted
* Avoid Bank tube station and the surrounding area on Wednesday, April 1, especially between 9.00 a.m and 12.00 p.m., due to protests centred on the Bank of England
* Avoid St. Pauls tube station on Thursday, April 2, due to the planned disruption to the LSE
From: redacted at do dot treas dot gov
Date: Thu, Mar 26, 2009 at 11:31 AM
Subject: Regulatory Reform Materials
Today, U.S. Treasury Secretary Geithner is testifying before the House Committee on Financial Services. He discusses the need for comprehensive regulatory reform to restore faith in the financial system. We thought you would be interested in and wanted to share the following information with you. We are happy to answer any questions you may have.
Reg Reform Fact Sheet [PDF]
